I saw the Forgotten Day. The day he erased. He erased it as if it belonged only to him, as if it didn't belong to both of us. I don't know how he thought I would never find out. I mean, we all know supernatural stuff has loopholes. And to me, the Powers that Be are the loopiest supernatural thing I've met. For all I know the Powers That Be purposefully kept it in my life chronology cause they knew I'd see it in my last moments, as an added little punishment for Angel. Of course the PTB couldn't have known my friends would drag me back, that probably threw a wrench in their plans.
I don't know how Angel gave up that day in the sun. Because watching it in my last few seconds of life, all I knew was that the love of my life had erased the best day of my life. And that he chose heroism and his own stupid ego, over me. He chose redemption of his soul over me. Even though I'm the reason he even got his soul back the second time. Then again I'm also the reason he lost his soul. I guess things have never been simple when it comes to me and Angel. But I know now that there's no going back.
I know now that he doesn't love me as much as I love him. Because I would give up being the Slayer in a heartbeat to be with him. I risked not only my own life, but also the lives of my friends and family in the hopes that Angelus could be turned back into Angel. And now I know he would choose superpowers over me. Sure, it's noble, and self-sacrificing and all those things I love about him, the reasons I fell in love with him. That's all great for humanity, but for me it really sucks. Cause I know he'll never be truly mine again.