I need to stop having fun on Google Translate. About five times during this story, looking up minor French here and there, I started playing around with the enunciations of words in different languages. At least I know how to say "goodbye" in several languages now.

Anyways. This story is both my baby and the bane of my existence. Within three days of getting the idea, I had already planned the entire thing out, plot twists and everything. While I was SUPPOSED to be working on my thousands of other fics that desperately need to be updated.

And thus, I give you a beautiful little devil called Alleluia (which is French for Hallelujah). Please review!

Alleluia

Chapter 1-

"S-Samantha? Are you alright?" Arthur asked upon being woken up by the sound of retching.

"Arthur Kirkland, I am going to kill you," his wife calmly responded from the bathroom. She emerged seconds later, eyes bloodshot and a frown hard on her face. But besides her soured appearance, Samantha was still just as beautiful as ever. She had pin-straight light brown hair to the middle of her back, brilliant blue eyes as deep as the ocean, and a face so breathtaking it almost choked Arthur if he looked to long. Actually, it was that very description of her that had won her as a girlfriend back in high school. But he wasn't about to bring that up, not with her tapping her bare foot, glaring down at him with eyes still very beautiful but now laced with inconceivable anger.

Arthur was a very confused man at- he stole a quick look to the alarm clock on his night stand- five o'clock in the morning. The Virginia sky was still dark, only the occasional airplane bringing forth light in the blanket of darkness. "Um… whatever do you mean, my darling Samantha?" That was good- unleash your inner-gentleman, Kirkland.

She caught on to his game in an instant- Arthur wasn't very surprised, seeing as how he tried to pull out the English gentleman in him at least twice a day. Samantha pointed back to the bathroom. "Sick. In the morning."

It was early, and Arthur was not very bright unless the sun was rightfully in the sky. "…Have you taken the stomach virus? I'll call the doctor the instant the office opens-"

"I'm pregnant, you bloody idiot!"

Oh.

Oh.

"What?" Arthur asked dully, just to make sure he wasn't dreaming some crazy nightmare. Samantha grabbed his hand and stuck it to her belly. "You know what's in here right now? The beginnings of a baby, Arthur Kirkland. Surely a man with a prestigious college degree like you should know that. Don't you dare yawn!"

Arthur obediently shut his mouth, swallowing the yawn. "A baby," she repeated. "A baby. I'm going to have a bloody baby!"

Usually, Arthur remembered, woman are elated with this fact. Samantha was the very opposite. He supposed she was just scared- after all, they had only been married for a few months now, and a baby certainly was a lot to take in. Especially at five in the morning. Arthur jumped out of bed, hastily wrapping his robe about him. "That's wonderful!" he burst, pulling Samantha into a hug. "I'll need to tell Mum and Auntie Mavis- your mother too, of course! What do you suppose the name will be? What do you even think it'll be?"

"Arthur!" she burst, snapping him out of his bubble of giddy happiness, reminding him that they were in a very heated conversation at five in the morning in their cramped apartment's even more cramped bedroom. "I don't want to have a baby."

At hearing this, he responded with the most intelligent reply he had ever given: "What?"

Samantha groaned in exasperation. "The baby! I don't want to have a baby! Do you know how much trouble one is? Oh, well you wouldn't know. It's fine and dandy for you because you're male and don't have to put up with most awful nine bloody months you'll ever experience in your lifetime! Oh, I'm going to the doctor all right. I'm to have this thing bloody taken out of me!"

"No!" Arthur burst in horror. "No! You can't! It's a person, Sammy! It'll grow up to be big and tall like us one day!"

"Don't you 'Sammy' me, Arthur Kirkland! It's my wretched nine months, not yours."

"What's nine months compared to a lifetime, Samantha Kirkland? That baby is just as much mine as it is yours! I won't let you ruin a perfectly fine person!"

She slapped him. Arthur grabbed her wrist. "Listen to me, Samantha. Later on today, you'll feel different, I'm sure. You're just worried and tired right now. You're not of your right mind."

"Of course I'm worried and tired! And don't you dare ever again say I'm not of my right mind- I'm not loony, even now!" she sighed, sitting down on the bed with tears forming in her eyes. "Oh, wonderful. The mood swings are already taking effect, nasty buggers. I really hate you right now, Arthur."

"I still love you, Samantha."

"You'd better. Bloody Kirkland."

((((()))))

"Arthur, if there isn't a good reason as to why you are calling me so early, I will personally come to kill you where you stand."

"Francis, this is absolutely wonderful! Sammy's pregnant!"

The Frenchman on the other line suddenly choked- apparently the wrong time to be taking a sip of the coffee Jeanne had most likely just handed him. While Francis Bonnefoy enjoyed sleeping in as late as was humanly possible, his wife actually awoke the same time the rest of the human populace did. "What?"

"That's just what I said!" he chirped. Seated on the couch with a trash can conveniently nearby, Samantha cast him a dirty look before turning back to the morning news and her own cup of coffee.

"That's… that's nice," Francis stuttered. Arthur heard the phone shift to Jeanne, someone who would properly congratulate them.

"That's great, Arthur," her kind, even more heavily accented voice than Francis's voice gushed. Jeanne was honestly the last person Arthur would have ever guessed to fall in love with his old high school mate. She was everything Francis was not- prompt, empathetic, and with a decent way of thinking as opposed to his lazy, perverted self. She was even a Sunday school teacher at the church they attended every Sunday morning and evening. "Do you have any plans for the name yet?"

Actually, he already spent half the morning looking up names on the internet. "For a boy I like the name Alfred," he started. Samantha rolled her eyes, muttering something about him being like an ecstatic school boy. "I've not many names for a girl yet."

"Alfred sounds nice. I've always liked Matthew, but Francis says he likes the house the way it is without everything being child-proofed yet."

"Smart man, Francis is," Samantha noted, dejectedly turning the channel. Now Arthur rolled his eyes, still sure her sour mood would pass. He'd purposely put the phone on speaker in hopes it'd lighten her mood. It didn't seem to be working very well as of yet. Hopefully after calling the Fernandez-Carriedo residence she'd start to feel differently. "Ask her if she knows a way to keep me from upchucking my breakfast."

"Isn't doing well, is she."

"Not a bit," Arthur honestly answered, giving up on the speaker phone idea. "I think I hear Francis snoring in the background, lazy frog that he is. I'll let you go."

He could practically see Jeanne's beaming smile. "Adieu, Arthur!"

"Such a bright ray of sunshine, isn't she."

"More coffee?" Arthur asked.

((((()))))

"Finnian."

Arthur looked up from his book. It had been almost the whole nine months and Samantha's belly was ever growing bigger and bigger. "Alfred Finnian Kirkland."

That sounds silly, he wanted to say, but Sammy had said the same thing about Arthur wanting to name him- yes, a boy, Arthur was delighted to learn- Alfred, claiming it was a name for an old man, not a child born into the twenty-first century. At the very least, the child would definitely have an unusual name for sure. But Arthur smiled, nodding. "That sounds wonderful."

Obviously, that had not been the reaction she had wanted. Samantha stiffly turned, announcing she was going out to get groceries. Again, Arthur didn't dare share his opinion on the matter- last time he had offered to do the grocery shopping while she rested at home, Samantha had nearly bitten his head off. He had learned that lesson quickly.

The apartment was quiet with Samantha gone. Either she would complain or hum to herself to keep the silence from settling within the restricted space, but Arthur didn't mind the peaceful July stillness. Tomorrow was the fourth and they had already made plans with Antonio and Lovino, his seven-month-old boy that already proved to be rambunctious. He was going to be quite a handful when he got older. Arthur sincerely hoped Alfred wouldn't be too unruly.

It was around the time he had just finished his book that he got the phone call from the hospital.

Samantha was having the baby.

((((()))))

"Get out of my way, you wanker," Arthur muttered, cursing his luck to be stuck in an awful traffic jam. It was eleven at night and he had already been stuck in traffic for well over an hour. There weren't supposed to be these many bloody cars on the road at such an hour! "My bloody wife is having her baby!"

The line of cars refused to move. Nearly taking off the mirror of the car beside him, Arthur swerved over on to the ditch line. It was a good two miles to the hospital. He could surely make it within half an hour. After all, he had played soccer all throughout high school and college- practice was torture with all the laps they had run. Just before he jumped out and started running, Arthur had the sense to grab the flashlight he kept in his corvette's glove compartment.

As it were, he was still partly in shape, for when he finally came across the blessedly bright red sign telling him the hospital was just to his right, his watch told him he made it there in thirty two minutes. Of course, he felt like he was about to have a heart attack right then and there, but he slugged his way through the double doors, not giving how terrible his appearance must have been a second thought. Behind the reception stood a woman whose eyes almost popped out of her head.

So he did look like loony maniac who had just run two miles in an attempt to reach his wife giving birth. That was refreshing to know.

"S… Samantha Kirkland," Arthur huffed. "Having… a baby. M-my wife."

"Sir, maybe you should sit down- sir!"

((((()))))

"I cannot believe you, Arthur Kirkland."

After humiliating himself by passing out like pansy in the middle of the floor, he had awoken in a room so happened to be shared with none other than Samantha, a small bundle wrapped in blue in her arms. He laughed, saying that traffic was absolutely horrid- backed up for a good mile and a half. Of course, Samantha burst into laughter. Ignoring what was probably precaution, Arthur was at her side in an instant. "He looks just like you," Arthur cooed, a smile lighting up his face.

It was true- Alfred Finnian Kirkland had fuzzy light brown hair and a face as impossibly cute as Samantha's. He was asleep- "A brilliant thing, because he was absolutely howling earlier," Samantha tiredly explained. "Doctor said I could probably leave day after tomorrow if I felt up to it. I'm ready to leave now, but not with Alfred, they said."

Only Samantha would feel like returning home as if nothing had happened after giving birth. "Here, you hold him a minute. I need to sit up- my back is killing me."

To add on to his horrible luck, Alfred woke up. When the face before him was not Samantha's, tear started to well up in his bright blue eyes- also just like Samantha's. But either he was too sleepy to bother with crying or just not in the mood because with a yawn, he settled back into sleep. Had he not been holding a newborn, Arthur probably would have been skipping about the room. "Don't you feel better about him now?" Arthur asked, eyes never leaving Alfred's precious face.

"About that," Samantha started.

((((()))))

It was absurd. Utterly, inconceivably absurd.

Not even four months, and Samantha was already on her way to the courthouse to issue her divorce. Of course, back on the very day Alfred was born, she had warned him that she wasn't going to last long. Not with a baby that took so much time to raise and deal with. Arthur felt like he should be the one to smack her, not the other way around. But it didn't matter. She had already decided, and nothing Arthur could have done would have consoled her in the least. The very best he could do was leave her be, alone with her thoughts Arthur couldn't understand.

Alfred was finally awake after sleeping for a good five hours or so. Arthur had expected endless nights and days of crying, but really, Alfred pretty much slept. And slept some more. Nothing was wrong with him, but he only cried for the usual baby things- food, stinkers, ect.- before dozing back to sleep. Arthur sat in the back beside him, despondently watching Alfred try to gnaw on his fingers. Though it was impossible, Arthur felt like sometimes Alfred knew better than to cry endlessly at fear for Samantha entering another fit of shouting as she was wont to do these days.

Or maybe he simply liked attempting to crush Arthur's fingers more than crying. There were endless reasons Arthur came up with as to why Alfred was so abnormal. Samantha said he had too many Kirkland genes in him to be good for his mental health.

She had gotten so caustic and rude around the two of them, almost to the point that Arthur was afraid she had taken up drinking. After all, she did disappear at random intervals during the day only to come home bitter. Arthur had practically cared for Alfred all by himself, seeing as how Samantha could care less. That was another reason, perhaps. Alfred could have known how much effort Arthur gave to care for him and thus didn't plague him with awful sobbing every waking hour of the day.

Probably not, Arthur reminded himself, but one never knew these things. "Get out, Arthur," Samantha emotionlessly ordered, pulling into a parking space before the court room. He unbuckled Alfred and took him up in his arms, dreading the hour to come.

"She does love you, I'm sure," Arthur muttered to Alfred, fascinated with tugging on his hair. "She just has an odd way of showing it. Probably needs time off or something. From me, not you. She always said I was a fool anyway. Inevitable, I suppose."

Alfred stopped reaching, tears welling up in his blue eyes. "Now, now, don't start mindlessly crying now," Arthur pleaded, taking a moment to stop and check on him. He'd been fed just before they left, and no strange smells were choking the air, so he was alright. Just like that, Alfred resumed pulling Arthur's hair, albeit with more force.

There definitely was something to the child's tears, that was for sure.

"I still love you, Sammy."

But she didn't hear, already pushing open the doors to the courthouse, ready to end her marriage.

Exposition. But I promise, next chapter will start really delving into the plot.

Sort of. It's mostly exposition too, but the main characters are present, so technically it's plot. Eh, you'll see. Anyways, thanks so much for reading!