Yet another cracky DRRR oneshot. I'm beginning to think that that's all I'm good for in this fandom. Oh well, I hope you all enjoy it any way =]
Warnings: Cross-dressing; maybe a microscopic bit of slash if you squint really hard and look at it sideways.
Disclaimer: Nothing! I own nothing!
Kida had thought that there was nothing Izaya could do that would surprise him. Apparently, he was wrong, for when he reported for work at the informant's apartment Monday evening, he was very surprised indeed.
"Hey, I'm he-" Kida stopped dead after opening the door because there, at his desk, was Izaya Orihara wearing a long, black wig, red lipstick, a black minidress, and strappy heels.
Kida's mouth dropped open, and he was too shocked to do anything about it. Izaya, on the other hand, was completely unruffled.
"Oh good. You're here," Izaya said, as though this was entirely normal. He waited patiently for Kida to regain control of his verbal functions.
"Y-you're dressed as a woman!" The teen blurted.
"My, my, nothing gets by you, does it?" Izaya said, voice saturated with sarcasm.
Wait a minute…Here Izaya was, wearing a dress and make-up, and he was making fun of Kida? How does that make sense?
Unfortunately, what Kida had learned by now was that talking to Izaya was like stepping into an alternate universe in which all of the rules and logic governing the normal world cease to exist.
"Why are you dressed as a woman?" Kida rephrased, although he wasn't entirely sure he wanted the answer.
"On certain chat rooms, I pretend to be a woman. This helps me get into character."
Izaya's tone implied that this explanation was perfectly sensible, and to him it probably was.
"Why?" Kida said. He scrunched his eyes shut, knowing that this image would be burned in his brain forever.
"I suppose I'm just a method actor."
Kida took a deep breath.
"I mean, why do you pretend to be a woman in the first place?"
"Oh, that?" Izaya shrugged, "It amuses me."
"I see," Kida said in a detached voice. In an effort to preserve the high-schooler's sanity, his own brain had more or less shut down, "Are those shoes Prada?"
Izaya gave Kida a look, "Well, you don't expect me to wear knock-offs, do you?"
"Right," Kida murmured flatly, "If you don't mind, I'm going to leave now and wash my eyes out with Comet. And possibly throw up. Have a good day."
With that, Kida walked calmly out the door. It was only when he reached the street that the blond began to freak out again. This was it. He had just witnessed something that he would never be able to un-see.
And the worst part of it was, Izaya actually looked kind of hot.