The Great Sharpener Man

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.


Wow, I got three whole reviews for the previous chapter. Go me, and to everyone else, Go die! HAHAHAH! Thunder Cats! Ho!

Chapter 8: A School Play? Damn, Am I Creative or What?

School wasn't as cool as many famous celebrities said it was. Every class was extremely boring, until a certain Fine Arts teacher walked into the room.

"Hello students! I have a very joyous announcement for you all today," Mr. Deater said cheerfully, dancing like a monkey with a music box. "The school will be having a magnificent play, and you all are going to be the stars! The play is called 'Captain SmallBeard Strikes for the First Time.' It is about a boy named Morris Zack and a girl named Kapowski Kelly, who have been friends forever, and an evil pirate who has set out to find a queen for his Dastardly Pirate Crew. Unfortunately, he's chosen Kelly as his future queen, but once Zack rescues her, the two will realize that they love each other and live happily ever after!" He took his seat, but rose almost immediately afterward, his happiness so uplifting that not even gravity could hold down the enormous tub of blubber known as his ass. "We will be casting for roles today . . . oh, just look at me, what else would we be casting for? Ah, Ha-ha!" He leaned over his desk and picked up a stack of papers. "Now now, young men, I'll need you to line up down here and remove your shirts to see who's fit for the role of the hero. He needs to be well developed and . . . juicy . . ."

The young men in the classroom got up and walked down the steps to show off their chests. Sharpener thought it was the stupidest plot he had ever heard. As he was walking down the steps, he tripped on his peg leg and fell.

"Mmmm . . . that's marvelous--simply marvelous!" Mister Deater exclaimed as he watched his students remove their tops. "Excuse me Mr. Son, are we not participating today," he asked a very nervous Gohan, "Because if that's the case, you can just say 'goodbye' to your streak of perfect scores!" Old man Deater placed a hand on his hip and put his weight on one leg. "I'm waiting . . . ."

Sharpener climbed to his foot and said something clever. [1] Then he removed his Pokémon t-shirt, revealing something that looked like an incredibly thick stick of beef jerky. Yummy.

The other students snickered as Gohan unwillingly untucked his shirt, then stared in shock when he completely removed it. There stood the most perfect muscles any boy or girl in the school had ever seen. So . . . firm and . . .


A few poor students even died from overexposure to SexyManRays. They all had oddly shaped heads, so no one cared whether they lived or died anyway. [2]

"OOOH!" Mr. D. squealed with delight. "My, my, Gohan, aren't we Mister Hotpants? Speaking of pants, remove them, immediately!" Gohan said something about not being able to afford underpants or something, so the teacher reluctantly agreed to let him keep his hot red [3] pants on. "You will most definitely play the part of Zack."

"Hey, what about me," Sharpener asked, feeling a bit disgruntled by the teacher's selection, "aren't I sexy enough?" He flexed his muscles, which began to tear from the strain he put on them.

Mister Deater looked over Sharpener's scarred body. "OOh, you would be just perfect for the role of SmallBeard!" An angry student stated that he was twice the actor that Sharpener was, but Mr. D. retaliated by saying that he cared not for acting skills, but only for looks. "It's what all directors do! Oh, and everyone else isn't important to this story so just go home now and reappear when you're needed again, except Videl will be playing Kelly because she's got a nice ass, and Erasa will be playing Busty the Bedwench since she's such a slut."

Sharpener couldn't help but spaz with newfound delight. This role would certainly help with his plans.


The rest of the school day was not quite as interesting, for the P.E. coach wouldn't allow crippled boys to participate in sports, much to Sharpener and Tiny Tim's vexation.

Sharpener met Videl, Erasa, and Gohan at their lockers after school was over. "Hello Videl. Erasa. Nerd," he greeted the three as formally as possible, "I noticed that we all have leading roles in the play, so I was thinking that we could rehearse together today." The other three reluctantly agreed, but Sharpener knew that they loved him more than they tried to make him believe. "We'll meet at Videl's house since she's rich and rich folks don't mind others intruding on their property." Before Videl could respond, Sharpener had left the scene. Erasa had the same opinion as Sharpener and left just as quickly, so Videl couldn't do much other than stand around and look sexy.


Sharpener arrived at Videl's home a bit later than the others because Saiyaman had to stop to beat an unruly jaywalker into submission. The beautiful blonde boy strutted around the house and shoved into his pocket whatever looked like it would be worth something. Tom scolded him, but Sharpener explained that he was only doing what Robin Hood would do. Robin Hood and Sharpener were a lot alike: They were both badasses.

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late. I had to do something that you would find irresistibly sexy." The fools didn't seem to care at all, so Sharpener said nothing more to avoid possible embarrassment.

"So, what scene do you guys want to start on," Erasa asked.

"How about the love scene with Captain SmallBeard and Kelly," Shaprener responded. Videl politely informed him that no such scene existed, and advised the handsome devil to get the hell out of her home before she had him arrested. Noticing the furious look on her face, Sharpener stepped out of the room. He got somewhat lost on his way back to the entrance, and ended up in a room decorated with lace and pretty colors. Sharpener assumed it was Videl's. He was wrong.

A familiar butler sat on the bed. "Why hellooo, young man. Your face has changed, but I can see you're the same boy who was oh-so strange! You've come back for more, and for you I have much in store! Maxwell is in the house and he wants to make you his spouse!" The amazing butler clapped his hands, activating some sort of automated door-closer. "Make yourself at home, you sexy little gnome."



Meanwhile, on Kaio-shin Kai . . .

A short, purple man with a white mohawk was nearing completion of his newest puzzle, a picture of a goat on a scooter. "Hmm, that's odd. There seems to be a piece missing. Kibito, have you seen the last piece of my puzzle?"

A large pink man responded in a deep voice, "I may have. Would you describe it to me, Master Kaio-shin?"

"Well, it was small with little nubs on each side that fit into this empty space, right here," the purple-skinned fellow explained.

Kibito turned somewhat pale. "That . . . was a puzzle piece? I--I thought it was . . . candy."

"You *ate* my puzzle piece?"

"Master Kaio-shin, I'm sorry!"

"Sorry just won't cut it," Kaio-shin said as an impressive pair of shears formed in his palm. "but these scissors will. I'm all set to play doctor, how about you?" Kibito's swallowed hard and prepared for his operation.


Back on Earth, a little while later . . .

"Young man, I'm going out tonight, I expect you to behave yourself!" Sharpener's mother said and left her son alone.

"Home alone? Wow, what wacky adventures await me tonight?" Sharpener asked and clapped his hands together.







To be continued!



It would be too clever for a foolish mortal like yourself to comprehend, so I won't bother typing it out.


Go watch 'Gohan Goes to Highschool'. There's some kid with squiggly blue hair and a really long head when we see an aerial view of the classroom. I don't like it.


In the Japanese version, Videl describes the Gold Fighter's pants as *brown.* They actually look orange to me.

Okay, let's see here...

[x]School Dance
[x]Jealous Asshole
[x]School Play
[x]Public Removal of Gohan's Shirt
[ ]Kidnap


Shiver me timbers and bite me teats
I'm gonna make a big boat out of sweets
But not with peppermint, for it gives me gas
Now go review before I kick you in the ass!