Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. If I did own Degrassi, we wouldn't all be in this scary place right now where all ships have exploded into craziness, now would we? No. So in the spirit of denial, here's a smutty one-shot. This is most definitely not canon, but honestly, I don't give a fuck.

A quick shoutout to Musiksnob who suggested this as we all wallowed in misery after Dirt Off Your Shoulder part 2.

As always, I can be followed on twitter at takethecurve. (I will be more active on there once I get my new iPhone mid-August, I swear.) I also blog obsessively on tumblr at takethecurve dot tumblr dot com. I typically liveblog the episodes on Mondays and Wednesday. I don't usually get home in time from my biweekly Zumba+Dinner outing on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Failure Never Felt So Good

"I don't understand why we're here," Clare complained as Eli parked the hearse.

"You said you needed inspiration," he replied as if it were obvious. "How exactly are you going to get inspiration to write a paper on Walden if you're inside your house in the city?"

"I'd rather not write a paper on Walden at all. Did you even read it? It was awful," Clare continued to vent as she stepped out of the passenger side.

"Of course I read it. What do you take me for, a slacker?" Eli teased, taking her hand.

"Never!" Clare said dramatically, "I just know it's 'not your style'."

"That's getting old, you know…" Eli said mischievously, pulling Clare's hand to spin her around to face him. Clare stumbled to a halt, her chest mere inches from his.

"You know you love it," Clare said softly, raising herself up on her tiptoes to gently press her lips to his in a soft yet hastened kiss.

Eli sighed. It was hard to argue with such a convincing argument.

"So, purpose of intent defined, what now?" Clare inquired, raising a hand to shield her eyes from the bright glare of the afternoon sun.

"Now, we explore," Eli answered quickly, leading Clare into a break in the dense trees to their right. A path that didn't look recently used weaved crookedly into the lush greenery.

"Should I have worn hiking boots?" Clare asked, stepping carefully in her worn leather flip flops.

"Maybe, do you own hiking boots?" Eli fired back with a smirk.

"Not exactly," Clare said quietly. "Have you ever been here before?"

"Once or twice," Eli replied offhand.

After another five minutes of careful walking, they came upon an opening in the trees. Before them was a massive lake, or maybe a river, Clare thought. Some of the trees hung slightly out over the water on the outer edges, perfectly shading the outer banks.

Clare looked out in wonder at the dark blue water. It wasn't as cloudy as she expected lake water to be, though in truth, it had been a long time since she'd been around any significant amounts of water that weren't sequestered in a concrete pit of suburbia. Before she had a chance to notice he wasn't by her side, Clare heard Eli's voice from a distance.

"Clare, come check this out!"

Clare squinted her eyes to see him.

"Are you in a tree?" she called back in disbelief.

He scoffed.

"Barely, just come here!"

Clare walked around the edge of the bank, finding Eli on the lowest branch of a tree that leaned out over the lake.

"Yes?" Clare asked, slightly perturbed.

"There's a swing!" he answered excitedly, holding up what Clare took as nothing more than the seat of a wooden stool with a rope through its middle, knotted underneath.

"That's a deathtrap," Clare said under her breath, wiping the sweat beading up on her forehead.

"Something's wrong with this picture," Eli surmised, hooking the swing on a nearby branch and climbing down to Clare. "Usually, you're the one all 'Oh my gosh!' about stuff, and I'm the one standing idly by with a scowl on my face."

"How observant of you," Clare pointed.

"Come on, it's like molten lava out here. I bet the water's nice," he said, taking her hands in his.

Clare sighed.

"Do you at least have some towels in the back of that roaming closet you call Morty?"

"Hey, don't hate on him. He's well prepared for any occasion," he pointed. "Including an afternoon swim."

"I am not getting on that swing," she said sternly.

"I never said you had to," Eli was quick to add.

Clare sighed again before kicking off her shoes. A crooked grin spread across Eli's face as he kicked off his own and began pulling his shirt over his head. As Clare pulled her loose linen shirt over her head to reveal a pale pink tank top, Eli was already back up in the tree, sporting nothing but his dark plaid boxers. She watched with a giggle as he grabbed the swing and began sizing up his jump. Clare wondered for a moment whether she should keep her denim skirt on, but decided to shed it as she had a pair of relatively modest dark blue hipster underwear beneath it. She reminded herself that they were probably more covering than her bathing suit anyway.

"Eli, maybe you should check how deep the water is before you jump!" Clare called out to him.

"Nice panties, Edwards!" was all she heard before he leapt from the branch, hoisting himself on the swing which flung him out over the water. At precisely the top of the arch, he let go, falling into the water below. Clare couldn't help but smile. He may be all dark and mysterious most of the time, but underneath, he was still just a teenage boy.

Clare's fists tightened and rose to her mouth as she waited on him to resurface. With a loud intake of breath, his face broke the surface, and Clare began to breathe again. Now sufficiently calm about the swing, she began looking for a way down the bank to the water.

"It's quicker if you use the swing," Eli chimed, lazily floating on his back. "But if you're too afraid, I understand."

Challenged accepted, flashed across Clare's mind before she could stop it. Curse my competitive need to prove myself, she thought.

Carefully, she climbed up to the branch Eli jumped from. It wasn't so much of a climb as a step up, but she was pleased with herself nonetheless. She stepped carefully out just enough to grab the rope and pull the swing to her. She could feel her calves shake as she prepared herself.

"Any day now…" Eli teased.

"Shut up! I'm gonna do it!"

"I'll believe it when I see it!" he laughed.

Taking a deep breath, Clare shot one last glare of determination at Eli before letting her feet leave the branch. She managed to wrap her legs around the rope, the swing positioned perfectly under her thighs. Pleased with herself, she momentarily forgot what came next, and with a slight scream of panic, she let go of the swing and plunged into the water below.

The water felt amazing, just the perfect temperature to relieve the sun's sweltering heat. As Clare's head broke the surface, she took in a deep breath, wiping the water from her eyes. Her ears immediately filled with Eli's laughter.

"What's so funny?" she asked, pushing her hair back off her face.

"You screamed! I can't believe you screamed!" he laughed, swimming towards her.

"What? I most certainly did not," she pointed, losing certainty with every breath.

"Oh yes you did," he fired back.

"You're hearing things," she surmised, splashing him as he came within a few feet of her.

"I think not!"

"I think so!"

They splashed each other furiously before a bellowing voice called out over the lake, startling Clare so much, she momentarily bobbed underneath the water.

"WHO'S OUT THERE? THIS IS PRIVATE PROPERTY!"

Clare and Eli faced each other, both pairs of eyes widened in shock. Clare started to say something, but Eli covered her mouth with his hand and began pushing them to the bank.

"I HEARD YOU! THIS IS TRESPASSING!"

Clare and Eli scooped up their clothes, stepping into their shoes and making a break for the trail back to Morty. Once they were inside, Eli cranked the hearse, silently thanking whatever powers at be that it didn't give him trouble, and sped off back to the highway.

"I swear, I heard him pump a shotgun!" Clare squeaked, pulling on her clothes.

Eli didn't say a word until they got to his house. Once the hearse was parked, he pulled his jeans back on before stepping out of the car. In silence, he and Clare went inside, walking right past Bullfrog who had a cup of coffee about halfway to his lips before he noticed them.

"Why are you both wet?" he asked.

Clare and Eli stopped and looked at each other and began having a silent conversation about what to say.

"Never mind, keep going. I don't wanna know," Bullfrog waved them off, obviously too tired to care.

Once Eli's bedroom door was closed and locked securely behind them. Eli burst into a fit of laughter, doubling over.

Clare was so taken aback, she didn't know what to say at first.

"Wh… Why are you laughing?" she demanded, pushing a dripping curl from her forehead.

"Honestly Clare, a shotgun?" he teased.

"I did! You know you heard it too!" she said adamantly, poking him in the shoulder.

"And you said I was hearing things," he shot back.

"I did not scream! We could get arrested, you realize that right? What if he reports us? What if he got Morty's plate numbers? What…"

Eli silenced Clare's incessant questions with a fierce kiss, pushing her back against the door. Their wet clothing clung to their bodies, as he pushed himself flush with her. All at once, he retreated, his hands on her shoulders, taking in her surprised face.

"But…"

Again he kissed her, this time grazing his tongue against her bottom lip before sliding it into her mouth to meet her own. She let out a small moan as his hips pushed into hers, and she wrapped her arms around his back, pulling him still further into her. After a few moments, he retreated once more, leaning only his upper body away to get a look at her face. When she didn't speak, he chuckled.

"Better?" he smirked.

She didn't answer. Instead, she pushed his chest away before turning him and pinning him against the wall caddy-cornered to the door. Clare threw herself into the kiss, sucking impatiently on his bottom lip before trailing her lips down his jaw line to the nook between his neck and shoulder. He suppressed a shiver as she licked and sucked the still slightly wet skin, her hand slowly making a trail down his bare chest.

Eli gripped the bottom hem of her tank top for a brief moment before pulling it over her head and tossing it across the room. The faint sheen of sweat and lake water beaded up on her chest, and Eli bent down, licking a trail just above the cup of her pale pink bra. He felt his pants tighten as a gasp left Clare's lips. Their hips were still so close, she must've felt it too because she began to unbutton his jeans, pushing them off his hips.

Attacking her neck with his full lips, he stepped out of his jeans, kicking them away. His hands trailed her shoulders before finding her sides, caressing the soft skin reaching to unbutton her skirt. Before he could push it off, she did it for him, wiggling her hips to guide it down her thighs.

Eli's tongue found the sweet spot in the nook of Clare's neck, and he was rewarded with a breathy moan.

"Eli…"

"Yes?" he said darkly, reaching around behind her to unfasten her bra, before pulling the straps down her shoulders.

Their bare wet skin slid against each other, and Eli could feel her nipples harden against his chest.

"Did I really scream?" she said softly, reaching up to pull his lips back to hers.

"Does it matter?" he teased against her lips, reaching between their bodies to stroke two fingers between her legs.

"Maybe," she answered simply, hooking her thumbs into the waistband of his boxers.

"How so?" he continued, pushing back the fabric between her legs and running his middle fingers through her slick folds.

"I might need to know," she half-moaned, pushing his boxers off his hips and stepping back to push the wet fabric down his legs. He stepped out of them as Clare reached down, pulling her soaked underwear down her thighs, kicking them out of sight. He watched her hips sway as she walked back to his bedside table, getting the necessary precautions.

Eli pulled her back to him, turning at the last second to push her back against the wall.

"Why?" he asked, dipping down to lick a trail between her breasts before taking her right nipple in his mouth, swirling his tongue over the hardened bud. While his mouth was occupied, he rolled on the condom, dropping the wrapper to the floor.

Clare felt her legs tremble as his hand once more reached between her legs, sliding two fingers into her drenched center. Clare stifled a moan, biting her lip.

"But what if I scream at other times and don't know it?"

"Like when?" Eli breathed, rising back up her body, grinding his hips into hers.

"Like right now?" she answered, blushing furiously as she felt his erection pressing into her hip.

"While I appreciate your enthusiasm, you might need to refrain," he groaned, leaning back down to bury his face in her chest, kissing the soft skin as his hands reached around to grip the backs of her thighs.

She gasped as her picked her up, pushing her weight against the wall as he pulled her thighs up around his waist. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hooked her ankles to steady herself.

"I might not be able to control myself," she breathed, kissing his shoulder as she felt him steady his legs.

"Like when?" he teased, picking her up slightly.

Clare let out a deep moan as he lowered her back down, filling her with his length. He let a moan of his own as he felt her walls adjust to accommodate him. Reveling in the pleasure of feeling her surround him, he pulled his hips back before pushing into her again.

Eli felt Clare's fingers dig into his back, her short fingernails leaving red trails in his skin with each thrust. As she clung to him, he rotated his hips in a circular motion, eliciting a sharp cry of pleasure from Clare's lips. Eli kissed her quickly, trying to stifle the sounds she was making, knowing his dad was downstairs.

With a deep thrust, Eli began to feel her walls pulse as pleasure crashed over her. He could feel the short gasps fall on his shoulder as she tried to keep quiet, and he pushed into her more fiercely, drawing out her orgasm. As he felt her breathing slow, he let himself go, releasing with a deep moan.

Clare clung to him, feeling the pulse of his release. Carefully, he set her down, and she made her way to his unmade bed while he disposed of the evidence of their sudden tryst. He flung himself on his stomach beside her, and she cradled his head to her chest as he draped an arm over her stomach.

As their breathing slowed, Eli felt Clare's chest move as she began to giggle.

"The giggles? Really?" he teased, raising his head from her chest and leaning up on his elbow.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about something," she said, turning over on her stomach.

"I hate to sound self-conscious, but I certainly hope it wasn't about what we just did," he told her, cocking an eyebrow.

"No, no, no. I was laughing because you said you were trying to inspire me to write my paper earlier, but you seem to have failed miserably," she joked.

This time it was Eli who collapsed in laughter.

"What?" Clare asked, confused.

Eli leaned over and kissed her lips softly.

"Only you could be thinking about schoolwork post-coital," he smirked.

Clare smiled.

"You know you love it," teased.

The familiar crooked grin fell across Eli's face as he scooted closer to Clare, pulling her into his arms.

"I do, Edwards. I really do."