Hello! Thank you if you happen to stumble across this and decide to give it a peek. I hope it is enjoyable and meets expectations. I didn't want to deliver smut or just random fucking, so I hope this is a toned down but very romantic and sexy. That was my goal! So I hope I achieved it on some level. Also, I am somewhat unfamiliar with the language used by writers on here. So I think is what is considered a one-shot, yes? I really do apologize, I am new to fan fiction! Please forgive me for my silly questions!
I do not own The Mortal Instruments. The lovely series is property of Cassandra Clare.
The beginning of this is in italics because it is copied right out of City of Ashes from pages 182-183. People who love the series will most likely immediatly recognize it. The rest is all of my own writing.
The idea of this is a 'what if' scenerio. I loved the part in City of Ashes when Jace and Clary kissed in the Seelie Court. I also was excited by the aftermath but disappointed when nothing happened between Jace and Clary. So I just fooled with it and came out with this.
Feelings Are Never Wrong
"No, they don't. And I could never tell Luke. And my mother, what if she woke up, what would we say to her? This, what we want, it would be sickening to everyone we care about-
"Sickening?" He dropped his hands from her face as if she'd pushed him away. He sounded stunned. "What we feel – what I feel – it's sickening to you?"
She caught her breath at the look on his face. "Maybe," she said in a whisper. "I don't know."
"Then you should have said that to begin with."
But he was gone from her, his expression shut and locked like a door. It was hard to believe he'd ever looked at her another way. "I'm sorry I said anything, then." His voice was stiff, formal. "I won't be kissing you again. You can count on that."
Clary's heart did a slow, purposeless somersault as he moved away from her, plucked a towel off the top of the dresser, and headed back toward the bathroom. "But – Jace, what are you doing?"
"Finishing my shower. And if you've made me run through all the hot water, I'll be very annoyed." He stepped into the bathroom, kicking the door shut behind him.
Clary crumpled onto the bed, the words still burning the back of her throat. Tears threatened to spill down her cheeks, but she refused. She admitted to Jace her true feelings, admitted everything, and should feel some sort of relief. Instead, she found a clever way to turn it all around on herself. Her head started to thud dully.
Clary turned her head, staring out Jace's open glass window, letting a sweet breeze sweep in. In the dark sky, stars lit the midnight blue, twinkling so bright, it hurt Clary to stare much longer. She had been hoping to find a distraction in the stars, but tonight it seemed like everything was pointing her in one direction, and that was in the direction of the door. Her heart thudded in her chest as she sat up and stared at the bathroom door. Sickening. She had claimed to be sickened by her feelings and by Jace's, but really, deep in the pit of her stomach, Clary felt nothing more than a churning appreciation and fondness that was glowing and blooming into something much more. Her hands clenched around his t-shirt. Carefully and almost with hesitation, she sat up and hooked her fingers in the belt loops of her jeans.
Clary still heard the water running, but it sounded like the shower stall was empty. She shrugged it off, her mind swirling with thoughts of Jace fuming behind the door, angry and hurt. She had never witnessed Jace hurt, let alone stunned. His face had turned jagged and structurally flawless. Somehow, his eyes had blazed a melted gold and his pink lips had pouted ever so slightly, releasing the permanent cocky grin from his face. Clary shook her head and looked from Jace's t-shirt to the door, to herself fully dressed in smelly clothing. After a few moments, she summoned the courage to start to undress. She shrugged out of her clingy sweatshirt and t-shirt leaving her lace black bra and jeans. Throwing the clothes on the floor created a loud thud which made Clary's heart jump a little, thinking the door opened.
She fingered the button on her jeans before thinking twice and running over to the bedroom door, flicking the lock, just to be safe. The last thing Clary needed was some more humiliation. She started to wonder why she wouldn't just leave, go back to her own room. But her mind was racing, telling her that she would get the last word in. She couldn't bring herself to leave. She'd change out of the smelly clothing and wait for Jace to return, and hopefully talk some sense into him.
She walked back over to the bed and threw the t-shirt over her head, feeling like she was swimming in Jace's scent. Her pupils dilated and her fingers tingled slightly. Clary unbuttoned her jeans, and began the tedious task of plucking the wet jeans from her smooth legs. She sat on the bed, stretched her legs out, and began rolling her jeans down, sliding her hands down in her jeans to get them from sticking to her legs as she tugged.
"You're still here?" Clary blushed crimson as she regretfully looked at the bathroom doorway seeing Jace leaning against it with just his jeans hanging loosely on his hips, his chest glistening with dark runes, battle scars and water droplets, his hair dripping and hanging longer than when dry. "And stripping." Jace added with no grin even touching his face. He looked angry.
Clary stopped and let her jeans lay stupidly at her knees, halfway down. Her heart thudded a little in her chest. All she was thinking was how quick of a shower he had. "Why are you so angry with me? You have to understand why I said what I did." Clary pushed her hair out of her face, feeling it stick to the sweat on the back of her neck. She used the ponytail around her left wrist and put her hair into a quick and very messy bun.
Jace stared, leaning against the doorway still. "Why am I angry with you?" his voice stung. "You called what I feel for you sickening. That was a first, therefore unpleasant." Jace walked back into the bathroom leaving the door open. "Also, you're lying to me through your teeth. It's beyond frustrating." Jace yelled from inside, he was no longer in view, but his voice ricocheted off the tiled walls.
Clary burned. She remained with her jeans at her knees, no longer concerned about her clothing. "I'm not lying. What I said was true, and you know it. You just wanted to hear something else on top." Clary groaned and laid down, her small figure taking up not quite the whole length of Jace's bed. Her head was resting comfortably on one of his very fluffy pillows.
Jace returned to the doorway, watching Clary with a burning in his eyes. Her legs half exposed; his heart hammered a little. "You're right." He muttered.
Clary turned her head and looked right into his eyes. "That's a first."
"Unpleasant, no?" his voice stained her.
Clary shook her head. "Quite the opposite." Her eyes went back to examining the plain ceiling. "I shouldn't get too excited, though. You could very well be lying just to get me to leave." Clary sat up and began working again on her jeans.
Jace walked very quickly over to the foot of his bed and placed his hands on her exposed thighs. Clary widened her eyes and stopped tugging at her jeans. "I'd like you to stay, Clary." Jace murmured.
Clary couldn't help but gulp. "Jace, you heard what I said before. This isn't right." She mentally slapped herself. The way he was looking at her, his hands burning her flesh, the way her mind was spinning, her breath not coming quick enough, her heart skipping several beats at a time, and the warmth in the pit of her stomach, spreading like wildfire to her extremities.
Jace squeezed her thighs. "You're right. I did hear what you said. I'm just trying to change your mind." A crooked grin spread across the left side of his mouth. "You should be somewhat pleased. I'm trying to forget what I said earlier, and trying to forget my frustration." His hands ached as they touched her. All he wanted to do was push his hands higher. It was like his hands moved on their own, hearing his desires, because they did move higher, grazing the edge of his oversized t-shirt on the petite Clary.
Clary put her hands over Jace's. "Jace," Clary said sternly, "nothing can happen. We're siblings. How the hell would we explain anything? My feelings are all mixed up. You're feeling some sort of withdrawal, I don't know. Just, this isn't what you want, and it shouldn't be what I want." Clary breathed in deeply, trying to comprehend what she just said. "Forget what you said earlier? You said I can count on you never kissing me again."
Jace continued to smirk. He raised an eyebrow as well. "Gibberish, Clarissa. And yes, I know. I, however, see before me one last opportunity to change your mind. But, never mind that." Jace muttered moving his hands a little higher, ignoring her hands squeezing his. "Does this feel good or bad?" Jace asked as he rubbed her thighs slowly.
Clary shook her head, just letting the feeling seep through her flesh. "That's not the point. Things can feel good even if they aren't right. Your point is invalid." Clary said quietly, gripping Jace's wrists, digging her nails into his skin, leaving half moons.
A deep breath escaped Jace's throat. A single water droplet from his hair dripped and landed on Clary's thigh, sending a swarm of goosebumps up her legs, tickling Jace's calloused hands. His eyes drooped a little. "Again with the gibberish, Clarissa." Clary sucked in a breath. He was using her full name; it was tickling her insides, spreading warmth across her abdomen. "Good or bad?" Jace narrowed his eyes.
Clary watched him carefully, forming the wrong word on her tongue. "Good," she answered hesitantly.
Jace nodded removing his hands. Clary let out a breath. Then she sucked it all back in as he sat on the bed, resting his hands on her knees, concealed by her jeans halfway down. He slowly began to pull, letting her knees free, then below them, his fingers delicately caressing her legs. Clary simply watched his eyes carefully, while he watched hers. The way his eyes locked onto hers while his hands worked, tickling her pleasantly made her want to scream. He got her jeans all the way off, and let them hit the floor with a loud thud and click from the button. Without looking away from her eyes, Jace removed each of her socks, rubbing the top of her feet while doing so. After, he gripped her calves, and slid his hands up the back of her legs, underneath her knees, then started to go slower as his hands begged him to travel higher.
Clary watched in amazement as his hands burned her. To her complete dismay, his hands had not left fire trails, although she swore she felt them. "Jace, I don't know." Her voice shook as he sat up completely onto the bed, sitting on her calves, his legs bent behind him. "Honestly," Clary continued, "I don't know what you think you're doing."
Jace shook his head and chuckled lightly. "Honestly, Clarissa," he began very seductively, "I don't know what you think you're letting me do." Jace removed his hands from beneath Clary's thighs and instead placed them on top, rushing them up with no warning until they felt the fragile satin of her black panties. Jace felt a growl in his throat, but reluctantly swallowed it.
Clary snapped her mouth shut while sitting up on her elbows, watching very carefully as Jace sat up again and laid his body on hers, aligning their joints. He rested his elbows on either side of her and let his weight meld into hers. His face was centimetres from hers, with his damp hair dripping onto his blue t-shirt that Clary was wearing like a cocktail dress. "I'm sorry," Clary said suddenly. Her eyes glazed over as Jace widened his.
"For what?" his voice was stern and suddenly not as appealing. His muscles tensed, almost preparing to jump off of her at any given moment. "Clarissa, please, if it feels right, it most likely is right. Don't you see? Can't you feel it?" Jace balanced on one elbow, placing a hand over Clary's heart, feeling it race beneath his touch. Clary caught her breath in her throat at the fact that his hand was inches from her breast.
Clary bit her lower lip. "I know what you mean, Jace." Clary began slowly. "But, I don't know what I'm feeling. How can I do what I want, when I'm not sure whether what I want is a good thing or a bad thing, whether the feelings I have are right or wrong?" Clary let one single tear escape.
Jace quickly stopped it in its tracks, staring through her blazing green eyes. "Feelings are feelings, Clarissa. They are never wrong." Then he kissed her. It was like a train steamed through Clary's chest.
Her heart hammered practically through her ribcage as his lips conquered hers in the most honest and demanding way while he went back to resting on his elbows, letting his hands grip hers, as hers gripped the sheets. Jace opened his mouth against Clary's and deepened the kiss, making her forget everything. Her voice was gone, her mind melted and suddenly a heat wave took over and her body moved on its own. She moved her arms, falling back onto the bed more. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in closer. Jace obliged and let himself form to Clary's small body.
Jace moved his hands from Clary's, back to her panties and then up her strong stomach towards her concealed breasts. Jace hungrily squeezed and groaned. Clary felt an electric shock escape Jace's mouth and go down her throat. The feeling only enhanced as Jace traced the insides of her mouth while manoeuvring his hands around her back to unclasp her bra. Clary squealed as Jace ran his hands over her bare breasts, his calluses felt strangely good and satisfying. He parted from her only enough to rip his t-shirt off of her, making Clary's eyes widen and her eyelids to flutter like a butterfly's wings. Jace took a moment, breathing heavily, to just watch her perfect face breath, relax, tense, and her mouth open when he squeezed. A small moan erupted from the back of her throat, feeling Jace take such a new role.
Clary never imagined what it would feel like to give into her deepest and darkest desires. Her heart jumped and wringed every time she remembered that Jace was supposedly her brother, her own blood. Her stomach twisted and flipped when she thought about their devious acts, how wrong it really is. But that disappeared quickly when Jace slowly slid her bra down her arms, over her hands, and it joined the rest of her clothing on the floor beside his bed. Jace smiled, his eyes so dark and unreadable it made Clary tingle. Jace covered her breasts with his hands and rubbed while kissing her neck. Clary breathed heavily feeling extreme amounts of euphoria every time his lips grazed her flesh. Her mind was racing, her heart beating like a rabbit's while her body felt overheated.
"Jace," Clary said quietly, interrupting his kissing. He propped himself up on his elbows his hands deep within her hair, her neck exposed to him. "What happens after this?" Clary swallowed, her breath still coming fast making Jace keep that hint of a grin on his lips.
He watched her carefully, letting his eyes take her all in. The beautiful Clarissa, beneath him almost naked, so close to becoming something he wanted so badly, was making him feel lightheaded. Jace smiled softly and watched as Clary was memorized by the water droplets resting on his shoulders and dripping down the back of his neck from his wet hair. "I don't know," he admitted finally.
Clary nodded then reached behind his neck, pulling his mouth to hers, taking over him. Her mouth moved with him perfectly, their kissing like a dance, perfectly choreographed. Clary whimpered as Jace let his hands travel down her form, over her breasts sending shivers down her spine, over her flat stomach towards her underwear. Clary kept kissing, trying to avoid the embarrassment washing over her. She was trying very hard to not feel his hands burning the hem of her underwear, threatening to pull them down and expose her to him.
Jace kissed Clary deeper as he pulled her underwear down, over her thighs, stopping them at her knees. He parted from her, noticing a deep red kiss her chest and creep up her throat. Jace smiled, and looked down at his Clary, noticing her beauty, her perfection everywhere. He sat up and slid her underwear the rest of the way down, letting them drop delicately to the floor from one of his calloused fingers. The runes all over his exposed skin were dark and distracting as Clary blushed more and felt her vision blur, her heart threatening to stop altogether. "You're gorgeous," Jace murmured as he rubbed Clary's thighs all the way up to her hips, now free from anything but his hands. The calluses all over his hands tickled her skin in such amusing ways that it caused her bite her lower lip, feeling a pleasure sweep over her.
Jace rubbed her hips, over the bones, downward making Clary widen her eyes, but immediately close them as pleasure snapped through all of her bones with the new feelings bursting through her seams. She had never been touched by anyone, never even had anyone see her naked. She tried to remain calm and collective, but Jace's fingers were making it impossible to think straight. A moan erupted from her lips causing Jace to stop. She made a noise similar earlier, but not nearly as prominent or noticeable. She opened her eyes only to see Jace so stunned and so relaxed her heart leaped.
"Yeah?" Clary croaked out and watched as his eyes drooped and his one hand somewhere unmentionable and his other gripping her waist very tightly.
Jace shook his head, placing both hands on her stomach. Clary gasped a little feeling two of his fingers chill her from being damp. Her eyes closed and immediately opened still watching his hands travel up her stomach, his body lowering down onto hers. "I'm falling in love with you," Jace muttered resting his body on hers, nuzzling her neck with his nose and lips making Clary wrap her arms around his waist, pulling him down further, his weight resting on her form.
Clary tried not to cry. Her eyes were stinging. "Jace," her voice cracked making Jace stiffen and rest on his elbows, staring right into her eyes, "I'm already in love with you." Jace's eyes glowed and his hands moved down her body, clenching her waist.
His lips moved over hers again as one of his hands travelled back down where it had been before. As his fingers entered her, she moaned again, the beautiful sound straining Jace's heartstrings. His lungs could barely keep air, and his hands shook a little. Her hands ran into his wet hair, gripping his golden strands of hair as he pushed deeper, curving his fingers, trying to remain calm, and trying not to think about Clary's previous objections. He pulled his fingers out, and spread them a little, pushing them back in, making her back arch a little, her chest pressing into his. Her lips never left his as her moans swam from her throat down his. His fingers grew urgent, not to mention his jeans began to feel like the ultimate restraint, his mind racing as her moans grew closer together, her kisses growing sloppy, and her body shining with sweat.
Jace pulled away, slowly removing his fingers, unknowingly letting them dance across her stomach, chilling her from the wet. Her eyes watched as he sat right up, his fingers resting on the waist of his jeans. Clary widened her eyes and sat up too, her body curving perfectly as she sat. "I think I'm afraid." Clary muttered as she rested her hand on top of Jace's that rested on his jeans.
Jace nodded. "We don't have to." His voice clearly voiced his obviously growing desire, but also the understanding of the loving Jace. His hand fell from his jeans only to be caught by Clary's. Her eyes danced as she led his hand back to his jeans.
"I never said I didn't want to." The way her mouth moved with the words made Jace let out a small moan, and grip the back of her head, her hair in the messy bun letting a few stray strands fall between his fingers as he pulled her towards him, his lips conquering hers.
Her hands found the waistband of his jeans and undo the button and let the zipper down. A squeak escaped from her mouth and she noticed with her hands traveling back up to his stomach that Jace was not wearing anything other than his jeans. Her heart panicked, beating faster than it ever had before. Jace felt it with her chest pressed tightly against his and pulled away.
"Are you okay?" Clary nodded as Jace raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
Clary hooked her fingers in the belt loops of his jeans and began to tug a little, revealing a little monster inside of her that Jace never knew had even existed. "Yes," her voice was breathy and enough to send Jace over the edge. He stood while Clary remained seated on the bed, her body shining.
He hesitated, unsure whether the virgin Clary would be actually willing or not after seeing him strip and take control. But, she remained calm, a blush kissing her cheeks urgently as he pulled his jeans down. Clary averted her eyes and looked up at him, her cheeks turned a terrible red, her chest flushed and her toes curled. Jace sat back on the bed, pushing her shoulders down, letting her body sink into the soft mattress. Her eyes fluttered and he rested on her, not prepared for anything yet, and kissed her. His lips moving sloppily, his tongue gliding carelessly as his body ached in protest. He wanted this more than anything, and every single move Clary made turned him on even more, every time her body moved beneath his, brushing against him, her soft and slick skin making contact with his heating body was enough to create a growl in the back of his throat.
Jace moaned for the first time with real meaning into Clary's neck, very loudly and suddenly as she squirmed beneath him, her body starting to bubble with desire. Her heart hammered at the noise emitted from Jace. She moaned in return and pulled his face to hers, his lips locking onto hers.
After a few more minutes of kissing, and roaming hands, Jace steadied himself, travelling his hands down to Clary's legs, spreading them. Her eyes watched as he carefully aligned himself and held her waist gently, his eyes begging. Clary stayed still, her body aching for something more. She nodded as Jace slowly slid inside of her tight, small body. Clary gasped, the new sensation taking hold of her fragile body. Jace stopped watching as her eyes rolled and her hands gripped the sheets, her chest heaved a little. He pushed further feeling her muscles clench, and could see her jaw moving clearly grinding her teeth with distaste. He stopped again waiting for her body to relax a little, and then pushed even further her body clearly stinging as she bit her lip, her eyes turning glossy. Clary fought the urge to yell as Jace kissed her lips delicately, her body aching with desire and pain at the same time.
When Jace got all the way inside of his small Clary, a few tears had streaked down her cheeks leaving tear tracks. Her body protested, but she couldn't help the feeling of pleasure building in her stomach as the ache slowly went away as Jace carefully and slowly pulled out of her, and went back in. His hands firmly pressed to the bed on either side of her head, his stomach gliding along hers, both of them slick with sweat. His hair still occasionally dripping with icy water made her skin crawl with intense feelings.
Jace went slowly, but steadily got faster, making Clary moan. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head as the pain numbed and her mind started to run with impure thoughts. His voice whispered things in her ear, things her body loved. He kissed her neck, sucking it with his heated breath tickling her nerves, his tongue greedy. Every move he made caused Clary to erupt a new sound from her throat. Occasionally she would find herself not even aware of what just happened, her body so lost in a sea of good feelings.
Jace moaned into Clary's throat as he pushed all the way inside of her, his arms feeling weak. "Clarissa," he breathed into her ear, his wet hair tickling the shell of her ear. She arched her back slightly, letting her chest rub against his causing a growl in the back of his throat. "Fuck," Jace muttered as Clary dug her nails into his shoulder blades her mind swimming.
She clutched to his back as he started to pick up the pace. The feeling in her stomach of something building was beginning to rise, her blood starting to boil, her lungs growing tired from all of her heavy breathing. "Jace," her voice reached his ears as he hungrily kissed her throat, licking just above her collarbone. "Jace," her voice was more urgent this time and it only heightened his senses.
Jace couldn't be sure if she actually wanted to say something or not, but his body wasn't letting him slow down or even take a breath to answer. He groaned into her throat, trying his hardest to let her enjoy herself while he struggled to maintain his composure and hold everything back for the time being. "Tell me something," Jace muttered trying to slow down a little, feeling heat climb off his body in waves. He managed to slow, but his body screamed.
Clary moaned and opened her eyes, only to be staring right into his. "What?" her voice was out of breath as he pumped slowly, her walls threatening to collapse. She licked her lips and kissed Jace, her eyes closing delicately.
He kissed her back, and pulled away for a moment, "How close," his voice barely reached her ears, his teeth grinding, his breath heavy as he kissed her again, slowing down even more. He moved one of his hands up and down Clary's side; her body tingled beneath his touch.
Clary shook her head, making him move to her jaw to kiss, his lips feeling hungry for Clary. "I don't know," her voice felt so heavy that every nerve pinched in Jace. "Just don't slow down." She moved her hips slightly causing Jace to pull back and watch her face as she moved her hips against his, begging him to speed up.
Jace moaned and moved faster, everything inside of him building beyond his wildest imagination. "Fuck, Clarissa," his voice made her body tremble.
Jace moved faster, his body feeling weak and needy. His abdominal muscles clenching and becoming more defined with each thrust, his back muscles rippling beneath his skin, his hands gripping Clary brutally, although she didn't seem to mind, her moans happening closer and closer together as Jace sped up his body barely able to contain anything. Jace thrusted faster and harder, his body was screaming and crying, his moans loud and hitting Clary's throat as he reached his climax, his body releasing, his last few thrusts extremely fast and hard as Clary screamed, her body shaking all over, her body releasing, her walls clenching around Jace.
Jace let his body relax, his entire form collapsing onto Clary. His chest was heaving, his breath escaping into the crook of Clary's neck. Her chest was moving up and down so quickly, it almost felt like everything was on fast forward. Even though it was over, Jace felt euphoria through all of the joints in his body; everything tingled, and everywhere on his body felt amazing. He had never been with a woman and felt so amazing. Sure, it always felt good, but this time was different. Clary changed something within him. He took her virginity, and felt not only ecstasy flow through him the entire time, but love.
Clary whimpered, her eyes so heavy that they threatened sleep as Jace's slick body remained on her own. Her mind was running, every movement she made, even if it was just to put her hand on his back, it felt so beautiful and good. She never imagined her first time anything like that. Even though it wasn't what she expected, she couldn't imagine anything better, or anyone better. Jace let his love for her show so honestly, and her love bubbled within her, flowing through her veins.
Jace rolled off of Clary, his chest heaving, his body aching in all the right places. "Clary," he said carefully as he rolled onto his side as Clary mimicked his movements so she could face him.
She nodded. Everything in his eyes told her what he didn't need to say. "I love you too, Jace." Jace smiled a small smile, one that barely even let his teeth show.
He pulled her towards him, his hands clasping at the base of her spine, her skin slick and sweaty, but smelling of berries and vanilla. Clary wrapped her arms around Jace, pressing her hands onto his shoulder blades breathing in his rustic scent that tickled her nostrils and reminded her of everything magical. After a few moments of lovely silence Clary felt Jace's chest start to move in a rhythm. His breath tickled her as it evened out. With a small smile painted on her lips Clary let her eyelids close and her body relax, joining Jace in peaceful sleep.
I hope this was enjoyed. Please leave reviews. Even if they are pointers or praise, anything is welcome of course! Thank you very much. I hope I did not disappoint.