Hello Readers! I told you I'd get back to writing Klaine again! :D
This is the first part of what is probably going to be a two or three shot. Not too long.
It's some awesome Blaine angst, with Klaine, of course. I hope you enjoy it. (:
This was the fourth time that week Kurt had caught Blaine crying. He watched helplessly across the library as Blaine wiped away the single tear, rubbing the eyes that Kurt had watched grow more tired and weary as the weeks went on, unaware that Kurt had even been watching. Blaine's red rimmed eyes were still staring blankly at the page of the library book before him, supposedly studying, but Kurt knew Blaine's thoughts were on anything but Shakespeare at the moment. What he could possibly thinking of, however, was impossible to tell. Kurt didn't know a lot about what was going on in Baine's head these days. They really hadn't spoken in weeks.
Oh sure, they still went on their numerous coffee dates, studied together, went to Warblers practices and rehearsals, and even snuck in private moments alone to hold each other, cuddle and kiss; but they hadn't had a real conversation outside of shameless flirting and friendly banter in weeks. Whenever Kurt tried to prompt Blaine into talking about something deeper than homework, Regional's numbers or complimenting each other Blaine would brush it off, cutting Kurt off with kisses and jokes or maybe even serenading him.
The novelty of those, however, was slowly wearing away.
Kurt wanted to know just what was wrong with his boyfriend. For the past few weeks Blaine had begun to change. He would disappear for hours on end, hiding away in his room for what he told Kurt were private study sessions for finals. If Blaine's slipping grades were any indication, Kurt could tell he most likely wasn't studying all those hours he'd disappear. He was also less attentive; his eyes always filled with a far away look, his food at meals rarely touched. He was even beginning to lose a little weight, which worried Kurt immensely. He wasn't sure if it was stress from the upcoming final exams or practicing for Regional's or what but he desperately wished Blaine would tell him what was going on. He didn't know how much more of Blaine's persistent silence, distance and unexplained tears he could take.
Though the silence and distance had been going on for a while, the crying had only started recently. Kurt would catch Blaine wiping his eyes; watch as throughout the day his unfocused eyes would become clouded with tears that would never fall. Kurt didn't say anything. What could he say? Whenever he asked Blaine if he was feeling alright he'd say he was fine. Blame the tears on allergies, the bags under his eyes on lack of sleep before distracting Kurt with the charm and wit that Kurt was beginning to realize was a wall Blaine put up to avoid talking about what was really wrong.
Kurt didn't want to push Blaine though. Instead he went and sat back down across from Blaine who looked up and offered a dazzling smile, as if he hadn't been crying moments ago. Kurt offered a small smile back, his heart growing heavy. He could see the sadness still lingering in the other boys' eyes.
There were two things Kurt realized upon awaking. The first; Blaine's dorm room, where he and Blaine had apparently fallen asleep while studying together, was completely dark except for the light of the moon. The second thing he noticed was that the bed was shaking.
Kurt sat up abruptly, about to stumble out of bed only to realize a body was sleeping beside him. His initial fear and confusion disappeared as soon as he realized it was Blaine, but returned once more when he realized Blaine was the source of the trembling.
Blaine was asleep, but it was far from peaceful. He was tossing and turning to the point of thrashing, his face screwed up in a look Kurt could only associate with pain, and he was crying. This was different from the lone tears Kurt had only ever seen before throughout the week; Blaine was sobbing. His chest heaving up and down as he drew in ragged breaths, his whole body trembling as he slept. He was clearly having a horrible nightmare, and Kurt didn't know what to do.
Kurt placed a hand on Blaine's side, trying to gently shake him awake. Blaine flinched away and Kurt felt his own eyes tear up as he desperately tried to wake his boyfriend, calling his name and shaking him. Blaine continued his fitful sleep, muttering in his sleep. Between the pleading "No's" and "Im sorry's" he was muttering the name of someone Kurt had never heard before. Alyssa.
Kurt decided to ignore this for now, focusing instead on waking Blaine. It wasn't until Kurt had forcefully grabbed Blaine's face and yelled his name the he awoke, sitting upright with a gasp before sobbing out, the bed trembling even harder. Kurt gathered Blaine into his arms without a second thought, and felt both heartbroken and relieved when he felt Blaine cling to him, burying his face in Kurt's neck as he continued to sob, holding onto Kurt for all he was worth. Kurt held on just as tightly, whispering soothing things into his ear.
Blaine continued to cry though, and Kurt was trying to think of ways to calm him down. He was surprised when a distant memory, his mother's voice, suddenly filled his mind. Kurt remembered the nights he'd wake from nightmares of her going back to the hospital, and though she was sick as ever, she would make her way to his room and sing him to sleep, lulling him to a state of calm and peacefulness as he fell back asleep. Kurt shook the memory from his mind as he tried it on Blaine, his quiet voice filling the room with the very song that used to lull him to sleep.
Come with me, and you'll be,
In a world of pure imagination
Take a look, and you'll see
Into your imagination
Kurt was relieved when he felt Blaine's trembling begin to slow, his heartbreaking sobs less frequent now. Blaine still clung on tightly however, tears soaking Kurt's shirt, so he continued to sing.
We'll begin, with a spin, traveling in
The world of my creation
What we'll see, will defy, explanation…
Blaine was beginning to clam now, crying silently in Kurt's arms. Kurt ran his hand up and down Blaine's back, trying his best to sooth him. He felt Blaine's breathing begin to even out as he continued to sing.
If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it
Anything you want to do, do it
Want to change the world?
Theres nothing to it…
Kurt settled on humming the songs melody over and over, still rubbing Blaine's back. It was a good while later when Kurt looked down and saw Blaine was asleep; his head nestled into Kurt's neck, arms still wrapped tightly around him. Kurt was happy he was sleeping again, thankful that the song had worked, but also worried. What had Blaine been dreaming about to work him up like that?
Blaine nuzzled closer into Kurt, his curly hair tickling Kurt's chin and Kurt smiled as he breathed in the other boys scent, enjoying their closeness. He decided he'd question Blaine in the morning, feeling himself already beginning to drift back to sleep. He settled down to sleep, holding Blaine close with no intention of ever letting go.
Kurt was trying in vain to work on his history project in the silent room, though his mind was occupied with thoughts about when his boyfriend would finally wake. Blaine was still asleep in his bed, peaceful at last. Kurt's mind was filled with thoughts of the previous night; Blaine's nightmare, the shaking and sobbing, how he had sung Blaine to sleep. He was extremely worried; after the weeks of distance and crying and silence, Kurt thought this was the final straw. He simply had to know what was wrong with Blaine now. It was killing Kurt to see him so upset.
Kurt heard the rustling of sheets, making him turn around from Blaine's desk where he had been staring at the unanswered worksheet. He watched as Blaine slowly woke up, blinking multiple times and stretching with a soft sigh. Kurt couldn't help but think how absolutely adorable his boyfriend looked in the mornings, so relaxed and peaceful. When Blaine's gaze traveled across the room and landed on Kurt, he suddenly tensed, his eyes not quite meeting Kurt's gaze. Kurt cursed the nervousness he saw in Blaine's eyes and gave what he hoped was a comforting smile, crossing the room to sit on the bed next to Blaine.
"Hey." Kurt whispered, his fingers finding Blaine's under the blanket where they intertwined. Blaine gave a weak smile back.
Awkward tension was already beginning to fill the room as memories of the night before filled both boys minds. Kurt could tell Blaine was embarrassed, though Kurt thought he had no reason to be. Blaine had already seen Kurt at some of his most vulnerable moments; why shouldn't Kurt be able to see Blaine's? Kurt was about to speak when Blaine broke the silence.
"I-I'm sorry about last night…" He said in a whisper, looking away. Kurt's heart sank at the tears he saw gathering in Blaine's eyes and squeezed his hand tighter, making him meet his eyes.
"There's nothing to be sorry for." Kurt said back, wiping away the tear that had fallen from Blaine's eyes.
"Thanks for singing to me…" Blaine whispered, looking away again. "Your voice is always so beautiful…"
"Blaine, are you okay?" The statement felt awkward once Kurt had said it aloud, but he really knew no other way to phrase it. Kurt saw Blaine bite his lip before he was about to respond, but once Blaine met his gaze, he saw something in Blaine's eyes change. They teared up again, and after a shaky breath, Blaine shook his head.
"No…" He whispered, honesty evident in his quiet voice. "Not really…"
"Would you like to tell me what's wrong?" When Blaine began to shake his head he cut him off, placing a finger to his lips. "Blaine, you've seen me at my worst, my most vulnerable. You've watched me cry, bitch out, complain, tell you how terrified I've felt, and confess my fears. Yesterday was your vulnerable moment with me, and that's okay. I'm your boyfriend, Blaine. Let me help you the way you always help me."
Blaine moved so he was sitting up, and Kurt didn't miss it when Blaine wiped his eyes again. Kurt met his teary eyes and Blaine looked away, chewing his bottom lip, hugging his knees. Kurt had never seen Blaine look so small.
"I… I don't know where to begin."
"Let's start with last night then…" Kurt prompted, moving so he was sitting next to Blaine, their knees touching. "What was your dream about."
Kurt felt Blaine begin to tremble a bit, the grip around his knees a bit harder. Kurt tentatively placed a hand on top of Blaine's own, happy when he felt Blaine hold it back.
"It was a… a nightmare. About my sister."
Kurt felt his brow furrow, and it was then that he realized he knew nothing about Blaine's family, other than that they lived a good four hours away and Blaine's dad was less accepting than Kurt's own. Kurt didn't know Blaine had any siblings.
"Alyssa?" Kurt suddenly said, remembering the name from the night before.
Blaine's head whipped to the side to look at Kurt, his face a bit fearful. "H-how did you know that?" He asked in a whisper, and Kurt rubbed his thumb in small circles over Blaine's hand to calm him down.
"You said that name last night, in your sleep." Kurt said simply, and Blaine nodded looking relieved. "Blaine, how come you never told me you had a sister?"
"I don't know…" Blaine said honestly, shrugging. "I don't like talking about my family much… I'm sort of ashamed."
"Ashamed of your family?"
"No…" Blaine said, shaking his head. "Ashamed that I… that I left them behind."
Kurt said nothing as Blaine's sentence hung heavy in the air. Kurt felt Blaine's now sweaty hand squeeze his again, the other boy sighing.
"I'm a coward, Kurt." He whispered, not meeting Kurt's gaze. "Don't try to say otherwise because I am. I let the bullies get to me and I ran away… I ran away from the bullies, from my family, from Alyssa…"
"Blaine, you're not a coward." Kurt whispered. "Look, I don't know a lot about your past. I don't know how bad your bullying was, or how your parents treated you, or anything but I do know that escaping bullies doesn't make you a coward. It means you were strong enough to know you had to get yourself to a safe place. Just like you always tell me."
Kurt was hoping for a smile, but Blaine only cried, the sight making Kurt's heart sink in his chest.
"But I ran away when they needed me… Alyssa needed me…"
Kurt felt his confusion growing but he tried in vain to comfort the boy beside him.
"Blaine, I'm sure your sister understands…"
"I know she does." Blaine cut Kurt off. "They all understand but fuck, Kurt," Kurt had never heard Blaine swear before. "They need me. Alyssa needs me and I should be with her but instead I'm a coward hiding from my bullies four hours away while she's home. I should be with her but I'm just… I ran away. I let them get to me, and now Alyssa's all alone…"
Blaine's breathing was beginning to get fast again and Kurt pulled him into his arms before there was a repeat of last night. Just like the night before Blaine buried his head in the crook of Kurt neck, crying silently, and Kurt rubbed his back. It was like this for a few moments before Blaine spoke again.
Kurt felt his mouth go dry and his heart jump in his chest. Blaine was still lying against him, calm now except for a few tears. He didn't know what to say, how to react.
"You don't have to say anything." Blaine cut him off and Kurt stopped talking, swallowing the lump in his throat. "I know that I've been reluctant to talk to you about my family and this week I've been crying and distant and stuff and I know you've noticed and just didn't say anything."
Kurt said nothing, so Blaine continued.
"Alyssa's only nine years old, Kurt. She has acute lymphocytic leukemia. She got diagnosed five years ago… The doctors say it's a miracle she's lived this long. When I left for Dalton she was getting better but recently… she's been getting worse. She used to stay at home with a nurse but now she's hospitalized. I've been iChatting with her everyday; that's why I keep disappearing. I try to talk to her when I can and she keeps asking if I'll come home and see her but it's four hours away and I haven't had time to go on weekends because of finals and Warblers and Regional's and I just feel so damn guilty all the time..."
Kurt stayed silent through Blaine's tearful speech, trying his hardest not to let his own fall.
"She needs me, Kurt. We were so close before I left but the bullying just became too much. I used to put up with it because I knew I had nowhere to go, and when I found out about Dalton I still said no because Alyssa needed me. But then she was getting better, and the bullying got worse... After one really bad attack I left. Now my family is four hours away and Alyssa's getting sicker and I'm so scared that she'll... pass away… and I wont be there…"
Blaine was beginning to sob again and Kurt held him close, letting his own tears fall with Blaine's. This was all too real. Kurt knew what it was like; losing someone you loved to cancer. His own mother had died of it. Kurt knew what it was like to watch someone slowly die, to watch their health go hopefully up and come crashing painfully down until the fight was too much and they were eventually gone. He clung to Blaine even tighter, thinking of his mom, and Blaine, and imaging a poor little Alyssa Anderson somewhere, alone in a hospital, wanting her big brother.
Kurt didn't say he was sorry. He had herd the phrase many times in his life, and he knew it did little to console. Instead he held Blaine closer, muttering 'I know' when Blaine would babble nonsense, wiping his tears, ignoring the lump in his throat. His past pain didn't matter right now. His only concern was Blaine.
So… is it good so far? I'll be posting part 2 of 3 very, very soon. It's already finished, but I'll need a few days to do a final edit.
Also the song Kurt sings to Blaine is Pure Imagination from the movie Charlie in the Chocolate Factory. Glee did a lovely cover of it. (:
Thanks you for reading and hopefully reviewing! I'll be sue to update soon!
Also, I have a tumblr, for those who want to follow my insanity and bug me to update my fics or just talk to me! :P It's somethingfandomrelated. tumblr .com. Just get rid of the spaces. :)