SO! I finally learned how to breath again, and I just wanted to write a funny little oneshot.
I found one where Kurt sleep talked, and it was more fluff than humor but it was good. And I wanted to write my own. :) The first little thing he sleep says (about the gnomes) is from the 'Sleep Talking Man' a few are things my friends have said i said in my sleep (some are quite vulgar, this is why it's M...) and some are original... also vulgar.
::New Directions Boys::
Finn was hosting the weekly ND boys sleep over, and normally Kurt would beg off and go to the girls, but they were all on their periods (FACT: If girls spend a lot of time with a certain girl all the time they WILL sync up!) And Kurt, no matter how much of a honorary girl, refused to deal with that.
So here he was, in his living room, drifting off to sleep on the couch while the guys took turns oh Halo.
About 30 minutes into the third round Puckerman vs. Evens, Finn thought he heard Kurt talking,
"Huh, dude?" He, and the other boys turned to look at the smaller boy, but he was sound asleep. So they turned back to their game. Five minutes later, Mike heard him mumbling,
"Guys... I think Kurt's sleep talking..." They paused and muted the game and gathered around the small boy,
"My Gnomes..." Puck snickered and Finn grabbed the video camera, "Leave my gnomes alone. They're MY gnomes, living in MY house, doing MY gardening, and they're happy. Look at their fucking smiley faces. Can't you see how frickin' happy they are? Who are you to judge me? Go on, gnome, cut the grass. Good gnome. Good gnome." All of the guys were rolling in laughter,
"Guys?" Kurt sat up, and rubbed at his eyes, "What are you laughing about?" Finn showed him the footage, and he blushed a crimson red... "Wow... So I sleep talk... Good to know."
Burt was going to ask Kurt if he wanted dinner, Kurt had come home not feeling well after school and just went right to his room.
He stopped outside the door when he heard talking, he thought Kurt might be on the phone, but he looked in and saw Kurt sound asleep in his bed.
"That's it... Right there...NO! NO! LEFT LEFT! Fuck you you little nipple licker! Now it's crooked! MY DAMN MIRROR IS CROOKED!" (I actually said this...) Burts eyes widened, he'd never heard his son swear. Not even the occasional little slip up that normal teens would do. But here he was full out cussing someone out, in his sleep!
Burt quietly shut the door, and made his way back to the kitchen.
Kurt had slept over at Blaines a few times before, he'd say he was going to Mercedes and instead make the trip to Westerville. He'd usually slept in the guest room. But now that they had been together for a while, they decided it was fine to share a bed.
So when Blaine was awakened by shouting, needless to say he was freaked out.
"NO! I SAID pink. God you're such a slutty little squiddle pinchy...Always black. Racist. Shut it squidly! You're dead to me."
Blaine laughed so hard he cried. He fell asleep and made it a point to NEVER get a colour other than the one Kurt said too.
So, like I said, pure crack. I got bored... DON'T JUDGE ME! XD