Disclaimer I don't own Inuyasha Rumiko Takahashi, and VIZ Media do. Rated R for raw humor, language, and Lemons

Inuyasha has unique and entertaining ways of dealing with a certain pest that the others enjoy .Kagome goes commando in order to stalk her prey and gets a big surprise. A night at a theatre leads to something spicy and later on to a big surprise. A/N TheLostPrincessOfTheEast and I write together and share material that's why similarities may be seen we didn't plagiarize each other, complete one shot, A/N did some editing replaced chapter, sorry peeps. Naraku/Kagome

At The Movies 9

By Raven-2010, Oct 6 2013

My room, late night raid

"My rooooooom" a shrieking voice broke through the silence "My dog den has been destroyed,"

"What the hell is going on up there," Sugimi questioned

"What happened fool did your panties split in two from one of your continent sized farts? Sesshoumaru needled "Or did your thong shift giving you an ouchie?"

"My room" Inuyasha's voice wailed "This is sacrilege,"

"Your room" what about your room? Sugimi asked

"It's ruined," he whined "It'll never be the same,"

"You mean you can find something in there? Sesshoumaru teased "What a surprise it's a miracle,"

"Ahhhhhhh, noooo my babies, oh no my poor innocent babies" oh who could be so cruel?

"Speak fool what gives?" Sesshoumaru commended "Chip a claw did we? Poo bear"

"No their gone forever," the hanyou continued "Whoever did this I hope you dieeeeeee," he bellowed "Murderer"

"Shall we? Sugimi said

"Yes we'll learn nothing otherwise," Sesshoumaru answered

The two inus rushed up to the wailing hanyous room "Wow, it's so," stunned Sugimi started then paused eyes wide with surprise

"So shiny and new," Sesshoumaru added

"Yes like a precious diamond, and look you can see the top of the bed,"

"It must have taken a whole cleaning crew," Sesshoumaru needled

"Oh shut up you bastards, I knew where everything was, it's gone it's all gone" what am I going to do? Inuyasha whined "This is so unfair cut down in the prime of their lives,"

"Your room is immaculate why one would think that you would be ecstatic," Sesshoumaru said

"Let's go it is obvious that this dog prefers a dirty dog house," Sugimi jabbed he and Sesshoumaru turned to leave

"Their gone my babies are all gone," Inuyasha continued "This is murder first degree cold blooded murder,"

"What babies the ten thousand roaches you had living in here? Sesshoumaru needled "Or do you have a secret litter of puppies we don't know about? Guess I was mistaken in thinking you were shooting blanks, oops my bad"

"No, you ass,"

"Then what?" Sugimi questioned "Speak dog"

"My babies," the hanyou whimpered "They've been slaughtered they were completely helpless, if only daddy had of been here to protect you,"

Upon closer inspection Sugimi noticed his wailing down on his knees son was holding something in his hands "What is this?

"Somebody killed my babies" oh whyyyyy?

Sugimi snatched the items from Inuyasha's hands "What is this? Sesshoumaru asked

"Let us have a look" shall we? Sugimi replied

Sugimi opened one of the magazines and saw the source of his son's distress the lovely ladies in the girly magazines had been altered some wore hamburgers covering their private parts. Others had female parts replaced with male genitalia, while others had the chest regions replaced with hairy men's chests. One girl Miss January was sporting a handlebar mustache a fur patch covering each breast with a sign over her lower half closed out of business indefinitely . Curvy voluptuous miss February from the waist down was male thanks to the replacement lower half and the male part wore a big pink bow just below it's head

"But who? Sesshoumaru exclaimed 'Oh this is so funny it is going to be hard if not nearly impossible to maintain a serious look' he thought

"Who indeed" Sugimi replied

"Do you have any suspects? Seshoumaru innocently asked

Inuyasha silently looked on "Hm, let me think," he briefly looked lost in contemplation then suddenly "Kagomeeeeeeeee,"

"Oh whaty?

"Don't oh whaty me wench you cleaned my room that was bad enough but you also killed my babies" what did they ever do to you? How can you be so heartless? Murderer"

"This Kagome knows not of what you speak,"

"It 'is horrible enough you cleaned my room" but did ya have to butcher my babies? How can you be so cruel? Inuyasha grouched

"Oh take of the training wheels and start riding like the big boys,"

"Yeah I'm about to make wench sushi say that than,"

"Hm, hanyou sushi sounds good to me so when do we start?" Kagome shot back

"No it's wench sushi not hanyou you are one dead wench,"

"Really, sooooo why don't you tell them what you did to my freshly made goodies" hah?

"Um okay forget everything," he replied "We're good,"

"You started it puppy toes,"


"Yes dear?

"I'm not a puppy damn it,"

"Whatever you say puppy toes," she needled

"Miko what did puppy toes do?" Sesshoumaru asked

"Kagome" Inuyasha said in a warning tone

"Yes I to would like to know," Sugimi added

"Wanna see boys?"

"Nooooo" then a streak known as Inuyasha came barreling down the stairs

Seeing that Sugimi using his orb flew and landed in front of Kagome faster than the blink of an eye, Inuyasha couldn't stop fast enough and crashed into a wall known as his father "Hello puppy toes" can I help you with something?


"Um, what?" his father said

"Need a glass of milk,"

"Really? Sugimi replied

"Here Inupapa," Kagome sweetly said handing the elder inu something

"Ohhhhh" Inuyasha groaned one hand on his head as if he had a headache and ears going flat against his head

"Shit" never swears Sesshoumaru exclaimed "Now that is fucked up,"

"Ooo Sesshy swore," the dreamily smiling females exclaimed "More, more," they teased

"Unbelievable," Sugimi said

There on the tray lay evidence of the hanyous crime one muffin had pair of bright red lips on it and instead of a tongue a wearing a bow penis was sticking out of it. Another had the female part lips spread with a hotdog in the middle making it look like it was encased in a hairy bun with a bottle of mustard on the side. One had a penis and female part playing tug of war with a jock strap. Next was one with a beautiful curvy voluptuous woman with a full bosom on it that had a huge penis instead of female genitals with a smiley face on the head

"See isn't puppy toes talented? Kagome taunted the white with shock faced hanyou

"Yes he is a very talented artist in a vile depraved way," Sugimi replied

"Little brother why don't you find a good publisher and write porn with your artistic talent you will easily be able to add illustrations to go with," Sesshoumaru said

"Yeah I know Miroku would be in porn heaven," Sango commented

"On the muffins mutt seriously, of all things on the muffins? People gotta eat those you know" Kouga added

Inuyasha came back down to earth "Well you can eat the one with the pork roll in the beaver bun on it then it'll be like you're eating beaver pie only with sugar to sweeten it. I know how much you flea bag wolves love doing that,"

"Good coming from he who is widely known nationwide as sir Tonguesalot," Kouga shot back "What little Yasha dead?"

"Really some girls told me you were like the Hiro two thousand vacuum down there all high suction tongue and no rodeo rod to ride" what did little Kouga fall off? Aw ya poor bastard must suck having to sit down to pee" hah?

"Really mutt, a couple of girls told me you were all tongue and nothing else," the smirking wolf retorted "And not enough tongue to wet a flies back so it's a major disappointment all around,"

"Now little brother I understand why your tongue is sprung," Sesshoumaru needled

"Why you," red faced Inuyasha bit "Good coming from sir laps, and I do mean lap cuz that's all he can do" ran out of Viagra, hah?

12:00 am the next morning

"Intruder alert, intruder alet," a booming voice called out accompanied by an ear splitting alarm

"Ahhhhh" a shriek rang out in the night "What the fuck? The shrieker said as a blindingly bright spot light shone down on it's target

"What the hell is going on? Voices said

"Uh crap,"

"Intruder alert, intruder alert the police have been called and are on the way," the voice loudly announced along with the blaring alarm

Next was a stampede pf feet as they came running down the stairs "Stay right there don't move a muscle," Sesshoumaru said "I'll be right back,"

"Oh lovely lord drippy draws is here,"

"Well, well, well puppy toes strikes again," Kagome teased

"Can you say I am so busted mutt?" Kouga needled "Bark now or forever hold your peace,"

Sesshoumaru suddenly reappeared "Come on little bro smile and flash some fang," he teased while filming the hanyou with a camcorder

"I'll flash you some fang bend over you limp logged ass I'm teething,"

"Sorry to disappoint but only females are allowed to nip this Sesshoumaru's rosy cheeks,"

"I hate you," the hanyou retorted

"So puppy toes was it worth it? Sugimi taunted

"Thief, thief, thief," the voice said

"He's a star," Bankotsu needled

There stood the most rattled in the world with his ears pinned against his head hanyou a spot light shining down on him his right hand stuck to the refrigerator door handle thanks to the glue on it and his bare feet were stuck to the floor, his left hand was glued to the bottom of the plate holding the roast beef he had intended to make a late night snack out of. He glared murderously at his elder brother homicidal intent clearly visible in his golden eyes, he briefly struggled to free himself from his binding but seeing no results finally gave up, than smirked

"Oh well what the hell might as well," he said opened his mouth and made to plunge his fangs into the meat "Ah, what the fuck? He griped "A rubber roast beef? Seriously are you kidding me rubber meat, bastards?"

"Rubber hm like a condom well now you don't have to worry about knocking it up," Miroku jabbed

"What's your nose busted mutt? You couldn't smell it was rubber" Kouga badgered

"Yeah you should have picked up on that right away," Ayame said

"Um that would be because I coated the whole thing with beef juice," proudly smiling Kagome announced "I knew his blinding meat lust would take over lead him and cut off all of his other senses,"

"Well thieving dog Kaggy did warn you in advance not to mess with her roast beef," Jakotsu reminded

"Ah shut it tinker bell," he shot back then growled "That's alright wench when I gotta pee you can hold Yashy junior," he smiled "I can hardly wait," he grinned when she cringed "He loves back rubs,"

"Yeah problem is ya might need tweezers to hold it cuz there's not enough to hold in your hand," Kouga needled

"Jealous? Mangy wolf" Inuyasha retorted

"Keep dreamin mushroom cap,"

"Just the thoughts of your warm hand holding him has him stirring," Inuyasha continued

"Hm, pork sushi never had it but it sounds nice," Kagome shot back

"But filet wench sounds way better,"

"Kags I cannot believe you rigged the kitchen with a security alarm and spot light," Kouga said "Bet ya feel real special now, hah mutt?"

"I also put sensors in so that when precious got near them they activated best of all their the new programmable kind so you can fix them to just kick in with one particular person or in this case dog," Kagome explained "Inupapa helped me out in fact his company created them, I'm the first outside of the company to try them out,"

"Oh great so you two gas balls tested them out on me, well isn't that spec-freaking-tacular," the hanyou grouched

"Ah shut up dog breath you got to star in your own show spotlight and all," Kouga taunted

"Yeah when this glue wears off and I'm free you're going to be staring in the lumpy Tanaka show," Inuyasha shot back

"We Tanaka's use flea bags like you as doormats so enjoy your never going to come true fantasies," the wolf replied

Going commando, a family secret, my roachy valentine

The gang had been going to school for a few days and all was going well, the boys had fun partaking in various forms of sports and athletics. The girls had their own activities Sango was looking for Kagome who was currently MIA, Miroku was avoiding Sango after nearly getting killed when she caught him wearing mirrors on his shoes trying to get a look under her skirt the other males relentlessly teased him afterward

"Hey we should invite the girls to hang out with us in here," Miroku said

"Of all places in the men's shower room? Feeling suicidal are we? Yeah go suggest that to them so I can watch you die" evilly smiling Inuyasha jabbed

"Sure why not?

"Monk you are ill and desperately in need of a psychiatric facility," Sesshoumaru said

"Bastard probably pops one even harder from a girl beating him up," Inuyasha needled

"S&M monk bet he gets turned on by a girl paddling his ass," Bankotsu exclaimed "Oh spank me baby,"

"Yes, yes harder yeah that's it baby hit me harder oh I-I I'm ready to make cream," Kouga added imitating a girls voice flawlessly

"I I'm oh my gods I'm creeeeeaming," Jakotsu put his two cents in

"Oh shut up," Miroku told them "Wimpy unexperienced virgin's, and Jak use that cream in your coffee," the girls eewed

Inuyasha headed to the lockers he opened his locker and opened the door "Really wench in the locker?" the surprised hanyou grinned seeing the I am so busted look on his friends face "Going commando?

"No stupid I am wearing panties,"

"Not that kind of commando the army clothes your wearing kakis," Inuyasha answered "Trying to blend in?

"What's going o? Bankotsu started then stopped

"Why Kagome sama welcome," Miroku teased "I knew you'd come around eventually,"

"Come to check out the goods, eh?" Kouga added

"Miko hope you enjoyed the show" did I pass inspection? Sesshoumaru teased the nervous miko "This Sesshoumaru only aims to please,"

'Sesshoumaru that's not a penis it's a continent' she thought "Gulp, well I, um," she could not think of what to say next

"Poor things in speechless shock after getting a look at Sesshoumaru's cannon, hehehe," Inuyasha added "Shocking ain't it? She turned red he smiled evilly

"Fear not little miko I will not harm or kill you if you were male I most assuredly would," Sesshoumaru assured her "And you needn't fear him he loves and is gentle with the ladies," he winked

"An-anaconda," Kagome gasped pointing to the taiyoukais lower half he smirked

"Wanna pet the snake? Miroku teased the blushing miko

"Yeah my little wenchy" Want me to drop my towel? I have been told my side view is awesome especially when the kernel is saluting," Inuyasha ragged his longtime pal "Some chicks call him the pointer,"

"Inuyasha you freak I wasn't here to see you I was here to see somebody else," realizing her slip Kagome quickly clamped a hand over her mouth

"You're in our domain muffin, boy's locker room emphasis on boy's," he teased

"Oh I know who she came to see" don't I Kaggy? Bankotsu teased

"I know nothing," was her reply

"Oh yes,"

"Shut it Miroku," she bit

"Special K hah?" Jakotsu added

"Jak" the miko growled

"Special K, you came to see little old me? Why Kagsy I didn't know you cared" Kouga teased "You sure she's not part canine?"

"Yeah all wolf," Inuyasha added smirking and receiving a glare from said miko "Aw chill wolfy,"

"Gentleman I know who it is she is not here for special K more like special N as in Naraku," Sesshoumaru added

"Yes dreamy rusty eyes and that beautiful black mane," Jakotsu gushed "I could just run my fingers through it all day long,"

"Why you, Sesshoumaru you traitor," Kagome growled

"Relax miko I shall tell no one of your carnal activities,"

"More like carnivorous wench activities" Inuyasha smiled evilly "Stalking the poor innocent unsuspecting spider," he needled "Relax wench I'm not going to nark on ya," smiling she reached out scratching behind one ear "Don't forget the left one,"

"Aw will ya look at that mutt's reliving his puppy years," Kouga ragged

"Razz all you want mangy wolf I'm getting attention from a girl a hot one too,"

"Yeah you like girls we get it," Kouga shot back "Only took ya five hundred plus years to discover that,"

"Well as soon as I'm dressed I'm outta here," Bankotsu announced "Later Kaggy," he winked

'OMG it just now dawned on me I'm in boy heaven it's like having my own private harem of hot studs' Kagome thought with a glazed overlook a snapping sound brought her back to the real world

"Look boys wenchy is having the male harem fantasy," Inuyasha teased

"Yep haven't seen a girl with that look in a long time," Kouga added

"Oh yeah that Suki chick we caught hiding in the air vents that time," Bankotsu said

"Question is who gets to go first? I won't mind a bit" Miroku offered

"Does your depravity have any limits? Sesshoumaru asked

"Nah" the other males chimed in

"Why I never," Miroku protested

"Yeah and ya never will with that roaming hand of yours," Inuyasha jabbed

"Oh my aching heart how you wound me so,"

A few days later

"Good morning all," Sesshoumaru greeted

"Morning Sesshy ," the girls said

"Well would ya look at that fluffy butt has arrived," Inuyasha ragged "Makeup perfect and everything,"

"Is the furless pup still jealous? Don't worry when you hit puberty you'll grow some to, I must speak with father about sending you to dog obedience school"

"Aw" what did you hit the big Jade's boutique cosmetics sale and stalk up on your makeup? Cause I know you'd just die without your red eye shadow" hah? Inuyyasha jabbed

"Run out of panty liners did we? That is what happens when you lollygag then go to the three for one sale in the ladies hygiene department the week after the sale has ended" Sesshoumaru shot back

"Ohhhhh shit," their friends exclaimed

"You know Yash Sara's floral fantasy is the best feminine hygiene spray on the market there's lavender, vanilla, rose scented ones and more you will smell so good," Kagome razzed him "So good the girls and I might even jump you,"

"Damn you I use cologne c-o-l-o-g-n-e it's for men" got that? The hanyou bit "And I'll hold you wenches to that jumpin promise later,"

"Yes he would smell lovely indeed," Sesshoumaru needled "All girls need feminine freshness,"

"Really? Then why don't you tell the girls how you use that shit like cologne? And that you soak in a bubble bath using Suki's Sensual Scents for women?

"At least I do not use wax hair remover for women to get a bikini hairline," Seshoumaru shot back "Must hurt like hell when peeling it off being so near the forbidden zone and all, that explains why I hear muffled screams late at night, you know putting the pillow over your mouth doesn't really work as well as you seem to think it does,"

"Really ya lying bastard, that silver in your hair is thanks to Saya's silver highlights" what too cheap to go to a men's salon? I mean seriously it ain't like the family is broke or anything"

"Why can't you boys buy cars and chase girls like normal boy dogs do? Sugimi asked

"Does that mean you're going to buy us new cars? Sesshoumaru said with a dreamy look "In that case this Sesshoumaru would like and very much appreciate a Cadillac silver body with tan interior"

"I'll take a Crown Vic," Inuyasha added "Candy apple red with tan interior,"

"A hotel on wheels," Miroku teased "Step on the accelerator and don't stop till the cops come,"

"Perverted bastard," Inuyasha shot back "You know if he was in heaven he'd even have the nerve to wanna do it on kami's throne with a virgin miko," he needled "I swear you're the only one who could make taking a crap perverted,"

"Aw Yashy what got a wounded rocket in your pocket?" Kagome needled "Need a plumber to make a house call,"

"Meet me in the locker toots after all I was never one to leave a girl in need unsatisfied," he smiled evilly "I've never done it in a locker before but I'm willing to try anything once I have a heat seeking missile with your name on it, but be ready wench because your sweet little ass won't be going anywhere until well after school hours,"

"He likes girls?" Sugimi needled "Phew what a relief," he added wiping his brow as if it was wet with sweat

"Duh" what it only took you a hundred years to figure that out? Inuyasha wisecracked "Jurys still deliberating on you though,"

"So mister stud where's my grand puppies?" Sugimi needled

"Cough, p-puppies, ah about that I had a vasectomy,"

"Hah" Kouga loudly exclaimed "As if you'd sooner lose a limb than let your banana get it's skin cut," he continued laughing

"Now I see where they get it from," Naraku said to Bankotsu

"Definitely hereditary, that could not be bought in any store," Bankotsu replied

"Oh the depravity," Dean Abi said as she approached "My babies are at it again,"

Later that day

"Oh Sessh kill me now" pretty please? With a big fat juicy ten pound steak and bone on top"

"Need a dentist, do we? What happened did you get your fang stuck in the pencil sharpener? How many times have I told you it is for sharpening pencils not fangs? Stop being such a woman and pull it out you will grow a new one in no time, duh" Sesshoumaru teased

"Real funny, not, go fang yourself, behind me the Antichrist cometh," Inuyasha replied "Come on man have mercy one claw you can do it don't be such a cheap bastard, double dare ya fluffy, you gorgeous wench,"

"Not if you paid me, and do not think trying to send me into murderous rage with that detested pet name of yours for me is going to work forget it Shinayasha," Sesshoumaru smiled evilly watching his brothers face drop "My curiosity is highly peaked though" what is your issue with the unholy one?

"Wench, no wait that's too good for her," the smartass hanyou said

"Yes it is also your pet name for our miko and I do not think she'd like sharing it with the likes of that,"

"You mean your miko" don't ya lover boy? Smiling evilly Inuyasha teased "Remember callous hands and chapped lips are a big turn off for girls you'll die a virgin with those,"

"Tell me coward before I neuter you and there'll be no puppies for you, the hanyou family blood line will end with you," "Heartless cretin killings kinder," Inuyasha shot back "But when have I ever been known to be kind? "Remind me later to put you on the top of my must kill list," Inuyasha frowned "Cum drop Kikyo has been relentlessly hounding me for a kiss, I'd rather die," "What is that evil sick depraved mind of yours on vacation oh master anarchy and depravity?" "Well every time she asks my stomach turns my brain freezes and I cannot think straight, all I can think about is scrub brushes alcohol and buckets of disinfectant," Inuyasha cringed after finishing "This is what you do," Sesshoumaru whispered his idea in his ear, Inuyasha coughed then agreed but that would change to something slightly different

"Cough, make her think I'm gay? And you call me warped, good one though,"

"Inuyasha there you are," Kikyo said he cringed

"Lovely first it's you and dad now I'm third runner up," the indignant hanyou whispered

"Temper, temper little brother, there you are stay in that mode allow that evil brain to take over and drive the truck with no breaks until it crashes,"

The sickest most deranged and depraved smile he had ever seen in his life formed on his brothers lips and the look in his now copper colored eyes glowed from the demented thoughts running through his mind with something Sesshoumaro could only describe as temporary complete insanity. Kikyo approached and the depraved hanyou smirked and tried to look angelic and unassuming and was doing a wonderful job of it

"Father" Sesshoumaru greeted his just arriving father "I bid you welcome,"

"Copper colored eyes ooo my youngest puppy is all demony and up to something evil," "Yes payback is a? He mentioned something about being third runner up to us, then the back door to the madhouse opened evil took over and a mad hanyou was born. He told me she has been hounding him for a kiss," "Eew, I cannot say I fault the boy, you know it seems she could use the dog pound for about I don't know let's say about eighty years," Sugimi joked "Wha-da-ya want? Inuyasha spoke incorrectly to be a wiseass "Can't you see I'm busy,"

"Wha? She started but fell silent

"We're busy private family thing and all,"

"Private family," She said

"Ah hah," Inuyasha responded

"Wha-what's going on? Kikyo asked

"Well if you must know I've as they say just come out of the closet," the hanyou replied

"Out of?

"Yeah you heard me out of the closet I'm gay, sorry darlin thought ya knew," he continued speaking girlishly "Perhaps we can go dress shopping one day,"

"Oh my fucking gods," Sugimi, and Naraku whispered to one another then rubbed their eyes in disbelief and looked again "Holy crap," eyes widened "It is real,"

"Dress" she said

'Hah? Sesshoumaru exclaimed when he was pulled against someone

"You mean you and he? But he's your own brother"

"What? we're just keeping it in the family besides it is always better and even hotter with family"

"B-but your related same father,"

"Yeah but different mothers so that puts us one mother apart so it's okay it's not like inbreeding or anything, inus do this a lot no biggie," Inuyasha replied with his arm around his brothers shoulders he was barely hanging on by a thread "Best of all he's an all niter,"

"Gasp, all niter?" already shell shocked looking at each other Sugimi and Naraku spoke in low voices

The juice in Sango's mouth sprayed across the floor "Holy mother," she gasped "All night,"

"You know he does that so convincingly it's creepy," Miroku whispered to Sango "A shiver just ran down my spine,"

"Eew I've got the happy horrors my skins crawling," Bankotsu added

"Oh my god," Kikyo exclaimed after hearing the new information "Y-you're sick,"

"How many times have I told you not in public? Now get off, there'll be plenty of time for that later in private," Sesshoumaru added "And remember no wearing a thong to bed it hinders my access,"

"Thong" Naraku, and Sugimi whispered looking at each other with impossibly widened eyes "Hinders access? The two paused for a moment "This cannot be really happening," they rubbed their eyes opened them again and looked "Shit it is happening,"

"I never knew my eldest had such a depraved side I've never once seen a sigh of it in him before and he's over seven hundred years old," Sugimi said

"Looks like the boy's been holding out on you," smirking Naraku replied "Poor inupapa,"

"Yes Sesshy my love," Inuyasha cooed with a dreamy look "I am so horny I've got plans for you, just hope I don't pop one right here,"

"Well keep a leash on it because we're in public now," Sesshoumaru to the astonishment of all present was surprisingly raw "And this time no tightening up it gives Maru a back ache,"

"Cough, no tightening up back ache," Sugimi, and Naraku choked out in hushed voices

"It ain't my fault the little fuckers the size of a cannon, with all the modern science you can always get a pecker reduction,"

"Cannon, pecker reduction, oh my gods," Naraku and Sugimi repeated

"I believe your current statement proves he is not small," Sesshoumaru shot back "Are you trying to wound his pride? With all of our modern medical advancements you can always get a rear door enlargement"

"Cough, back door enlargement," wide eyed and nearly breathless with shock Naraku, and Sugimi muttered to one another

Kikyo looked and gasped then pointed "B-but I thought, eew," she exclaimed gaged then left with her hand clamped over her mouth

"Brother on brother," Sesshoumaru said

"You said pretend to be gay you didn't say anything about not adding incest to it," the twisted hanyou replied "Holy shit back door enlargement sweet that was freakin hilarious think I'm gonna pee my pants laughing," he added "And for the record dude I'd never seriously tell any guy to get his thing reduced that is an off limits sacred treasure,"

"You are a dog badly in need of euthanization,"

"Hah, you're the one who threw in the thong and access thing," Inuyasha reminded "And Maru getting a back ache,"

"Mutt you are one sick bastard" You know that right? Kouga added

"Dear god," Sugimi exclaimed "My poor brain is hemorrhaging and dying,"

"Well pop better get a pad for that pronto" Girls anybody got a Kotex pad inupapas period is on," the smartass hanyou added

"Inuyasha if I weren't still so deeply in shock I'd kill you right now," Sugimi said "Back door enlargement, pecker reduction,"

"Ladies any of you have a Midol he's really hurting this month?"

Kagome's eyes widened to an impossible size "Inuyasha what the hell? The pointing miko exclaimed "But how did you?

"How did I what?

"OMG and holy shit," the gasping females added pointing at something in the same direction

The hanyou followed their line of sight and looked "Oh that, yeah sorry about that,"

"But how did you? They asked

"Oh this pesky little thing, well you see it was easy," the hanyou replied


"Yeah I just thought about all my extremely sexy wenches naked surrounding me, you know like a harem,"

"Ah ha, ha, ha," everyone busted out laughing

"Shit mutt it was nice knowing ya," Kouga said

"Inuyasha Taisho," the girls yelled

"Inuyasha you are, are one sick dog," laughing Bankotsu managed to get out "P-poor Sessh is scarred for life,"

"Thanks peeps, hehehe b-but I don't think I could'a kept a straight face much longer," the laughing hanyou replied

"You're lucky that loony broad didn't want a demonstration," Bankotsu exclaimed

"Demonstration," Inuyasha responded questioningly "Like what?

"Wanting you two to kiss,"

"Eew," cringing Sesshoumaru, and Inuyasha replied "Thanks for that horrible mental image that is now permanently burned into my brain," they added

"Taisho" Sango said too calmly reminding him that she and her female companions were still present "Ahem"

"Ready gents? Jakotsu asked "In five, four," he started

'Uh oh furious wenches forgot about them for a sec' Inuyasha thought "Aw come on girls it was just for effect and shock value you know like actors do for a role their playing,"

"I've got a role for you," Kagome with a balled fist said

"Shock value, why you," they growled

"Yep, well since I'm not gay it wouldn't work thinking about guys," he replied then smirked "By the way Kagura that ass, and Kagome what a rack, Ayame add to that that lucious red forest, and you Sango those wide hips uh," he added thrusting his lower half forward

"Naked is not our issue," Ayame bit

"That's nice to hear, thanks," he replied "So this means you won't be killing me," he was very confident

"However harem is," Kagura snapped

"Yeah because I don't share," her female companions chimed in

"Uh on," Inuyasha gasped

"One" Jakotsu finished counting backward

"Ow, ow, ow," Inuyasha yelped when books shoes and various items came flying at him "Ow this isn't fair,"

"Now that's what I call a happy ending," Sugimi said

"What the hell I might as well go with it," Inuyasha said as a smile crossed his face "I'm the sheik of all Japan a very horny man and during war my wenches keep me busy in the trenches," he sang

"Suicidal dog," Sesshoumaru exclaimed

"I'll give ya a trench," Ayame snapped

"Oh Yame, Yame is aching for my Salami," he continued

"Yeah along with a headstone with your name on it," Kagura bit and they attacked

One week later

"What do you want? I thought I told you I was gay" Inuyasha slightly snapped

"You faked that I know you did," Kikyo replied

"Keep dreamin cuz it's true" so what are ya buggin me for?

"You know what we talked about," she answered batting her eyes trying to look innocent, the eldest of the three inus nearly choked trying not to laugh

"Oh I'm third runner up to my brother and father, now you want me?'

"That was just playing you know it was always you who is the one,"

"Nah no thanks and I do mean no I'll pass," Inuyasha replied "Why don't you find someone willing? Cause it damn sure isn't me" what about some nice foaming at the mouth rabid dog?

"No it's you and only you I won't stop until I get my kiss, come on just one little kiss," she whined "I'll let you use tongue," she continued batting her eyes

Inuyasha felt his stomach turn and knot from disgust "Yeah whatever if it'll get you the hell off my damned back," she leaned in lips slightly open "Not here meet me by the lockers before lunch time,"

"Awwwww no fair," she groaned in frustration "Oh all right, but you better keep your promise,"

"Have you ever known me to Welch on a promise?

"No" she pouted "Okay laters than," she blew him a kiss and left

"Oooooo" Inuyasha growled his fists clenched at his sides and family crests faintly visible on his cheeks "I'll give you laters, you diseased ought to be put down like a rabid dog bit,"

"Calm yourself pup,"

"Yes popsy," the devious looking hanyou replied "Daddy's favorite little puppy wants to go out and play,"

"Uh oh," Sesshoumaru and their sire exclaimed

"I fear to ask," Sesshoumaru said "Call the army, navy, marines, and the entire police department too, and have ambulances on standby,"

"You already heard me boys you have invitations and first class front row seats to the best show on earth, hehehe," depraved smiling Inuyasha told them

"You know I think for the first time in all my demon life I am actually going to pray, gulp," Sugimi added

"You pray, why father are you planning on switching teams and giving up demon hood to become a saint? Why I am shocked" Sesshoumaru wisecracked and smirked "Ow damn you,"

"That is a lot kinder and far less than you deserve" how dare you speak such blasphemy? Me a saint oh the horror of it" Sugimi playfully scolded after smacking his head

"Ha, ha fluffy got puppy smacked," Inuyasha teased

"Silence mutt face," Sesshoumaru insulted, hearing a furious growl "Oh pardon me forgot it was dog breathe, no Inutrasha my apologies,"

"Why you,"

"Silence vermin," Sesshoumaru got the last word

"Ha, ha, ha mutt got alpha dog smacked," Kouga needled

15 Minutes before lunch time

"My grapevine has informed me that an interesting event is about to take place here and I am deeply hurt that I did not receive an invitation," grinning Naraku teased "Sugimi what is our favorite pup up to?"

"He would not tell us," both Sesshoumaru, and Sugimi answered

"Yes even though we are family the indignity of it all tight wad," Sesshoumaru mock whined "Ebenezer Scrooge has more generosity than him,"

"Oh Inuyasha you came," Kikyo gushed

"Yeah not here though," Inuyasha answered

"Ohhh" Kikyo whined in her annoying way grating the nerves of all within hearing range

"I like my privacy,"

"Oh alright," she responded

"What am I missing? Slightly panting from running to get there Kagome asked

"Cheapskate wouldn't tell us," Sesshoumaru answered

"Awwwww," She playfully whined "No dog bones for him for a month,"

"Make it two months and no ramen miko,"


Kikyo smirked at Kagome as if beating her to something, catching the look "Yash hope you had your anti rabies shot," Kagome jabbed the others snickered "Make use of those new lip condoms I gave you,"

"Thanks my favorite wench had six antibiotic shots to," he said "Oh and thanks for the lip guards,"

"Hey" Kikyo griped "Lip condoms?

"Shut it, come on back here," Inuyasha told her "Papas got an itch to scratch,"

"Oh Yash I promise after a kiss from me you'll never want one from any other,"

"Neither will you," he mumbled

Inuyasha led her to an area set back from the main hallway a short hallway just outside of an office. Silence all waited than "Ahhhhh god get away, get away," Kikyo shrieked "Heeeeelp"

"Come on baby you wanted a kiss ya hounded me to death for it for over two friggin weeks now pucker up sweet cheeks I'm gonna use tongue to,"

"No, no get away that's disgusting," then the sounds of gaging were heard by the grinning onlookers

"What I brushed my teeth and everything and got my breath all minty fresh? What more do you want? Inuyasha feigned indignance to perfection "Come on baby papa's ready open up,"

"Nooooo, help, you stay away, somebody help me, no let go," she shrieked thump "How vile," then Kikyo streaked by headed toward the ladies room, vomiting echoed throughout the room

"Inuyasha what the hell did you do? Wide eyed Kagome asked as he stepped out into the hallway looking sneakier then usual

"Nothin honey," he mumbled one hand over his mouth "Oh gross he did the open his mouth full of food thing before the kiss," Kagome said "Ick" "Nope, something better," "Blood on your fangs? Let's see" what else is there garlic breath? Chewed raw liver? Kagome tried guessing

"Oh I know foot in mouth stank from chewing on old shoes," Ayame added

"No more like not brushing his fangs for three days sewer breath," Sango teased

"I bet he wore a sweaty week old unwashed jockstrap under his shirt," Miroku guessed

"Maybe a piece of raw meat on his tongue, liver perhaps," Jakotsu jabbed to annoy the hanyou, the girl's eewed

"Nah I think he drank from the furry cup one that has not been washed for three weeks," Miroku joked "Meow kitty bites," Inuyasha gave him the finger

"Bet I know butt breath we all know how dogs clean their bungholes," Bankotsu needled pointing to his tongue that was sticking out then drew it back in when done "Ow"

"Damn Bank I just ate," Kouga scolded while smacking his head "Nah even dog breath isn't that nasty,"

"I know he ate raw liver and had cottage cheese in his mouth just enough so that when he opened his mouth it looked like vomit om his tongue stinks looks real to and works great," Kagura added

"Better than that," Inuyasha said

"Take your hand off of your mouth Inuyasha I swear if you don't tell me soon I'm going to kill," Kagome was cut off

"Okay wenchykins but remember you asked," he pulled his hand away, all the onlookers gasped when it moved

"Inu-Inuyasha that eew that is disgusting," Kagome managed to speak "This is the grossest thing you have ever done,"

"The absolute vilest," Sesshoumaru added "My stomach is packing it's bags and leaving town,"

"I have seen and been in many bloody battles, witnessed endless carnage, but even I think I am going to lose my lunch," Sugimi added

"And they say spiders have a nasty menu," Naraku said

"I-I know cats sometimes eat them b-but I never thought dogs did to. Ohhh my stomach," Kagome exclaimed "There's one dirty little secret that should have remained unknown,"

"What? Dogs need roughage too ya know," Inuyasha innocently replied and began chewing it's legs hanging over his bottom lip moving as if trying to escape

"Magnificent a masterpiece," Sesshoumaru whispered in his father's ear

"This will go down and forever remain in the demon history books for eternity and beyond," the proud dog father replied "Possibly the human history books as well,"

"The observers are piling up we should charge admission to the show," Naraku whispered to Sugimi

"I know right?"

"Yum" the taunting hanyou continued "Only a nice cold glass of milk could make this even better,"

"Oh my gods my-my stomach," holding his stomach laughing Naraku gasped

"Oh I think I'm gonna puke," Bankotsu and his other male friends said

"Girls you're such wimps," the gloating hanyou teased as he continued chewing his doggy treat

"Hey I'm all man," the other males protested

"I uh, gross I didn't know they came that b-big" how can you eat something so disgusting? Nearly gaging Kagome managed to say "It must be a demon breed,"

"Taisho you're never kissing me again," a beautiful copper haired girl announced

"Me either," two more chimed in

"Ah dearest and most cherished pup of mine tell me where did daddies little man get his wittle roachy treat from?" Sugimi asked

"That guy you know the one a block away from here,"

"Totosai" Sesshoumaru, Naraku, and Sugimi said in the same breath

"A candy roach that thing looks so real it's creepy but what kind of candy did he make it out of?" now curious Kagome inquired

"Yep he makes all that candy himself those great gag gifts, specialty things etc, he made this little beauty out of white chocolate and added a little dark chocolate to turn it medium brown," Inuyasha explained

"Inuyasha you are a god, you are a god," the other male students chanted after going down on their knees

"How much did you p? His father began to ask but fell silent when he heard a thump they turned to get a look "Hehehehe," Totosai who had been hiding inside one of the lockers fell flat on his ass and was rolling on the floor holding his sides with tears rolling down his cheeks laughing "I'm dying somebody rub my t-tummy," "Nothing it was free all he wanted was to hide and watch," Inuyasha answered "That was the payment he requested," "Roach, kiss, girl thinks it it's real r-runs ah ha, ha, ha, I-I I'm dying," Totosai panted "My roachy valentine," he made kissing sounds "Sick old codger that's why I love him he's the perfect partner in crime," proud Inuyasha exclaimed "He always has had a sick sense of humor," grinning Naraku exclaimed "And always will," Sugimi added "Heard about that gay brother on brother incest thing you, you pulled masterpiece," gasping Totosai managed to say "And people call me sick I bow to the king,"

Movie night, paradise in strange places

"Coming to the movie tonight? Inuyasha asked

"Why are you treating? Ayame teased

"Yeah drinks and snacks to? Bankotsu added

"We ain't dating, and screw you Bank," Inuyasha shot back

"Cheap SOB,"

"Yeah I'm in," his friends replied

While in the theatre that night Kagome sniffed as a scent caught her attention "What's up somebody forget her deodorant? Inuyasha teased

"Did somebody forget his flea collar? I see a doggie chew toy under the seat over there go on indulge I won't tell on you"

"How adorable he's teething," Kagura razzed

"I knew Yashy was all dog," Ayame added "You man you,"

"Just realized that? I've got the bone to prove it," he replied

"You know it looks new so you don't have to worry about germs," Sango needled pointing

"Good than you try it first," Inuyasha shot back "And do it down on all fours to,"

"Eew" the girls responded

"Wenches ya can dish it out but you can't take it," the gloating hanyou shot back

"Little brother lets go,"

"Let go Sessh you low down dirty dog," Inuyasha whined when his brother latched onto one ear tugging him along at the same time forcing him to walk bent over as he headed toward their seats "You better sleep with one eye open vermin,"

"I shudder with fear,"

"How cute look at that full grown dogs and they still play like puppies," Jakotsu teased receiving twin growls "Aw Jaky loves you to,"

With Sango, and Kagome

"Smell that? Kagome asked

"Yeah smells good,"

"Sandalwood with a dash lilac" the miko replied

"Hm yummy,"

"I know right? Kagome replied

"Hey isn't that your favorite scent?

"Yep" Kagome grinned "On men more so, I make and use Sandalwood rose and lilac mixed together,"

"Hey, is this a wench slash hen party? Inuyasha teased "You gonna watch the movie or cluck all night?

"Cluck you and go cluck yourself," Sango shot back

"We're talking about periods and stuff, want to join in?" Kagura who had just returned from the refreshment stand added we can also educate you about perfumed pads versus unscented ones,"

"Hell no," the hanyou answered

"That scent, hey that's," Ayame started but was interrupted

"Yame come to the ladies room with me my zippers sliding down and I cannot reach it," Kagura said then they left

"Yeah I know who it is to but let her find out for herself,"

"Gotcha like Christmas morning open the gift and get a big surprise,"

"You've got it," Kagura replied Ayame laughed

Back with Kagome, and Sango

"I think our little Kaggy is part canine,"

"Sniff, how can you accuse me of such things?"

"Cuz your as guilty as sin," Sango teased "Gotta go to the ladies be back in a few,"

"Well I'm going to go sit down," once outside of the door Sango immediately made a beeline for the ladies room

In the ladies room

"Okay you two broads cough up the info and I do mean now,"

"Well nice to see you to," smirking Ayame, and Kagura greeted

"Come on girls I'm dying tell me pretty please?" Sango pled

"Oh all right since you asked so nicely," Kagura replied

"You're going to die when we tell you," Ayame added

"Oh my god this will be better than the freaking movie," Sango exclaimed

Inside the theatre room in the backseats with Kagome

From the center to the back all of the seats were empty plus it was pitch black dark. Kagome slowly tracked the carrier of the wonderful smell by scent letting it guide her to the one who smelled so deliciously tempting, as she made her way to the back row the heavenly scent became even heavier and stronger, finding a seat next to the source of the taunting aroma she sat down. The movie started after about ten minutes a steamy sexy scene began playing out Kagome released a stifled gulp when following the actions in the movie a hand rested on her leg above the knee giving a gentle squeeze she shuddered with a mixture of anticipation and immense pleasure

Lemon starts

It slowly moved up her thigh stopping midway and repeating the same actions used above her knee she stifled a groan making her assailant grin madly. Seeing that she wasn't protesting it continued it's journey upward massaging and kneading as it went, As her heart pounded in her chest and blood boiled Kagome wanted to scream her passion to the world, she moaned lowly so others would not hear clutching his wrist to let him know she did not want him to stop. Under her skirt his large warm hand slowly torturously inched toward her treasure she gasped when it finally landed on it's target she threw her head back over the back of her seat it was coming and it was coming hard and just when it was about to start he ceased all movements

"What the fuck? She cursed keeping her screaming rage to a barely audible level

"Shhhhh" he responded

"Shh my ass," she started "Gasp" her panties disappeared "Whoa oh shit," something wonderful warm and very attentive teased her entrance and hot spot then it finally plunged inside she nearly screamed when it began sliding in and out she bit her bottom lip while swiftly tightening around it "Yes oh hell yes,"

As he continued his relentless assault she bit down on one hand to keep from screaming while the other tightly fisted the back of his leather jacket. She'd had head before but this was un-fucking believable her brain felt like it was going to explode with her intense climax. Not letting her come down from her high he continued, at first she thought to stop him for fear of getting caught but as another release hit she threw all fear and inhibitions out the window in all her life no man had ever made her so damned hot. After her third climax she stopped him leaning her head down and putting her mouth near his ear and whispered

"What about you? I hate not reciprocating pleasure if you'd allow it,"

"As you wish," he whispered back his way of speaking reminded her of Sesshoumaru but she knew it wasn't because this man's hair was curly where Sesshoumaru's was not "Come"

With her in his arms he moved so fast everything was a blur she did not even get chance to see his face and before she knew it they were in a stairwell dark thanks to the light that had died. He gently set her down on her feet she immediately went to work on opening and sliding down his pants feeling that they were leather also, reaching to feel for underwear she smiled when she found briefs she loved those. After sliding his briefs down past his hips she gently pushed him to sit on the bottom step of the stairs leading to the roof he complied and before he knew it his shaft was engulfed by something hot and soft moving tortuously slow then sped up when he released a groan he gripped the railing with one hand

Just when he was about to release she stopped silencing the protest that was about to leave his mouth with a hard hot kiss he conceded allowing her to lead. He was so lost in the kiss he had forgotten all else and groaned when suddenly his aching with need rod was encased in a warm sheath tightly wrapped around his large shaft and the weight of a body settled on his lap. She moaned when she felt it twitch inside her after a few seconds of enjoying the sensual highly arousing first time contact they shared thanks to their intimate connection with one hand holding onto the railing and the other on the wall she began slowly moving up and down

Sitting with her back to him like she was gave him the perfect opportunity to go exploring starting with her voluptuous ample bosom after slipping his hands under her shirt and lifting up her bra he began feeling and kneading them loving the feel of her hardening nipples against his large hands. Then slowly his hands slipped down to her hips when she lifted herself up again he wasted no time in getting a feel of her well rounded backside making him groan in delight and lightly nipped it, he very much preferred a woman with meat on her bones

"Ahhh" he exclaimed when she tightened her muscles around his shaft "Fuck" he groaned she was pulling him closer and fast he wanted it to last but she wasn't having it "Gods dammit"

"Yes" she climaxed the second time he was right with her

Holding her hips "Be still do not move," he instructed "I am going to give it to you good,"

Holding her up with renewed stiffness "Oh my gods," she nearly howled like a wolf when he began driving his shaft up into her "Ooo so damned good,"

"Oh yeah," he groaned

"Harder please give it to me hard?" she begged he more than happily obliged "Ooo just like that," he sped up going hard and fast "Ohhhhh shit," she called out while exploding like fireworks on the fourth of July

That soon led to more rough thrusts that led to slamming and raw rough sex never wanting this to end he knew that he could stay inside her forever and still never get enough. The feeling of her tightening sheath alerted him that she was near again so he made damn sure all of his thrusts hit her sweet spots one in particular which brought him the reward of her nearly screaming with her release. After she finished he let her come back to earth put her on her hands and knees once again plundering her depths, he loved it when she slammed back into him, then reversing positions let her ride him taking him over the edge with her

After a while he turned them so that she was on her back while sucking her neck he moved inside her then kissed his way up to her lips conquering them with a crushing hard kiss. Tongues battled as he fought for and soon won the war dominating everything. He nearly went insane when she started thrusting hard against him with urgency and demanding need she was unlike any other he'd bedded before, he reveled in lust filled ecstasy as she bucked wildly beneath him climaxing again and again it was almost inhuman

Both released together too many times to count he dominated their coupling this time with a fury he was blind and oblivious to the world something primal took over. He felt teeth clamp onto his shoulder and could tell that if not for that the volume of her scream of ecstasy would have brought the whole theatre running to see what was going on. This time a highly pleasurable burning sensation took over as their final ends fast approached he bit down on her as well to silence himself he had never been a screamer during sex but this was one time he would have

Lemon continues

3 hours later

Kagome returned to her friends smelling extra clean as if she'd just bathed the youkai there could smell that she'd just finished washing she had just cleaned up in the ladies room. She held her expression well looking as innocent as possible. However the two legged bloodhound aka Inuyasha knew and smirked it kind of unhinged the poor miko remained silent mentally gloating knowing he had her on the ropes. She shot him a what the hell is your problem? Look, then suddenly

"Ah hah, nothing like some good back row head" is there? Congrats wench you have made it to the big times," Inuyasha teased he knew she'd probably kill him later on but who cares an opportunity like this only came along once in lifetime "Back row head is the best,"

"Eloquent as always little brother," Sesshoumaru commented

"I am so proud," Miroku added receiving a death glare from his miko pal "Fun hah?"

"I'll give you back row head," Kagome snapped

"Really? Ya mean it? It ain't my birthday or nothin but happy early birthday to me" with a dreamy look Inuyasha perversely turned her threat back on her "Now remember doll face ya got to start off nice and slow, he's vanilla flavored by the way I keep him like that the ladies seem to like it they say he tastes like ice cream without all the calories,"

"Ooooo, why you, you know damned good and well what I really meant," she bit "He'll be bloody meat flavor when I'm through, then I'm gonna open the backdoor and let in all the hungry neighborhood dogs,"

"Hey heads head I'll take it where I can get it, oh Gome don't stop you're the best,"

"That's it I am so killing you right now believe it," she promised

"Vanilla flavored? Dear gods the boy is completely demented," Sesshoumaru exclaimed

"Oh my god he has been hanging around with Miroku far too long," Sango said

"One of my finest students," Miroku praised "He graduated with all A's and top honors,"

"Yeah I know from PU Perverts University," Sango exclaimed

"Inuyasha I cannot believe you of all people you are a giant perv," Ayame added

"Well somebody pinch me because I think I'm dreaming," Kagura spoke

"Damn mutt didn't think ya had it in you," Kouga commented "Vanilla pork stick that's a new one,"

"Hey, what can I say great head is worth top dollar," the hanyou needled "Crap, ow," he yelped when Kagome's shoe hit "Oh rough lovin the best my bone is aching,"

"When I'm done with you I'll be wearing a dog fang necklace later on," Kagome threatened

"Here ya go wench try and keep up," he said throwing her shoe over his shoulder and started running "Oh and by the way nice hickey wench," he remarked seeing the mark on her neck

"Oh I am going to give you the best and biggest hickey of your life the hard way and not the good kind either," Kagome promised

"Oh boy a hickey in my pants that's a true wench mark her territory" you sure you're not part dog? He continued needling

"Inuyaaaaaaasha" he laughed she promised death

"Oh yeah give it to me Kaggy rough lovin can't be beat," he continued "Move it to the left move it to the right and then to the middle we're gonna go all night," he taunted

Boo, princess for a day, dropping in

"Hmmmmm" Inuyasha hummed

"Little brother," Sesshoumaru suspiciously greeted his devious sibling who only gave him a grin in response as he stood there innocently leaning against the wall while inspecting his claws looking as if he was waiting for something

"Yes dad?

With Kikyo

Kikyo had been waiting all day she sat down, totally relaxed "Oh boy finally," eyes closed smiling as it was about to begin

"Boo" the voice said

"Ahhhhhhh" seeing what it was she shrieked ending her long awaited relief "Nooooo," bang the door to the ladies room flew open slamming hard into the wall, and out came Kikyo pants and panties down around her ankles

"Heeeeelp" she shrieked as she nearly tripped trying to run

"What have you done? Sesshoumaru casually asked

"Aw Sesshy she met Herman," the smartass hanyou answered, his brother had a comical WTF look on his face


"He's a ghost buddy of mine he popped out of the wall in front of the toilet she was sitting on and said boo just when she was about to let's say drop a log,"

"Ohhhhhhh shit," never swears Sesshoumaru exclaimed, Inuyasha cracked up

"I got never cusses big bro to swear, awesome,"

"My haven't you made quite the accomplishment," Sesshoumaru wisecracked

"Double bonus,"

"How so? Sesshoumaru asked

"Well Herman popping out of the wall scaring her was planned however her running out with her draws down around her ankles was an unplanned sweet bonus. Ah it's days like this you wish would never end," Inuyasha walked away humming happily, followed by his evilly smiling brother

"Sugimi that is one seriously deranged pup you have there," Naraku said to his old friend as they observed from their hiding place

"I know, right?

"He is a masterpiece and evil genius combined," Naraku praised "Hope I have one like him some day" shall we go lay the law down on miss hallway streaker? After all we are the law around here"

"Hehehe, yes lets," laughing Sugimi replied

"Boys and their sick toys," Kagome exclaimed "And they call us girls vicious,"

"You know sometimes I wonder if he is a girl in disguise, seriously," Sango said

A week later

Kikyo had been a major pain in Inuyasha's ass for a full two weeks. Sesshoumaru grinned madly knowing his sibling always took revenge on all who screwed with him double and triple for each thing they did, he ignored Kikyo and it was driving her batty. She went to the sitting room that doubled as the library, it was from the 1800's and had a working fireplace that she loved sitting near while reading. She was wearing her favorite beloved silver trimmed cream colored long dress feeling like a princess and was princess for a day

"Brother" Sesshoumaru exclaimed

"Yes my favorite big bro, what can I do ya for?"

"I am your only brother, so what is on today's menu? Sesshoumaru sweetly inquired

"Roast piggy wiggy without an apple in it's mouth,"

"Ah, why do I even bother to ask?" Sesshoumaru groaned in pure frustration

"Dunno big bro," Inuyasha loved driving him nuts he smirked "Damn brother dearest don't go getting all emotional why one would think you are turning human," he taunted

"Silence fool, you are worse than a nagging wench on crack,"

"Oh wow Fluffy butt has a sense of humor," Inuyasha needled "Remind me to email dad this juicy piece of info,"

"He's at it again," Sugimi said he was hiding and waiting but not alone

"You can hardly blame the boy after all Kinkyho has been after him relentlessly like a dog in heat," Naraku wisecracked

"Spider" Sugimi growled

"Pardon me I was trying to keep it clean but since you insist," grinning Naraku replied "A bitch in heat" there is that better? You big baby"

"Eh go spin a web and catch some flies" isn't that what you spiders do best?

"Yes but I prefer special flies," the smirking spider replied

"I'll not ask,"

"Good boy," Naraku loved and excelled at being a ball buster


"What the fuc? Sugimi, and Naraku started but paused when they heard

"Ahhhhhhh" Kikyo screamed "My dress my beautiful dress" whyyyyy? She wailed, people ran to get a look

"Oh wow she busted her first nut and broke the room," Kouga yelled knowing she'd hear him "Playing the kitty violin" now what are we gonna do for a library? No wonder she wore a long dress didn't want anyone seeing the hand action,"

"Busted nut, kitty violin, broke room," laughing his ass off Jaklotsu gasped

"Dirty bastard," smirking Bankotsu said

"Mad because I thought of it first? Kouga teased

Inuyasha stood back against the wall filing his already perfect claws with an emery board he'd swiped from Kagome earlier that day "Look at my dress it it's ruined this will never come out,"

"Come, greedy girl you already showered the room with love juice," nasty Miroku could not resist being an additional thorn in her side speaking loudly enough for all to hear

"Good one monk," Kouga praised patting him on the back

"Ahhh, now they'll have to burn the room down, thanks for nothing," Kagura needled

"Hah and you boys call us vicious and raw," Ayame said

"Three legged criminals that's what they are," Sango teased

"Pup" Sugimi exclaimed

"Yes Inupapa?" Inuyasha innocently answered

"Though I find it very commendable that you cleaned it out" don't you think rigging a bomb inside the chimney to blow soot all over her is a tad too much? The elder dog said and received the strangest reply

"Hell no," Inuyasha, and Naraku immediately said. Yes after all that was said and done the refined classy spider was as warped as the hanyou

"You two are sick,"

"No we're not," Naraku, and Inuyasha replied in unison "Inupapa"

"Are you sure it was not too much? Pup"

"Let me think about it for a second" do I? Inuyasha answered tapping his chin with one claw looking as if in thought "Nah sorry popsy," he smirked "Nothins too much for her,"

"My evil demonic puppy," Sugimi replied

"Yeah now we can call her the dust princess," the twisted hanyou added "Or soot princess hell either one will do,"

"O-or dusterella," Miroku gasped Naraku backed that one wholeheartedly

"Sooterella, Naraku added

"Dustasaki, Sootasaki," Bankotsu wisecracked changing Nagasaki Kikyo's last name

"Rusty dusty crusty pipes Nagastinky," Inuyasha added

"I-Inuyasha I love you," laughing Sango managed to say

"Shhh keep talking like that and you'll have to marry me and make an honest man out of me," he teased, then put the file in his pocket "Well my claws are done now got to go, later peeps

"What you're not going to get a look at your artwork'? Kagome inquired "What kind of artist are you?

"Nah ain't got time I'm a busy dog I've got dog stuff to do,"

"Oh crap he's scheming again," his female friends exclaimed

"Duh this is a school I'm thinking a lot" isn't that what I'm supposed to do?

"How did I get and why do I have such sick puppies? Sugimi asked

"Because you were too lazy to and forgot to pull out before the seeds sprang forth hit the soil and took root," Inuyasha, and Sesshoumaru answered with angelic looks "Thank you daddy,"

"Ahhh," the older dog groaned "Look at them looking like two demonic angels,"

"Well you know what they say don't you?" Naraku started

"No enlighten us old wise sage," Sugimi replied

"The depraved apples do not fall far from the tree of depravity,"

"As my youngest always loves to say get bent,"

"I'm already bent in more ways than one if you get my meaning," Naraku teased

"Do not tell me for I have no wish to know,"

"Wimp," the smiling spider replied "And I thought dogs were fearless how disappointing,"

A few days later in the ladies room

"Nice tatt Kaggy," Kagura commented

"Wow that is a nice piece of work there," Ayame added

"Sweet" was Sango's addition

"Tattoo, what the hell tattoo are you talking about?" Kagome asked

"Look in the mirror," Kagura told her

"You mean the hickey? Yeah I know it should be mostly gone by now no biggie"

"Ah look and look closely," Ayame spoke

Kagome walked over to the mirror pulled her hair back looked then looked surprised "Looks like," she paused and washed her hands "Got to go catch you later guys,"

"Okay" they replied

After she was gone "She really doesn't know" does she? Sango said

"Nope" Ayame responded

"Girls I vote we say nothing and wait for the fun to start, I know it makes us a bunch of rats but in the end it'll be worth it," Kagura told them

"Squeak," Sango, and Ayame responded

"I take it the rats agree," "Kagura teased

"Squeak, squeak,"

"Okay I call this meeting over," grinning Kagura said

Two days after

Kagome was one determined stalking miko she had a plan and by the gods she would get exactly what she wanted one way or another. It was tricky, it was extreme and it was risky highly risky but to get what she wanted it'd be well worth the risk. Standing on a metal chair she removed the grate bending over and setting it on the floor she stood back up climbed up and crawled inside. Inside she started heading toward where her target was, she stopped almost above him taking a shower he was alone by all that was holy he looked like a raven haired god his long curly midnight locks hanging down clinging to his wet body

She bit her bottom lip silently drooling over this male specimen of perfection a slim but thick body oh she loved a man with meat on his bones. She watched as he soaped his hands then went to work washing his thighs when he moved to the side a bit she stifled a gasp to say Naraku was hung like a stud horse would be an understatement she wondered how in the world would he be able to fit that monster inside a woman. Wanting a closer look she moved further ahead she was now directly above him

"Shit" hearing something "Oh no," then a creaking sound followed by snap "Oh nooooo," she cried out as she descended downward "Hah?

"Hello there nice of you to drop in," Naraku sweetly said catching her at the same time

"Gulp, I uh I was, um I was chasing a rat one of the schools pet rats got into the heating vent and I was trying to rescue him,"

"Ah hah" and is rescuing him part of the stop and watch the Naraku show?

"Ah, sorry I didn't mean to but you were and I was," she nearly stammered

"I was showering and you were watching," the grinning spider teased

"Oh, how much trouble am I in?"

"Well let's see you stalked me crawled inside the heating vent to watch me bathing, heating vent very risky by the way,"

"I am so busted and dead," she whimpered "Ah, say do you spiders kill your prey quick and painlessly?"

"Depends, but there are penalties for this type of crime, I will not tell dean Abi, I think we can settle this privately,"

"Uh oh,"

"Fear not I'll not harm you," he promised

"Um, okay,"

"Glad you agree," he purred

"How am I going to pa? She started to say but was silenced by his lips on hers 'What the? She thought

He pulled his lips away from hers looked into her eyes and said "Welcome to my web said the spider to the fly," and before she could reply his lips covered hers once again she closed her eyes and went with it

Lemon starts

Faster then she could blink her clothes were gone and she was pinned beneath Naraku and the shower room floor they lay beneath the running water coming down from the showerhead "I'll have you now," he said and before she could speak silenced her with another kiss this one hard passionate and commanding

As he slid his shaft inside her she lightly dug her nails into his shoulders after sheathing himself within her up to the hilt he groaned it was almost too much, she loved the way he filled her. He began moving sending her senses reeling so high she was sure they'd never come down again the immense the lust she felt was nearly driving her insane it felt so good so right and what the hell? What was going on here? That's impossible, isn't it? It felt so familiar. She tore her lips away from his then looked into his eyes

"It's you," both exclaimed

"You, it was you my mystery lover in the theatre? I know that kiss and the way you make love anywhere"

"I knew the minute I kissed you," he replied

She wrapped her legs around his waist and he put one hand under her kneading her ass while driving into her like a pile driver her sheath was wrapped so tightly around his shaft it almost hurt. It did not take long for both to erupt like a volcano their essences mingling and flowing heavily creating a euphoric state. Neither would be done until both were sated and spent, he turned them over so that she was on top, he wanted to watch while she rode him

"Ride me, just like you did in the stairwell that night I want to watch you," he raised his hips up giving one thrust to spur her on, he groped her full breasts "What a rack," he absolutely loved the way they bounced when she rode him "That ass and those hips you make me so frigging hard,"

"Ahhhh, Naraku," she moaned heavily "Uh I oo I've wanted you inside me for so-so long she gasped,"

"I will hear you call my name in shear ecstasy," she began to ride "Yes Kagome that's it yes," she shifted ever so slightly "Fuck"

"I-I am fucking you," she panted teasing him

"Like this? He teased back giving her a sharp upward thrust

"Oh kamis Naraku when you do that,"

"Ah hah, do not move," he instructed then holding her hips he plunged in deep hitting every erogenous zone she had "I want to feel you again,"

"Yes more Na-Narakuuuuu,"came out while she exploded hard he continued giving her back to back climaxes

"Kagome it's ah shit," he exclaimed with their simultaneous releases

Lemon continues

2 Hours later

"Wechy disappeared," Inuyasha teased his friends

Bankotsu was in a storage room "Oh Inuyasha?

"Yeah, what Bank?"

"Come take a look at this,"

Inuyasha entered the room looking at what Bankotsu was pointing to the grate on the floor "The heating vent, wench crawled inside the heating and went hunting," Inuyasha said in a smart ass way "Playing peeping Tom,"

"Who uses the shower room after the rest of the guy are done for the day? And who's in there now? Miroku asked

"Professor Himura," Inuyasha replied "Yep and that's not all while she was in there spider hunting the friggin vent caved in, so wenchykins got caught,"

"Hoooooly crap on a cracker," Kouga exclaimed

"This is no time to be crapping on crackers," Sesshoumaru wisecracked

"I know you wish that was funny" don't ya dog? Kouga shot back

"Well looks like our Kaggy is in spider police custody," Ayame added

"Wait. How the hell do you know the vent collapsed? Kagura asked

"I can smell her scent inside mixed with dust and fear, and now our wench and professor spider are studying for a looooong test," Inuyasha finished wiggling his eyebrows then winked

"Aw how cute Misses spider," Bankotsu teased

"Yeah and at the rate those two are going there'll be lots of little spiders to, and soon," Inuyasha said

"She's polishing his knob with her furry little buffer," Perverted Miroku joked

"Eh go buff yourself," Sango needled

"I will with your buffer," Miroku shot back smiling evilly "It's the only buffer for me,"

"No buffing around monk," Sesshoumaru added the others burst out laughing

"Where is Naraku? Approaching Sugimi asked

"Getting his knob buff," Miroku started but was silenced by Inuyasha's hand suddenly clamped over his mouth. His eyes widened when the hanyou whispered promises of death in his ear

"What was that, I didn't quite catch that?" Sugimi responded

"Um professor Himura is polishing some silver," Jakotsu tried

"I see, polishing his silver rod," smirking Sugimi said "Right?

"Ow, son of a," Inuyasha cursed when Miroku bit a finger

"He's getting his knob polished by the new on the market Higurashi buffer," Miroku said real fast "Buzz, lucky bastard,"

"I presume this began when he started his showering?" Sugimi commented

"Ah hah," they all responded

"Let's see it's five pm now and they started at two so they've been at it four three hours, now" smirking Sugimi said while looking at his watch "Somebody's going to be a spider papa soon multiple times,"

"Dad it's hilarious," Inuyasha exclaimed

"What is so hilarious about mating?

"No, no, no not that, wench took the grate off of the heating duct climbed up to then it crawled in to go spider hunting when she got to the part right above him in the shower it caved in wenchy got caught," smirking Inuyasha replied

"Dear, dear lord that is spec-freaking-tacular, poor miko she's under house arrest," the laughing inu said

"Yep horny humping spider house arrest," Inuyasha teased

"Eight legs of long slow lovin," Kouga added

Twenty minutes had passed when Inuyasha caught the scent of something "Mister and Misses spider are coming,"

"Well hello there misses spider," Sango, Kagura, and Ayame teased bowing

"So tell me wench, how was that eight legs of lovin?" Inuyasha needled

"Yep Kaggy that hickey that looked like a bug was actually a mating mark," Kagura announced

"You hags and didn't tell me, gee thanks for nothing, bitches," Kagome teasingly replied "But seriously you knew?

"Yeeeees" Kagura, Ayame, and Sango answered


"Squeak," they teased

"Ah please don't kill me I hadn't realized I marked you that night in the theatre. I only realized when we partook of our recent activities," Naraku stated

"What baby let me bang your box? Inuyasha razzed

"Stroke me, stroke me give me the business all night long," Miroku sang

"No problem I had the hot's for you for a long time anyway," Kagome answered Naraku "And Inuyasha I'm murdering you later, you to Mroku,"

"Awwwww" Miroku whined

"Any spider eggs yet? Sugimi teased his friend said spider smiled evilly

"When and if there are you will be their dinner after I wrap you in my web and leave you there for them to feast upon,"

"Dirty dog," Sugimi shot back

"That's dirty spider dear boy,"

"So is our miko spider pupped yet? Sugimi was a relentless ball buster "Ow, what the hell man?"

"Act like a vile unruly undisciplined brat and I shall treat you as such," Naraku answered after snapping his friends ear with his fingers

"Ha, ha dad got spider slapped," Inuyasha teased

"And spider spanked," Sesshoumaru needled

"Really boys," Sugimi replied with a rather large power ball forming in his hand

"Uh oh," Inuyasha, and Sesshoumaru exclaimed


"Yes little brother?


"Yes crap major crap, better strap on some king sized diapers boys it's going to be a long night," Sugimi said wearing the most sadistic grin in history

"Gulp, haul ass," Inuyasha exclaimed, all that was left was the slightest breeze after Sesshoumaru sped away "Flying show off," then Inuyasha disappeared

"Aw I lose more puppies that way," Sugimi fake whined and vanished