Plan, Humiliate Lee
Summary: I wanted to humiliate Lee; it was as simple as that. At least it would be that simple if the annoying boy wasn't so oblivious and hot! . . . He is not hot just annoying! Damn it he will pay for flustering this Kazekage!
A/N: Cute, funny Gaalee one-shot! Heh it just came to me really, almost out of nowhere as if it was planted in my mind by a higher being . . . LULU THE CHOCOLATE DEMONS ARE BACK!
Warnings: Shounen ai!
Disclaimer: Truly do you think that I, a girl so obviously obsessed with yaoi, would write a non yaoi anime like Naruto-though there are so many obvious yaoi pairings i.e., Sasunaru-I think not! Therefore I do not own it.
Gaara stared at the dark haired boy and instantly grew furious. Do not kill him, do not kill him. Gaara repeated over and over again in his head like a mantra. Think of Naruto, he is Naruto's friend and therefore you cannot kill him. Damn it WHY did the overly annoying, green obsessed, eye brow possessing moron have to be Naruto's friend? Gaara's eyes narrowed at the thought of his eye brows. The second thing he hated about the moron. The first being his obliviousness of the fact that Gaara obviously hated him and therefore did not like it when the boy came up to him and started speaking of 'youth'. The rest in order were the over use of green, the almost never ending strain of energy-like Naruto but different because Gaara found Naruto tolerable and therefore ignored the fact that he was a moron with a loud mouth and nonexistent patience, the constant invitations to spare, the stupid breath taking smile, the irritating beautiful eyes that were forever sparkling with joy, the loud attention catching delicious voice, and that idiotic but yet sensually alluring random poses.
Yes it was obvious that Gaara disliked . . . no despised the dark haired boy named Rock Lee. Especially those enormous EYEBROWS! Gaara didn't find it fair that the boy could have such large ones when he had none! Gaara remembered when Naruto had told him that Lee had stolen his eyebrows; he had been furious and rushed to the other boy with the intent to kill him. Though Naruto had caught him as he was grabbing the moron by the shirt and demanding his eyebrows back, Naruto had disentangled him and told Gaara that he had been joking. Gaara was still suspicious though. It had been a mortifying affair and the moron had only made it worse when he had the gull to laugh at him! At Gaara of the Sand, a rightfully feared ninja! Oooh yes Gaara did despise that gorgeous ninja and had therefore come up with a plan.
Plan: Humiliate Lee!
There were many stages to this plan as Gaara had a lot of time what with being the Kazekage. Nobody was stupid enough to attack when he was the Kazekage after all he was a jinjuriki with immense power and his ninja were not week, it was suicide to do so. All he was ever supposed to do was paper work. Because Temari talked at meetings and such because he was not a very verbal person and he had been known to be . . . blunt. Kankaro dealt with assigning missions and dealing with other land representatives because once again Gaara wasn't very verbal, sociable, and very, very blunt. Though he could always be depended on if there were emergencies. There hadn't been many and so he had much time to work on this plan. And he knew when he was going to put it into action as well.
There was a meeting of the leaders of each land in which they would speak of problems and such. Usually they would send representatives because it was far too dangerous for all the leaders to be in one place especially when many of them did not get along with each other. He was going to send Temari but then he heard where they would be holding the meeting, in the leaf village as in where the idiotic, hot, sensual, loud, annoying, bushy browed ninja would be. Yes Gaara would not be sending a representative, he would go and he would execute Plan: Humiliate Lee! Though he would still take Temari because once again, Gaara was nonverbal, antisocial, and very, very, very blunt.
His siblings tried and failed to talk him out of it. They didn't understand that this was a perfect opportunity to execute Plan: Humiliate Lee! They did not know of his plan . . . well Temari might she had found his evil plotting, pink, glittery, kitty notebook. Though she had said idiotic things like that he did not in fact despise the moron but was in love with him. She had said that the proof was if the hearts with Lee's name in the scribbled all over his notebook. This was obviously preposterous because Gaara obviously hated Lee and those were not hearts just drawings of a bloody goop which he labeled Lee to show how much he hated him. Nope obviously not hearts, Temari was blind and read too much Yaoi.
Though the leaf's Hokage had finally given in she had said that she would send ninja to escort him. She had been adamant and Gaara couldn't talk her out of it and by talk he meant making Temari right a letter of how he was against it she had ignored him. If only he could somehow send his glare to her in that letter she would surly give in then, but alas he couldn't and was precisely why he was now being escorted with Temari, by Naruto, Kakashi, Sai, and . . . Lee . . . As in THE Lee who had attached himself-not physically but he might as well have been for the little space that was left between them-to him and was speaking about the 'youth' nonsense again. Naruto his only way out of having to chat-and by chat he meant grunt every five questions or so-with the green moron was arguing with the pail one about his dick size. Gaara found this disturbing because he saw Naruto as his brother and thoughts of brothers made his evil mind think of Kankaro's size which was even more disturbing. So even though he absolutely despised the green idiot he choose to hang back with him so he wouldn't have to hear Naruto and the pail one's conversation and be forced to think about his brothers and their . . .sizes. Gaara shivers at the thought and tries to brutally push it out of his mind.
"So Gaara my dear friend when we return to the village will you do me the honor of sparing with me?" Lee asked loudly and joyfully.
Gaara turned and glared at the green idiot figuring that, that answer would suffice.
Lee pouted those adorable, full, pink lips of his. "Come on please Strawberry-sama?"
Gaara nearly tripped over his feet at hearing those words. Snickering erupted then fallowed by Naruto's loud. "STRAWBERRY-SAMA?"
"Yes." Lee answered easily as if Gaara wasn't sending hate waves to him with a passion. "Don't you think it suits him? He has red hair, and he is sweet!"
Naruto looked at Gaara and then broke out in laughter. Gaara glared, sometimes he despised his brother.
"Do not call me that." Gaara said tersely not looking at Lee as his face tinted pink.
"Why not Strawberry-sama? I think it's cute!" Lee asked.
Gaara glared at him again. "No it is not! It is degrading!"
Lee pouted. "No it's cute! I like the nickname!"
Gaara glared turned into an evil, plotting smirk. "Well then if I get one then so do you . . . hmmm, you are now green-kun."
Laughter fallowed this and Gaara's smirk widened, perhaps his plan to humiliate Lee had already begun.
Lee's eyes widen comically. "GREEN-KUNNNNN! Why?"
Gaara rolled his eyes. "There is more green on you them I have red as you can see."
Lee's expression turned to one that made Gaara want to run it looked . . . flirtatious?
"Well now I can't really say that now can I?" Lee said smoothly.
Gaara narrowed his eyes. "And why, prey tell is that?"
Lee leaned close to him. "Well I've only seen the hair on your head but your probably right. . . ."
Gaara's eye twitched. "Are you implying that I am hairless under my clothes?"
"Well I can't say that now can I?" Lee asked in a flirtatious whisper.
"Would you like me to remove them so I can prove to you that I in fact am not hairless?" Gaara said through clenched teeth.
Lee grinned. "Who am I to resist such an invitation?"
Gaara glared. "Fine then! I am not to be held responsible for my actions though!"
"I wouldn't ever dream of it." Lee whispered sexually as Gaara pulled him into his embrace, told him rather tightly, and disappeared into the sand with his teleportation jutsu.
Leaving silent, wide eyed, and gaping escorts. Temari just rolled her eyes.
Plan: Humiliate Lee! Failed.
Plan: Show Lee That I Do In fact Have Hair! In progress . . .
A/N: Heh, heh, heh! Yeah I know Lee is like totally ooc but hey at least it was cute! *Giggles* isn't it funny how Gaara is in denial to the end? Review people and tell me what you liked and disliked, it helps us lowly fanfic writers improve!