Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its marvelous characters.

A/N: This is complete crack, based on the first Harry Potter. Certain ideas just pop into my head and it looks like you lovely readers will suffer for it! Please read and review.

Harry Potter looked at the giant of a man before him. This stranger who had forced his way into the small shack, a man of enormous size and gait, a man who looked fit to knock over small buildings- this man had just presented Harry with a birthday cake and exclaimed that the Dursleys had been keeping the truth of his parents' deaths from him. At this point, he was a little unsure what to think.

"Yer a horocrux, Harry."

"I'm a what?" The boy replied, looking blankly at the giant known as Hagrid.

"You're a horocrux, Harry." There was a beat, then the man's eyes widened as he realized his mistake. He shouted, "I mean a wizard! Yer a wizard, Harry, yer a wizard."

"Well, what was that other thing? A horo…horocr-"

"Nothing! Nothing at all!" Hagrid yelled, spittle flying out into his beard. "Nothin' ter worry about, nothing' happened, yer not in any danger!"


"Yes, there's no worry…Just be careful of Lord Voldemort."

"Who?" Hagrid's eyes bugged out again.

'No one! There's no prophecy about you two! Damn, wait, that's not what I meant. I should not have said that."

"Wait, who's Lord Voldemort? What prophecy are you talking about?"

"Nothin'! Forget I ever said anything! You know what? Maybe I should just stop talkin' fer awhile."