Kissing is a skill Blaine doesn't think he's very good at, at least not yet. He's only had one kissing partner before Kurt, and he was fourteen at the time. He doesn't really remember much about it other than they were afraid and grossed out by the prospect of using tongues and that it was stuffy and warm in Justin's room. Blaine distinctly remembers being embarrassingly turned on and ashamed of his own bodily reaction, all while sweating through his white tee-shirt.
Justin tasted like Doritos and sweat and Blaine hated it, sort of. They'd been experimenting, really – Blaine wasn't feeling comfortable in his own skin yet, he knew that Justin didn't know really what he was doing either.
It'd ended with the sound of Justin's brother clomping up the stairs and shifty expressions of guilt and never talking about it ever again.
Blaine, though, he's now sitting beside Kurt in the senior study room talking and talking and talking and he'd gone over in his head at least twenty times with what he wanted to say in this conversation but what's coming out of his mouth is not at all what he'd rehearsed. Kurt looks so cute, so poised, eyes wide and lips widening to let out a gasping breath. Blaine can see his hands are shaking a bit, can practically see Kurt's heart pounding out his chest.
It's a lot of weight to put on his shoulders, because Blaine – he's felt hollow this past week, felt dejected and defeated and embarrassed. Kurt was standing there all along, head held high, waiting for him - waiting for him to wake up; to see the beauty that lies within him.
He doesn't deserve Kurt, he knows, as he continues to talk, because this gorgeous boy sitting in front of him deserves the best. Blaine's let him slip through his fingers for all of these months.
Now Blaine's heart is in his throat, working its' way onto his sleeve. He's completely at the mercy of Kurt. He deserves to be rejected, to feel the way Kurt had over a month ago when Blaine had turned Kurt down in the Lima Bean. He can't imagine how Kurt had felt during that debacle – because if Kurt's feelings for Blaine were anything like the way Blaine was feeling for Kurt now, then encouraging Blaine's plan to sing for Jeremiah must have been utterly heartbreaking. To support him while he planned it, and then executed, such a ridiculous idea and then console him afterwards – torture.
Blaine doesn't think he could do it in reverse, not at all.
And that's the inherent difference in he and Kurt – why Kurt is everything Blaine has ever wanted and never knew about. He's selfless, compassionate and wanting. He's seen Kurt's other side and even in his most selfish moments he's reacting out of self preservation or because he knows he truly deserves happiness and wants it so bad after being denied so long.
So Kurt's sitting there, eyes wide, and Blaine's words are coming to a close. He's not quite sure what he's said – something about looking for Kurt forever (true), and then there's this moment – this moment when he knows that it's time to kiss Kurt.
He's replayed what he thought their first kiss would be like a million times since he'd truly opened up his eyes a week earlier, his hopes up high that Kurt wouldn't reject him and he'd get to follow through. He thought about passionate kisses, hesitant kisses, kisses on the cheek and kisses that led to more. He thought about what Kurt would look like, how he'd taste, if he'd kiss Blaine first or Blaine would kiss him.
When the moment came, though, it was nothing and everything Blaine had ever wished for, better than he could've ever imagined. Kurt tilts his head just in time, Blaine kisses him slowly, gently, fearing Kurt might still just pull back or push him away. Kurt's skin is just so soft under his hands.
There's a sweet inhale and then the shortest of separation and then Kurt's kissing him back, his lips pressing back gently, as if he's still not sure this is what's happening. Blaine's heart is racing out of his chest; he feels dazed, lightheaded.
It's then that he pulls away, has to, really, because he thinks he might just pass out. That kiss – that brief, fleeting kiss – was more than anything he could have ever dreamed. It was nothing, not at all, like his experiment and fumblings with Justin.
Blaine's never felt this way before.
He's not sure what to say, really, so he says the obvious – a comment about how they should be practicing. Kurt's face is dazed and happy and he's never seen Kurt like this- like he's floating on air. He can't believe he's created that in Kurt. He can't believe he's been trusted with that smile.
"I thought we were," Was Kurt's response. It's so Kurt – the sarcasm, the wit. Blaine can't really stop himself for reaching for Kurt again, and this time, he realizes that Kurt's reaching for him nearly at the same time.
The angle is awkward – he's halfway off of a chair, Kurt's head is tilted back at what must be an uncomfortable angle – but he's intoxicated, really, by the slide of Kurt's lips, the way Kurt's really really good at this. He feels sloppy in comparison, fumbling to capture Kurt's bottom lip between his own. Kurt tastes like peppermint and smells like a clean-clear lotion; probably whatever he uses on his face. Kurt's hand is tangled in his tie and as Kurt deepens the kiss, his tongue reaching out and seeking entrance to Blaine's mouth – Blaine can't help the embarrassingly wanton moan that comes from deep in his throat.
Kurt breaks the kiss then with a sweet, teasing laugh, the kind that makes Blaine's face flame up in embarrassment. He grapples on unsteady legs to stay upright, hands resting on Kurt's shoulders as he leans his forehead against the side of Kurt's neck.
"Hey," He objects weakly, and then moves back a little when he realizes Kurt's trying to stand. From this angle, where they're standing toe to toe, Kurt's height difference is dramatic. He has to look up a little to see Kurt's eyes, and he can't help but dart his gaze from the softness in the blue to the swollen state of his lips.
"Kurt," He murmurs, and he feels drunk by the endorphins running through his body, by the rate of which is heart is pounding. He's never felt anything like this. Never.
Kurt's hands are anchoring him then, one on his shoulder, the other on his cheek, as he tilts his head back up to look into his eyes. The blue is misty, clouded, reminiscent so much of the first time they'd sat across from one another with coffee as he, Wes and David confronted Kurt. This time though – this time those tears don't seem sad, not really. They seem hopeful, disbelieving.
"Please tell me I'm not imagining all of this or making it up in my head," Kurt says softly, and Blaine feels a sob bubble up in his chest. He's made Kurt feel this way – that there's no way that this was real, made it so that Kurt had come to terms that he'd never have Blaine the way he wanted.
He wraps his arms around Kurt's waist and pulls him close, trying to hide the fact that he's falling apart too.
"You're not," He whispers, kissing the spot under Kurt's ear before pulling back and cupping Kurt's face in his hand, "I'm so sorry, Kurt."
This time it's all Kurt – he leans in and captures Blaine's lips like it's a promise or retaliation; desperate and longing, begging and honest. Blaine has to fight a bit to keep up, letting Kurt take from him all he needs and trying to give it back two-fold.
It's Kurt that finally pulls back, kissing the corner of Blaine's mouth when Blaine tries to chase him back. They're both a mess – swollen lips and teary eyes and disheveled clothes – but Blaine just wants to take Kurt apart and put him back together with all of the things he wants to say, all of the things he wants to do with Kurt, all of the memories they had and have and will make.
There's a definite sense of forever in this moment, even if that sounds ridiculous and crazy. Maybe it's just the newness of this – how intoxicated by Kurt's scent and taste he is – but he can't imagine his heart pounding so quickly for another boy, not ever. There's so much he knows about Kurt, too – his humor, his intelligence, his stubbornness. They both know one another so well that this whole thing almost feels like a relief. He didn't realize how much he was itching to just touch Kurt until this moment.
Kurt leans in again, this time to press a gentle kiss to his cheek before they embrace in a familiar hug. He's the only one who's ever had the chance to hug Kurt like this – even before his revelation. This time he allows himself to brush a stray hand through the soft hair at the nape of Kurt's neck, tightening his hold on him when there's a deep breath and Kurt presses even closer to him.
They just stand there, hugging, for what seems like forever, until a noise from out in the hallway settles from their reverie and they step back, eyes never leaving one another as they make space between them.
There's awkwardness – just a little – but Blaine's not really surprised there is. Everything's different know, even if it's really not – they just need to find their footing and safe ground since everything's changed. Blaine's relieved, though, that he can touch now – so he doesn't hesitate to reach out to brush a rogue piece of hair out of Kurt's face. Kurt leans into the touch a little and they smile at one another awkwardly, sweetly.
Blaine feels like he's in a movie – in a narrative where everything's going so well. He has the boy he's been dreaming about – the boy that's always had his heart even if he never realized it. Just like in those narratives, in those movies, though – he's waiting for the other shoe to drop. Blaine's never been this happy, and he's not sure Kurt has been either.
"I'm still not sure I'm convinced this is real," Kurt finally says, and Blaine reaches out to thread his hand with one of Kurt's. Kurt's hands are still soft and trembling; his voice a still a little shaky.
"Me neither," Blaine replies honestly – because he can't believe it, either. Then, because he doesn't know what to say, "You're a good kisser."
Kurt dissolves at that, his soft giggle relaxing the nerves in Blaine's chest. Blaine smiles, too, then, realizing the utter ridiculousness in his statement and can't even find it within himself to be embarrassed, not really. This is Kurt – the amount of times Kurt has laughed at him (or, well, "With you, Blaine – I swear I'm laughing with you.") can't even be counted on one hand anymore – and he knows it's not malicious or negative laughter. His cheesy comments and tendency to open his mouth and say things without thinking hasn't pushed Kurt away yet, so he's not worried.
"If I am I have Brittany Pierce to thank for that," He replies, and then decisively takes Blaine's hand to lead him to the couch on the far side of the room. Blaine knows he must look confused because Kurt falls onto the far end of it and Blaine sits next to him, crowding into Kurt's personal space (because he can !).
"I never did tell you about my misadventures in playing straight for a week, have I?" Kurt admits, cringing outwardly a little. It's cute. Blaine thinks he's probably going to think everything Kurt does is cute for awhile.
"No – " And he is confused. Not hurt, not at all – if it was any other day, he might feel a little betrayed after the Rachel Debacle and the fight that erupted because of it – but right now he's so happy and trusts in Kurt so much that he knows it very obviously wasn't the same thing.
"When Carole and Dad started getting pretty serious, Dad started hanging out with Finn a lot more," He explains, and Blaine nudges Kurt's arm until Kurt wraps it around his shoulder and Blaine has to look up at him to see his face, "I was jealous, that's all – Dad wasn't into the stuff I was into. Finn was. I wanted the attention back, I felt like I was losing him. So for a week I donned overalls and baggy jeans and plaid and trucker caps and dated Brittany. We made out exactly once. I felt nothing, of course, but decided it was a good learning experience so I made her teach me – really teach me – how to kiss."
Blaine is simultaneously humored and chagrined by this – the thought that Kurt was so heartbroken over his father made his heart ache but the fact that Kurt, as usual, tried to find the best of the experience made him laugh.
"Well she did a good job," Blaine teased and leaned in to kiss Kurt again, sighing against Kurt's lips and letting the kiss linger teasingly. When he pulls away again he can feel the pounding of Kurt's heart under his hand, rapid and quick.
"I'll catch up, I promise," He continues, and Kurt's smile is sweet and blinding even as he's rolling his eyes in a teasing manner. Blaine leans in again, unable to stop himself and they fall into it, completely.
Later, he'll tell Kurt about Justin – about the boy he'd once called his best friend who got curious one day and kissed him in his room one summer, never speaking to him ever again afterwards. They'll talk about it, like they always do – because Kurt and Blaine tell one another everything and talk through everything and never want a word to go unspoken, not really.
They'll discuss what this is, what it means, what it can. Blaine will admit that he's never quite felt this way; that he's overwhelmed. Kurt will retort with a similar confession, talk about how he'd never thought he'd ever be more than a friend and how it had broken his heart and yet given him resilience.
Blaine will find out he never saw this coming – this confession, this kiss – even after he made his interest known in singing the duet with Kurt. They'll both cry a little, make promises. Kurt will kiss Blaine senseless, press him into the back of the couch and steal the words of apologies (over and over) from his lips.
They'll walk hand in hand back to the dorm and collapse on Blaine's bed – kissing and not, holding and touching just a little. Kurt's been touch starved for so long that even Blaine's fingers on his bare wrist feels like a beacon, warm and welcoming and tapping into so many things Kurt never knew he wanted. Mostly they'll talk and lay together and daydream from one thing to the next – thoughts of what their duet is going to be like, how their friends are going to react. They even allow themselves to talk about forever – just a little – their dreams and ambitions now freely incorporating one another without hesitation.
Later, it rains outside, too hard for Kurt to drive home, so Kurt calls his dad and explains he's staying with Blaine and Burt's not happy but he still doesn't know anything's changed so he lets it happen.
He doesn't need to worry though – not really – because they kiss some more but the urgency is gone and they feel settled, warm. Instead they curl up together and fall asleep too early, the sound of lightning outside the windows emerging in their dreams.
It's reminiscent of a night not so long ago, where Blaine had struggled with the urge to curl up close to Kurt and press a hand against his chest but didn't understand – not really- where it came from. He doesn't hesitate this time, though – he clasps Kurt's hand with his own and rests it over his heart.
For now, they kiss in the senior study room at Dalton Academy with a dead canary's bedazzled coffin only feet away, savoring this moment forever.
They're not sure where it's all going to take them, not now, and possibly not ever, but while they wait – they have one another.