Hold Me

I know I need to update "Will you go on a date with me?" but this just popped in my head I also am not sure what to do next. I think this is just going to be a One Shot really. Its 01:32am so forgive me if there are mistakes and also it might be a little OTT Please review and let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: I sadly own nothing except for the random thoughts I get when listening to Rascal Flatts ... which I also sadly do not own.

I didn't know what to do. I don't know why I am feeling this way. I don't understand why I am even going over to her apartment. Why is it when shit happens I always run to her? I guess I feel that in these years of knowing her, she is the best person to comfort me. We never had one of those relationships were if we had a problem then we would talk about it, well we never talked, mostly stared with our eyes or lightly touched each other letting the other know that everything was going to be fine. I feel that after she at least let some emotion show in the elevator the other night then maybe I could to her. Only I don't know if I let that door open I will ever be able to shut it.

It had been a couple of hours after I found out that EJ was dead. I would be lying if I said I was a little upset, I like her, a lot. I did not love her but I enjoyed her company of a night, feeling someone next to me when I woke up, knowing that someone was there even if I knew she wasn't the one. Its natural isn't it? Just to want someone to hold you in a way that makes you feel loved and wanted. Feeling the warmth of a body completely tangled up in your own was one of the things I wish I could have experienced with a certain someone. I think that's what made me run in to the arms of the next passing women, the fact that the women I want I cannot have made me ache inside. I seeked comfort, a lot of it.

Once I got the call from Gibbs to tell me the news, I felt the whole world crash down on me, crushing me till I couldn't breathe. I was all alone, Anthony DiNozzo was yet again in a world with no one to hold him of a night, no one for him to run his hands threw their hair. I think that the death of EJ hit me really hard due to the emotional week I was already having. I couldn't take it any longer, last time I tried to cope with a death by myself I turned to the bottle, I did not want to do that again. I found myself grabbing my keys of the table and leaving to get in my car. I knew where I was heading, not quite sure what to expect when I got there but I knew that she will be there.

The trip to her apartment was a haze, I can't remember getting there so fast but I never stopped to think about it. I got out of the car and swiftly moved to her door. I stopped.

"What am I doing? She going to be asleep and will kill me if I wake her up. What am I even expecting her to do?" I thought.

My hand razed slowly to the door, even though I hesitated for a moment my knuckles banged hard against the wooden door. I knew it was late so I had to knock hard to wake her up. Yes, I wanted her to wake up, I wanted her to open the door, I wanted her to tell me everything was going to be ok.

It took a while till I saw a light flick on in the living room. Soon enough I heard her removing the numerous locks she had on the door. I took a deep breath as I heard and saw the handle move. I looked to the floor trying to hold back the tears, tears that had been building up since the last time I cried, four years ago.

"Tony?" Ziva answered rubbing her eyes with the back of her hands.

I looked up slowly taking in her appearance. I will always remember her standing there in nothing but her knickers and an oversized shirt, she looked beautiful even though she had just been woken up by a man banging on her door.

I said nothing, she said nothing. We just stared for a while, all that I could hear was the sound of the ticking from the clock on Ziva's living room wall. I was still standing outside. Ziva must have gotten the call too because suddenly her face was now a face of knowing. She tilted her head to the side and her eyes were glazed, she looked sympathetic. I could not hold it in any more. The tears just flowed out of my aching eyes, I couldn't stop them, I dint want too.

I crumbled right in front of her and the worst part was that I did not know why I was sobbing and hurting so bad. Was it that EJ had just died and I was morning the loss of a person I really liked? Or was it that I was being selfish and thinking of myself and how alone I was once again in this world? Or both? Whatever it was it made my whole body collapse to the floor. I went completely numb as my tears soaked my face. As I fell to the floor I felt hands find their way under my arms and pulled me back up. Yet again Ziva's strength never seemed to amazed me. She pulled me up and placed her hands on my face, she looked into my eyes knowing that I had come here for comfort. I felt her thumb lightly stroke away some of the tears that were streaming down my face.

My head found its way to her chest, it just lay on there as her hands still held my head. We stud in the door way in the same position, except my forehead was no longer on her chest, my ear was in its place listening to her slow and steady heart beat, for some reason this seemed to calm me down. Also my arms made their way around her waist holding her tightly to me, I dint want to let go. I was glad that she did not mind me soaking her with my tears, this was just what I needed. Ziva kept whispering that everything was going to be ok and that she was always going to be here for me. Now and again I felt her kiss my head lightly and sway a little like she was rocking me. She must have realised that we couldn't be standing in the door way with a man crying into her chest would not look to good to her nosey neighbours because she pulled me into her apartment shutting the door behind her. She managed to do that with me still with my arms wrapped tightly around her waist. She moved us to her bedroom and never hesitated crawling onto the bed with me in her arms.

"I just need you to hold me, Ziva." I said, my sound was muffled by her T shirt.

"I know Tony. I know." She tightened her grip around me and pressed her check to the top of my head.

We lay there all night, no one said a word. We would lightly squeeze each other to let the each other know that we were still awake and still here. There was something soothing about laying in Ziva's arms. I was glad that I could do this with her, my best friend, my Ziva.

Okay so that was just a little idea I got in my head at a ridicules time in the night. So if there are any mistakes I am soooooo sorry! I hope you liked it and I would appreciate any reviews!