It's Okay to be Gay
I do not own Harry or his world. That belongs to J.K. Rowling
This is my first fanfiction that I'm sharing. I'm rather nervous about it, so please be nice but honest. Thanks.
Draco was hurrying down the corridor with his broomstick slung over his shoulder. He and Harry were going to have a Quidditch date to do some much needed work on Draco's skills. He and Harry had been going out for about two months now, after Harry followed Draco to the bathroom the day Katie Bell came back. Neither of them expected, it just sort of happened. Either way, they were both glad it did.
Draco was practically skipping onto the Quidditch pitch when he spotted Harry sitting rather dejectedly in the stands. Draco's step faltered, but sped up again as he watched Harry wipe his eyes. If Harry was crying, then something must really be wrong.
Harry looked up surprised when Draco was standing beside him. He'd completely forgotten about their date, the pitch was always the place he went to think. Draco registered his look of his surprise, and realized that Harry lost in his troubles, had completely forgotten. So then why is here if he had forgotten?The answer came back to him when he remembered that Harry had once mentioned he went to the pitch to think when the castle was too crowded.
Draco sat down next to him, but he just sniffled and turned away.
"Harry," Draco tried gently.
"Go away," Harry responded defiantly.
Draco sighed. "Oh come on love, don't do this with me."
He reached out and placed a hand on Harry's shoulder, but Harry shook it off. He turned around angrily, eyes shining with tears and shouted, "I said to go away. Leave me alone, Malfoy." He started to sob. "Please…just…go," he said between each sob.
Draco sat stunned and stung. Malfoy. Malfoy?What had he done? All he did was try to comfort Harry, and this is what he got? Was what he did so bad that they were back on a last name basis again?
Draco was livid, and stood up. "You know what? Fine! Excuse me for giving a rat's ass about you! Excuse me for caring about you! I didn't know that was so frowned upon these days. What did you expect me to do when I come here to find my boyfriend crying? Just sit here, and say 'get over it'? I don't know what your problem is, but next time you're upset I just won't care, since that's clearly what you want…Potter."
He practically spat the last word out; Harry froze. "Potter," pierced him like a thousand knives, bringing him back to his senses. Draco started to storm off, but Harry grabbed the sleeve of his robes.
"No, Draco, wait! Please," Harry pleaded, new tears starting to form in his green eyes.
Draco scoffed, "Oh am I Draco again to you? Just forget it, Harry. Sod off."
He shook loose, and walked off in a huff. Harry stood there for a moment, stunned, his robes blowing in the wind. The sky was threatening to storm but Harry paied it no notice as he slumped back down on the bleachers. He stared into space for a minute, until he curled up in a ball on his side, and began to cry all over again. He didn't bother to move when the rain came crashing down, and lightning lit up the otherwise dark Quidditch pitch.
After an hour or so Harry, soaking wet, trudged back to the castle. He entered the Great Hall to find Ron and Hermione looking around, and it wasn't hard to guess who they were looking for. Harry tried to escape past them, but it was hard for anyone not to notice him as he was sopping wet, and his shoes squelched with ever step.
"Harry, Harry! Hey! Wait up!"
Resigned, Harry slowly turned around to face his two best friends.
Ron looked him up and down, taking him all in. "Where were- why are you so we- what's wrong with you?"
Harry sighed. The last thing he wanted was their anxious faces staring at him, especially Hermione's. She was a lot more perceptive than Ron would ever be. Too perceptive for her own good,Harry thought to himself bitterly. Plus she knew.
"I, uh…well," Harry tried, casting around for something to distract them. Finding nothing, he bolted up the stairs, went straight into the boy's bathrooms, and climbed into a steamy shower. The warm water felt good as it washed away the cold water coating his skin.
He stood there until the hot water began to run out, and he unwillingly stepped out of the shower. He pulled on his pajamas, tossed his wet robes into a hamper against the wall, and hoped he'd be able to get to his bed without any unwanted detours.
Just when he thought he was home free, Hermione stepped out of the shadows, and pulled his arm to the girl's entrance. She muttered the charm that would allow a boy to enter, and rushed him up the stairs. Her dormitory was empty, as it was still fairly early. She continued to pull him until they were both sitting on her bed. He glared at her while she pulled the curtains around them, and whispered a charm so no one could hear them.
Hermione sat silently for a moment, letting him glare with his bloodshot eyes. The look in them told her this wasn't going to be an easy conversation with him; they rarely were now a days. She took a deep breath and began, "Wasn't tonight your date with Draco?"
Harry broke his glare and looked down. Great. She always got right to the point. She took this response as a yes. "Did something happen?"
Harry scowled at her. She was the only person who knew about him and Draco, and that to both of their surprise he was…gay.He hated the word. It made him feel like there was something wrong with him. He loved Draco, and how he felt around him but it also scared him. Hermione knew that Harry clearly hadn't come to terms with the fact that he didn't like girls, even though Harry wouldn't admit this. In her opinion, she rushed into this too fast. Not that she thought there was anything wrong with him being gay; she had even gotten over the fact that he was dating Malfoy. She just thought that Harry should have given himself more time to sort himself out. But Harry, being Harry of course didn't. Hermione also knew that Harry was afraid to tell the others, especially Ron. Ron had trouble accepting things that weren't exactly normal by society's standards, and there was no way he was going to accept that Harry was going out with Malfoy.
"I suppose you could say that," Harry sighed cryptically.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Does it really seem like it, Hermione?"
Hermione didn't say anything. She had a funny feeling as to what this was about. She wanted to say something, but she didn't know how to approach it, and he was upset enough as it was. As the minutes passed by she decided she better try anyway.
"You know Harry, there's nothing to be ashamed about."
"Who said anything about me being ashamed?" Harry retorted defensively.
"No one. I just thought you needed to know that it's okay to be gay," she replied softly.
He flinched at the word. "Well thanks for clearing that up," he said sarcastically.
Hermione smiled broadly at him, "any time."
Harry stormed out. It was so annoyingat times how she could see right through him. What was worse was that in all the time Harry knew Hermione this was the first time she'd ever been wrong. There was nothingokay about being…not according to a lot of the people around him. He threw himself down on his bed, and closed the curtains around him. When he heard Ron up the stairs calling his name, he remained silent, letting Ron think he'd fallen asleep.
That night Harry slept restlessly, dreaming of kissing Draco over, and over again. This didn't improve his mood in the slightest when he woke up the next morning.
Draco who hadn't slept at all was also in a foul mood. He had played the night's events over, and over in his head and came to many conclusions, but no answers. He suspected Harry only reacted that way to him because he was so distraught, and he had just overreacted in response to Harry. One thing, though, was certain: As angry as he was at Harry, he also still cared deeply for him. He wanted to know what was bothering him, and more importantly work out what had happened between them. He entered the Great Hall with the resolution to get Harry to talk to him.
He anxiously forced down some eggs and toast, stealing glimpses at Harry. He couldn't just walk straight up to him, and demand to talk. Draco knew that Harry wasn't out to anyone besides himself and Hermione, and the last thing their relationship needed was to out Harry in front of the entire school.
He stood by the door as everyone began to stream out of the hall to head to class early, or grab their things. Draco waited until Harry was among the masses, going back to his old ways, he dragged Harry into an empty classroom. He locked the door, and used the same charm Hermione had the night before.
Harry gave Draco the death stare. "What the hell do you want?"
Draco didn't let any emotion flit across his face. He calmly stated, "I just want to talk Harry, that's it."
Harry shot back, "Oh, okay, sure Draco. But did it ever occur to you that I might not want to talk?"
He was beginning to feel awful at how many times he'd yelled at the people that cared about him, but he was too upset to care. He didn't have any more room for another reason to hate himself.
"Fine, then I'll do the talking for you." He waited for Harry to protest, but it didn't happen. So he took a deep breath and continued, "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I was frustrated, angry, and a bit stung by your behaviour towards me. I was only trying to help. I realize now that you were only acting this way because something is eating at you, and you are afraid to admit to it to anyone, including yourself. I still care deeply about you; I still want to help you. I wish you'd let me."
Draco watched Harry's face carefully. The number of emotions that flashed across it made it difficult for Draco to decipher them. The bell rang loudly in their silence. As if on cue, Harry pulled his face back into haughty composure.
"I have to get to class. Snape will give me detention for a month if I'm late." And he stalked off.
Harry wasn't at lunch, nor did he show up to his last class. Hermione was getting worried, and Ron was getting far too curious. She didn't know what to tell him. She kept making up excuses like maybe he'd gone to the infirmary because he mentioned earlier he wasn't feeling well. Harry's absence didn't go unnoticed by Draco either.
When the class was packing their things, Draco sidled over to Hermione and dropped a note on her desk while Ron's head was down. Hermione quickly pocketed the note inside her robes, and muttered to Ron that she needed to use the bathroom.
Once safely inside a stall Hermione opened the note.
We need to talk. It's about Harry. Meet me in the Magical Creatures section in the library at 4:30.
Don't be late,
At 4:25 Hermione was waiting for Draco in the Magical Creatures section at the back of the library. She tapped her toe nervously. She didn't hate Draco, and Draco didn't hate her. They had resolved that much between them. They didn't do it because the constant banter was getting tiring, but for the sake of Harry. This didn't mean she was willing to link arms with Draco, and skip around in a field with him though. Their common ground was that they both cared about Harry, and that much they could agree upon.
Draco's dress shoes clicking the floor made Hermione look up, she stared expectantly at him. He stared expectantly at her. Hermione sighed, why did she always have to be the one to initiate serious conversations?
"Okay, I'm just going to put it out there. I don't know what's going on between you and Harry, and I don't really expect you to tell me. But it'd be greatly appreciated if you would at least explain what happened last night. I think that's fair of me to hope for."
"Yeah Granger, that's fair."
"Okay. Harry and I agreed to meet at the Quidditch pitch last night. I arrived there, and he was sitting alone on the bleachers crying. I walked up to him, and tried asking him what was wrong. He told me to go away. I tried again, and he shouted at me to leave him alone. I then got angry, shouted at him, and stormed off. I cornered him this morning, and got him to listen to me. I told him that I was sorry for the things that I said, and that I still cared about him, and wanted to know what was wrong. He just stared at me, the bell rang, and he stalked out." Draco breathed out, and looked at Hermione, half expecting to be scolded for shouting at her best friend.
Hermione stood quietly for a minute, taking it all in.
"Draco, I really don't think Harry was shouting at you because he's truly mad at you. I think he was just extremely upset, and reacted accordingly."
"I know. I can't figure out what it is though. I can't figure out what's got his wand in a knot."
Draco blushed. He realized that, that could be taken two ways. Hermione ignored it; she wasn't a third year.
"I have a pretty clear idea of what is going on with Harry," she replied hesitantly.
"Come on, Granger, there's no more room left for protecting secrets. We both care about Harry, so whatever you say isn't going to be used against him. Honestly, I don't think I can fix this unless you tell me what you know."
Hermione looked at him for a moment, and decided for the first time in her life that Draco Malfoy was right. "I don't know how to put this. I think it took Harry off guard at what happened between you too. I mean it was kind of sudden… I don't think Harry really gave himself time to process it. I'm not saying he doesn't want to be with you, I'm just saying that Harry never felt like that towards anyone before. So I don't think he's truly accepted the fact that he's gay." She watched Draco's face fall. "He wants to be with you Draco. I just he's filled with self hatred and doesn't know what to do with it. He won't believe there is nothing wrong with being gay, and he's afraid of what others are going to say when they find out. So I think seeing you last night when he was already torn up over being gay, caused him to freak out. If you look at it that way, I think it all fits."
Draco stared at her. "Yeah…yeah it does fit," he mumbled. "I'll take care of it."
Hermione looked at him skeptically, but nodded.
As expected Draco couldn't find Harry at dinner. However, on the way out of the Great Hall, Draco spotted Harry running towards Moaning Mrytle's bathroom. Draco quickened his pace, and followed after him, halting when he got to the door. He wasn't sure what Harry was going to do when he saw him.
Draco quietly entered the door to find Harry crumpled on the floor, banging his fists against the wall. Horrified, Draco ran over to him, and gently pulled him away from the wall. Harry looked around to see who it was, and a look of horror spread across his face when he saw Draco staring concernedly down at him.
"No! No! Get off me!" Harry squirmed in Draco's hold. But the more Harry squirmed, the tighter Draco held him, resting his head on top of Harry's, and rocking him back and forth. Once he realized that Draco wasn't going to let him go, Harry stopped struggling against him. He sunk into Draco's warm body, defeated. They sat like that for a good fifteen minutes, until Harry looked into Draco's face, and gave him a small smile. Draco eagerly returned it as Harry moved himself so he was resting his head in Draco's lap. Draco began to stroke Harry's constantly messy hair, gently working through the knots.
Harry sighed contentedly, letting how good it felt to be comforted by Draco wash over him. It just felt so right. He froze. But it also felt so wrong. He shouldn't be like this with a boy. He should be like this with a girl, and the girl should be resting her head in hislap. Harry began to cry again, his tears dropping onto Draco's robes in small puddles. He hated himself. He hated himself. He hated himself. Why couldn't he have been normal? He wanted to pull away from Draco, but found he couldn't make himself to do it.
Draco brought Harry to sit in his lap, facing him. "Shh, shhh, don't cry. Please tell me why you are crying, please," Draco pleaded.
Harry buried his face into Draco's bony shoulder. "I don't want to be..be…gay, Draco. I can't be. What will people do when they find out? They'll hate me more than I hate…hate…," Harry faltered. Despite the fact Harry's voice had been muffled he had a pretty clear idea of what Harry just said, and what he was going to say before trailing off.
Draco pulled Harry's face away from his shoulder, and softly kissed every inch of it. Harry stayed there frozen, with his eyes closed. When Draco was finished, he still didn't move.
"Harry, please look at me." Harry slowly opened his eyes, but didn't look Draco in the eye.
"There's nothing to be ashamed of. We aren't the only gay people in the world. You need to come to accept yourself, because it doesn't matter who you love as long as you can love. I know it's hard at first. I was horrified when I realized I was gay, but I think I turned out alright. I came out. People weren't too friendly about it at first, but people got over it. I now have a gorgeous boyfriend, who'd be even more gorgeous if he believed it too."
Harry's bodied softened, and he leaned into Draco again. Draco wrapped his arm's around Harry, and Harry held them there.
"You really think so Dray," Harry whispered.
"I really do, love. It'll be okay."
And they sat like that for a long time, each basking in the company of the other. They'd worry about everything else another day.