E.T. Love Affair
A/N: Not based on the song.
"Now, I want you all to know you'll have your grades mail to you possibly by next week." The bell rang making half of the class cheer in joy while Mr. Banner added with a shout, "I'll see you all in the graduation ceremony!"
I lazed around at my seat, slowly packing away my materials waiting for the last of the commotion to die down. The scuffling feet and the loud blundering voices began to dim down after three minutes. Not like I was really timing it all, I glanced over the clock at the front wall of the class. Well okay, I was don't judge me. Once every single student was gone, I slipped my old rundown backpack over my shoulder and made my way out, before nodding a good bye to my least favorite teacher.
"See you Isabella," he waved and began to pack his own things, his concentration all diverted into stuffing columns of paper into a plastic folder.
As I grimaced at hearing my full name. Yes, my name is Isabella Marie Swan. It's really unfitting for a normal high school student if I do say so myself.
The hall was full of excited students, all ready to enjoy the summer break. Their faces stretched with wide grins and loud laughter, keeping my head down I trended my way through the crowd of joy. Am I a depressed senior? Nope, I'm just sad that high school is over. College is not something I'm planning on enjoying considering I lack funds to even attend one. The reason for that is simple. My foster parents, Charlie and Renee, didn't even tried to save up some money for me. If it was only possible to get a job in a small town such as this. But the hiring rate was low, plus the only available positions were about an hour drive away. Since I had no car and busing wasn't available, I had no choice but to stay home alone. Why alone? Because my loving parents were never home.
The only reason they even adopted was to satisfy Grandma Swan's needs of having a grandchild since they couldn't have their own. Well, they can't actually make a baby if they don't spend the time in the same bed. I never told Grandma Swan, may she rest in peace, but Renee and Charlie were fucking different people. Ha! And they think they are really good in sneaking around.
My mind was running through different ways and possibilities of how I can survive after high school when I accidentally crashed into someone. My thought bubble popped letting everything around me to tumble back in, the students' voices returned and my senses were able to understand I just ran into an innocent bystander.
I glanced up the new black Nike shoes to find a boy around the age of thirteen wearing faded blue jeans and a black hoodie. Who was now staring back at me with unblinking hazel eyes.
I just ran into some teacher's or another fellow student's brother. The boy had striking features for his age with short blond locks framing his face. He'll be one heck of a looker when he reaches adulthood. Why the hell am I even thinking about this? I shook my head and gave the kid what was probably a grimace of a smile in a sore attempt to apologize.
"Uhm hey..," I looked around hoping I wasn't going to be get scolded from anybody. But nobody seemed to have caught what happened. "Sorry about that. I wasn't really lo-"
I was cut short when the blonde haired kid wrapped his arms around my waist burying his face right into my jacket covered cleavage. I gasped and stood still in shock. Wasn't this some form of sexual harassment? He was a little kid, so he mustn't know what he's doing. My face was literally burning up in embarrassment when he started to nuzzle his face right there. Okay, definitely some form of harassment.
"I found you." His voice was low and muffled against my breast. Oh well, he clearly has me mistaken for someone else. That explains it. But still the breast nuzzling part was kind of freaky.
"I think you've got the wrong person little dude." He pulled back, gazing at me intently in the eyes. I felt my heart stutter and a sweat drop from the back of my neck. Geezes, that look did not belong to a regular thirteen year old boy.
"No, you're the one I've been looking for." With a smile, he tightened his hold around my waist. "I've been waiting for you."
"Yo Swan! I didn't know you like little twerps." A voice rang out from behind me followed by a rumble of deep laughters. The little twerp in mention released a low deadly sounding growl, causing me to shiver in fear.
Glancing over my shoulder I gave a bitchy brow stare at James Henderson the class resident big shot football player. He had his posse surrounding him, giving me mocking smiles and leers. I decided I was definitely going to enjoy summer away from this hell hole. Maybe.
"Nice choice of words James. You sound definitely like an adolescent." James just gave me a weird look, trying to figure out whether I was insulting him or complimenting him. It was an insult you dumbass. I bet the only reason why the douche graduated high school was because he was fucking one of the teachers here. Probably that redheaded slut Victoria. How in the world was she even considered a teacher was beyond me. It's funny how people can be manipulated by money, looks, and sex.
"Yeah...whatever slut." Was his big come back at me. Ouch. That hurt. I thought sarcastically, rolling my eyes for his pleasure to see how much those words affected me. Hazel eyes, however, didn't appreciate the word choice.
"You apologize to her this instant!" He finally released me from his hold to walk up to James, his back straight and his walk heavy with threat.
"Well, well I guess this boy is really your boyfriend." He sneered, looking at the boy with challenge. His eyes cold and ready to bring forth some damage. "You think you can take me down midget?"
"Hey! Leave him alone!"
"Shut up slut!"
My eyes widened when I saw the blond boy take a swing at Jame's stomach, bringing him down to his knees. I didn't realized by now that half of the school was now watching us, all silent from the spectacle in front of them.
"I'm not a midget you asshole. My name is Jasper, learn it well." He grabbed a hold of the front of James' shirt tightly, pulling him up slightly. "Secondly, don't you ever call her a slut again. Or mark my words I will make your life a living hell." He let go of James with a rough shove, turning around to walk back to me. I stood there like a marble statue, the boy-I mean Jasper defended me. No one had ever did that for me. It was so unreal.
"Are you okay?" The boy named Jasper questioned me, looking worried for a slight second.
"Uhm..I-I'm fine." I managed to reply out while shock was still keeping my voice from escaping.
"Good, he won't be bothering you anymore." He replied with a cocky grin and grabbed a hold of my hand, pulling me away from the crowded area. I followed absentmindedly, my thoughts still jumbled over what just happened. A thirteen year old just punched the crap out of a 18 year old buffed out football player. Am I dreaming? I pinched myself and yelped from the sudden jolt of pain.
Jasper turned around, his eyes roaming over my body to check if I was hurt in any way. "Did you hurt yourself?"
I shook my head, realizing we where now in a forested region. How the heck did we end up here? My thoughts were cut short when I tugged forward into moving once more. My shoes began to sick into the muddy flooring making my movements slow and sluggish.
"Jasper, where are we going?" I asked, my voice finally returning back to me. Glancing over his shoulder my eyes came in contact with his excited ones.
"To meet my parents of course!" The corner's of his lips, curved upwards giving me a satisfied grin.
"Parents?" I dragged my heels down into the muddy flooring, halting both our movements.
"What's wrong?" The look he gave me suddenly shifted away from excitement to worry in just two seconds flat.
"Maybe the issue is, why would I even have to meet your parents?"
"Because you're my mate." He replied with a shrug as if that answered everything.
I shook my head, "Sweetie, I think you're mistaken." I tried to assure him in a calm voice, clearly this kid had some issues. "I'm not your mate. I'm too old to be your mate." I quoted with my fingers.
"No, you're not too old. We're actually around the same age." He grinned, taking a quick step to get closer to me. "I'm actually 17 years old. My adult physical form would be present once I reach 18 and that'll exactly be tomorrow."
"Wait a minute." I raised one hand up, trying to catch up to what he just said. "So you're telling me you age differently? You're completely insane!"
"No, I'm quite sane. I'm what you humans would call an alien." He grimaced at the word, as if it was a vile thing to utter.
I looked at him with bewildered eyes, "An alien? Sure." I rolled my eyes, not believing a word he was saying. Seriously, an alien!
Jasper let out a frustrated sigh, "Would you like me to prove you that I am indeed an alien?"
"Sure why the hell not?" I scoffed, what have I gotten myself into.
Jasper grabbed a hold of my hand this time my brain registered how smooth his skin was against mine. I looked at him questionably wondering what his intentions where until he answered it himself.
"Too make sure you don't run off on me." I quirked one eyebrow up at his statement. Was he suppose to turn into some werewolf or show me his great fangs? "Ready?" I glanced up into his eyes before gasping in surprise. His hazel eyes morphed into neon blue and the skin on his face changed into a much more pale shade of white with blue markings of swirls appearing at the corners of his eyes. I gazed memorized as the marks traveled up to the curve of his eyebrows. "Well do you believe me now?"
"Uh-huh," then a black haze closed on me and I fainted.
"Mom is she okay?" I heard a voice filtered through the shadows of my mind. I felt as if I was floating through space and all sound surrounding me seemed to have a musical lilt to it.
"She's fine, I believe she just fainted." Something cool was applied over my forehead, my brows furrowing in confusion. "I think she's waking up." The soft angelic voice murmured. Fingertips brushed against my cheek, and my eyes slowly fluttered open. At first all I saw was blinding white light, until I realized that white light was from the fluorescent light bulbs above me.
Then a set of blue neon eyes gazed down upon me with relief visible in them.
"I'm sorry for making you faint." Jasper muttered, giving my forehead a kiss before brushing his fingers softly across it.
"I never faint." I replied idiotically, my mind still shrouded in a mist of fuzz.
"There is a first for everything my dear." The soft voice assured me. I glanced over my right to see a woman with soft golden locks with streaks of caramel cascading down to her waist. "Hello, I'm Jasper's mother Esme. I would like to apologize for what confusion my son must have given you. He's quite new at the idea of finding his fellow partner, especially one differing from our race."
"Uhm, that's alright." I blinked a couple of time, wondering if this wasn't a hallucination. "I'm...Bella."
"It's nice to meet you Bella," she smiled kindly at me. "I will leave you two for a bit. My husband should be here shortly, and I'm sure he'd like to check to make sure you're fine. He's a doctor." She added to reassure me I suspect then nodded her head toward her son, before taking her leave through automatic sliding doors.
"Bella..," I glanced away from the sliding doors to look back into Jasper's unblinking eyes. "Your name sounds very suitable." I blushed, his words embarrassing me for odd reasons.
"Thank you," I whispered shyly. Slowly, I tried to sit up with the aid of Jasper's hand on my back. My eyes glanced down noticing I was lying in a round bed covered in white silk. My fingers glided effortlessly through the covering enjoying the cool feeling. "Where am I?"
"In my room."
My eyes scanned over the flat screen tv mounted on the wall with white bookshelves flanking its sides. Everything seemed rather ordinary for an alien boy's room except for the white and automatic doorway.
A beeping sound attracted my attention and Jasper merely muttered a 'come in'. The doors once again slid open for a blond haired man to enter. His stride careful and even with a pleasant smile on his face.
"You must be Bella," he greeted me with a wink. I nodded my head. "I'm Carlisle it's nice to meet you. Now my wife informed me that you had a bit of a faint."
"I sort of shocked her." Jasper replied sheepishly.
Carlisle chuckled in amusement and aimed a pen light directly to my pupil. "Hmm you seem fine to me. Do you feel any dizziness?" I shook my head for a negative. "Good, dinner will be on at 7 o'clock. I do hope you stay, my wife would be happy to have a guest." He then walked out of the room, smoothly without a glance back. It finally dawned on me that I didn't even utter a single word to him! He must think I'm dense or yet rude for that matter.
"What's stressing you?" Jasper's voice pulled my attention back to him instead of the closed door. How did he know what I was feeling at this moment? I knew my face would have been passive.
"How did you know something was effecting me?" I answered him with a question.
"I can read and manipulate people's feelings. I suppose I forgot to mention that." He gave me an apologetic smile, and I easily forgave him quickly. How couldn't I forgive a face like that?
"I...I guess I should apologize for not saying anything to your father. I bet he thinks the worse of me." I began fidgeting with the hem of my shirt. Jasper took a hold of my hands, running his thumbs over my knuckles, successfully calming me down.
"He doesn't think that of you. Rest assured he understands you are still in a state of shock, especially from what I just showed you. I should be the one to apologize. I should have thought things through before doing that." He shook his head, his mouth forming an even line, upset for what he must have caused me.
"Honestly, I'm glad you showed me." He looked at me in disbelief. "If you knew what I was thinking about, the only way of convincing me at that time was to show me." He let out a sigh, gathering me into his harms. It was still a bit awkward to get this much affection from a boy even if he was 17 years old but it was still comforting in a weird way.
"If you're an alien what are you doing here on earth?" I mumbled, resting my head against his shoulder.
"Well, it's a long story. But I'll give you the short version. My parents are well known figures in my planet. My mom is a scientist and my father is a doctor, obviously." I laughed softly with a nod. "However, a series of killings had been happening. Apparently, they are targeting scientists-female ones to be exact. Our government couldn't risk losing someone like her and neither could my dad and me. So we were registered into the protective program and chosen to live in this planet of yours."
"Oh...that must be so hard and scary for you guys to move so far away because a killer in on the loose." I shuddered at the thought. Esme was so sweet and kind, I was glad that she wasn't harm by that maniac.
"I was okay with it, as long as I was with my family. It did hurt to be far away from my friends. But it was necessary. However, I also find myself fortunate to still have my parents and to find you as well." He mumbled into my hair. I shifted a bit in embarrassment.
"Are you sure I'm the one? Maybe your rightful partner is back at your home planet?" Just the thought of it though broke my heart, which confused me. Was I already gaining strong feelings for Jasper?
"Can't you feel that we were meant to be?" He pulled away from me to look into my eyes. "I can feel how thinking of me with someone else can hurt you. It shows that we are destined for one another. This connection we have is what pulled me away from home and through the forest to were you where at."
"It's so foreign to me..this feeling I have." A thought popped into my head, "But wait if you age differently than me...wouldn't that be a problem?"
"Actually, we age just like you humans except for our younger years. We age slowly until we reach 18, once we enter that age we're how you would call normal." I let out a sigh of relief just thinking of myself old and wrinkled next to you a handsome man was painful. "And if it'll ease your mind we live approximately to 100 years or less or more. It all depends on how healthy we are."
I nodded my head, "Just like how we are. That's good to know." I smiled while he smiled right back at me with warmth.
"So are you ready for dinner?" My tummy grumbled an affirmative and I felt my cheeks warmed up in embarrassment. "I'll take that as a yes." He chuckled, leaning down to kiss my flush cheeks. "I love your blush." He whispered against my skin, bringing forth a field of goosebumps. Geezes, if he can make me act like this in his 13 year old body I fear and wonder what it be like when he was in his mature age. Oh fucking shit.
Dinner wasn't bad at all, except for the fact that Esme bombarded me with questions such as; "How was school?" "Do you like it here in Washington?" "Have you always lived here?" "How are your parents?"
When I answered the latter one with an 'I don't know', that peaked everyone's attention.
"Are they away on vacation?" Jasper asked me with drawn in eyebrows.
I shook my head, placing my fork back down on the empty plate. "I really don't know, last time I saw them was last week. My father was off staying with his mistress and my mother was probably hanging out with her guy."
"Wait a minute a mistress?"
The three of them shouted at the same time.
"Is that normal in your society?" Esme asked calmly, even though she still had a frown present.
"Well, I don't really know. But I'm guessing no. They're not really my biological parents so it doesn't bother me on what they do." I replied with a shrug. Jasper placed a hand over my knee, giving it a slight squeeze. I smiled at him, mouthing 'I'm okay'.
"I'm still sorry you have to deal with that." Esme gave me a sad smile.
"It's really no big deal. I'm okay, others out there get abused my their parents I just get ignored. So I'm honestly thankful for that."
"Still you deserve a loving family." Carlisle spoke with determination, looking at Jasper with a serious look.
"She has a loving family now." I looked at Jasper in confusion, he glanced at me intertwining our fingers together. "Ours."
Esme and Carlisle looked at the two of us with happiness twinkling in their eyes.
Two hours later I found myself back in Jasper's room. Esme and Carlisle thought it best if I stayed overnight with them, considering I had no one waiting for me at home. Plus the fact that Jasper did not want me to leave, let alone spend the night home alone. However, I was shocked to find out that they'd allowed me to stay with Jasper in his room. Weren't they worried of us fornicating? Inserting A to B? Me riding the cowboy?
"So how is this suppose to work?" I was laying back on the bed with him next to me on his side, playing with a strand of my hair.
"Well when we both fall asleep, the next day you'll be next to a grown version of me. Just try not to panic." He teased, tugging on my hair softly.
"I'll try my best," I deadpanned. "Will it be painful? I asked worried that I may wake up to him screaming and I having no idea how to help him out.
"It's painless, though rather annoying when I'm trying to get a peaceful sleep." He sighed. "At least this is once in a lifetime."
He chuckled, nuzzling his nose into my hair before drawing me close to his chest. I yawned, squirming closer to him getting comfort from the heat his body was emitting.
"Good night, my Bella." I smiled with my eyes closed, whispering back.
"Good night, my Jasper."
I squirmed a bit from feeling a soft feathery touch against my arm. The sensation gave my shivers of pleasure that I couldn't describe, opening my blurry eyes I found myself facing a shirtless chest. And by god was it an exquisite chest.
It was chiseled with well formed abs that my fingers itched to touch. My eyes lingered down to the visible v line that led towards the hidden wand of pleasure underneath a pair of baggy pj bottoms. Then realization dawned at me that the feathery touch I was feeling had abruptly stopped. From that knowledge I can feel the tell tale blush forming across my cheeks, knowing I was caught ogling this fine specimen.
But wasn't I allowed to eye candy him since Jasper was my mate, or so I've been told. I shyly drew my eyes up past his chest to stop at the morning stubble present around his jaw. I gulped in nerves. He definitely aged overnight. If I hadn't notice the familiar cocky grin, I would have thought I was next to a stranger.
"You aged fast through the night." I mumbled in a breathy whisper. Jasper chuckled, and tilted my head up with an index finger under my chin.
"It was an awkward sleep, I'm glad I didn't wake you up with all the shifting and squirming I've been doing." From the pressure under my chin, I had no choice but to look at him directly in the eye and my poor heart stuttered with what I saw. His neon eyes, had changed into a sapphire color. I felt myself drown into them from the intensity in them. "I want to test something out, something I wanted to do since I first met you."
My heart rate increased and my eyes shifted down to his lips to catch him momentarily licking them in anticipation. My thoughts then ran towards me possibly having bad breathe and I was about to tell him I needed a moment in the bathroom when his lips took over mine.
I released a sudden gasp from the soft firmness of his lips against mine causing my eyes to involuntarily close enjoying the closeness. I can still feel the moisture lingering there when he licked them and I couldn't help but release a slight whimper. Jasper took advantage of that by tilting his head to the side, sliding our lips into a different position before pulling back.
"Just what I thought..it was more than what I imagined it be." I opened my eyes to catch his darker aroused eyes trained on me.
"Oh," was all that came out of me. I was obviously still caught in surprise, that kiss was amazing and my first.
"I think I caught you in a stupor," he chuckled, running the pad of his thumb on my lower lip. I took a deep breathe let out a shaky giggle. Geezes, did I just giggle?
"You did catch me by surprise." I then finally remembered what I was going to say earlier before his lips came swooping down on mine. "Oh!" I pulled back, pressing my hand over my mouth. Jasper's brows furrowed in confusion. "Morning breathe." I mumbled through my hand, hoping he can hear me. His eye's widened letting me know he did, causing a supreme blush to cover my chest up to my neck and cheeks. He then laughed, a long hard laughter that caused the bed to shake in his merriment.
"Ah my Bella," he grabbed a hold of my waist and pulled me flush against his chest. "Silly, silly girl." He leaned down to trail kisses down my temple, to my cheek, and to my neck leaving a fiery path. "Breathe is not an issue...I'm too preoccupied to think about it anyways." He smiled, pulling my hand away from my mouth to place a smothering deep kiss upon my lips. I slowly felt myself react to him, wanting more I pushed my breasts against his bare chest trying to get closer to him.
I distinctly, remembered running my fingers through his hair enjoying the silky smooth texture before grasping some strands into my clenched fists. Suddenly, I felt a warm wet trail on my lips and gasped again. He was licking me! Fuck that was hot. He took advantage of my gasp by thrusting his tongue into my mouth, letting it erotically glide effortlessly across mine.
He groaned, when his fingers came in contact with the edge of my shirt meeting the flat warmth of my stomach. I was wearing the shirt from yesterday minus the bra with a pair of his boxers. I can feel my nipples harden from that simple touch of his and I knew he can feel it through the thin shirt I had.
Ugh, I just wish he'd move his hands up. Or maybe a bit more down.
I was disappointed when he pulled away from me leaving in a frazzled state between disappointment and being aroused.
"Jasper," I whined and he just laughed. "Sorry my love." The love part gave me butterflies of joy in the pits of my stomach. "I want our first time to be special and not in my bedroom with my parents present in the house."
I smiled wide, I can deal with that as long it wasn't rejection. And he did have a point, I didn't want my first time to end up like this. It'll leave an awkward situation between me and his parents who I'm beginning to like.
"I'd like that.."
"MORNING CHILDREN!" Esme walked through the sliding doors interrupting us.
I was definitely glad Jasper decided to be the gentleman, I would have died in mortification if Esme had caught us.
"Jasper!" I cried as his hands did their magic in between my legs.
"That's it let go baby" He whispered huskily in my ear, and that's what I just did. I felt my body unravel with an accompanied moan of his name. "That's my girl." Jasper chuckled out, pressing his mouth against mine in a passionate kiss. I kissed him back in fever, releasing a strangled moan when I felt how ready he was on my leg.
"Jasper..I'm ready." I was nervous and anxious inside to be one with Jasper, but I also felt a need to be connected with him more then emotionally.
"Alright sweety.." He pushed himself up with one hand, glancing down I saw him align his hardness then ever so slowly he pushed his way inside of me. I looked up away from where he was intruding me to see his eyes looking straight into mine. I bit my bottom lip hard as he slowly stretched me with every move he made. Damn this was painful. My eyes watered up from the tears I was holding in. In a blurry vision I saw him bend his head down to kiss the tears that managed to sneak down my cheeks. "I'm so sorry." He whispered in a strained voice. It must be taking all his will's strength not to just push and get it over with.
I held my breathe in when he thrusted all the way in breaking through my virtue. I pressed my lips against his shoulder, releasing a muffled cry.
"Shh...let me take the pain away." I wanted to shout profanities at him. How can he take the fucking pain away anywa-
"Oh.." I felt a cooling sensation inside of me followed by a small amount of warmth. "Ugggh." I groaned in pleasure once the pain seized. My back arched from the intense ecstasy that was flowing through out my body. Whatever he was doing was fucking great.
"You're so wet," he replied pulling out then thrusting right back in while I released a cry.
"Oh god..Jasper!" My body moved on it's own, wrapping my legs around his waist drawing him even deeper inside of me. Causing me to mew from the feeling. Suddenly, I can feel the familiar coil forming again. "I'm close." I panted in a desperate voice.
"Shit hold on baby, almost there. Argh Bella!" With one final thrust I felt him erupted inside me, swelling up even larger.
"Jasper!" I tightened my legs around him, shuddering from the after effects of my climax.
Jasper lost all his strength and collapsed right on top of me, breathing deeply against my neck. I swear I can feel his heart beating hard against the swell of my breast.
"Wow..was that an extraterrestrial move?" I asked recollecting of the fantastic sensation I felt moments ago, moving my hand to stroke his hair absentmindedly.
"Mhmm," he mumbled against my neck.
"Can you do that again?"
He chuckled, placing a tender kiss at my pulse point.
We both let out shaky laughters.
After waking up with Jasper that faithful morning a few weeks he took it as a goal to woo me in like how people did in the old days. I thought it was ridiculous and cute of him to do it. So we ended up going to lunch together as a date on that day. I can remember the intense stares he'd receive from the other females but his eyes were only trained on me. By the end of the night we ended up in bed again, cuddling and kissing.
I never went back home and honestly, I bet Renee and Charlie didn't realize I wasn't there. I guess it'll take a while until they figure that out. Which was rather sad. Oh well.
Jasper acted like a gentleman for two weeks until he led me into a secret room in his house. I found out a few days in that his whole home was their ship disguised to look like a normal cabin on the outside.
In the room was virtual sky! Literally, the whole room was filled with a never ending blue sky with clouds. It took 5 minutes of coaxing from Jasper until I caved in and took a dainty step on one of the clouds nearby. I let out a shriek when I fell in deeper in the cloud. The feeling was so foreign to me. It's as if I was floating in mid air with nothing more than silk soft fluff surrounding me.
It's then I realized what Jasper had in store for us, and here we where lazing around on a cloud after making love to each other. I was in a happy bliss before something caused that bliss to falter.
"Jasper, what happens when you and your parents have to return back to your planet?"
"Well...I get to see all my old friends and I get to show and brag about this hot human chick I found." He rose above me, leaning down to kiss me softly on the lips. "I'm not leaving you in a world like this with no one here to care for you. I love you Bella, you're my everything now."
I felt my eyes tear up in joy and a bright smile filtering through my lips.
"I love you too Jasper."
Over just the few weeks I found love, something I wasn't actually searching for but who cares. I was happy for the very first time in my life. And I couldn't wait to leave this world and start fresh with Jasper in his. This definitely was a happy ending, or the start of it.
A/N: I just realized something..lemons aren't my thing to write especially during a writer's block. :( lol And sorry if the ending is a bit shaky. :/