Disclaimer: Don't own. Obviously.

Author: Nada
Rating: T for Teen
Genre: Angst, Romance, Friendship, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Sarcasm
Pairings: Sora/Roxas; Riku/Kairi; Hayner/Olette
Warning: OOC-ness, Swearing, Adult Situations, Shounen Ai


Chapter One

Ever had one of those nights where you kept on waking up for something and fell back asleep only to continue whatever dream you were having? Well, I had one of those nights. I can't say I remembered the dream either; it was something random and ridiculous.

Something about chocolate covered moogles, floating fruits and storm clouds that rained skittles all over Twilight Town. If you stuck out your tongue to catch a skittle, you'd turn into a candy cane and bled raspberry…

Huh, that's a bit disturbing.

"Roxassss…" droned a distant voice within my extremely messed up dreams.

Go away, I'm trying to sleep.

"Wake up sleeping beauty! It's a beautiful day for the beach."

I groaned, loudly and in annoyance, but that only ignited a chuckle from the voice above.

Suddenly, I felt something soft and plump press against my lips in the form of a kiss. My nightmarish candy land shattered into darkness and snapped me back to reality leaving me a little more than confused and seriously disturbed. Even in my sleep induced confusion I knew whose lips were pressed against mine, if the sweet scent of cinnamon caressing my senses were anymore of a dead giveaway.

He was probably smiling. He was always smiling, especially when it came to me.

"Ugh, Sora!" scoffed the familiar voice of another boy. It sounded like a completely disgruntled blonde—definitely Hayner—from the other side of the room. "Dude, c'mon. That's definitely not something I want to see so early in the morning."

Another boy, Riku this time, laughed on the other side of the room. His voice sounded slightly groggy with sleep-he must have just woken up. "I knew we should have made you sleep with the girls instead."

If my eyes were opened, I would have seen his adorable puppy dog pout on that cherubic face of his, but since my eyes were still too heavy with sleep, I could only have the pleasure of imagining it.

"Hey! Being gay doesn't automatically make me a girl, Riku!" he huffed. "Besides, what makes you guys think I'm the uke in this relationship?"

Did he just imply what I think he just implied?

Riku and Hayner suddenly burst into laughter, their voices quickly echoing throughout the bedroom we all had been sleeping in. I took the opportunity to snap out of my sleep haze, my lashes finally fluttering open to the sunlit room that was Pence's.

I was right; Sora really was pouting like a dejected puppy while his "friends" were laughing their butts off on their sleeping bags.

We spent the night over at Pence's for a sleep over since his house was the closest to the beach, or at least as close as you could get. Olette originally wanted us to use the time to finish our summer homework, but everyone knows how that works out. We still had a month of summer vacation left, who the hell wants to do homework so early?

"Well good morning sleeping beauty!" Hayner guffawed. His cheeks were tinged red from laughter.

Sora suddenly spun around, his eyes widening in shock the moment he noticed I was awake and smiled weakly.

"Ho-how much did you hear?" Riku and Hayner managed to stifle the rest of their laughter in order to hear me.

Even with all that's happened in our first year I realized my voice never really rose up in volume. My voice was just above a whisper, but still low enough to easily miss. Sora never really minded, just as long as I kept talking; Naminé and Cloud were already used to my tone that it never really bothered them. But to Hayner and Riku-and everybody else in general-always had to lean in a little closer just to hear what I had to say. It didn't occur to me at the time-or maybe it did-I wondered if maybe there were still remnants of silentium left in my subconscious?

I narrowed my eyes with no real emotion behind them—I just liked seeing that sheepish expression on his face—and felt my arms automatically cross against my chest for dramatic effect.

"So you think I might be the uke in this relationship? Need I remind you exactly who it was that got the flamboyant uke card last year?" I insinuated the words carefully and slowly. The corners of my mouth twitched for a smile the moment I saw Sora's eyes twitch at the memory of his infamous card.

Hayner and Riku made sure Sora never forgot his result card from then. They teased him constantly throughout our spring semester and even went so far as to post up photocopies of the card all over his locker. It haunted him. And I doubt it would ever stop.

They were still laughing at the memory, though their boisterous laughter had dropped into near silent snickers, but silence quickly fell over us the moment Pence's door flew open. Pence stood at the door, already dressed for the beach with a beach towel folded under his arms and a bright smile plastered on his face.

"Glad to see everyone's already awake!" He beamed. "Breakfast is ready downstairs and the girls are already getting changed. We have an hour to catch the train so you guys better hurry up. I don't want to miss the beach again this year."

Pence's eyes instantly glanced toward Hayner, the blonde's eyes slightly widening at the stare before his brows furrowed in disapproval. "You know it was an accident Pence. Get over it." The blonde huffed. He slipped out of his camouflaged theme sleeping bag and began to gather his things for the day.

Sora and Riku glanced at each other before they shared identical grins. Their eyes flashed with recognition-a memory no doubt-and they chuckled in silent amusement.

Childhood memories. I was starting to resent them. I know it was petty of me to, they had a life of their own before I stepped into their lives (More like before Sora forced his way into mine) but I couldn't help the sting of jealousy that bit into me. It was happening a lot lately.

Olette told me the story once, about the time she and the gang wanted to spend a few days at the beach. Hayner was in charge of the munny pouch because he, according to Olette, insisted he was the most responsible out of the six of them. Of course, Hayner being the oh-so-responsible one had an accident that involved a stranger slamming into his arm and pick-pocketing their cash when he wasn't looking. It wasn't his fault, no one really blamed him for it, but Hayner was stubborn. He spent two weeks sulking over the incident. Now they only poked at the memory for fun, which annoyed Hayner to no end.

I don't blame him, I'd be annoyed too.

"Hey Riku, is your brother going to be at the party?" Sora asked, already forgetting our uke-seme conversation. (Irritation flashed through my senses, but I ignored it in favor of listening to them.)

That was one thing I both liked and disliked about him; he had the attention span of a goldfish and a memory as bad as a cats.

Riku shook his head, his bedridden silver locks bouncing around unusually. Their usual tamed manner completely distorted into unnatural spikes against his face and head. He ran his fingers through his hair subconsciously, sea-green eyes darting toward the clock with illuminated blue numbers.

"Doubt it," He replied. "He has to work."

"Again? Doesn't your brother know the meaning of the word 'vacation'?"

"Yeah, well, you know Sephiroth." He shrugged.

Their conversation was soon interrupted by the loud growl of rumbling stomach acid. I sighed loudly, feeling their eyes dart in my direction before I rose to my feet.

"I'm hungry. See you guys downstairs." I bade them a quick farewell before leaving the bedroom.

OK, there's something I have to admit. It's been a few months since Sora and I started going out officially—eight months to be exact—and we're taking it slow. Really, really slow. To paint the picture, the farthest we've ever gone to being remotely intimate was French kissing and the casual inappropriate gropes here and there. We've dropped suggestive glances and made sensual advances, but…

It never escalated into anything else. And I have to say, it was all my fault.

I'm not saying my body didn't want it, hell no, that's a damn lie. Sora is attractive enough to get ravaged on the spot. It was just… tainted.

My heart panged at the thought.

I heaved a heavy sigh, finally reaching the last steps of the stairs and slipped into the dining room where Hayner and breakfast awaited.

Thinking about things like that always soured my mood. Whatever excitement I had for the beach party today (why are we always going to parties anyway?) dissipated and left me to brood instead.

Damn it, I didn't know Gloom Cloud was contagious. Stupid older brother!

Hayner didn't notice my existence until I sat down at the head of the table, the only chair that was closest to me at the time. He tore his eyes away from the vanishing pancake he was devouring and arched a curious eyebrow at me.

"What's wrong with you?" He asked. He probably noticed my brooding.

"Nothing," I mutter picking up one of the empty plates and slipping a pancake onto it.

"You know, you've been acting really weird lately. You've been a lot more silent than usual."

Silence. The word still makes me cringe. I hate it.

My family hates it.

My friends hate it.

Yet, why am I always falling silent?


The word flashed through my head a second time, a sense of guilt following its heels.

"I did used to be "mute" remember?" I said with a grin. It was a poor attempt to excuse myself, to lock away the unsettling emotions swirling inside, but Hayner wasn't exactly perceptive, so he didn't notice my fail attempt at being nonchalant. I grabbed a golden brown pancake from the pile of pancakes Pence's mother had made for all us and drowned it in a sea of syrup before I sliced it open with a little more vigor than normal.

I glanced at him, to see if he noticed my knife-happy moment, but he wasn't looking at me. Instead, his eyes were focused intently on his half-devoured pancake, those brown eyes swimming with guilt and embarrassment at my words.

Silentium wasn't something my friends felt comfortable with, even though it had been half a year already.

We sat in silence after that, him finishing up his breakfast while I worked my way through. Seconds later—though it felt like hours to me—Naminé and Olette decide to grace us with their presence. The two were already dressed in their swimsuits with their tank tops and shorts covering whatever questionable bikinis they probably wore. Naminé beamed happily while Olette's warm smile slipped across her lips—the back of Hayner's neck instantly turned tomato red.

They've been going out for almost as long as Sora and I have and Hayner still found himself blushing at Olette's smile. He's whipped.

"Morning!" Naminé greeted. "Sleep well?"


"You guys excited as we are about the beach party? Pence thinks there might be a fireworks display too." Olette said while grabbing a pancake of her own.

I quirked an eyebrow. "How does Pence know all these things?"

"There's something called gossip Roxas." answered the brunet. I didn't know Pence was the type to gossip. Pence joined the rest of us in the dining room, one basket in his left while the other held onto a cooler for our celebratory sea-salt ice cream.

Naminé and Olette giggled at Pence's reply, but I rolled my eyes, unable to brush off the overwhelming déjà vu that gripped me. When it came to Pence knowing about things he shouldn't possibly know, it was best not to question it. Gossip could only take a person so far.

Suddenly, my attention shot away from the dining room at the sound of a familiar voice. Sora, already dressed for a day at the beach just like Riku, entered the room with a look of a kid starving for candy. The duo grabbed the last two plates on the table and piled on the remaining pancakes. They sat beside each other at the table (Naminé and Olette stole the seats on either side of me.)

I eyed them discreetly; something poisonous bubbled deep within the pit of my stomach, almost making me sick to the point that I nearly regretted pouring so much syrup on my pancake. Tainted flashed into my mind again, this time the word intensified the poison in my stomach, but I held my jaw tight and tore my eyes away from them. The poison didn't feel like the jealousy I felt from earlier before. It felt much sicker than that. Stronger. It brought anger and pain and frighteningly enough-hatred. Hatred towards whom, I didn't know. I know Riku is a jerk one-hundred percent of the time, but that didn't mean I hated him. He was Sora's best friend. Hating him was not an option.

But why did I feel this way?

I couldn't call it jealous because it wasn't… but it felt extremely close.

I tried to steer my thoughts away from uncharted waters and reminded myself that Riku and Kairi were in a relationship. I had no reason to be jealous because Sora was mine and I was-

Riku and Kairi are popular. Who's to say they were going out? Hugging each other in public, holding hands, shamelessly playing tonsil hockey in front of your embarrassed friends-who's to say they're not just friends with benefits?

Paranoia. I know I'm being paranoid.

I know I'm unreasonably judging two of Sora's closest friends.

I know I'm trying to find an excuse to hide behind the silence, to escape something scarier than manipulative Marluxia and Sadistic Larxene.


The sound of familiar laughter forced me out of my Gloom Cloud and brought reality back in a dizzying, unsettling fashion. Riku and Sora were laughing, loudly, at something I must have missed because the next thing I knew, the others were laughing just the same. It was then I noticed that Kairi had finally joined us, though for how long I wasn't sure. She sat beside Olette, which was right across from Riku while Pence filled the basket and the cooler with snacks his Mom had prepared for our trip.

A soft, quiet voice off to my side stole my attention away from the rest of the table. I leant toward the voice subconsciously, waiting for whatever my twin had to say.

She smiled at me, though it was small and her cerulean eyes were laced with worry. Worry that was directed toward me.

My heart panged with guilt.

"Are you OK?" she whispered, loud enough for me to hear but quiet enough that no one else could.

I smiled, bright, happily—so completely fake I wouldn't be surprised if she saw right through it. "Yeah, I'm OK." It's not in my nature to lie, just like it's not in Sora's nature to be dead serious about anything but sometimes it happens.

This was one of those moments.

"You sure?" Figured she'd be suspicious. She is my twin, after all.

I nodded, my false smile faltering slightly.