I feel like I'm drowning. Danni, Mac, Pete and Oscar; it used to be enough. THEY used to be enough. Oscar and I, we used to be close. You know how with some people you can just sit with them for hours and come away feeling like you had the most deep and meaningful conversation, without actually having said anything? We used to be like that, now I can barely stand to be in the same room as him. Where did it all go wrong? Sometimes I feel so lonely. It's been so long since I've had someone's arms around me, played with someone else's fingers, just held someone else's hand. Sometimes the loneliness is so suffocating, claustrophobic, consuming and all I want to do is stop and scream. But it's not like anyone would hear me. And all this business with Sam just made it worse. I can't believe Oscar did that! How COULD he! He had no right to do that, but just like I said to him, one day I'll be there when he least expected, just for him. And when that day comes, he's gonna realise just how much he hurt me. We used to be a team, the perfect match, almost like the dream team of undercover. Things were getting better between us, since all that stuff with the backpacker and what he said to her, but now, now I don't even know if I can trust him again. This is going to affect our work, I know it, but I don't know how to fix it. He doesn't have a clue how much he hurt me, how deep this runs. He's completely ignorant to the fact that I can't even face him without my eyes welling up with tears. I wish I had someone to talk to too. Mac is never around anymore, and Pete and Danni, well they just lost a child together! I'm not about to go and put this on them, that's not fair. Danni did come to me and ask if I was okay, but I couldn't speak. I felt so rude, just walking away from her, but I think she understands. I hope she does at least. I need some time off I think. I want to do so much with my life, and none of it is happening. I know it never will unless I do something about it and now is a good a time as any. But if I did leave, wouldn't I just be running away from things? I feel like I am. But I need something else. Something different. Something more that this…