Inspired by… ok, the long list:
Flying Penguinz profile
the Hull Daily Mail (my local paper, btw, from Thursday since my Dad forgot to bin it… I mean recycle)
Look North (local news) reporting on the Hull Pride day mentioned in aforementioned paper
I don't own… Morganville Vampires or Harry Potter
"Myrnin," Amelie says his name through gritted teeth, barely managing to keep a hold on her temper. "You mean to tell me that your fabulous surprise which would and I quote, knock my socks off, as well as costing over one hundred thousand dollars, is sand?"
She takes a step closer to him but he takes one further away, until his back collides with the wall: trapped. "Uh, no, Amelie, actually the surprise is more to do with both the contents of the sand, the creatures and the competitive element added to it," he says in an attempt to placate her and make her realise that the spending of $107,000 for her own birthday present was the brightest idea of them all.
She cocks an eyebrow and shakes her head, unable to see this. "Well, then, Myrnin, are you planning on revealing the wondrousness of having eight different coloured sandboxes, complete with the coloured sand, is to me or am I to guess myself?"
He snorts but shakes his head, deciding that reliving his fantasy of her spending four hours guessing why he has so much sand and saying that it is for her birthday. It's actually because he had an awesomesauce dream and found that there was a special occasion looming.
He had spent fifteen hours trying to persuade Amelie why it should be him who chose what Amelie did for her birthday and why he should be given unlimited funds to plan it. She had given in finally… and this is the result.
"I suppose I can tell you," he huffs, as if this is a huge issue to him. "Well… ahhh, wait, the others are arriving. I ought to have them assemble first, so you see the purpose… oh and yourself," he orders her to step forwards, something she does with an angry expression.
Claire, Michael, Sam, Shane and Oliver arrive (Eve has to work in Common Grounds) and stand by the sandpits, having been told to stand there and wait to be told what to do, Oliver the most unwilling of them all… in fact, the only reason he came with the others is because he was told by Myrnin that he can ogle Amelie for the entire time and not get arrested for paedophilia.
"Ahhh, my wonderful… fellow citizens of Morganville!" Myrnin exclaims exuberantly, about to say "friends" but then remembers Oliver. "Now, Amelie, go to the yellow sandpit, Sam to the red one – look, they're right next to one another so you can hold hands and everything – Michael to the blue one, Claire, my dear, you get the pink one and Shane can have… urgh, you can have violet because I don't really like that colour," he orders people where to go, looks of anger on most of their faces and despair on Amelie's.
"B-but my hair is blonder than Amelie's, so why don't I get the yellow box?" Michael wails.
"I want to be next to Shane, not on my own!" Claire screeches as if she is a spoilt brat, whining about how much she lurves Shane.
"My hair is actually more orange than red, but just saying."
"Firstly, yellow is a ghastly colour and secondly, why on earth would I stand in sand?" Amelie rolls her eyes and wrinkles her nose up in disdain.
"Which one am I to go to?" Oliver asks, slightly hurt that he has been forgotten.
"Claire, you are exquisite, so you get the pink one and also because pink is girlie; Michael, you get blue as your eyes are blue; Sam, you want to be next to Shane or Amelie and Amelie, yellow is the closest colour to ghastly cream that there is… unless you would rather take a different colour and have to stand in it?" Myrnin says, being the pacifier in the situation rather than the aggravator.
They all nod in agreement at this and move to their respective locations, besides Oliver who continues to stand near Myrnin.
"Do you hate me that much that you refuse to give me a sandpit?" Oliver's lower lip trembles slightly as everyone refocuses on him.
"No, I didn't," Myrnin says with a grin. "That one over there is for you."
He points to the rainbow coloured sandpit a good ten metres away from the other sandpits, evilness spreading through him as everyone laughs and even Amelie cracks a smile.
"B-but it's rainbow coloured," Oliver protests.
"Yes, perfect for your sexual orientation then, isn't it?" Myrnin shoots back. Oliver shakes his head and shudders but moves to his sandbox without another word, neither confirming nor disproving the theory they already have.
"Now, in these boxes, I have buried various things that are perfect for you," Myrnin says as he steps towards the boxes.
"Myrnin, there are two boxes free: who has the last one?" Sam asks as his brow furrows.
"Oh, because I am so superb and you all want to be me, I decided that the things that are perfect for me are so numerous that I needed two boxes," Myrnin shrugs as he steps closer to his two boxes, green and orange. "Now, in the little bag next to you, there is something in it. Kiss it and it will grow… oh and then drop it straight into the sandpit. The winner is the person who gets all their three things first… GO!" because he is so organised, he is already grabbing his bag and pressing his lips to the scaly thing inside of the bag.
He drops it instantly into the green sandpit and then does the same for his orange box before anyone else has even grabbed their bag.
"Myrnin, if you expect me to kiss this scale, you seem to have been on drugs for slightly longer than I expected," Amelie hisses, peering into the bag with horror.
"I'll do it for you!" Sam says, leaning over and kissing the scale thing for Amelie, dropping it into her box before doing his own.
The other four have already done theirs, Oliver muttering darkly about having rainbow coloured sand, and Myrnin is now just lounging half in the orange sand and half in the green, sunglasses having suddenly appeared on his face.
His first item appears from his scale thing that is rummaging through the sand: it's a $10,000 watch from some shop that he has wanted for ages, as apparently it's immune to all household substances… he's hoping it stretches to like sulphuric acid, as that's what has floored his last few watches.
Amelie is the next lucky person, getting… a set of fake pearls, a note attached saying:
You spend too much money on jewellery, so I got you a replacement pair that both look better and are better for your bank.
She grits her teeth but allows her creature to continue searching, her hand sneaking across to link with Sam's as he receives… a Barbie doll, redressed to be wearing typical Amelie clothing.
"What the…?" Shane says as he lifts a bucket of dog food out of his sandpit, utter disgust on his face.
"Well, you're a dog and you seemed to like the leash that Ysandre gave you, so it seemed fitting," Myrnin shrugs as he answers, grinning as Shane almost attacks him until Michael gets in the way, as he has to pick up a new guitar…
"You misplaced the old one… yeah… sorry about that, I sort of broke it so have a replacement," Michael reads from the card, his brow furrowing. He's about to continue, when Oliver stands up and shows everyone his… Barney toy.
"You got me a purple dinosaur?" Oliver says, confused beyond belief.
"Well… you always like the old things and purple seems to compliment your hair… and I thought… well, you may be interested in the audience of the people who watch Barney," Myrnin says with a grin that is reciprocated by the people young enough to know what Barney is.
Fifteen minutes later and they all have their spoils. Nobody besides for Claire and Myrnin are happy: Claire received a $1000 in $100 notes, a complete collection of Isaac Newton's works and a key to a car, whilst Myrnin had bought himself the aforementioned watch, some new equipment for the lab that Amelie had refused to let him have… and an illegal driving license so that he can drive without Richard having him arrested.
Meanwhile, Oliver is unconscious, because, as well as the Barney toy, he received a little voodoo doll of himself from Myrnin, which has his head missing with a little note saying this is what will happen when you're next alone at night, and a letter from Amelie written in 1697, saying how she has feelings for him and if he turned up, she would be with him… Myrnin 'forgot' to post it.
Michael didn't get anything other than his replacement guitar because his scale thing died before it returned to the surface, thinking it was drowning in water because of the colour of the sand. Sam got the Barbie doll and two photos of him stalking Amelie, with notes saying cough up fifty dollars or I go to the police, whilst Shane got the aforesaid dog food, a picture of him and Ysandre and a new set of boxing gloves to remind him of the fight club.
Amelie, however, received the pearls, an invite for her to attend a 'party' at Myrnin's, at which she has to wear the pearls and a note for her to go to the shops and pick up the new outfits bought for her from the cheap second hand shop round the corner from where she lives.
Basically, Myrnin spent the majority of the money on Amelie's birthday presents on things for him…
"Myrnin, let me clarify," Amelie says, stepping away from her sandbox with an unhappy expression on her face because she accidentally sprinkled yellow sand all over herself. Yellow is so last century and having sand on her is just so childlike. "This is supposed to be my birthday, and you deemed that I would want to spend it with these abominations for so called people? More than that, you spent the money on yourself!"
"No, I had to buy your presents and stuff!" Myrnin protests, wondering if she'll know about the-
"Those pearls were being auctioned off by Morley last week, the invite must have taken you all of one penny to make and your outfits for me from the charity shop must have taken the rest of the $107,000 you took from me," she retorts coolly, rolling her eyes once again.
"The sand cost a lot of money," he protests sheepishly, trying to work out how long it will take for him to pick up his things and walk back to the portal across the way to go home. "And I had to organise the coloured sand in the box for Oliver so he felt included! That took a good few hours, which was my valuable time, which I had to include in the bill," he continues, digging his hole in either one of his sandboxes even deeper.
"I am going to watch as Oliver is allowed to cut your hair off, and then break all your equipment, and laugh," Amelie says cruelly, the others nodding in agreement. Even Oliver, in his deep sleep, nods dreamily as he imagines being able to kiss Amelie.
"Somebody isn't coming to eat the birthday spread I made!" Myrnin says with a sad smile, secretly happy because it means he can eat all the value range food he had to buy with his benefits because he ran out of money.
"ATTACK!" Michael screeches, holding his guitar as if it is a baby. And the others run at the retreating man, besides Amelie who is still upset about the sand issue and Oliver, who is sleeping.
The others try to follow Myrnin through the portal but they are redirected to the Glass House, whilst Amelie takes the portal back to her house to try and find her real pearls… this leaves Oliver alone.
And the voodoo curse comes true.
Probably makes no sense whatsoever, but it does to me!
Feel free to leave a review!
&, for the record, I have nothing against gay or whatever…