A/N: I wrote this for the release of the final Harry Potter film. I grew up with Harry Potter, the first book was my favorite bedtime story when I was two years old. So, with the release of the final movie, I thought I should try my hand at writing my first Harry Potter fanfic to pay tribute. I saw the movie at the midnight showing and the scene where this one shot takes place was my favorite in the entire series. I cried so hard during it, more than I've ever cried in a movie. When I got home I started this little bit of writing. That being said, I hope this one-shot turned out well and somebody likes it. Thanks in advance for reading and please leave reviews, I love them almost as much as I love Harry Potter :)
SPOILER ALERT: SUPER PLOT SPOILER. READ ONLY IF YOU'VE SEEN DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 2 (Or you just like being spoiled ;))
It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
Thunder cracked in the distance as Severus Snape looked upon the ruined house in Godric's Hollow, his black eyes soft and full of emotion. He had come here to see for his own eyes if the rumors were true; that the Potters were indeed dead.
Most importantly, was she really dead? Had the Dark Lord killed her after all his pleadings?
He had asked, no begged, that Lily Potter remain safe and unharmed. What he had told Voldemort was somewhat true, he did desire Lily Potter, but it was much more than just desire. Severus Snape loved Lilly Potter. He loved her with all his heart; even if she never looked his way again, he would always love her.
Snape took a shaky step forward and the gate in front of the rubble swung open to meet him with a strong sense of foreboding. Should he leave now and forget this ever happened? Should he go on with his life pretending that Lily was still alive? He could remain blissfully ignorant for the rest of his days, pretending that the love of his life was not dead, that she had mysteriously lived like her only son.
No. He had to know. Even if it was true that his love was… dare he think it… dead.
He took another slow, measured step forward to what was left of the Potter house and the wind played with his long, dark robes slightly damp in the light drizzle.
He continued numbly to the front door, which hung ajar, the lock lying somewhere on the ground at his feet.
Snape did not allow himself to think as he moved swiftly through the house, passing by James Potter's body without a second glance.
His black leather shoes dragged him forward as the back of his robes trailed behind him picking up dust and debris.
He saw the light from the upstairs bedroom filter down the hallway stopping at the top stair, and Severus Snape halted his step midstride.
And he let himself hope.
He imagined a perfect world where he climbed the stairs and crossed the threshold to a wonderful sight. Lily would be there, alive, waiting for him. She would run to him, her long red hair flowing gracefully behind her as she moved towards him. She would hug his neck and kiss him on the cheek as she did when they were children. The past would be forgotten as he lifted her off her feet and swung her in a circle. He would smile for the first time in years.
She would be little Lily Evans again, and he would be the strange Snape boy from Spinner's End.
Hoping for that perfect world to be real, wishing for his dreams to come true with all his might, he began to climb the stairs.
With every step he wished harder, drawing nearer to the door.
With every step he remembered.
"She's just jealous. That she's ordinary, and you're special," Snape had comforted Lily one day under the old oak tree in Spinner's End.
"That's mean Severus," Lily chided him, but giving him a cheerful teasing grin all the same, and Snape smiled back.
Lightning flashed from the window beside him as the sprinkling of rain became a vicious storm in the matter of seconds.
Severus sat in his backyard with Lily. Her eyes were bright with excitement as he told her about Hogwarts.
"I hope we both get Slytherin!" Snape said hopefully.
"I don't know," Lily replied, apprehensiveness rolled off of her in waves. She didn't like the sound of that house. She was definitely not sly or cunning; the brave Gryffindor or brilliant Ravenclaw sounded more like her.
"Well… whatever you get, I'm sure you'll do fantastic," Snape said avoiding her gaze and blushing at the ground.
Lily giggled. "But what if I'm in Hufflepuff or something," the she gasped, "Oh no, Sev, what if we are in completely different houses? Will you still like me?" Tears started forming in her bright emerald eyes.
Snape scooted closer to her and put his arm around her slight shoulders. He put his cheek on top of her beautiful red hair and whispered, "I'll always like you, Lily."
Coming out of his stupor, Snape realized he had reached the top step. A light shined brightly from the door at the end of the hall, but the bright light seemed so ominous as he really took in his surroundings for the first time.
There was hardly anything left of the upstairs hallway that he faced. The door from which the light came from had been blown off its hinges and there were large portions of the wall missing on either side; some of the ceiling had collapsed in. Severus Snape's hopes were starting to fall.
To him, it felt as if lead blocks had been tied to the soles of his shoes as he trudged through the rubble toward the light.
He stopped at the end of the hall, his pounding heart became almost still. To his left was the ruined door. It had a window from which the pool of light spilled onto the dirty carpet. All Severus Snape had to do was turn his body; he wouldn't even need to open the door. He drew up all his courage and closed his eyes as he raised he hand to the doorframe and shifted it slightly.
It opened without resistance, and the light behind Snape's eyes made him wince slightly.
He heard the door give a soft thud as it fell behind him.
He kept his eyes closed and waited.
But it never came.
Reassurance never came, not in the form of Lily Potter's slender body giving him a hug, not in a sigh of his name. Nothing. Snape started to tremble in dread and fear for the worst as he reluctantly opened his eyes.
He took in his surroundings and fell to his knees. The support had been knocked from under him as his worst fear came to life.
She was there, but she could not hug him, could not run to him anymore.
Severus Snape gripped the door frame for support as his world came crashing down.
Lily lay on the floor, sprawled out in the most awkward of positions. She laid face down, cheek to floor, as her fixed emerald green eyes stared back at Snape without seeing him. A look of worry clouded her features into a frown, her mouth agape. Her glorious ruby hair fanned over her shoulders and down her back, some stray strands covering her face.
Snape let out a horrible pained cry from his pyre at the doorway. An invisible fire lit his heart aflame as he sobbed for his lost love.
"WHY?" Snape screamed into the night, "WHY HER? WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE ME INSTEAD?" His own sobs continued to rack through his body, preventing him from saying anything more.
Through his sobs he crawled towards her. He stopped beside her and stoked her hair as he mourned her death and his unrequited love. "Lily, Lily, Lily," he murmured with each stroke.
Snape brought himself to his knees and he pulled her lifeless body to his chest. He kissed the top of her head lovingly and pressed his cheek to the spot he kissed like he did when they were the two small children ready to go to Hogwarts in the fall. Like he did every time Lily came looking for him when her vile sister called her cruel names.
He sat there on the floor in the destroyed room cradling her body crying for the life they could've had but didn't.
"Lily, Lily, Lily," he sobbed, "I love you Lily. I love you so much, more than my own life. I love you."
He had never said those words enough to her; in fact he had only said them to her once, on that terrible day when he had ruined all possibility of a future with her.
"Lily, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it I swear!" A sixteen year old Severus Snape stood in front of the Fat Lady portrait, hands running through his long greasy hair, making it messy and almost stand on end.
The Fat Lady watched him pace back and forth, her eyes full of pity for him.
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," she quoted slowly.
Snape looked up at the painting panic evident on his features. A tear fell down his cheek as remorse colored his obsidian eyes.
"I feel awful," he whispered, "I didn't mean it at all! It just sort of slipped out…"
At that moment the Fat Lady swung forward to reveal a short very thin girl. Severus's face lit up in hope but then fell when the wrong girl stepped through the portrait hole. Alice Stevenson glared at him, her boyfriend of two years, Frank Longbottom, kept a protective stance to her side.
"You might as well give up," she sighed, " she's not coming out of the girls' dormitory for anyone, least of all for you," she spat the last part.
Severus visibly cringed.
"Then I guess I'll just have to stay here and wait." He sat in the floor in front of the Fat Lady, putting his head in his hands, his greasy hair acting like a curtain to the outside world.
Frank nodded, "Come on Alice," he took her hand and led her back through the portrait.
Snape sat there for hours on end, reprimanded endlessly by the caretaker to go to bed. Severus would ignore him every time, not saying a word.
When Snape started to doze off it was the very early hours of the morning and all the paintings around him were asleep. He was beginning to lose all hope that he would ever see Lily again when the Fat Lady creaked open. He sat straight up when he saw a lighted wand poke through the crack, and following it a girl, one with bright red hair and beautiful emerald green eyes. Lily.
Snape stood up facing Lily, looking her directly in the eyes. However, as soon as he was about to start his chain of profuse apologies, Lily held up her hand to stop him. Snape immediately fell silent.
"Don't even start," she said her vibrant eyes alight with a furious fire he had never seen before. Snape looked at the ground towards his feet ashamed.
"But Lily," he began.
"I said no!" she yelled back. "I don't want to hear it Sev. You can apologize all you want, but I know you're never going to actually mean it."
"But I do, Lily, I do mean it! With all my heart! Please Lily; will you just listen to me?" Snape pleaded, his eyes wet with the tears that had not yet spilled forth.
"No. I know you're not really sorry. It was all a lie, all this time! You were my mate Sev! My best mate!"
Her eyes began to water too, whether with rage or betrayal she did not know.
"I still am! This doesn't change anything, Lily! How could one word like that betray your trust in me? Please don't let one word ruin our friendship!" At that moment Snape choked back fierce sobs, "I'm sorry Lily! So sorry! Please forgive me! PLEASE!"
"I can't," she whispered. "What you said changed everything. It's what you really feel about me, I see that now."
"No it's not! I NEVER thought that about you Lily! NEVER! I could never think that about you because…"
"Because why Severus?"
"Because… BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! THERE! I SAID IT!"
Snape had finally said it. He finally told her how he really felt.
However at his heart wrenching confession, her green orbs hardened perceptively.
"You love a mudblood, do you Severus?" Her voice was venomous.
"Yes," he sighed, looking up through his greasy hair, "I truly do."
"Well, I guess you should have thought about that before. It's too late now."
With that Lily Evans crept back behind the Fat Lady's portrait again, to the only place Snape could not follow her. "Goodbye Severus Snape."
The portrait closed softly behind her, and she was gone, lost to Severus Snape forever.
For the rest of that night, Severus Snape sat in front of the Fat Lady and cried.
"I'll always love you Lily Evans," he whispered into the darkness, "Always."
The clap of thunder and a flash of lightening brought Snape back to the present. He continued to sob harder than he ever had before clutching the body of his first and only love.
"I'm sorry Lily, so sorry. I love you."
But his words fell upon deaf ears. Lily Potter would never know how much Severus Snape really loved her.
He didn't know how many hours he sat there on the floor in the midst of the debris, continuing to rock her body in his arms. He didn't know how many times he whispered sweet nothings into her ear. It could have been minutes, hours, or even days. He didn't care; he only wanted to be with his Lily.
Then, something sudden shocked him out of his comatose like state. A cry of a baby.
Startled, he looked around the room for the source of the sound, his head groggy and eyes bleary from all his tears.
He realized for the first time that the room Lily Potter had died in was a nursery, or at least the remains of what had been one. It was evident that very evil, very powerful magic had destroyed this room. Magic performed by none other than Lord Voldemort, Lily Potter's murderer.
Severus Snape did not have enough strength left in him to feel rage at the man he had trusted to spare his love's life. He was far to drained to feel anything at the moment. He was a lifeless zombie.
As Snape observed the room, he found the source of the crying; it was indeed a baby.
The child had to be no more than a year old; it sat up in its crib easily supporting its own weight. Its eyes were screwed shut onto its twisted face as it cried. The child had cried along with Snape the entire time and he hadn't noticed.
The baby was clearly a boy, his jet black hair contrasted with his baby blue jumper.
It continued to cry with its eyes shut, and Snape observed its every feature.
Upon examination, he saw it was clearly the son of James Potter; the resemblance was uncanny.
Thinking back, he remembered that James and Lily had a son roughly a year ago. Harry was his name.
Snape had an immediate hatred for the child, not only was he James' son, but he had also survived when Lily, the child's beautiful mother, had not.
As soon as he thought it Snape knew it was selfish, but it was the truth. Snape wished that the son of James had perished and Lily had survived. The thought was evil, and Snape knew it.
As the baby boy continued to cry, Snape looked it over again. This time he noticed that the baby had apparently been injured somehow; a thin trail of blood trickled from the child's messy black hair that resembled its father's.
With his long bony thumb, Snape reached out to lift up the boy's hair from its forehead, slowly revealing the source of the blood.
The boy had been cut in the middle of the forehead in a most peculiar design; the shape of a lightning bolt gleamed red in the blood slowly oozing from the cut. Snape rubbed his thumb over it, wondering how deep the cut had penetrated into the skin.
As Snape's thumb gently brushed over Harry's cut, the baby boy stopped crying and opened his eyes for the first time since Snape had seen him.
They were the same.
Green almond shaped eyes stared curiously back at Severus Snape.
The boy really was Lily's son. James had obviously given the boy every other feature but his eyes, and Severus Snape gaped.
The black eyes found green and Snape almost felt his lips curve into a half smile. Lily had not been lost forever; she was right here.