Disclaimer: Rookie Blue is not mine. I'm just playing with the characters.


Jo thinks on unmeant hurts.


Mean

She did not mean to. Maybe her subconscious had betrayed her. But it wasn't on purpose. She though. Of course she held onto her loved ones, she tried to get closer, pushed. But not giving up on a pursuit it's not the same as precipitating a hurtful (maiming) break up, so no, she wasn't about to open that can herself. She let it lie, called Luke, gave him space first, time to clear the mess if he wanted to. Never expected him to dismiss it all so cavalierly.

And then McNally goes and sucker punches her. And it's not even intentional. She's just a young girl, all happy and in love, and she feels sick. What the hell is Luke thinking!

So no, it wasn't her intention really. She was just in a hurry to get some money, and get the girl out of the room, on some silly errand that was smashing her heart to pieces. She didn't even see the stupid match box fly out.

And where and when did the rookie get good interrogating? So nonchalant, those first couple of questions. She didn't even realize there was a need to lie until she looked her in the face. It all went downhill from there. She panicked, didn't even know what the story was because Luke wasn't even talking to her, and was now supposed to lie to save his impending marriage?. She couldn't. Didn't confirm anything either, but felt her own eyes burning, and was sure it was evident she was holding back tears. The girl was inexperienced but not an idiot.

She pushed her out. That was the plan from the beginning, right?. It seemed even more necessary now. It was a relief their witness was closeted in the bathroom for the whole show and still there. She needed to think. She didn't even know what she should be feeling, except rejection. And guilt. Damn it, Luke was the one cheating, the one that should have come clean, and yet here she was, feeling as she had just kicked a kitten.

As if the day wasn't going bad enough, she got piped on the head, her witness ran away, and had to be reminded of her obligation to protect by the woman she'd just hurt.

And what was on her mind?. She's supposed to wear her heart on her sleeve, be easy to read, but there is nothing. Only cold, stoic calmness. She wouldn't talk, but to snap at her once and then curtail things to work. Against all her wishes, the professionalism (or hard-headness) seeds a bit of respect in her too.

They get their marks, get back to the station. McNally still avoids her, but hey, this time it was her turn to remind her of their duties, and they had a love deluded kid trying to cover for her bastard of a boyfriend. Her bitter comment about relating echoes in her mind while watching the interview. Where has the hopeful, trusting girl gone. Flat eyes. Hard voice. There's a cynical creature sitting on her place. They had ruined her. Luke has ruined her. She has ruined her. She thought she couldn't feel more guilty.

She leaves the observation room intent on... something. Explaining, apologizing, convincing her on following their witness path and march forward? (she's not so selfless), the opposite? (she has no right). Andy's blank face makes her loose her nerve.

So here she is, looking at the matchbox spinning in her hand. One silly little trinket. She should be considering it her lucky charm. She should be happy that there is a good chance Luke will be single soon. But there is the rub. Whatever the outcome, wishful blind or cynical, naive Andy would be obliterated, crushed, smashed. By her.

She did not mean to. But mean doesn't even cover how she sees herself now.


An: I know, Jo screwed it. She went for it, as she said she would. But I thought she was really sorry to hurt Andy in the process. I felt for the gal, and thought she dealt with it leagues better than Luke.