A/N: Happy birthday Fyeri! :D This is one of the sequel to my Zaizen b-day fic that I posted a few days ago. Fyeri wanted Zaizen-centric so I thought, why not kill two birds with one stone? XD I am writing a romance/humor sequel about the regulars trying to get Zaizen's memories back, so don't worry if you don't like angst. XD
I don't know what it feels like to lose your memories, but Zaizen being Zaizen... I thought he might be like this. XD
Disclaimer: I do not own PoT.
The moonlight flooded the unlit hospital room, illuminating a long figure staring out the window. It had been only two days since Zaizen lost his memory, and he was growing frustrated with himself. He could only remember the basics of himself, such as his name, age, the names of his family, and what school he attended.
Over the past two days, unknown anger pumped through his whole being. He hated the fact that he was completely clueless about himself. Yeah, he knew the basics, but he didn't even know how he was supposed to act. He didn't have any memories except the ones he had acquired these past two days.
Everyone he apparently once knew was completely gone. Wiped from his memory. He felt like a zombie because he couldn't find himself. He was just a walking shell of his old self. He didn't care if he had only had amnesia for two days - those two days he had run himself in circles trying to recall anything from before the accident. He was mentally exhausted and also angry at the fact that his attempts were futile.
Why couldn't he remember? Why?
The doctor had explained it to him, but he'd zoned out. That fancy medical talk did nothing to sooth him; in fact, it only made him feel worse. He didn't like the feeling of not knowing. It made him feel helpless and useless.
His 'friends' came to visit him, telling him stories in attempts to help him remember. He didn't even want to imagine what they were going through. To be forgotten by one of their own must be painful, very painful. He didn't understand why they kept trying to help him, especially after what he'd done to them. Did he really mean that much to them?
Zaizen clutched his head, trying to block out his own thoughts. He didn't know anything anymore. Everything was so confusing - he just wanted answers. He wanted knowledge and to find a way out of this darkness of the unknown. He wanted to talk to people and actually know what they are talking about. He wanted to remember everything he once knew and actually be somebody. Be himself.
As a slight breeze blew in from the half-opened window, Zaizen remained the same. He was numb, hollow, and empty. He was just an empty shell of his old self. Until he got his memories back, he was nothing.
He looked up at the moon and reached towards it, hands being captured by the moonlight. The moon was so free, drifting about in the sky while being surrounded by countless stars. It was beautiful, how it lit up the sky like there wasn't a care in the world.
He was just like the moon. Without knowing who he was, he could start over and be free, be whoever he wanted. However, the moon didn't have all the freedom. It could only shine for a certain amount of time before it was pushed away only to return within a day's notice. The moon was in a cage of it's own.
He could do whatever he wanted, but without any knowledge he had just as much of a disadvantage as he was an advantage. Yet, this disadvantage was stronger, larger. He could only do so much because he didn't know anything else. He didn't know anything about the world and was in his own cage.
And the stars. The stars were just like his friends. Surrounding him and helping him shine brighter, but after a while they would disappear before reappearing along side him again. He wished it would be night forever, so they would come back.
He felt lonely, so lonely. He wanted something to grasp, something to make sure that this was reality and he wasn't in some other world, doomed to be by himself forever. To know he wasn't alone, that's all he truly wanted.
His so called 'friends' told him he wasn't alone, but he couldn't bring himself to believe them. What if they were lying? He couldn't trust anybody but himself, even though he didn't really know who he was. In certain terms he did, so being the only one he sort of remembered meant that he could only trust himself.
Trust was a tricky thing, wasn't it?
Zaizen leaned back against his pillows, his gaze never leaving the moon. He really hoped things would get better and he would recover his memories because he hated living in the dark. Actually he wasn't living, he was just crawling. He was scrambling for some sort of light, some sort of rope that he could grab onto and pull himself into the light.
If he could find that rope, maybe he could get his memories back. But where would he look? Where would he begin? There was so many things to think about even without his memories, and he thought his head was going to explode. Maybe he should buzz the nurse and ask for some medication.
After a few moments, Zaizen shrugged and closed his eyes, deciding that he would let the pain wear off and that the medication could wait until morning. For now, he had a lot to figure out and a lot to recover.
He prayed to whoever was out there that they could give him some sort of chance to escape this awaiting darkness.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed it! Leave a review if you would like. :D