A/N: Okay, so let me start by saying that this may be the smuttiest thing I've ever written. And I have written a lot of smut. ANYWAY, there are two other fics I should be working on instead right now but the obscenity of my imagination surprises even me and this idea pretty much hit me like a bulldozer. So yeah, it's just our favorite boys, some awkwardness, and some back door action. You've been warned. It's just a one-shot, at least for now.
What You Really Want
"Can I ask you something?"
"It's kind of... personal."
Blaine looked up from the Italian verbs he had been conjugating. "...Okay."
"You don't mind?"
"Just ask me, Kurt," Blaine said, now looking curious and mildly concerned.
"Okay, sorry." Kurt could feel himself starting to blush. He had expected this to happen, but that had not stopped him from holding on to a vain hope that perhaps, by some sudden and miraculous change in the biological workings of his body, he would be able to remain a normal color during this conversation. Not that absurdly pale was really a normal color. But anyway. Not the point.
Blaine was looking at him expectantly. Because, right, he was supposed to be asking a question. Kurt cleared his throat and became very interested in a stray thread on the sleeve of his shirt. "Umm. Do you... Is there anything, you, ah... want to try?"
"Try?" Blaine repeated, looking puzzled.
Kurt blushed even harder. "Like. Umm. Sexually."
Blaine's eyebrows shot up. "Oh. Oh."
"It's just, I, you know, I really like everything we've done so far. Kissing and hand jobs and especially blow jobs -" Blaine smirked slightly at this and Kurt assumed that by this point the tips of his toes were probably red "- it's all really great. And you've been really good about asking what I want and figuring out what I like. And I was just wondering if, you know, there's anything you like or might like that you want us to try. Because I would... want to try it for you."
Blaine's mouth was hanging open slightly. "Wow, Kurt. That's really nice of you. But I - I really like everything we've done, too."
Kurt thought very hard about just saying "okay" and letting it go, but that would have been defeating the whole purpose of this conversation. He knew that Blaine liked hand jobs and blow jobs, of course he did. But lately Kurt had been wondering if there was other stuff Blaine liked, maybe even more than hand jobs and blow jobs, that he wasn't telling Kurt about. Stuff involving his... butt, specifically. It made Kurt blush just to think about it, and to be perfectly honest, the idea had initally repulsed him. But as he had become more educated and explored the world of intimacy with Blaine, he had grown more comfortable with the idea. He didn't particularly want anything done to his butthole - not yet, at least - but he thought he wouldn't mind doing things to Blaine's, if that was something Blaine really wanted.
And he had a growing suspicion that it was something Blaine really wanted. There had only been little hints at first - he had noticed the way Blaine purred and thrust against him whenever Kurt's hands slid to his butt while they were making out, or the way Blaine came harder if Kurt grabbed his butt during a blow job. And then there was the time Blaine had been lying on his stomach reading when Kurt climbed on top of him to kiss the back of his neck. Blaine had literally shuddered and pushed his ass up against him when Kurt's semi-hard cock had grazed over his jeans-covered crack. Most recently, there was the time Kurt's fingers had accidentally wandered a little farther back than usual during a hand job, coming dangerous nearly to Blaine's hole. He had pulled them away quickly, embarrassed, but Blaine had yelped and come instantly. And then they had both pretended like it hadn't happened, because Blaine had been mortified and Kurt had been unsure of what to do with this newfound knowledge.
So Kurt had thought about it for a while and decided that, if Blaine would just give it up and tell him that this was what he wanted, then Kurt would at least try doing it for him. The problem, it seemed, was getting Blaine to actually admit to it. Hence the astonishingly awkward conversation they were now having, which was about to get even more embarrassing.
"I don't think you're being completely honest with me," Kurt forced himself to say.
Blaine had turned faintly pink now, too. "I, uh. What do you mean?"
"I think there's other stuff that you want to try, but you're afraid to tell me." God, you could probably fry a fucking egg on his face right now.
Blaine sighed. Then, he pushed his Italian notebook out of the way and moved from lying on his stomach to sitting cross-legged across from Kurt. "Okay, fine," he said, very quietly. "You're right."
"I am?" Kurt said, a bit startled.
"Yeah," Blaine replied. His beautiful hazel eyes looked anxious. "There's other stuff - a lot of other stuff - that I think about. But I just - I feel like a creep. I feel like you'll think it's gross. And I really, really don't want to push you into anything you're not comfortable with. That's the last thing in the world I would ever want to do."
Kurt smiled. "I know. And me knowing that is what makes it okay for you to tell me if there's stuff you want to, umm - try. I know you won't make me do it if I don't want to. But I wish you'd at least trust me enough to tell me. And maybe - maybe I'll surprise you."
Blaine looked slightly shocked, but also pleased. "Okay," he said nervously, running a hand through his hair. "Okay. Should I just - start, then?"
Kurt nodded encouragingly. "Yes please." He thought about taking Blaine's hand, but then concluded that touching right now might be a bit much.
"Okay. Well, I really do like the stuff that we do already. Really, really. A lot." There was a moment when he seemed to get a bit lost in reflection, but then he returned to what he was saying. "But I also think a lot about, umm." He was blushing now. "About you doing stuff to me - to my, ah, butt. To my hole, I mean. My butthole." He looked positively mortified. "Oh God." He glanced over at Kurt furtively, and was just about to apologize for his filthy mind, when Kurt cut in.
"Yeah, I kind of figured."
"You - what?" Blaine said.
"I sort of had a feeling you wanted that," Kurt clarified. "The, ah, butthole, stuff, I mean." God, why couldn't there be a better word for all of this than butthole? It just sounded so... vulgar. And ridiculous.
"So... you - you don't think it's gross? You don't think I'm gross?" Blaine said hopefully.
"Of course not," Kurt said gently, reaching out to stroke Blaine's hand.
Blaine let out an adorable sigh of relief. "Thank God," he breathed.
"And I could, uh, try it, you know. I could try putting my fingers... there."
"Or your tongue," Blaine said before he could stop himself. Then he clapped a hand over his mouth, horrified, because Kurt had just pulled his hand off of Blaine's like it had been burned and his eyes had grown about three times in size.
"My tongue?" Kurt said, shocked. He hadn't even thought about that as a possibility before, and quite frankly, he wasn't sure how he felt about it. His tongue? In someone's - someone's butt? It wasn't a particularly appealing idea, right off the bat.
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry," Blaine said despairingly. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said - oh God. Oh my God."
Kurt thought vaguely that he should probably say something to calm Blaine down, but he was still recovering from the barrage of images that had entered his head at the mention of tongues.
"I'm going to go," Blaine said, leaping off of Kurt's bed and hastily shoving his notebook into his backpack. "I'm sorry, Kurt. I'm so sorry." And then he ran out the door.
It wasn't until he heard Blaine's car pulling out of the driveway that Kurt realized that Blaine had, in fact, left, and that it was all his fault for reacting the way he had to Blaine's confession. He suddenly felt very guilty - he had been the one to push Blaine into admitting all of this, after all, and now he had gone and made Blaine feel terrible about it. Oh God, he was an awful boyfriend. He hadn't even meant to react like that, really - he had just been caught completely off guard. To his surprise, he wasn't that grossed out by Blaine's suggestion. I mean, he wasn't doing cartwheels at the idea of sticking his tongue in someone's asshole, but he also wasn't repulsed by it. To be completely honest, he was actually kind of intrigued. Not so much by the act itself, but by the idea of doing it to Blaine. And by the way Blaine might react to having that done to him. He shivered slightly at the thought.
Okay, so. Maybe he could do this. Maybe he would do this. He just needed a little time to wrap his head around it first.
Several hours later, after finishing his homework, Kurt decided to take a shower. He knew that he should probably call Blaine and tell him that everything was fine, but first, he needed to attend to some, ah, things in the shower. Thanks to The Astonishingly Awkward Conversation (as it would henceforth be known), he and Blaine had never gotten around to hooking up that afternoon, and Kurt was feeling the result in his groin. It wasn't until he was in the shower, about to come, that he realized he was jerking off to a fantasy of licking Blaine's asshole. If he thought rationally about it, it was still kind of weird, but hey, so was the idea of sucking cock, and he had learned to really enjoy that. So maybe there is something to be said for this whole butthole business, he thought as he came hard on to the shower wall.
When he had toweled off and slipped into his pajamas, Kurt emerged from his bathroom to find his phone blinking with a missed call from Blaine. He dialed his voicemail and pressed the phone to his ear, hoping that Blaine wasn't too distraught about what had happened.
"Hey, Kurt, it's me," came Blaine's voice, sounding, much to Kurt's dismay, very distraught. "I'm really, really sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to freak you out. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry. I hope that we can just forget this conversation ever happened. If you need time, that's fine. I understand." He sounded close to tears. "But please call me when you're ready. I love you. I'm sorry. Good night."
Kurt felt a hot, horrible stab of guilt for making Blaine so sad. He should have called right away to let him know everything was okay. He hit number 3 on his speed dial (1 was voicemail, 2 was his dad), and waited while the phone rang, praying Blaine would pick up. Instead, it went to voicemail - Blaine had probably gone to sleep right after leaving Kurt the message. Kurt felt another stab of guilt as he heard Blaine's lovely, cheery voice telling him to leave a message.
"Hi, Blaine, it's me," Kurt said after the tone. "Please don't feel bad about what happened earlier. It's my fault for reacting like that. Do you think you could come over tomorrow after school, so we could maybe talk about it? My house will be empty, so it will be a good time for... talking." And maybe, you know, doing some other stuff. With tongues. Maybe. "Just, umm, text me when you're on your way. If you want to come, that is." Oh God, he hadn't meant for that to sound like such a sexual innuendo. "And please, please don't feel bad. It's really fine. I'll see you tomorrow, hopefully. I love you."
He hung up the phone, hoping that his message would at least put Blaine's mind at ease until they saw each other in person tomorrow. He would explain more fully when they talked, and, if all went well, he might make up for his awful-boyfriend reaction by giving this whole tongue-in-butthole thing a try. But he wasn't going to tell Blaine that just yet. Surprising him would be much more fun.
Blaine had nearly cried with relief when he checked his voicemail the next day and heard Kurt's voice telling him that everything was fine, and that he loved him. He still felt like the world's creepiest boyfriend and wanted to apologize again in person, but that beautiful, beautiful message got him through the day. When the final bell rang at Dalton, he practically sprinted out to the parking lot, leapt into his car, and shot Kurt a text that he was on his way.
Kurt's phone vibrated just as he was unlocking the front door to his house. He jumped at the sensation - he really had to stop keeping his phone in his front pocket - nearly dropped his books, and stumbled into the house before pulling out his phone.
Thanks for the message. I'm on my way. Can't wait to see you.
Kurt smiled, glad that Blaine was at least coming over. He'd spent most of the day torn between feeling horribly guilty about hurting Blaine and nervously excited about what he was planning to do to Blaine this afternoon. Needless to say, he could barely remember anything that had happened in his classes.
He spent the time before Blaine got there sprucing himself up and fretting about what he was going to say once Blaine arrived. Somehow "hi, sorry I'm such a jerk, I'd like to stick my tongue in your ass now" didn't really seem like the most eloquent way of addressing the issue. He was still fretting when the doorbell rang, signaling Blaine's arrival. Kurt bounded down the stairs and hurled himself at the door, pausing to collect himself only when his hand was on the knob. He opened the door and found Blaine standing on his doorstep, hands shoved in his pockets and a shy, sad, anxious expression on his face.
"Hi," Kurt said breathlessly.
"Hi," Blaine replied, shifting uncomfortably.
They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, and then Kurt flung himself across the door frame and wrapped his arms tightly around Blaine. Blaine hugged him back enthusiastically, his entire body relaxing noticeably. "I'm so sorry," he murmured, burying his head in Kurt's shoulder.
"Don't be," Kurt insisted, speaking into Blaine's curls and hugging him tighter. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I reacted like a complete idiot, and I apologize."
"I shouldn't have said -" Blaine began, his voice slightly muffled by Kurt's shoulder.
Kurt interrupted him. "Stop it. I asked you a question, and you were giving me an honest answer. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I was just surprised. I swear." He pulled back from the hug so that he could look Blaine in the eye. "Okay? I swear."
Blaine nodded, his eyes slightly watery.
"And you should know that I will never judge you or think less of you for anything that you think about, you know, sexually." He could feel the blush creeping in, but he didn't care, because Blaine needed to hear this. "Unless you start thinking about girls, in which case we might have a minor problem."
Blaine managed a smile at this. "I love you," he said.
"I love you too," Kurt said emphatically. "Now come inside." He grabbed Blaine's hand and tugged him into the house, leading him upstairs and into his bedroom. When the bedroom door shut behind them, he turned around and pulled Blaine in for a slow, deep kiss. "I missed you yesterday," he said when their lips parted. "I had to take care of myself in the shower because I didn't have you to do it for me."
"Jesus," Blaine said as images of a wet and slippery Kurt jerking himself off exploded in his mind. He brought his hands up to Kurt's face and kissed him hungrily, pushing him up against the wall of his room. Two minutes later, Blaine's jacket and tie had been flung across the room, and Kurt was halfway through unbuttoning Blaine's shirt. When he reached the last button, he pulled it apart and slid his hands inside, fingers grazing over Blaine's ribcage and the smooth expanse of his stomach.
"Off," Kurt demanded, and Blaine rolled his shoulders to assist Kurt in tugging the shirt off.
"Yours too," Blaine said, pulling at the hem of Kurt's shirt and lifting it over his head. When Kurt's face reappeared, his hair was adorably ruffled, and Blaine couldn't help but pull him in for another searing kiss. Their naked torsos rubbed together deliciously, a sinful mix of muscle and heat and skin and friction. They shifted slightly and gasped as their cocks met through the material of their pants. Blaine ground up against Kurt again and eagerly reached for the fly to Kurt's jeans, but Kurt grabbed his wrist and stopped him.
"Wait," he panted. "I want to try something." He pushed off of the wall and turned Blaine around, placing his hands on Blaine's hips and guiding him over to the desk. Blaine felt the pressure of Kurt's hand on his back and he was being bent forward until he was lying facedown on the desk, his feet still planted on the floor.
"Kurt, what -"
"Shh," Kurt said, pressing up against him and rubbing his erection against Blaine's ass. Blaine whimpered and squeezed his eyes shut, not daring to wonder if this was going where he thought it might be going. Kurt kissed the back of his neck and then began moving downward, leaving a leisurely trail of kisses along Blaine's spine. As his mouth traveled down Blaine's back, his hands snaked around and cupped Blaine through his Dalton slacks, then made quick work of his button and zipper. He slid his fingers beneath the waistband and tugged the pants and boxers down until they were somewhere around Blaine's knees.
Blaine still wasn't completely sure what was happening, but he was bent over a desk with his bare ass in the air and his boyfriend's mouth inches away from said bare ass and holyfuckshitohmygodFUCK he had never been so turned on in his life. And then he felt Kurt's breath on his crack and Kurt's fingers parting his cheeks gently and now he knew exactly what was happening and he thought that there was a very real possibility that he had died and gone to heaven. "Kurt, ohgodohgodohgodohgod, Kurt," he said frantically, because he really didn't even know what to do with himself right now.
"It's okay," Kurt breathed, as much to Blaine as to himself, and Blaine writhed as Kurt's breath hit him right there. Kurt couldn't believe he was actually doing this, but Blaine's response was probably the hottest thing ever and oddly enough he couldn't remember ever being so aroused in his life. He gripped Blaine firmly, pinning him down, and, steeling himself, tentatively ran his tongue over Blaine's hole. Blaine screamed, actually screamed, and Kurt took that as a good sign, licking again more confidently before delving his tongue through the ring of muscle and inside of Blaine. He wasn't really sure what the appropriate thing to do was once your tongue was inside of your boyfriend's ass, so he settled for moving it around a bit, twisting and swirling and then pulling it back out to lick again.
Blaine was squirming beneath him and making absolutely incredible noises, mostly incoherent half-words punctuated by moans and gasps and curses and Kurt's name. He had, unconsciously perhaps, spread his legs wider, begging Kurt for more, and Kurt could only oblige him, this time adding a finger when his tongue plunged back inside. As his tongue moved in circles his finger found Blaine's prostate and stroked it, sending Blaine into a kind of hysteria and causing him to thrust against the desk. Without even thinking about it, Kurt reached his other hand down and began to palm himself through his jeans.
The edges of the desk were digging into Blaine's hips and it hurt like hell but it didn't even matter because Kurt had his tongue AND a finger IN HIS ASSHOLE and this was hands down the HOTTEST thing that had ever happened to him. He never wanted it to end but at the same time he felt like he was going to die from the pleasure. And then Kurt's finger glided over his prostate again and that was it, he was coming, oh my God he was coming, all over the desk and himself and it was the most incredible orgasm he had ever had in his life. When it was over, he felt dazed and boneless, and he was only vaguely aware of Kurt sliding an arm around him and supporting him over to the bed.
It took him a few minutes to return to his senses, and when he did, he found Kurt lying next to him, looking extremely pleased with himself.
"Kurt," he said hoarsely. "You - oh my God."
"Yeah. I know."
"That was the hottest thing -"
"I'm glad you liked it."
"Did you - was it okay for you, too?"
"More than okay," Kurt said, gesturing first to the cum-stained jeans now sitting in his laundry basket and then to the clean sweatpants he was now wearing.
"Good," Blaine said, feeling relieved. He snuggled up against Kurt, draping an arm over him and rubbing their noses together. "Thank you. Thank you for doing... that. For me. You have no idea..."
"Thank you for telling me what you wanted," Kurt said, kissing Blaine's nose.
"I should start doing that more often."
Kurt looked surprised. "There's more?"
"I - yeah," Blaine admitted, suddenly anxious again. "Is that okay?"
"What did I tell you before? Of course it is." He looked thoughtful for a moment, then shy. "Actually, there are a few things I've been wanting to tell you about, too."
Blaine breathed in sharply. "Oh God."
Kurt smiled and kissed him. It looked like there were going to be a lot more Astonishingly Awkward Conversations in their future. But hey, if they all turned out the way this one had, then a little bit of awkwardness was a small price to pay.
A/N: Hope you had as much fun reading this as I did writing it!