I have a very amusing idea in my mind right now. I guess now isn't the best time to be getting humorous ideas, considering the fact that I just witnessed a tragic death. But, all in all, this idea just came to me, and this making me smile like some sort of...
Ugh! Coming up with similes is hard. Let's just say that it's making me smile like France.
Never mind, that's nauseating. I'm going to get back to my entertaining idea before I scare myself with another comparison between myself and frog face.
So, you know how darkness seems to be a recurring theme in my life lately? Like every hallucination I've been kicked out of lately had me stand in some darkness for an unnecessary long about of time? And a few of my hallucinations started with me sitting in darkness for an unnecessary long amount of time?
Well, in my head right now I'm thinking that everybody has an illustrator. And that illustrator is required to draw and color all the backgrounds of everything we will see in our lives.
Since darkness is a recurring theme in my life, I'm thinking that my illustrator just got lazy and quit. Like let's say that my illustrator is a bald dude named Stan. Why the name Stan? Well, Stan's the man.
Goodness, my brain gets a little stupid when I let it think on its own. Seriously, Stan's the man? That's just stupid. Where have I heard that one before?
Back to my made up Stan story, okay so Stan's sitting at his illustrator desk. He's got a coffee next to him, because he's American and doesn't drink tea. Well, Stan's drinking coffee and working hard on making a lovely mountain scene that will be a lovely background in my life one day. Like the type of background I would want if I every got married to...
What the hell am I thinking about now? Anyway, back to Stan the man.
Crap. Did I really just think that? Seriously, my brain shouldn't be allowed to think on its own. It likes to create fan pairings annoying girls would love to hear details about.
And I need to get back to Stan before I get a disturbing mental image. I get those some times. They're the worse when I get them in the shower, 'cause that's when I'm naked.
Shit, I'm being stupid and letting my brain think on its own again. I need to finish my Stan theory before I forget it.
So, Stan's sitting at his desk with his coffee and work utensils. He's about to start coloring his mountain background, but his fat American arm knocks over his coffee onto his work.
"Screw this shit!" screams Stan in rage after he knocks over his drink onto his masterpiece. "I just like totally ruined my drawing with my stupid fat American arm!"
Now my life background illustrator, Stan, has an assistant. I'm not going to give her a name, because I got a little wacky when I gave Stan a name. Why does Stan have to rhyme with man?
Whatever, back to my made up Stan story.
"What's wrong?" says Mrs. Stan's assistant lady as she enters Stan's office place. "I heard you scream a profanity that shouldn't be used in the workplace."
Stan smiles and looks at Mrs. Stan's assistant lady. "You know what? Mrs. Stan's assistant lady, I think I was never meant to be a illustrator."
Mrs. Stan's assistant lady looks at Stan confused. "What ever do you mean, Stan?" she asks alarmed. "Nobody on earth can draw life backgrounds like you."
Stan chuckles, because he's American and has to laugh for no reason a lot. "Yes, but I'm American. And that means that I can't do anything but chew bubblegum and kick ass-"
Mrs. Stan's assistant lady cuts him off. "Are you telling me that you're going to quit being a life background illustrator?"
"Hit the nail right on the head, toots." He chuckles. "Want to make-out?"
Mrs. Stan's assistant lady frowns in disappointment, and ignores the question. "But, what about the backgrounds you didn't finish?"
Stan laughs. "Ah, hell with them. The loser, I'm illustrating the life of, probably isn't going to live that long-"
"But, Stan, you're illustrating backgrounds of the life on England!" Mrs. Stan's assistant lady cries. "You can't just quit illustrating the life backgrounds of a country!"
"England's a country?" Stan's eyes go wide and he turns to the map of the United States over his desk. "I don't see it on this map."
Mrs. Stan's assistant lady sighs. She's clearly aware that Stan is an idiot. "You really need to get back to work."
"No, I don't. I quit being a illustrator a few seconds ago." Stan stands up from his desk and grabs a box from nowhere to shove all his stupid things in. "Now, I'm going to use my life for better things!"
Mrs. Stan assistant lady frowns. "Can you at least finish illustrating your backgrounds before-"
Stan cuts her off. "Hell no! I said screw this shit, and when I say that I literally mean screw this shit!" He starts shoving all the things from his desk into his box.
"Sir, you just misused the word literally," Mrs. Stan assistant lady states. "Oh, and sir that phone is company property."
Stan laughs and throws the phone, computer, and everything else that's clearly company property into his box. "Whatever, I'm out of here. My life now will be dedicated to competitive eating!"
"What to join me, toots?" Stan asks once the box is over filling with company property.
"Sure!" happily says Mrs. Stan's assistant lady. "I'm American too, so I too love eating large qualities of food!"
And with that Stan, and Mrs. Stan's assistant lady, leave the building taking company property with them. They abandon their job of making sure all my life backgrounds are complete to become competitive eaters.
So, yeah, that's my insanely stupid idea that just came to me about why I keep experiencing all this crazy black backgrounds. I feel sort of embarrassed about it, but when you're stuck in a bunch of unnecessary darkness you're mind has time to think of stupid things like that.
I probably shouldn't be thinking of things like that. But, in my defense it's just a coping method. I did sort of witness a disturbing death, and did sort of get cut off from reading some answers. So, I guess it could be considered natural that my mind is making up crap like that to help cope.
Yes, I know I should be using my darkness to think about that very rude letter. But, the thing is, its just another question. I'm tired of questions I just want answers.
So, my new plan is to wait for these questions to answer themselves. Just like I'm going to wait for this darkness to make it self disappear. All will be revealed in time.
Hell, maybe I'll still be holding that letter when I'm back in my world. Or whatever that rude letter called it. That would be a major benefit.
Sadly, I don't feel like I'm holding anything. It's too dark to tell at the moment. Stupid Stan not finishing his background job.
And there I go making myself smile with my Stan theory again. I really should have a better coping method. Whatever, darkness is turning my brain to mush.
I hope this darkness ends soon. Darkness isn't fun. You can't see anything in it. And that just sucks.
No, I'm not getting impatient in waiting for this darkness to end. My new plan is to be patient and wait for all the answers to reveal themselves.
Patience means you have to wait. Even if the wait is long.
Hurray! A light is appearing. I guess the wait really wasn't that long.
I guess England really should be thinking of the letter, but I didn't want him to think about it. I wanted him to try to find a way to calm himself down. So, I made up Stan the man.
I guess I got a little too carried away with it. But, the last chapter was long and dark. So, this one wasn't long and dark. Yeah, I'm not very good at balancing moods.