Copyright: If I owned Dragon Age then I'd be rolling like Tim Curry!

As the Blight ravaged the land of Ferelden and the darkspawn horde pillaged the land at will while it's defenders fought a civil war over who would lead them, a very different kind of evil ravaged the small village of Redcliffe at nightfall. A horde of the undead, or more simply:


No one is sure just how zombies came to plague this town, only that they came out of Castle Redcliffe during a vulnerable time. The Earl of the land and Castle had fallen ill, most of his knights had been sent to find a legendary trinket that may not exist, and few remained to defend the now practically helpless villagers in this dark hour.

Amongst those few, were six particular individuals.

*No this will not be a song fic*

"Please just stay where you are...I will come there and save you...No one this day will harm you, if I get to you in time!" A scion of nobles swung himself along a rope and leapt into the chaotic battle between villager and zombie.

"Please stay right where you are!" A fireball scorched the ground in the middle of a group of zombies and incinerated them...along with a few trapped militia, "When you run the meat gets less tender! Just lie down and surrender! Could you marinate in lime?"

"For this is war!" A dalish warrior, scion of ancient kings, clashed his twin swords with the claymore of a zombie general before he swept his left blade under the zombie's elbow and felled it, "It's where the strong protect the weak!"

"I know not if I'll die, but how I'll try!" a Dwarven prince, exiled from his home, lashed his axe and swept the legs out from the sockets of the zombies he encountered, "I'd gladly give my life for honor!"

"For this is war!" Another dwarf, a scoundrel of surprising musical talent, shot his crossbow and whistled as it barreled through the bodies of zombies and idiot humans too dumb to duck, "I do not care who's side I'm on!"

"I'll burn a troll or home or read a tome!" The Mage "annointed" one of the zombies and pushed it into a mixed crowd of defenders and other zombies. He turned away and pulled out a book titled "Tevinter Spells of Force" without looking at the explosion that burst from the zombie he "annointed", "But it was fight this war, who knew?"

"Won't you please help fight this war with me." The noble scion stabbed both of his swords through two zombies and charged to stick two more pairs of enemies through his blades.

"Unbelievable sights! Indescribable feeling!" A young city elf girl danced amongst the zombies, her knives seamlessly carved through necks and sinew to fell her enemies and used her acrobatics to prevent any retaliatory damage, "Soaring, Tumbling, freewheeling! Through an endless bloodless streak! This is war!"

"Don't you dare close your eyes!" The mage yelled as he shot out a cone of frost that froze a dying militia woman along with the zombies ripping her apart.

"A hundred thousand stabs!/Hold your breath it gets better!" The city elf and noble said to one another as the girl flipped over him to kick a knife across the area into the side of the head of another enemy while the noble threw out his shield to clove through a ring of foes before it returned to his arm like a boomerang.

"I'm like a shooting star! I've come so far!" The dwarf scoundrel brought out a handaxe and threw it into another zombie then rolled over to pull it out and hack off the arm of another enemy, "I can't go back to where I used to be!"

"This is war!"

"Every turn a surprise!" The Dalish prince sweeped an arrow through the head of an enemy and then pulled it out of the fallen foe and fired it into the neck of another incoming zombie.

"With new adversaries to crush!/Every moment it's better!" The Mage and Noble cried as they combined the wrath of divine and magi to demolish a large group of zombies massing at the local chantry.

"I'll chase them anywhere! There's time to spare!" The zombies were now running back to their castle, but against those six, there was no running, "And it was share this war with you..."

"This is war..." His battle fury fading, the dwarf prince looked over the hundreds he and the others had practically killed single-handedly.

"A whole new strife..." The Dwarven scoundrel laughed when a crossbolt broke after he plucked it out.

"That's where I'll be..." The human noble pulled his sword out of a fallen enemy and slashed to wipe off the small taint of blood on the blade.

"That's where we'll be..." The city elf told the human noble while grabbing his hand as he wiped blood from her face.

"A thrilling chase..." The Dalish prince smiled as he fired an arrow uphill and saw a felled zombie roll down the small hill.

"Disastrous pace..." The Sorcerer shot an arcane blast through the chest of a crawling zombie out of boredom.

"For you" The six turned from their carnage and listened to sounds of cheers from the helpless villagers that they had saved.

"You were singing." The defenders turned to see a frowning hornless qunari holding a jar of cookies in one hand and a his "precious" sword in the other, "Why did you sing?" *1

"Bullshit! That's not how it happened!"

The storyteller winced from the slap given to him by his captor, Cassandra of the Chantry Seekers.

"Excuse me miss...but I'm now under the impression that you...were...there..." The Storyteller didn't at all like that this orleisan woman had abducted him from his nice vacation from his calling and now slapped him for telling a story she wanted to her just because something was too ridiculous to be believed.

The storyteller himself wouldn't have believed if he hadn't seen it himself.

"Come now! Even the dwarf can't take this...story...seriously!" Cassandra yelled, pointing to the beardless dwarf in the seat next to the storyteller who had just stopped laughing.

"I didn't say I didn't believe him...I actually enjoyed myself." Varric Tethras admitted despite Cassandra's obvious scorn.

"I didn't bring you hear to hear legends of your companions!" Cassandra barked as she paced in front of her most recent captive, "I came to hear the truth!"

"Don't mind her, she's still peeved about her precious chantry that's all." Varric's smirk didn't fade when Cassandra practically snarled at him, "What? I can get a little revenge after the abuse you've put me through."

"Very well...perhaps I should've had you start your account at an earlier point." Cassandra admitted as she calmed down and backed away from the storyteller's seat.

"You think?" Even his surrogate father's wife wasn't as troublesome and she was orleisan too, "Never mind...the earliest I could start would be Ostagar, you'd have to talk the First Warden to get the finer details of their origins."

Transitional Narrative

N- "Well...not that this isn't common knowledge, but I'll go ahead and tell you the whole story. You see, the darkspawn had a huge party down in the Deep Roads. They like to invite the dwarves, but they never come willingly after the darkspawn overran most of the dwarven empire during the first blight. So one day, a darkspawn decided to take their party to the surface because the Deep Roads can get boring after a while."

V- "Tell me about it. Why do you think I'm a surface dwarf?"

N- "I thought you were exiled?"

V- "Not that I'm complaining...continue..."

N- "Right...oh yes! So the darkspawn went off to find a guide because darkspawn have no sense of direction. After stumbling around in the dark, he eventually found a huge cage with a sign that read: contains Fallen god of Tevinter, open at your own risk. Being the smart darkspawn it was, he decided to open the cage and try to make friends with the fallen god inside."

C- "You refer to the one they call the Architect?"

V- "Anders mentioned him...when I wasn't too annoyed to listen."

N- "Well, whoever this darkspawn was, he said something or gave the dragon a poorly baked cookie and the tevinter god got pissed, became corrupted and decided to vent all of his frustrations out on the people who may or may not have put him in that cage. So he gathered all of the other darkspawn and told them that he'd lead them to the surface for a party."

V- "He doesn't sound so bad-"

N- "As long as they killed, raped and pillaged every person they came across and left the earth black with sin and evil. It turns out though...those are the kinds of parties that darkspawn love best..."

C- "So began the Fifth Blight."

N- "Unfortunately, when the Grey Wardens, the order strictly dedicated to fighting darkspawn, told the bannorn of Ferelden that a blight had begun...they were mostly brushed off...which...was bad...there were only two dozen of us at the time and the only other sizable force happened to be stationed in a country that Ferelden just defeated to gain independence..."

V- "Politics...even Hawke couldn't stand em."

N- "You know...I think I actually saw a Hawke at Ostagar. Two of them in fact. Was Hawke a bearded man with a bladed staff-"

C- "The blight Ferelden! Tell me about the Blight!"

N- " I was saying, there weren't many of us in Ferelden which prompted Duncan, the commander of the grey at the time to go out and find more recruits."

C- "From what I heard, your Duncan didn't find as many as he hoped."

N- "No...but he what lacked in quantity, he made up for in quality. He found...Six...of the ever...walk the ground...of Ferelden..."

V- "They were that ridiculously awesome?"

N- "Fortunately...yes."

9:30 Dragon Age, Ostagar

"The Tevinter Imperium built Ostagar long ago to prevent the Wilders from invading the northern lowlands. It's fitting we make our stand here, even if we face a different foe within that forest. The king's forces have clashed with the darkspawn several times, but here is where the bulk of the horde will show itself. There are only a few Grey Wardens within Ferelden at the moment, but all of us are here. This Blight must be stopped here and now. If it spreads to the north, Ferelden will fall."

"Hold there! Duncan!" The King of Ferelden, flanked by two royal guards, called as he walked towards the bearded Commander of the Grey Wardens.

"King Cailan..." Duncan seemed delighted to see the young king, though his surprise was obvious, "I was not expecting-"

"A royal welcome? I was beginning to think you'd miss out on all the fun."

"Not if I could help it your majesty."

"Then I will have the mighty Duncan at my side after all, glorious!" The King clapsed hands with the Warden and noticed his small entourage, "The other wardens told me that you'd found a promising candidate, is this she? She certainly is lovely." The young king reached out and grabbed the hand of the beautiful blond lady behind Duncan, causing the young lady, only two years from twenty, to profusely blush.

"My lord...I..." The girl shakingly took back her hand and ran behind her other companion. An oddly dark-skinned young man in his early twenties with shaved black hair and a faded goatee wearing commemorative armor.

"Your majesty, you might not remember us...but I am Revan." The young man greeted with a bow, "And this is my sister, Shatele of House Cousland."

"Wait! I remember you know lad! How you've grown..." To Revan's surprise, the King pulled him into a crushing hug. Revan could've sworn that he felt a back muscle get torn by the king's armor before he was released, "Perhaps we should clash swords again after this victory..."

"With respect, those with big swords are often compensating for pure skill." Revan smirked, only with King Cailan could someone poke fun at his skill and not be horribly and publically mutilated for it. Despite the king's eagerness and relative newness to kingship, he was clearly a man who could match the greatest of knights and win.

"Is this the point where I roll on the ground and laugh?" The King's attention was turned to the light blue haired elf leaning against the entryway. She was pretty for an elf, but her clothing was slightly ripped and Cailan could've sworn that he saw a blood stain on the torso.

"Why'd ya interrupt them? I was gettin a chuckle out of listening..." The king then noticed a dwarf sitting in the middle of the road, loading a crossbow.

"Oh my...are you all..." The king wasn't sure how, but he had completely missed the rest of Duncan's entourage.

"With the exception of Lady Shatele, all present are recruits for the Grey Wardens..." Duncan explained while the king marveled, "If you would do the honors, Revan."

"Lily Tabris of the Denerim elves," The young "Cousland" said pointing out the seemingly unfriendly elf girl, "Brosca Gimli and Aeducan Durin from Orzammar," The dwarf with his crossbow waved while a more solemn looking dwarf with a longer beard and an axe on his back slightly bowed, "Gilead of the Dalish Clan of Mahariel," The black haired elf who was oddly without a tattoo common for dalish nodded his head. Revan meanwhile looked confused, "Where is Amell?"

"You called?" A mage-garbed man caused Revan to jump and the king to pause when he appeared behind the young "cousland" and the king noticed he was carrying a rabbit.

Scorched from a deliberate overuse of fire magic.

"Did that rabbit happen to have caused the death of a friend?" The King asked in curiosity.

"No...but it does remind me of when I killed my-" It looked like the mage just realized who he was speaking to, he dropped the rabbit and started shaking the king's hand, "You must the king! Amell Mairon, but Mairon will do just fine."

"A...pleasure..." The King quietly wrenched his hand from the mage's and barely surpressed a gag when he saw that his gauntlet was covered in blood from the mage's hand, "An interesting group, allow me to be the first to welcome you all to Ostagar."

"Save your false courtesy, human..." Lily answered with uncovered disdain as Cailan placed his right hand behind his back and had a royal guardsman clean it off.

"I...see you've...had a long road..." Cailan could tell that there was more to than that, but he wanted to make a good impression, "I'm sure you all miss home..."

"Under constant watch from blood-thirsty templars and annoyingly preachy senior enchanters? I love it out here..." Mairon's apparent celebration was stopped when a passing soldier stopped and stared at Richard and the burnt rabbit on the ground before the mage. The mage bugged out his eyes and said an incoherent word as the soldier's eyes widened and darkened and he started running away panickly screaming about rats and spiders.

The rest of the group looked at Mairon questionably to say the least, "He bothered me."

"I got kicked out for helping to rig a proving and killing the leader of an underground crime organization after he double-crossed me..." Gimli related before spitting on the ground.

"I fight to atone for the death of my brother." Durin stated solemnly as he brushed his beard with his hand.

"I seek to cure the affliction in my veins that already claimed one of my clan." Galad explained with lingering sorrow belonging to someone who'd lost a comrade.

"And I was booted out for killing a noble man's son after he abducted me during my wedding, raped my cousin along with his jolly men, killed my groom-to-be and one of my bridesmaids and I'm not sure if the castle is clean after the trail I left..." Lily looked down and turned a gold ring on her finger as everyone but Mairon and Duncan stared at her with sheer shock.

"Wha...what?" Along with the shock from that last story, Cailan was amazed at all he had heard from these five recruits.

"Suffice to say, your majesty...there are events in Ferelden that may have passed your notice." Duncan's words couldn't have been any more of an understatement.

"Apparently..." Cailan marshalled himself, as king it was duty to maintain a strong front for his people, "Whatever your reasons, let me say that all of you are welcome here. The Grey Wardens are pivotal to the defense of our fair land and every member is respected with all my heart...regardless of their origins."

"You gonna eat that rabbit?" Gimli realized he'd have competition when he noticed Cousland's dog go up to sniff the rabbit. Seeing a Mabari hound turn down a free meal with apparent fear, made the dwarven outcast have second thoughts, "Nevermind, I don't want it now..."

"Your majesty...I have grave news to report...concerning my father..." Shatele began but stopped and let out a barely surpressed whimper.

"Your brother Fergus arrived a few days ago but...he said your father would be delayed-"

"He is dead." Revan finished for his sister as he grabbed and lightly squeezed her hand, "Tim Cur- I mean Rendon Howe has shown himself as a traitor and killed everyone at Cousland Castle..."

" could he do that?" Of all times to cause trouble, Cailan could not believe that Howe would do such a thing in the middle of a blight, "I swear on my father's name that when this is over, I shall turn my forces to Amaranthine and make Howe pay for this treachery!"

"How exactly will he pay?" Revan looked as though he would not like for Howe to merely be imprisoned the king could see that. Men were imprisoned when they committed crimes; Hounds were muzzled until they behave but not dogs. Revan regarded Howe as one would a mad dog.

Dogs were put down.

"He will hang." The King stated to the young Cousland siblings, "You have my word, this treachery will not go unanswered."

"Thank you..." Shatele said with sadness and gratitude, "My lord...about our brother-"

"I'm sure you wish to see him, my lady..." Cailan placed a comforting hand on the young woman's shoulder, "But he and his unit are out scouting and will not return until the battle is concluded...I wish I could help more but there is nothing I can do."

"It is no problem, my lord." Revan stated, "I am...not in a hurry to relay this to Fergus anyhow..."

"I know what is like to lose a father," Cailan placed his other hand on Revan's shoulder, he knew of their pain...he still missed his own father who died at sea five years ago, "For now...I suggest that you vent your grief towards the darkspawn we will soon face."

"As shall I." Durin stated as he drew out his axe and bent down to a knee, "I may be little more than dirt, but I promise that this axe will be blackened with blood of the foes I slay."

"For every wound they gave Tamlen, you shall hear my bow sing." Galad pulled out his bow and held it pointing to Cailan but did not bow. Never again would the Dalish bend or submit to any human lord.

"If you don't mind, then I'll pretend every darkspawn I see is a human..." Lily said as she walked up to the group and drew the eyes of every human present, "Or would you prefer that vent on all of you?"

"If you don't mind, I'll just be on the walls watching your backs." Gimli said but before Durin could ask how the outcast planned to cover their backs from a wall, a bird, charred from lightning magic fell behind Cailan.

"Damn bird!" Based on the static electricity in Mairon's hand, everyone could clearly see who the bird-slayer was, "I'm sorry, what were we talking about?"

"You're uncle sends his greetings and reminds you that Redcliffe forces should be here in less than a week." Duncan reported to the king, hoping that a change in topic would settle the king.

"Eamon just wants in on the glory!" The king turned from the entourage and walked a few feet away as he spoke, "We've won three battles against the darkspawn already and tomorrow shall be no different."

"Ah...The blight's already over?" Mairon asked with disappointment.

"I ain't complaining..." Gimli's words were felt or thought by the other recruits.

"I'm not even sure this is a real blight." Cailan confessed rather dismissively, "There are plenty of darkspawn...but alas, no sign of the Archdemon."

"Disappointed, your majesty?"

"I'd hoped for a war like in the tales! A king riding with the fabled Grey Wardens against a tainted god..."

"Careful what ya wish for surfacer..." Gimli said and was hit on the head by the flat of Durin's axe.

"But...this will have to do." Cailan turned back and bowed to the recruits. "I hate to cut this short, but I must speak with doubt to bore me with his strategies...Farewell, Grey Wardens."

"He refers to strategy as boring," Galad mused as the young gold-armored king walked away, "I think I'll go on a limp and say that...he shall not pass thirty years."

"Could you at least pretend to respect your king?" Revan asked, offended at Gilead's words.

"He is not my king, shemlen." The dalish elf shot back also offended.

"Regardless...he is a king and should be treated with all due respect..." Durin stated to the elf.

"Are you quite finished with your childish argument?" The three warriors turned to see an annoyed Duncan, a nervous Shatele, a confused dog, a chuckling Gimli and a more annoyed Lily. "What the king said is true...They have won several battles against the darkspawn here."

"Yet, you are not reassured..." Revan noticed.

"Then again, he didn't take any of it too seriously anyway..." Lily also observed.

"Is there a chance that this truly isn't a blight?" Gimli would love to just leave this place if he wasn't needed. Duncan simply motioned to the recruits and led them along through the ruins of Ostagar.

"Despite the victories, the darkspawn horde grows with each passing now they look to outnumber us."

"We wouldn't want this to be too easy, would we?" Revan boasted which caused Lily to roll her eyes.

"I would." Aeducan rolled his eyes at the cowardice of the casteless Brosca. What Duncan saw in this fool was beyond the former noble.

"I know that there is an archdemon behind this. But I cannot ask the king to act solely on my feeling."

"How great has the danger grown?" Gilead asked the warden commander.

"As I said, there is no denying that a blight is upon us Gilead."

"If he weren't such a fool maybe-" Lily stopped when she felt and noticed the sharp glare that the cousland shemlen gave her, "Is that supposed to scare me shemlen?"

"Be mindful of your company, my lady..." Revan lightly warned.

"What would you have him do, Duncan?" Durin asked the warden commander.

"Wait...await the reinforcements promised from Redcliffe and the Grey Wardens from Orleis."

"Orleisans! Are you jesting me?" Revan asked in outrage, "They'd just as likely retake Ferelden! Father would roll in his grave..."

"Remember Revan, a Grey Warden sacrifices all other ties and bonds for the sake of ending the blight." Despite his own feelings, Revan breathed and calmed down when he realized that Duncan was right...even if they were bloody orlesians, "Besides...the wardens in Orleis are just the same as us."

"Only...Orleisian! With ridiculous accents and stupid looking hats!" Everyone paused at Mairon's spontanious rant, not that he wasn't right but how he also said it in a mock orleisan accent, "I thought we didn't like the Orleisans?"

"With everything proceeding the way it is, we must commence with the ritual immediately."

"Ritual?" Mairon stirred at Duncan's statement, "Does this involve the shedding of fresh blood?" Everyone's breath grew chill at the idea of a blood ritual.

"Nothing quite so drastic..." Everyone exhaled in belief while Mairon snapped his fingers in disappointment, "It is brief, but necessary and preparation is required."

"Surely there others besides ourselves?" Gimli knew for a fact that when walking into a situation that doesn't guarantee survival, always bring a meat shield.

"There are two others in fact." Duncan assured the dwarf as they came to the bridge connecting the two halves of upper Ostagar, "Feel free to explore the camp, but I ask that none of you leave it for the time being. When you are ready, seek out Alistair and inform him that it is time to gather the other recruits and begin the ritual."

"What exactly does this ritual-"

"It is dangerous, but all will be told in due time, Lily," The city elf still looked distrustful but Duncan paid it little heed, "The Grey Warden tent is on the other side of this tent, you will find us there should you need to."

"Shatele...take Rabbit and stay with Duncan for now." The young girl didn't look like she wanted to separate from her "brother", but she nodded her head.

"Be careful brother." She kissed her "brother" on his cheek and ran after Duncan with the mabari hound following behind.

"You're sister's gotta a nice shaped-" Gimli stopped when he felt the cold steel of one of Cousland's swords against his face. "I get it, limits...I get it..." The human sheathed his sword and started walking but stopped when he saw that the city elf was also about to cross the bridge.

"Cousland." This human, Lily regarded him as though he were an insect that needed to be crushed. Not only did he look like he didn't belong around here, he also sucked up to that fool like a sick little puppy. This man probably never had to go a day without worrying about his next meal because servants were worked to death to give him a lavish dinner.

Elven servents.

"Lady Tabris." Revan was courtious as his mother would have wanted, but inwardly he dreaded the glare with which the elf gave him. It was different from Mahariel, the Dalish elf was proud of his culture and was making it clear of how much he hated humans for taking away the Dales. He was represented the culture he grew up in, but Tabris was another story. A story that could be summed up in one word,


"Elf." Gimli was casual, he had never seen an elf up close before. Mahariel was the first elf he'd ever met and as the two stood looking at each other, Brosca had a feeling that this guy might grow on him. For one, this guy stood out. Most other elves were either skinny like that blue haired chick or had a meek little backbone so that they ate whatever shit these humans spat in their hands. Gilead was clearly different, he was muscular for an elf but he didn't have any tattoes.

Weren't Dalish supposed to have those?

"Dwarf." Mairon couldn't believe how short these dwarves were. By all accounts, Mairon figured that they shouldn't be around. That long ago, the Maker had a helper who got impatient because humans weren't around yet so they carved out their own figurines. Then the Maker decided to throw them in, make them short and cut them off from magic as some sick joke.

At least they had cool beards.

"Sorcerer." Magic was something that Durin had only heard of from stories and fairy tales. Not at all like the factual tales of demons that occupied the deep roads, corrupted dragons that led darkspawn to the surface, or the legions of stone that were lost to the centuries. Now here stood next to him a human mage robed with a single black braid running down his back. There was also a glow within his eyes.

Was that the glow of magic?

"Thank you." Amell told Aeducan, either not caring or not knowing that the dwarf meant to insult him, "That axe must make battles bloody, no?"

"Why in fact they do!" The dwarf's face lit up at the praise of his axe, "Least I have found a mage who acknowledges the strength of the dwarves."

"If you die, can I have it?" Mairon asked to which the former dwarf lord laughed, "Oh wait...I'll just take it."

"Nah! I already called dibs, that axe is a fortune by itself!" Gimli yelled over to the two.

"Typical of dwarves, thinking only of wealth." Galad mused with a mocking smile.

"Well maybe if you soddin elves thought a bit like me then you wouldn't be a bunch of poor drifters." Gimli shot back, the dalish elf huffed his nose and started across the bridge to rid himself of that dwarf's presence.

"They look like they're getting along." Revan laughed while he and Lily watched the other four recruits separate as they crossed the bridge, "You'd think with the impeding plague of darkness about to swallow us whole that we'd all join hands and become friends for a few years."

"Perhaps we are run by fools, Cousland." Tabris answered the human, "Sadly, they are the majority of your kind."

"What do you mean, my kind?"

"Humans. What else would I mean?"

"Nice to meet you too!" Revan called as he watched the city elf walk away. The look in her eyes, one wrong move and she would make good on cleaning out another noble house, "Then again, I'm surprised I'm not as bitter as her right now..."

Present Day/9:40 Dragon Age, Location Unknown

"Wow! I've gotta hand it to ya, you sure know how to start a tale fellow captive..."

"So yeah, they weren't in the mood to be on their best behavior with the king." The story-teller lightly chuckled despite Cassandra's unchanged disapproval, "Given what happened to them though, I'm not surprised."

"An elf of the city embittered towards humans," The Seeker said more to herself than to her two captives, "A dalish elf who seeks salvation from the taint, two dwarven exiles from opposite ends of their caste system, an scion of a murdered noble family, and...a very particular mage taken from the circle of magi."

"So you're probably wondering why they didn't end the blight at Ostagar, right?" The Ferelden native asked with a smile that soon faded, Varric knew why, "This next's not east to tell..."

"Take your time my friend." Varric leaned back and thought back to how the both of them had lost a brother in some way to the blight, "Not like she's letting me leave anyway."

"I'm right here you know." Cassandra crossed her arms and waited for her newest captive to continue the tale of the "heroes of Ferelden".

"Damn Orleisans." The man mumbled under his breath but seeing Varric nervous smirk and Cassandra's narrowed eyes, he realized that she had just heard him, "Oh sod."

Author's Notes:

Right then...what I'm trying to go for as you read is a mix of genuine drama with audacious humor. I may fail horribly in the attempt, but I'm sure we'll both have fun seeing what kind of mess I make.

In case having all six origins present wasn't a tip, a few things may change in future occurances from how they went in the game. Again, this is a parody of Dragon Age so don't expect it to be more than 80% faithful to source material.

As for the storyteller, I'll leave that for you to figure out.

The singing, inspired by a rough animation for "Looking for Group" called "This is War", but since it wasn't complete, I merged it with the rest of the lyrics from "A Whole New World." First attempt at this kind of thing so I'm sure if it will translate well.

As always, thanks for reading!

*1=Sten disapproved (-8)