Hogwarts Rejection Letters

Disclaimer & Author's Note: I do not own Harry Potter, the world of Harry Potter, or any and all official characters from the Harry Potter series itself. J.K Rowling, the woman behind the series, owns this genre, along with other companies and whatnot that help make this series enjoyable in the world. I also do not own ANY other characters from whatever manga, anime, video game, TV series, or movies that emerge in these various two-sided coin chapters. All I own is any of my usual Original Characters that may popup, and whatever else I create out of the figment of my imagination. This is inspired from Hogwarts Rejection Letters written by Midnighter 13. Of course... mine is slightly different from Midnighter; each chapter not only HAS the rejection letter, but it comes with its own short little oneshot of the reactions to the letter.

This will contain some adult material (nothing too graphic), so I have warned you.

Dear Crazy Psycho,

Yo, I ain't goin' nowhere to some whack-ass school for "magic". Not only is this the poorest attempt of a prank, but enclosed at the end of this reply is a skillfully detailed impression of myself flippin' the bird while doin' the five knuckle shuffle.



"Harry/Emerald!" came the voice of his three sisters.

All three barged into the room just as he finished coloring in his eyes on the picture.

"We want you downstairs!" the girl with blue eyes said, her long straw blonde hair swaying each time she moved. Her other sisters, one with brown doe-like eyes and dark red hair and the other with black eyes and shoulder-length black hair wonder up to him.

"What's wrong, sisters? Some fool trying to make a rap on my hood?"

"No... We just want to have sex again," the dark-haired girl replies with a mischievous smile.

"Jessica (red-head), Alicia (dark-haired), Sarah (blonde), lemme finish this reply to this bogus shit school, then I'll head down. Go warm-up."

The girls all grin and leave, and he watches them as they strip as they head to the stairs to head down.

"God I love them," he says to himself, finishing his cigarette before tossing it out the open window, "life would be different had we not band together and leave that shitty orphanage in Europe."

Folding both letters, he heads out, taking his shirt off and undoing his belt, unaware that an owl with an Hogwarts Emblem had swooped in, and took the letter secured with a simple tied ribbon of black. The preteen gangster wouldn't find the letter hours after the four exhausted themselves in the living room.

Several hours plus an oceanic flight later...


Not only did she read the rejection letter, but the other teachers were speaking as the second paper was passed. On it was Harry in a crude but detailed art all in black and white. He had long shaggy-looking hair, almost making him near feminine, but not going past the shoulders. The art of Harry Potter was shirtless, with light washboard abs and strange markings drawn on the upper right pectorals. The pants of the artwork were at the ankles along with undergarments, and the right hand was grasping a drawn erect penis (complete with short lines showing "movement") with a squiggle of blobs shooting from the tip. Left hand was up with only the middle finger extended. Artwork Harry was also sticking out his tongue in a childish manner. The only color on the artwork was the green eyes.

"Well... this is artistic," Dumbledore commented once he was the last to see it (handed to him by a grumbling Severus Snape).

Everyone stared at him like he grew two heads and began to spout lemon drops like a fountain.