Shizuo stepped in the doorway only so Izaya couldn't close it on him. The raven jumped backward and fished a knife the pocket of his casual clothing.
"Stay out of my house. You can't come in my house."
Izaya was serious, making things for Shizuo even worse.
"I'm staying right here, Izaya. I won't come in any more than this if you want," the blonde said softly, a bit startled at his own voice.
Izaya seemed about ten times more startled. His knife wavered in his confusion. "Tell me what you want. I don't have anything for you."
"Izaya..." Shizuo started, fumbling for words. He stepped forward, forgetting what he'd promised before in his own confusion. This obviously angered the other, who threw the knife at him. It stabbed Shizuo in his leg, causing the man to stop and yank the cold metal out.
"You're bad at lying, Shizu-chan," Izaya said, obviously trying to be his normal self and failing. "I don't want you in my house. Get the fuck out."
Shizuo backed up to where he was, sobered by the wound. He watched Izaya pull his spare blade from his other pocket.
"Izaya, you remember then? By the creek?" he asked dumbly. Like there was any doubt of Izaya remembering at that point. "I raped you."
He noticed Izaya's eyes flutter and his knees wobble as if her were about to pass out. "N-no, that never happened. You're fucking crazy. Go away."
"I wanted you to suffer what I had suffered," the blonde said truthfully. He watched Izaya's eyed widen. "I saw you and I was jealous. Jealous of how innocent you were. Of how carefree you were. I wanted to take from you what my father had taken me." Shizuo's words were spewing from his mouth before he even thought about them. He watched Izaya's mouth open from shock and his breath grow short and heavy. "You were the first person who ever offered me friendship... You're still the first person I've ever wanted to accept romantic love from and return it."
He stepped closer again. Izaya stepped back, the knife quivering violently in his hand.
"I visited my father the other day at his prison. I asked him why he did what he did but he never told me. He told me he didn't regret what he did. He told me his life was miserable, and that gave him the right to make mine miserable as well. And all I could think of was how I felt that same way about what I did to you at first."
Izaya was listening, holding on to every word as if Shizuo would take it all back at any moment. His eyes were becoming glassy and wet.
"Then I realized that if I kept on thinking that way, I'd be no better than him. I had started to become the very thing I hated..."
Shizuo was finished. He didn't know what else he could say. He started praying to any god that could ever be out there for any word from the informant. Not one for sappy, heartfelt speeches, Shizuo gulped and gathered the courage to look at the informant. His heart skipped.
Izaya was quivering and blinking back a few tears. His eyes were downcast, looking at the beige carpet. He was startling to crumble. Any shred of the mask he'd worn all those years was gone.
"I've had to see you every day and hide everything all these years. I want you to suffer too, Shizuo."
Shizuo's chest seized. What did Izaya call him? It didn't even sound like his name coming from him.
"I never told anyone, not even my parents. I didn't want you to have the easy way of getting punished. I've worked so hard to make your life hell. Why can't you just take it? What about that girl of yours?" A tear rolled down Izaya's cheek but he wiped it furiously on his sleeve. "Why can't you just let me hate you?" he said softly. There were getting to be too many tears for him to properly wipe away. "I want to hate you. I want to torture you for ruining me."
Shizuo stepped closer and the informant instinctively took a step back.
Shizuo took another daring step stepped without thinking about the wound he already had, but this time Izaya remained in the same place.
"Stay away from me," Izaya warned, but his words were weak and shakey.
Shizuo reached out for him, not really knowing what he was doing himself. His hand was slapped away, but he persisted. He tried pushing Izaya against the wall and was met with a slap across his face. But he kept going, even with the threatening prick of a switchblade at his chest.
After a few more smacks and shoves, the raven was forced into a strong hold that was as close to a hug as the brute could give. He wailed and banged his fists against the barrel chest pressing against him and finally gave up. The blade clacked onto the floor. The sound of surrender. He pressed his forehead against the wide chest and sobbed into the fabric.
Shizuo squeezed the body in his grasp, afraid he would slip away at any time. He stroked Izaya's face tenderly to ensure to him that he meant no harm and felt his heart seize when the other hesitantly leaned into his touch. His own eyes clenched shut to force back his own tears that threatened the spill over onto the flea's head. And finally, he let them.
For the first time, the two enemies were at peace with one another, weeping into the arms of each other. These tears were different. With each one that dropped from his chin came a surge of relief. He didn't have to play pretend anymore.
They stayed that way for ages, until Izaya's trembling legs started to ache. As if he had sensed it, Shizuo lifted his feet off the ground, still embracing him, and stumbled to the bedroom. He set down the small, quivering body and began to pull away. The hands that had been gripping the fabric of his vest shot around his neck, keeping him in place.
"Shizuo," Izaya uttered softly as if he were asking for something, and eye contact was made. Their eyes were puffy and their faces were red and sticky from dried tears. Shizuo clumsily flopped down next to him, still locked in his grip. He put a cautious hand to rest on Izaya's hip and somehow sensed Izaya being extremely aware of its presence there. They never stopped staring into the eyes of one another.
"Shizuo?" Izaya started weakly.
"I'm sorry. For all these years of-"
The bodyguard scoffed and pressed their foreheads together. "Don't you fucking dare try apologizing to me… I'm sorry for everything. You can still make my life hell if you want. I'll take it every day for the rest of my life."
Izaya stayed silent, looking at Shizuo with a gaze that had been softening significantly. Was it because he now knew Shizuo's own dark history with his father, or was he guilty for all his years of torture and making the blonde question everything? But they were together, and he needn't ask another question. He pressed into the man next to him, inhaling the faded scent of sweat and cologne. Shizuo kissed his temple without thinking and heard the smaller man gasp. He felt an unfamiliar heat rise to his cheeks.
They pulled back to stare at each other.
"Please call me Shizu-chan."
"Um, Shizu-chan?" Izaya asked, knowing his face was flushed. "I don't hate you. At all. And... there's always a chance for a do over..."
He saw Shizuo's hell of a world somehow brighten all at once.
"I love you too."
Shizuo rolled onto him and a frenzy of smacking lips ensued, unable to contain the sudden burst of confidence that possessed him. He started to pull away at the surprised, muffled gasp from the other and felt his heart skip when Izaya's fingers combed into his bleached locks to keep him in place. They kissed one another clumsily, teeth occasionally clacking in to one another, but they were unfazed. Shizuo's tongue parted Izaya's soft pink lips and went to work exploring every tooth and taste bud until Izaya flicked out his own tongue to brush against the invader. A bold hand darted up the informant's shirt to lightly pinch his nipple. Izaya moaned through the kiss and Shizuo pulled back to stare at the hot mess in front of him. The raven's crimson eyes were filled with desperation that encouraged Shizuo to continue.
And then the tearing clothes ensued. He peppered kisses down the writhing body of his soon to be lover that were alone enough to cause eager whimpering. The coil of heat in Shizuo's lower stomach mixed with a gut feeling of nervousness that wound all the way up to his throat, forming a lump there.
He tried to gulp it down to no avail. Izaya seemed to notice that he had paused and opened his eyes, staring up at the concerned form above him. Shizuo's long, tanned fingers were hooked on the maroon boxers of the man he had once recognized as his enemy, and the realization had caused him to freeze in place. It was the last article of clothing. Izaya's cool hand touched the blonde's to egg him on. Shizuo nodded and pulled them down tantalizingly slow.
They were both completely naked. Shizuo was obviously gawking at the body before him, and Izaya blushed self consciously and looked to the side.
He was gorgeous, thought the man above. A man like him still had no right to touch him, even if it were not under the same conditions as the time when they were younger. The pale, porcelain skin glistened under a sheen of sweet and his long, lean legs quivered, revealing that he was just as terrified. His black hair was plastered to his scalp and his lips were bruised from all the kissing. His chest was heaving from his crying and the new feeling stirring inside of him.
"God damn," was all Shizuo could say, and he felt like an idiot. For the first time ever, he saw the other man genuinely chuckle, so it was worth it.
With a gained bit of confidence, Izaya pulled him close, breathing hot air into his ear. Shizuo's hands roamed over the taut stomach pressed under his, tracing them down to his pelvis and then his main prize. A low moan poured from the informant's lips.
"Please, keep going," he cooed softly, squirming a bit and draping his legs around Shizuo's waist. The other began with long, slow strokes that quickly grew frantic and he palmed his own swollen arousal in time with his lover's wanton moans and sighs. This was the step when Shizuo would always be unable to proceed, but he kept on going.
"Coming..." the younger man exhaled, just as his seed pulsed from his flushed tip, some spurting onto Shizuo's stomach as the rest oozed onto his hand. Shizuo stroked his own faster and jerked as his hands were brushed away and replaced with the other's. With the simple touch from Izaya, Shizuo jerked forward and threw back his head, then came into those cool, velvety hands.
When he lolled his head back to stare at the man, his shaft sprang to life once more. The raven was licking the milky liquid from his fingers while staring at him pleadingly.
His head traveled south to Izaya's perfect, narrow but long shaft, still standing proudly and eagerly. Shizuo's pace quickened. He never imagined he would be giving another person pleasure in the way he was about to with Izaya after his father. He never imagined he'd been looking forward to it either.
He wrapped his moist lips around the upper part of his uke's shaft. His tongue flicked experimentally against the smooth pink tip. Izaya pre tasted like liquid sugar.
Fingers dug into his blonde locks and pulled, but he didn't mind. He took more of Izaya's arousal into his humid mouth before pulling his mouth back of the shaft with a suck that hollowed his cheeks. The fingers tugged a bit more and a whimper rose from the raven. "M-more..."
Eagerly, Shizuo obeyed, bobbing his head up and down. He took all of Izaya in, feeling him in the back of his throat. He hummed loudly, causing Izaya to form a perfect arch with his back that Shizuo simply couldn't resist any longer. He pulled his mouth off the blushing cock.
He pushed the informant all the way down as gently as possible and lifted those pale, long legs onto his shoulders. A curious hand groped the pert ass currently rubbing against his lower stomach. The other hand was spat into and rubbed onto the eager length that then rested between the cleft of the other's behind.
Izaya's quivering intensified, making it hard for Shizuo to ready his shaft at Izaya's entrance. The blonde paused. "Do you want my fingers?"
The informant shook his head impatiently.
"You want to stop?" Trying to hide the disappointment in the blonde's voice was completely pointless.
The man clenched his eyes shut and shook his head fiercely. Shizuo tried swallowing the nervous lump again to no avail.
"Look at me."
The other obeyed readily, staring at the caramel orbs gazing back at him.
Then came distantly familiar sting of penetration but the pain did not matter because Shizuo was over him, staring down at him with compassion and worry. With each grimace, the blonde stopped and waited until it was completely gone to continue. He couldn't live with himself if he messed this up.
The fear subsided finally when Izaya let out a small moan. Shizuo combed his fingers through the silky black hair, basking the the feeling of being completely cloaked inside the tight, sweltering heat of the other. He moaned in reply and leaned forward to pamper Izaya's earlobe with soft, tender strokes of his tongue, secretly admiring his flexibility. He eased back to the tip of his arousal and they watched together as the hot flesh dipped back inside.
Izaya threw his head back against the pillow and let his pitiful moans spew from his slacked jaw. His eyes rolled back. He arched up again which angled Shizuo's erection into his prostate.
"Shi-AH!" He jerked and reached out, trying desperately to hold on to some part of his lover for dear life. Shizuo's fingers on each hand intertwined with both of Izaya's and pushed them down flat onto the bed so they were next to Izaya's head.
The man on top started to withdraw slowly. He leaned in and kissed Izaya's neck tenderly and the raven turned his head towards him in an attempt to nuzzle him in return. Shizuo slammed back powerfully into that one spot, causing spasms to rip through Izaya's body. His insides tightened around Shizuo to the point where it was almost unbearable. Shizuo pulled back again and thrust forward. Izaya screamed as he saw a flash of white.
"Shizu..." the raven whined when the blonde stopped his movements. He peeled one eye open to look at the panting blonde.
"I have to stop for a sec, I'm about to cum already," he blonde whispered back through rugged breaths.
Izaya put a hand on Shizuo's cheek. "It's okay, I'm about to too..."
At that, Shizuo groaned shakily and tightened his grip on Izaya's hands. He bucked his hips forward like he'd never have the opportunity again, cherishing the moan that poured from the informant's lips.
"Fuuhhhck," Shizuo whispered, unable to hold his seed. He trusted into Izaya ruthlessly and pumped the raven's cock. The man beneath yelled out in bliss as he felt his insides fill with warm, pure Shizuo. He tightened, jerked, quivered, and shot his load everywhere.
Their lovemaking that night ranged from slow and cautious to frantic and desperate. After multiple rounds, Izaya was drooling, babbling mess and Shizuo was a lump that was collapsed over him. After finally managing to put together a coherent sentence about how Shizuo was heavy, the informant was rolled off of. He scooted his body closer to his lover's. They basked in the afterglow of their orgasms, arms and legs tangled in one another. Izaya listened to the thrum of Shizuo's heart in his chest as he faded into a long-awaited peaceful sleep.
Shizuo was still awake. How could he sleep after what had happened? For the first time ever, he felt something he wasn't afraid of. He knew he couldn't be harmed by his father again. He knew he'd never have to wake up in the middle of the night from a dream about his past. Most importantly, he knew he no longer was the reason for Izaya's years of silent suffering; he was the reason Izaya would be able to pull through. They could start over with one another, the way things had always meant to be. His face buried in to the crook of Izaya's neck and shoulder and he got a sleepy grunt as a reply. A smile curled up the corners and he inhaled, free from his pain at last. He stroked Izaya's velvety black hair and realized something else that made him grin.
Izaya smelled like a glorious rose.
I hope you enjoyed. This was sort of a roller coaster of emotion for me to write... but here it is, after all this time. I appreciate you all who read this even though you knew from it's summary just what would be inside. I also greatly appreciate all of you that stayed from the beginning and encouraged me to continue on with it.
Thank you everyone. I'm glad I didn't abandon this.