Authors' Note: This is our first time writing for this category. Please leave us your thoughts and enjoy! This was my (Apocalypse) idea, but Cerulean is adding her ideas. Disclaimer: We do not own the Sisters Grimm book series.
Of Mirrors and Mayhem
This Christmas, my mom and dad dragged me off to Ferryport Landing to see my sisters and brother-in-law. We do this every year. Every summer. Every Thanksgiving. Every Easter. As you can imagine, there are better things for a 14-year-old boy to do, especially when you live in New York City like I do.
My name's Basil Grimm, and right now it's Christmas Eve. And I have no idea why I have to come here every year. You'd think that Sabrina, Daphne, and Puck could come to the city, but they never do. It's like they have some kind of weird obligation to this town. Then again, they are weird people. My sister Sabrina is 24 and teaches a self-defense class. Her husband, Puck, is a dentist. From what I hear, he's a really good one, but he never uses anesthesia, so no, I think I'll stick to my regular dentist in the city. As for Daphne, she just graduated college and writes children's books.
Sabrina has anger issues. Sometimes she's okay, but Puck goes out of his way to piss her off. He glued a basketball to her head once. Dad hates him, and I just think he's weird. I mean, his name's Puck. I once asked Sabrina why. She told me his name is actually Robin, and "Puck" is a nickname referring to his hockey obsession. So I asked him if he was Rangers or Islanders. His response was: "Well, I don't like all those nosy forest rangers in my woods, so I'll go with Islanders. They're so relaxed." Hockey fan? I think not.
Daphne is just plain crazy. Yeah, she's 21, just graduated college, and writes children's books, but she's nuts. She's trying to make up a new language. Sabrina told me she had been doing this since before I was born. Also, she collects weird jewelry and sticks. Once, I tried roasting a marshmallow on one of her sticks. Daphne walked in and asked me what I was doing. Once I stated the obvious, she freaked out and then passed out on the floor. Sabrina and my parents yelled at me, that I could have blown up the house. Can you even do that with a wooden stick and a gas powered stove? When Daphne finally came around, she muttered something about me roasting her on a magic wand. Again, she's weird.
Maybe it has something to do with the fact that they're all older than me, or maybe it has something to do with the 2 years they spent in foster homes. I don't know, but that's my family.
The reason I'm writing this down is so that one day, I can write a book to help other kids with weird families. For some reason, though, I think my family's especially weird. I know almost every teenager thinks that, but I'm serious. Daphne goes into a closet with nothing but a mirror in it, and stays there for a really, really, REALLY long time. I hear her talking to someone named Harry. Then, there are my parents. They're actually pretty normal, except they disappeared for 2 years. Tell me that's not strange. Then, instead of sending my sisters to Granny Relda, who at the time was perfectly capable of taking care of them, they never told them that she existed. They also forgot to mention Dad's estranged brother, Uncle Jake. Evidently, he skipped town a long time ago, and no one's seen him since. We get letters from time to time, though, reassuring that he's still alive. Also, there's an old dude called Mr. Canis and a little girl called Red. Red is mentally unstable. Sometimes, she's a regular cute little kid, but she freaks out and runs out of the room at random moments. But that's why she has Mr. Canis, who, apart from the fact that he only has one eye, is the only normal one in the house. He told me he lost his eye in a war.
Puck says he has family in the city, but they're complete psychos. His ex-fiancée, Moth, killed his father, Oberon, and his mother, Titania, went nuts. Puck has a fairly normal brother named Mustardseed, who's around my age. He's a pretty cool guy, but his name's Mustardseed. Apparently, Puck and Mustardseed's parents were hippies.
Puck ran away from home. He claims he lived in the woods for a while, and then met my late grandmother, who occasionally fed him, and "gained his loyalty". Then, Puck met my sisters, and tried to push them off the edge of a diving board. He continued to torture them, giving them nicknames like 'Marshmallow' and 'Stinkpot'. Sabrina dubbed him 'Ugly Freak Baby'. Somewhere along the way, they fell in love. It's sickening. Apparently, they're madly in love or some crap like that.
Anyway, here's how Christmas vacation has gone so far: I arrived a few days ago and Daphne fell out of the closet where 'Harry' lives. The house was lit up to the point where you could see it from space. I actually think it's nice, but it's a little unnatural to see forty foot tall snowmen grinning at you. It scared the hell out of me when I was little.
"Basil!" exclaimed Daphne, running over and hugging me. "I haven't seen you since Thanksgiving! How've you been, little brother?"
"Okay, I guess. I, umm, dissected a frog," I said, edging out of her embrace.
"Gravy! Now come on, I've gotta show you something. Puck dyed Sabrina's hair red and green." Despite her craziness, she was actually fun sometimes. She led me into the kitchen, where Sabrina was sitting with four Great Dane puppies.
"Hey, Basil," greeted Sabrina. "Do you want some hot chocolate?"
"Uh, sure," I said, trying not to stare at her head, which was indeed red and green. "What happened to your hair?" Right away, she got one of those angry looks and spilled hot chocolate all over the floor. The hot chocolate was bright blue, which means that Daphne made it using Granny Relda's old recipe.
"This," she snarled, pointing to her hair, "Is what Puck calls Christmas spirit. Daphne says to him, 'The house is festive, but not Sabrina. We should give her a Christmas makeover!' So, the moron dyed my hair. Thanks a lot, Daphne," she snapped. Daphne shrugged cheerfully.
"Well, I think it does make you look festive. It's gravy!" Daphne skipped off to greet our parents. While she was doing that, Sabrina calmed down. We discussed what was new in town. Not that I really cared, but anything to keep her from throwing a tantrum again. Apparently, the need for a dentist during the holiday season had skyrocketed, and her karate skills had really come in handy on Black Friday. Mayor Charming beat Heart yet again. Sacred Grounds Coffee Shop had been sold to a New Jersey couple with annoying accents. They were nice and the coffee was still great, she said. Just then, Puck came in.
"I'm baaaa-aaack," he said in a singsong voice. "Oh, hey, your brother's here. What's his name again?"
"Basil. It's Basil," she replied flatly. "You've known him since he was two."
"Oh yeah! Right after—"Sabrina cut him off with a kiss. It was getting awkwardly intense. So I coughed loudly.
"Oh, right. Hi, Basil. You can go now," Puck told me. I left willingly, and ran straight into Red. I smiled as politely as I could.
"Hi, Red. How are you today?" I asked. She ran away. I'm still not sure why she lives here, but I guess my grandmother felt sorry for her because she was a crazy orphan. I'm starting to wonder if my grandmother ran an orphanage. Mr. Canis came in a little later.
"Oh, hello Basil," he said. "Have you seen Red?" I pointed him in the direction she had run off to. He sighed and followed. After that, the regular routine ensued: Mom and Dad came in and had a long, boring discussion with Sabrina and Puck. I set the table, we had dinner, and played Scrabble. Then Daphne got bored and started playing with a weird necklace she had and chanting in Latin. Sabrina and Puck dragged her off and left her in her room. Then, we all went to bed.
Right now, I'm writing this down on my computer. Someone's coming, so I should probably stop. Bye for now.
Authors' Note: Okay, do you like it? Do you hate it? Do you want to flame it so bad we die? All these are excellent choices, and the only way to let us know is to review. Anonymous reviews are accepted, for all you people who don't have accounts or are too lazy to log in.
~Cerulean and Apocalypse=)