Gah, I really really feel bad for neglecting this. I've been out of town for a couple weeks and still that doesn't excuse my idiocy. However, I promise to be more dedicated to updating this as I feel sorry for my neglect. Enjoy!

You cannot become aku. There is only one master of darkness, only one shogun of sorrow. Your attempt to become me is foolish!

However, I will humor your persistence with a tale of my own. No doubt you heard of the witches traitorous plot against aku. Even some will remember of the samurai who ages ago challenged me and failed. Both will be dealt with in time.

First, I the shapeshifting master of darkness, the emperor of all space, will tell you another story, one that takes place before the foolish samurai's arrival to the time when my evil is rule. Listen! As soon as I had sent the samurai to the future, I aku the shapeshifting master of darkness took over the world. So easily did I conquer the planet that it was not enough for the great aku. So, with my great powers I spread my evil across the universe, bringing planet after planet to bow before their master aku,

Yet some dared to resist the rule of the great aku. An empire which attempted to rival that of aku on a distant world called Alternia. Bloodthirsty and merciless this empire was a mercilessness that could rival aku. And as I swept to conquer their world, they did not bow before their master, a grave mistake. They put up a might challenge, but even the greatest soldiers of the Alternian empire could not match the might of aku. With one swift blow, I crushed their foolish insect world, ending their miserable lives.

Underneath the fire of my evil, Alternia perished. All, save twelve. With my mighty powers I plucked twelve grubs from their home world and spread them across the galaxy, light years between each world.

But do not mistake my actions for mercy. For one day, I the great Aku will call them to their destiny. For this tale I shall impart is the tale of how I Aku crushed these insignificant insects and sent them to their deaths.

But what does the samurai warrior have to do with all this, you may ask? Foolish humans, the samurai was a vital part of my plan, the first step to the path of destruction to the Alternian's doom and their final extinction. Listen and you shall hear how the samurai and the Alternian's began the path to their doom…

become Samurai Jack

You are samurai jack. You are the star of a successful series on cartoon network, but you don't know that and you never will.

Once you were just a simple samurai child and not jack. That is, until aku decimated your village and sent you to the future where the evil you attempted to defeat now ruled an empire of loud noises where people jump really good. On arriving, people called you Jack and the name stuck. You wandered all over the changed earth, seeking a way back to the past, the past before aku. You've had many adventures which last around twenty to thirty minutes. You've met made many friends and more enemies. You even learned to jump really good. Remember that? That was kick-ass. The fans agree.

I you could, you'd shed manly tears, but you don't. You continue your quest to your own time, irregardless. That's the way it goes. You would say "keep on trucing", but it is a phrase from a time before and after your own. Besides, what is a truck? And what does it have to do with 'hippies'? You ponder the significance of trucks and how the thought even came to your head (obviously you are not savvy enough to break the fourth wall.) These times are strange indeed.

You look out to the empty waste from your campfire, taking a break from your epic quest. A tilt of the glass and a few gulps from a cup, you quench your thirst. It has been a long trek and you deserve a break tonight, a break to watch the numerous stars.

You think you could fool yourself this once that you're actually home in your own time, before the noise and insanity of Aku's empire. You try to pretend, but you cannot. You find yourself still here, in body and mind. The crushing sadness is almost enough to make you cry manly tears. Almost. You never cry.

The night air blows quietly as you enjoy your campfire. Maybe this will be one of those nights where you can get some sleep.

The ground rumbles and a black-in-black shape bursts from the ground, ripping a giant crater In the waste before you. Looks like you were wrong. Seems to happen to you a lot.

Looks like instead of sleep you'll pull out your holy magic sword. Turns out to be the only thing that can harm Aku. If it turns out to be Aku, there'll be much demon harming to do.

And you find it is Aku as he rears his flaming eyebrows and antlered head to your face. His sneer you find annoying.

"Samurai," he challenges you, "Too long I have let you live out your worthless life on this planet, in MY domain! You have decimated army after army, minion after minion. And now it appears we have reached a stalemate."

You strike your defensive pose because that's what samurais do, "It is no stalemate for it is your evil that will be defeated one day, Aku!"

After giving such a strong monologue, the demon throws himself back, laughing, "BAHAHAHAHA! Fool! A stalemate does not imply the end of Aku! For I the shapeshifiting master of darkness will ultimately triumph!"

You sidestep the demon, sword at the ready. You swear there's gonna be some holy demon smack-down. However, you aren't hip enough to know the lingo so you simply reply, "Boast all you like, but you have found no way to defeat me or this sword! And as long as both exist, there is still hope!"

Aku waves a hand at your foolishness, "Bah! Enough of this talk! It is time I have crushed you, samurai!"

His claw comes to you before you roll out of the way. Now is fighty time. This is it. Here's the final battle between evil and good. You're not sure if you'll

win this fight, but you must do it anyway. For your father, for your fallen kingdom, for earth.

With your mystic sword you slash at the oncoming master of darkness. He uses his shapeshifting powers, as usual.

Both of you engage in the most trying combat of your lives. His magic demonic powers pit themselves against your magic sword, almost neither yielding.

You hack and slash, making a mark in the so-called great Aku…

He leaves cuts, bruises, and burns in you as well…

But as the time passes, you find his attacks more desperate, plodding…

And soon you find him weakened, returning to his original form…

You raise your sword over him, ready to make an end of it all here…

But Aku inches back, "You will not defeat the great Aku! You have proven yourself a nuisance, samurai!"

He grabs you with ease, holding you over…you really should've seen that portal coming, huh?

He gloats, "No longer will you trouble me, warrior. Now will you be lost in time, but you will be lost in space! BAHAHAHAHA!"

You find yourself falling, falling into the same predicament as before. What fresh hell will he send you now? You have no choice to counter his black magic with the rebuttal, "AKUUUUUUUUUU-!"