Inspiration, check. Epic music blasting in my ear, check. Motivation from the reviews, hell mother fucking yes. Yep, it can only mean one thing! New chapter time!
Gods let the luck of the novelists be with me now! Haven't you made me make the readers suffer enough? :C
SORRY FOR THE DELAY! FORGIVE ME! D:
For BreakingDawn x: Thanks for leaving so many reviews! :D Homophobia for the fail D; I was like that at first, too. A blissfully ignorant child until I saw the possibilities of AkuRoku. That was my first yaoi obsession xD Yus, TEENAGERS SURF THE NET. SoRoku for the win, people okay with yaoi unite! xD
HOMFG You're a Broken Iris fan? *Insert fangirl squeal here* SHIT EATING GRIN, YUS. Happy Thanksgiving to you too :D And cake *drool*.
Sora the perv. Best passtime for a goody-two-shoes hero ;D I've never seen the picture you specified, but it sounds cool xD And I try to be original, so I'm glad to hear that! :D
For Chelsea619: Sorry for the long wait! D: Please don't eat me! D:
But I'm glad that you enjoyed the story thus far, and it's starting to get a little hard to write for reasons I will explain, and I hope you continue to love it!
For Fluffy3314: I have managed to make someone a Broken Iris fan? :D Cause their songs are just full of epic.
Don't die! D: I'm sorry! D: I'm glad you love it though, and hope you will continue to! :D
For Innocent Uke Or NOT: Then I shall give the Cookie monster what he wants! xD He lives under your bed with bigfoot? I hope they're not doing anything down there D:
I found Roxas' father to be a useless character by this point, so killing him off seemed like a mercy to him ;3
*Hands out cookies* Nice "that's what she said" joke xD
For Your Fictional Affair: That right there made my day :3 You cried? Why? D:
I doubt this is better than the Hunger Games (cause the Hunger Games is a good series) but thank you! :D
For KatrinaEagle: Yes, I'm very glad that she was there when she was. :3
xD! That's all I can say about your review: Made me laugh at the last part xD
For Scarletnight13: I mostly got those things off of the top of my head xD I have a gay friend so I always have something ready to defend him should someone try to tell him he's going to go to hell for it. 'Cause we all know gays make the best of friends ;D
I'd never erase one of my fics ;3 Even if it would be discontinued; I'd leave it there in hopes that someone would read it and use the plot line in one of their own, but make it better than I ever did.
And that makes me so happy to hear that! ; A ;
Okay, so the reason why this took so long is because I'm slowly loosing the fanfiction fangirl phase after two and a half years ; A ; My novels are taking over my life, school is becoming important so I can get accepted into the college of my choice, and my inner gamer is coming our with a vengeance. So I hope you understand that it's highly possible that I don't update for months. I try, honestly. But with my work, school, and obsessions, it's damn well hard. So please forgive this crappy chapter. I wanted you guys to know that I'm not dead ; A ;
And if you have a suggestion as to what I should add in this fic, please tell me. It'll help me extend the story line.
A New Hope
It's funny how you expect things to be so perfect, things to always remain the same, but then everything crumbles into dust in your hands and you're left on the side of the road like some trash, to be disposed of inadequately. I realize it, like some bad movie that should never be allowed to have a happy ending, and it makes me want to scream to the heavens, cry out and beg. How is this fair? How is having a life like this fair? How is surrendering our innocence for pain and agony fair, when all around us the others have yet to make such a sacrifice, and shall never sacrifice so much?
How can you shatter an angel like that?
The gods are even more selfish than the humans.
He wraps his arms around me, as if trying to hold me on the Earth, to stop me from escaping from his hold. He's afraid that I'll crumble, like sand falling between your fingers, and he'll never get to hold me again. His hold is strong and firm, but he's shaking just as much as I am while I look emptily to the window in the room, to the dark expanse of the sky twinkling with the stars.
I thought I'd stopped caring for that man the day he ordered to let my mother die.
That's a lie, isn't it?
"Humans are like that," he whispers, as if having heard my thoughts. "We set ourselves up for disappointment all our lives, struggling for something unseen. We're pathetic, but we try and make ourselves feel better by trying to make a change in this world."
I can barely control my own actions as I turn around in his arms and return this shaky, strong embrace, maybe somehow afraid that he'll be ripped from my hold too. We're insignificant like that; the moment we're not needed, we're cast aside. But we can still make our own choices.
I don't know if you've ever let someone down or straight up failed, I can feel them, those tears fall down my face like when I was ten years old. I don't want to pull away from the world, but it seems like if the world is pulling away from me and not the other way around. Those are the moments that define us. Pulling back like a lost child, afraid to return to where it was but too afraid to leave, indecisive. They push you further than you've ever thought possible and force you to make choices. Sora and I meet in a frightened kiss, my hands clutching at him like a lifeline as his back meets the wall.
No matter what the cost.
There's a knocking in the morning that persistently makes a racket, but I can't really find it in myself to care about checking it out. Sora was awake long before I was, waiting for me to wake up. He kisses my forehead before disentangling himself from me, taking the time to cover me with a blanket before slipping on some pants and scratching the back of his head on the way to answer the door. I remain on the bed, trying to remove the sleep from my eyes and getting rid of the dried-up tears on my cheeks, before plopping my head on the pillow he uses to sleep. A cinnamon smell invades my nose, the smell that's distinctly Sora, and despite myself it makes me smile. I bury my head more deeply into the pillow as he opens the door.
"Oh good gods Sora answer the door more quickly next time! I was getting scared!" My ears twitch as I hear Yuffie, the bartender from yesterday, shout in protest.
"Come right in Yuffie, don't bother asking if you can," I hear Sora mutter, closing the door shut. "Don't give me that look. He's in the bedroom, though I'm not sure if he's awake."
She pokes her head through the door frame, a large smile plastering on her face when she sights me with my eyes open. I wave a little at her, and as if she owns the place, she walks right in and sits down on the edge of the bed, followed by a mumbling Sora.
"The fuck pissed in your cornflakes this morning, Yuffie?" He asks, earning a glare. "Why are you barging in here, guns blazing, at nine in the morning?"
"We're late for school again," I say, but then I sigh and shrug. "Whatever, I don't care anymore." Sora laughs lightly at my words, sitting down beside me, but I make no move to sit up, mostly because my lower backside is hurting like hell again.
"I got worried about you two," she tells him, shooting Sora another glare. "When you two left practically in each other's pants, three men came in and asked around for you two; of course, no one could tell them where you'd gone or knew you in the first place. They asked me, but I wouldn't tell them anything, of course. I pretended I didn't know who they were talking about, so they left."
"I would be ready to bet on it having been a certain blonde man, kinda tall and built... scary looking?" Sora asks, and she nods vigorously. "Yeah, they were people from our school. They have something to do with Rox, but I never found out, so I can't tell you what it is they would want."
"In any case, I want you two to be careful, alright?" She asks, putting her hands between her knees and leaning forward slightly, swinging her feet and looking to them. "They're up to something and I don't like the looks of it. Scared half of my clientel yesterday out the doors... man, that's bad business!" She groans, putting her hands to her head and grabbing at her hair.
"It'll be fine, Yuffie," Sora reassures her with a smile. "Your clients know how nice that place is, and its a refuge for them to be themselves with their partners, when they cannot be that way anywhere else. They won't leave just because of some hardheaded ass."
"I hope you're right," she sighs, looking to me. "But in any case, are you sure nothing happened? Nothing out of the ordinary?"
"Not really, no..." I tell her gently, resting my head more fully on his pillow.
"In any case, are you two planning on going to your classes?" She asks, and I look to Sora, unsure.
"I don't think either one of us is up for it today, but we can if you want... it's not like we haven't skipped classes together before, though."
"No, I think it's best if you two go," she mutters, her thumb on her lower lip as she thinks. "But try and stay together... I'm really worried about what those three were planning. Try not to stray from each others' sight."
"Gotcha, Yuffie," Sora nods, and she stands up. I hide my entire face in his pillow, sighing and closing my eyes.
"Look, I don't know what's happened to have the two of you unlike the people I met yesterday," she says, lingering at the door frame. "But I want you two to fix it before you go; people search for weak chinks in armor and exploit these, so don't leave until you have fixed this. Whatever it is, I'm sure you two can make it through."
"Thanks, Yuffie. I'll call you if something comes up," Sora tells her, and I hear her walking down the apartment to the door. Moments later, the door snaps shut quietly.
We sit in a semi-uncomfortable silence, until I sigh into the pillow, the cinnamon smell almost too much to bear.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, looking to the light blue wall. I can feel his eyes on me, one of his hands rubbing soothing circles on my lower back, which is still covered by the blankets. "I don't know what happened... I think I let my emotions lead me, and I know that's not how it should have been. I shouldn't have done that, or forced my intentions upon you, and for that, I'm sorry, Sora."
"Hey, Rox, don't be sorry for that. I'm here to help you feel better, and whichever way that means is entirely up to you, but as long as it makes you feel better, I don't-"
"I don't want to use you like that!" I interrupt loudly, eyes snapping shut. "I don't want you to be so indifferent about it, either, Sora! I know it must bother you somewhere, but you're too nice to me to ever show that to me. If something ever bothers you, I don't want you to be afraid to tell me, or to stop me. I know what I did was wrong and it is not how you wanted it to be, because I've known your terms from the start. I don't want to use you like that..."
He laughs lightly, and I look at him. He looks back at me with a gentle look in his eyes, and that look hurts me.
"I know you're in pain, too. You're hiding your emotions from me by pretending you're okay... you're trying to protect me, and I appreciate that, but can you let me try and protect you, too? Can you let me know everything that goes on in your mind?" I lower my gaze. "I've already let you in, and I understand if you won't let me in but... at least have the decency to tell me you won't. I don't want to have this lingering pain come to me whenever I look at you and you flash me this gentle smile."
He sighs, looking to the ceiling, his hand still rubbing small circles on my back.
"All I really care about is that you are happy, Roxas, even if that means that my own happiness is thrown away. I can't really help that... but nothing you do bothers me, Rox. Rather, everything you do makes me happy. This mask as you call it, it's not necessarily a mask, but nor is it a true carefree act. I try my best to show you all my emotions, but there are a lot of them," he laughs lightly, smiling at me. "You can use me in any way you like, just as long as I use you in any way I like... like an equivalent exchange; and yes, I am trying to protect you, but not from myself... the world, more likely, because I don't want you to get hurt like you've been hurt in the past.
"One more thing... you're an idiot." I look at him, and he raises an eyebrow, giving me a crooked frown. "Who are you to judge whether not I've let you in? I've told you the secret I'd never told any of my friends before, plus I've done with you what I've never done with anyone else, male or female. If that isn't letting someone in, then I don't know what is.
"I'm just... scared," I admit, sitting up slowly so as to not cause me too much pain. The blanket pools in my lap, covering all of my legs and keeping them warm. "I'm scared that I don't deserve this kindness."
"I'll be the judge of that, okay?" I nod at his words, and he smiles. "For now, just worry about being happy."
"Okay," I give him a smile, and he smiles in return at me.
"Go get dressed, Rox," he orders gently. "Or we'll miss all of the morning classes... I doubt they'll appreciate that." I laugh at his words.
"I'm sure they won't, Sor."
That's all we asked for... a chance to live our lives without fear of others questioning us or regarding us with fear, wariness... disgust. How would I have known?
Even now, I can still hear them. Oh gods, even when I clamp my hands over my ears, their voices find a way through my hands and piece into my skull. It's like a thousand tiny knives just boring into your soul.
I expected more from people, really.
Sora taps his pencil on the textbook on my lap, making me look at him, my eyes trailing from the insects I was watching to his own eyes.
"Sorry, I got distracted," I say, smiling apologetically. Our legs brush together as I revert my attention into the book, looking to the formulas within the pages, frowning. He chews on the tip of his pencil; without looking at him I tap on his hand, making him glare at me. I ignore the glare. "Okay, so tell me exactly what it is you're unsure about."
"I don't understand any of it! Like, how exactly is that equal to 24n? What the fuck is Mitosis and Meiosis anyways, and where the hell am I going to need this in a music career?" He asks, throwing his hands up in exasperation. I roll my eyes.
"First of all, Mitosis is the process that cells undergo to keep your sorry ass alive," I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. He grumbles under his breath, uncapping his pen and hovering the tip an inch from my skin. I retract my arm. "Meiosis is the reproduction of sex cells, got it?" He shakes his head. "For the love of all that's holy! How the fuck are you able to stay in Advanced Science?"
"How the hell should I know?" He asks, swiping my hand with his pen and leaving a black ink mark. I glare at him. "They put me there; I didn't ask for it!"
I put my hand to cover my eyes, sighing.
"Look at it this way: Mitosis equals you living; Meiosis equals shitlings."
"Shitlings?" He snickers, an eyebrow raised.
"Yes. You know those things that cry all damn day and beg to have their diapers changed?" I raise an eyebrow in return. "Those shitlings."
"I see," he hums, putting a finger to his cheek. "So the first one is to keep me alive, and the second one is for knocking people up?"
My head meets my hand in a facepalm, and I shake my head.
"If you want to put it that way, go right ahead," I say, giving up. Sora grabs a piece of paper, uncapping his pen - swiping at my arm again and leaving a nice little trail of ink - and scribbles something on the piece of paper as I look over my shoulder at him.
"Okay, so explain to me this other shit..." he tells me, passing me the piece of paper. I frown at it, turning a page in the textbook as I read the paper.
I really don't care about this, Rox. I couldn't care less... but have you noticed that the group over there keeps looking at us?
"Do you know the formula for cell respiration?" I ask him, scribbling down my reply. Yes, and it is getting quite annoying. I pass the paper back to him.
"The fuck is that?" He asks, quickly writing down something with a grin.
Why don't we give them something to stare at?
"What makes you live, you moron. There are two types of ways it can be written," What do you mean? "You have the simple way: Oxygen+Glucose=Flames+Carbon Dioxide+Water, and then there's the scientific way; O2+C6H12O6=Energy+Co2+H2O."
"I really don't understand that shit," he mutters, grinning. "Maybe you could tutor me more about it later?"
I narrow my eyes at his tone of voice.
He flashes me a grin, grabbing my chin and planting a kiss on my lips, making my words die in my mouth.
I can't believe this is what he means by giving them something to look at, I think, sighing. But making them freak could prove to be fun.
True to that, my ears twitch as I pick up some squeals, managing to hear the most important part that makes me grin.
I pull away from Sora to laugh, clutching my sides as the textbook falls from my lap. He laughs as well, his laughter filling my ears as he literally cracks up at it. It's contagious, making me laugh in return.
"Do you have a problem with that?" I call out to the girls sitting not far away - the ones who shouted that, mind you - once I stop laughing. They blush furiously, and I crack up again, tears forming in my eyes as I laugh.
You told me you were going to protect her... we'd be happy together. The four of us.
What the fuck does your promise mean when I get to watch my mother die, and watch my older brother walk out on us because he's fucking scared of me. Don't you try to deny it - I fucking well know that you all blame me for mom's death. I haven't even talked to him in over eight years. How dare you call yourself a father to me?
You're not a father... not in my eyes.
Maybe I shouldn't have been so hard on him that time after all... I think, snapping my phone shut with one hand and looking to Sora as he sits down beside me. He's juggling Ramses in one hand and a bowl of cavity-inducing sour Skittles in the other hand. He places the bowl on my lap as he sits down, his cat settling down on his lap to sleep. I slip my phone back in my pocket, smiling at the brunette.
"I've been getting complaints all afternoon, you know," he starts, grinning as he flips through the channels on tv, looking for something interesting to watch. "The few people who tolerated me in school seem to now be wondering just why I've turned you gay."
"They can eat it," I mutter, popping a Skittle in my mouth to emphasize it. He laughs, setting the channel onto a random show, one that seems to make no sense to me. "If they don't like it, they can go away at any time."
"Hey, you want to see something funny?" He asks, and I look at him. "Come on," he takes my wrist, giving me enough time to put the bowl down on the coffee table before he pulls me over to the patio door, sliding it open and pulling me through.
"Okay... you've brought me to the patio..." I say slowly, looking at him with an eyebrow raised as he closes the door. "What's so special about it, may I ask?"
"Not the patio, Rox," he rolls his eyes, going to the edge and leaning over it. I cautiously do the same. "I used to do this when I was bored; the people who pass by often enough know. Look at how that old man will react."
The man he points to looks up, as if summoned, his old green eyes widening as he puts his hands over his head to protect it from something, speed walking below the balcony. I raise an eyebrow.
"You see how that young couple isn't really concerned? Watch," he grins, and waits until the couple is about directly below us. He leans over the edge, making me squeak and stretch out my hands slightly, worried - I don't fare well with heights - and he spits.
I look over the edge, ignoring the bout of vertigo, just as it hits the woman right on her forehead. He pulls his head back and pulls me along as well as she screams, laughing.
"That's why the old man ran," he laughs, and I laugh a little too at the mental image of an old man getting hit with a spit wad. "Try it."
"Isn't that against the law...?" I ask, frowning at the edge. He rolls his eyes.
"What law?" He snorts, and I slowly place my hands on the railing, looking over the edge. I can feel his eyes on me as I grip the railing, my knuckles white. "Are you scared of heights?"
I flinch, looking back over my shoulder. He's looking at me with an eyebrow raised.
"A little," I admit, frowning and looking away from him. "I got stuck in a Ferris Wheel as a five-year-old at the top, and I had to be brought down by the fire department after two hours stuck up there with my older brother."
"Well, don't worry about a thing, Rox," Sora says with a smile. He stands beside me and puts a sure hand over my left hand, which causes me to loosen my grip on the railing a bit. "Nothing will hurt you."
"Somehow, that does little to reassure me," I smirk, teasing. He winces.
"I'm hurt," he says, feigning an injury to his heart as he holds his hand there. I smile at him, and he flicks me on my forehead. "How cold of you." He looks away from me, grinning.
"Aw, I'm sorry," I murmur in sympathy, turning my back to the ledge and putting my hands on his elbows. "Did I hurt you?"
"Yes," he pouts, laughing a little. I raise an eyebrow at his super acting skills, and he sticks out his tongue at me. "And now you're mocking me. Way to add insult to injury."
"You know I'm just teasing," I laugh, poking his nose. He rolls his own eyes.
"It's still rude of you," he presses, and I sigh.
"Stop being such a baby," I shake my head in defeat. "Now come on, Sor. I think it's past your bedtime." I smirk at him.
"Oh you're just full of it," he laughs, disregarding the fact that it's nearly eleven. "Fine then, your majesty. We shall retire for the evening."
"We don't have to worry about that now," I tell him, looking to the stars. He doesn't say a word. "For now, let's just focus on living."
Oh good gods this is by far the worst chapter so far, but it's been sitting in here for a while and I need to continue this fic, at least.