A/N: Inspired by "Thanks for the Pranks" by Car, which ends with Prussia getting a free trip to Disneyworld for ending the prank war.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia, or Disneyworld, or the Tiki Room song.
"Hey Francis! Guess what?"
It was early morning in Paris, and France was still half-asleep. "What is it, mon ami?"
"I've got a free pass to Disneyworld!"
"That's very nice, Gilbert…" France muttered into the phone.
"I'm going today, and you're coming with me!"
Now France was awake. "Quoi?"
"The awesome me never goes anywhere alone. Meet you at France's house in an hour." Prussia hung up, and France lay in bed considering.
It was too early to do anything, especially since he'd been up late the night before. On the other hand, Prussia had just solved the problem of what he was going to do today. And America's Disneyworld…hmm. This could be fun.
Romano was awakened by the sound of a door slamming downstairs. He rolled over, to wake up Spain—and found himself alone.
His brain froze. Not out of fear, mind you; it was just strange, for Spain to be gone before he woke up, and there might be strangers in the house—it was weird, that's all.
Then he spotted the note lying on Spain's pillow. He read it three times—once to get the hang of the spiky handwriting, once to translate the German, and once to be sure he'd read it right.
Your boyfriend's awesome friends are borrowing him to go to Disneyworld. Back by dinner. Gotta go—Spain's trying to kill France.
So the pervert and his potato-sucker had kidnapped Spain, and they were going to America. The way Nations travel, they could be in the Canary Islands by now.
He clenched his fists, crumpling the note. He was going to personally murder those bastards when they brought Spain back.
It was late afternoon in Orlando when they got there. Spain was still berating France for getting too close to Romano that morning. "No me importa quién eres, ¡no lo hagas a mi tomatito!"
"But, Antoine, I didn't do anything to your dear little—"
"Trataste de hacerlo. Y sucederías también, si yo no estaba."
Prussia showed the guy at the gate his pass and checked the stopwatch on his phone. "Okay, he's broken his record; should I shut him up now?"
"If you please."
"Hey, Spain," Prussia said. "I think Francis gets your awesome point. If he ever touches Lovino again, you'll go conquistador on his ass. Now why don't you pick our first ride?"
"Huh?" Spain looked confused for a moment, then glanced around and pointed confidently at the ride directly behind France. "How about that one?"
Prussia looked where Spain had pointed. If that was the price of keeping his friends from killing each other, so be it. "Awesome choice, Toni. Let's go!"
"Where?" France turned around. And promptly slapped his forehead in exasperation.
They were standing outside It's A Small World.
Maybe there was something Romano could do to bring the bastards back sooner. He gritted his teeth and called America.
"Hey, burger freak. Have you seen Spain today?"
America was puzzled. "Why? Isn't he with you?"
Romano sighed. "Prussia and France dragged him off to Disneyworld today, and I…I was wondering," he said all in a rush, "if you could do something to get them kicked out so I could punish them properly.
America laughed. "Actually, I'm doing community service in London today. But don't worry about it. Prussia will probably get himself kicked out all on his own."
Romano hung up. Dammit, the kid was right. Maybe he was smarter than he looked.
France wasn't sure how long he'd sat in that little boat, in that dark tunnel, with that song playing in his ears. He was sure it had been hours. Spain, on the other hand, was still singing it gleefully as he led his friends back into the sunlight.
"Iiit's a small world aaafter aaalll, iiit's a small world aaafter aaalll…"
France let him go ahead and nudged Prussia discreetly. "Cher ami, when I said distract Antoine I did not mean drive me to distraction."
Prussia shrugged. "Hey, it's not my fault, I just asked him to pick. Besides, I've got an awesome idea for where to go next!"
The "awesome idea" turned out to be the Haunted Mansion. Prussia used his pass to get the three Nations moved to the front of the line.
Spain yelped and clung to France as the door swung shut behind them and the floor (or was it the ceiling?) began to move. France brushed him off onto Prussia. To be honest, France was bored. The voiceover and the creepy paintings were all well and good, yes, but he'd seen them before at Disneyland Paris. He therefore spent the first part of the ride groping people around him at random. Much more interesting.
Prussia noticed. "What the fuck?" he hissed as they were shepherded out into the corridor.
"My dear Gilbert, I was simply adding to these wonderful people's Haunted Mansion experience," France defended himself.
Prussia thought about it. Then he laughed.
"That was pretty awesome," said Prussia as they left the Haunted Mansion. It was, he told himself. The ghost in the mirror had looked just like Hungary—but he was too awesome to be scared. Really.
Which made him by default more awesome than Spain, who was still clinging to him. France, on the other hand, seemed completely unaffected and was hitting on almost everyone they passed on Main Street. Unfortunately, most of the pretty girls had brought their parents along, and the men were even more inclined to be suspicious of him. By the time Prussia spotted a restaurant, France was as ready for a drink as either of his companions.
The food was overpriced and the beer was weak (but it's the same anywhere in America), but both were plentiful. The three Nations left in higher spirits than they'd arrived, and did some more wandering.
The sun was setting, and there were fewer people around. Neon signs came on all over the park as they watched. One of these caught Prussia's eye.
THE ENCHANTED TIKI ROOM
"Maybe there's a floor show," he suggested. France grinned, and they went in.
The place was jungle-themed, with plastic totem poles and wild animals everywhere. Tables around the edges of the room surrounded a stage with a huge plastic waterfall in the center. Four plastic birds sat on perches facing the audience, which seemed small but excited about the upcoming show.
"Not quite what I was expecting," France said.
"Yeah, it's lame. I can do better," said Prussia, as he hopped up onto the stage and seized the microphone from in front of one of the birds. "How about the awesome me sings a solo?"
"Sí, por favor," said Spain, sitting down heavily on the edge of the stage. "Sing so low we can't hear you."
"Don't be so hard on him, mon ami," France purred, sitting down next to Spain. "His singing may not be the best, but my face is, as they say, out of this world." He winked at the audience.
"Yeah, there's only one thing wrong with it," Prussia shot back. "It ain't far enough out of this world. Am I right?" Someone in the audience laughed.
France and Prussia continued bickering good-naturedly, and the audience seemed to think it was all part of the show. Until Spain noticed some people who were definitely not enjoying themselves. "Ah, amigos," he said, "here comes security!"
America had just got back to his own capital when his phone rang.
"Mr. Jones? This is the head of security for Disneyworld in Orlando, Florida; we've got a couple of drunk-and-disorderlies here who say they're friends of yours."
"Um, which ones are they?"
"A Beilschmidt, a Bonnefoy, and a Carriedo."
"Yeah, I know them. Can I come get them in the morning?"
"What is it this time?" England asked as America hung up.
"France, Prussia, and Spain just got kicked out of Disneyworld. We're going down there tomorrow to pick them up."
"Bloody idiots don't know when to—wait a minute. We?"
A/N: Thanks to whoever first had the idea that Romano learned German to figure out what Germany was saying to Italy. (Also: there are several Disneylands, and a few (insert city) Disneys, but the only Disneyworld in the world is in Florida.)
Spain's rant: "I don't care who you are, you don't do that to my little tomato!...You tried. And you would've succeeded too, if I hadn't been there."
America is doing community service in London as punishment for his part in Car's prank war. England is off doing the same in D.C; they met at America's house at the end of the day.
My reaction to the Haunted Mansion as a kid was a lot like Spain's. You cannot drag me back there. That is all.
The Tiki Room dialogue comes mostly from the song "The Tiki Tiki Tiki Room," which is sung by the four animatronic birds as part of the show. The birds are Irish, Mexican, French, and German. Perfect or what?