The Great Sharpener Man

Summary: Sharpener gets ahold of a certain watch! A sensational adventure is in store for you.

I don't know if the rating in this story will go up, but probably not.

Like all my other fics, I'm making it up as I go along, so please excuse me if it doesn't make much sense.
It's actually YOUR fault. Really.

Oh, and apparently this is a slightly AU fic. No one knows Saiyaman's identity (except for Saiyaman), okay?

Disclaimer: Dragon Ball Z is not something that is owned by the one who is writing this fic.

CH 1 Sharpener's Sensational Day

Massive muscles, good looks, great hair . . . . Who wouldn't love Sharpener? Satan Videl, that's who. Why not?
Because she was in love with someone else--someone who was afraid to show his face, most likely because it was
not as beautiful as our good friend Sharpener's. Satan Videl was in love with a dork in a cape and mask. That
dork was none other than The Great Saiyaman, protector of Satan City. No one knew who he was, not even Videl.
So, how could you love someone if you didn't know who they are? The answer is simple, really:

[A/N: Sorry, I can't think of the answer right now. Call back later.]

Anyway, it was clear that Videl cared for that goofy green girly guy by the way she acted around him.
Sharpener reluctantly recalled the time when he saw her interact with the "hero."


The mayor was being held hostage by a man dressed as a turkey and a woman dressed as a gravy boat. Little old
Sharpener had followed Videl out of class when she was summoned by the police. He wanted to see her in action,
just like every other guy in school did due to the fact that she was . . . well . . . hot!
Unbeknownst to Sharpener, another student had left class to follow Videl. That student's name is not important
to the story at all.

"Okay turkey, put down your weapon and maybe you'll just go to prison. If you fight, you might go to prison
with a few broken bones!" Damn, Videl was sexy when she got all serious and stuff. Sharpener brought a video
camera with him to film the action. He figured that if he spent enough time filming her, he could make a docu-
mentary on the lovely little lass. So much effort in her name would surely earn a guy some respect from a gal.

"Sorry lil' gal," the turkey man said in a condecending tone, "but I've got mah ordaz, and mah ordaz is ta keep
this hyah gun pointed at that thar mayo over thar until I git mah monay."

"Well, if you've got your gun pointed at the mayor, I don't suppose you'd be able to shoot me if I attacked you,
would ya?" Videl said coolly. She suspected the turkey man of being a moron, so she figured she could trick
him into allowing her to easily come out of the situation victorious.

"But. . . if you were to hit me, I's supposed ta shoot Mista Mayo. Hey Mayo, are you Miracle Whip or that
funky jazz mama always used to git?" The thug had confused the word mayor with mayonnaise, so Videl's suspitions
were confirmed.

She thought for a moment. "I'm going to attack you no matter what, so if you shoot the "mayo," you'll be
charged with murder. If that happens, not only will you suffer greatly from the pain that I will inflict
on you, but also from the volts of electricity that will pass through your body after you're given the death
penalty," the Satan girl reasoned. "Now, would you like to give up, or . . . die?"

"Gawrsh, lil' missy! I ne'er wanna die, no ma'am. Here ya go!" The turkey man handed his gun to Videl, which
she smacked him into unconcious-ville with. She was so proud of herself that she didn't notice the woman in
a gravy guise approach her with an impressive assault rifle.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Videl, but it's time for you to die." Videl's heart skipped a beat as she turned around and
found herself staring at the one who would bring her death, which was apparently someone in a gravy boat.
But death would not come to Satan Videl easily, not this day. For she was being watched over by a man with
a wish--that all civilians would remain safe in his fair city. That man was none other than . . .
No, not Sharpener you doofus.

Without warning, the Gravy Maid's gun was cut in half by that man that was mentioned earlier. You know, the
one with a wish. Yeah, that guy.

"Escuse me Ms. Gravy Boat, but it's extremely rude to point guns at young ladies," the Great Saiyaman said in
some phony deep voice. Much to Sharpener's horror, Videl seemed to be blushing at the sight of 'Tireman'. He
then knocked the gravy woman out.

"No," was all smooth, handsome, sexy, ( but unavailable, to all you ladies out there), Sharpener could manage
to say as his heart fell to the floor and exploded, much like a depressed man with dynamite strapped to his chest
after entering an area with high population density would.

"Th-thank you . . . Saiyaman" the young lady said, blushing like a shy man would if you were to ask him to pose
nude for a painting.

"It's not problem at all, Ms. Videl," the caped creep claimed casually, then flew away like some kind of magic
carpet with arms and legs.


Yes, that was a horrible day for anyone named Sharpener, not only because of the heart-breaking realization that
out favorite kid named Sharpener came to--that Videl had a crush on Saiyaman, in case you forgot already--but
also because it was National Kick Anyone Named Sharpener In The Rear Day. So the day ended with a broken heart
and a bruised buttock.

The next day could have possibly been the best day in our jolly old friend's life.

Sharpener just moped around the whole day, hoping to get some attention. No one seemed to care, though except
for that one weird kid with the pointy hair. What was his name? Han Go? Song Ho? Oh well, it didn't matter
because that kid was a nerd and nerds are useless.

Anyway, that one kid approached an unusually gloomy Sharpener in the locker room.
"Hey Sharpener, is something wrong with you? You're looking kind of down," the weird kid said thoughtlessly.
Obviously he wasn't familiar with the food chain--Sharpener eats scrawny little nerds for breakfast, he doesn't
talk to them.

"Get lost, nerdlinger. And don't ever speak to me again" our best chum scolded with a shaky voice.

"Sorry," the little geek replied as he rushed out of the locker room.

"Stupid kid . . . Hey, someone left their watch here. It looks pretty fancy." Sharpener tried the watch on and
decided to keep it after seeing how good it looked on him. He stayed in the locker room admiring himself in the
mirror until he realized that all the other kids had left the room. Because the mighty young fellow was in
such a hurry to leave the lroom, he bumped the watch on a sink. Much to his surprise, he was engulfed in
a strange light and when it faded, he saw The Great Saiyaman in the mirror.

"Hey you, get out of here, you pervert!" Sharpener said to the champion of justice, not realizing that it was
his own reflection. Then he did realize it, because I'm getting tired now.

"What!? I'M The Great Saiyaman? How come no one ever told me?" Sharpener was confused, just like a squirrel
would be if you asked him to solve a Rubix Cube. Hey, Sharpener! Do you know what this means? It means that
Videl has been in love with you all along! Finding out that he was The Great Saiyaman was the greatest saiya
thing that ever happened to your best friend. [A/N: I'm assuming that Sharpener is your best friend.]


I be the Great Sharpener Man
To protect this city
I do what I can

You cannot deny
The fact that I
Am one damn sexy guy

I've got the hots for Videl
No, not the dictator
known as Fidel

Castro yo, he's a Cuban
Doin' bad things
Like no other human

Being a super hero
I will put a stop
To that little queer-mo

But first I will win the heart
Of Videl Satan
She'll come to appreciate the art

That is my fine body
And she won't fall for some dork
That is perhaps very scrawny

Now for the end of my little rhyme
Because it is
Little Sharpener's bedtime


To be continued!

Sorry if I offended any fans of Fidel Castro.

Go review, and give suggestions on how you think the story should end. I'm leaning for a tragic ending,
with Sharpener dying and Videl falling for that weird kid instead, but I wouldn't want to upset anyone.