Hi guys! When I typed that at first, I accidentally put "guts" instead of "guys". Good thing Microsoft Word corrected me. You guys aren't intestines! Or maybe you are, I won't judge. Anyway, this chapter was really hard to write. But I honestly feel like Andre would feel this way about Cat dying. What do you think? Review and tell me, son!
Disclaimer: I own my toenails. Well, except for the ones I sold to the ice cream man. But I don't own Victorious!
"She wants to go h-home, but nobody's…" I look at Tori, who's singing miserably in my arms, her eyes a thousand miles away. "Home." She squeaks out, beginning to sob. We're in Cat's room, on Cat's bed. Well, her old bed. I take a look around and see Robbie curled up in Cat's chair, his left arm around the back, hugging the piece of furniture. Beck's at her desk, sitting there, crying. I've never seen Beck cry. Not ever.
"It's where she lies…" Robbie sings back, just as far away in his own world as Tori is.
They shouldn't be doing this to themselves; it's not healthy. Singing about Cat's suicide won't make it go away. "Guys-" I start to say.
"Broken inside!" Beck screams, bringing his head up from the desk. I'm glad he isn't facing me, so I don't have to see the pain on his face. They all go back to what they were doing, silently. The hurt in the room is almost tangible.
I notice Robbie's right hand is moving at his side, almost involuntarily, because there isn't a snotty puppet there. Beck's sobbing so loud I can hardly hear myself think, and I want to make him feel better, but I don't know how. Tori's scratching her arm vigorously. My sweet Tori, my best friend, is clinging to me like there's no tomorrow.
Maybe there won't be a tomorrow. There was another tomorrow for Cat.
Cat. She's gone. She was with me two days ago! I asked her why she wasn't eating her lunch, but she never did. She yelled, "What's that supposed to mean?" and ran away. That was the last time I saw her. Why didn't I notice? She was anorexic dammit! How couldn't I see that? I mean noticed, of course I noticed. But her family's so rich that when she told me the reason she wasn't eating lunch was because she ate a big breakfast, I believed her. Chances are, she wasn't even eating breakfast at all.
All of the cute smiles and musical laughs were lies. The Cat I thought I knew, she was never there. And this is how I'm forced to find out: by slitting her throat. None of us want to admit that we didn't really know her. That Cat knew so much pain that she thought the only way she thought she could make it go away was to die.
Maybe it was a long time coming, I don't know. She could've been like this for a long time and I wouldn't have noticed. No one would have. And maybe it's just me, but I can't cry. I can't mourn Cat because she didn't die. At least, the Cat I knew didn't. She's still sitting next to me giggling and saying silly things.
The Cat that was beaten and starved – that's who died. Because that wasn't my Cat. Maybe Once Upon A Time it was. But somewhere along the way of her messed up life that she was forced into, she lost herself. And Beck, he really loved Cat. As soon as Jade broke up with him, he talked about Cat nonstop. But that was only the Cat that we thought we knew. Yeah, it really hurts and it's absolutely horrifying to think you know someone so well to find out they're an entirely new person.
And now? We will all become new people after this. Well, I'm not exactly sure that "this" will ever end at all. Everywhere we go we will be weighed down with the memory of the girl we thought we knew. Whenever we laugh or smile again, we're going to be thinking about Cat's smile and her laugh. We'll stop laughing or smiling because we won't be able to think about how happy we thought she was.
But I know the real Cat was beautiful, too. I know that we would have loved her the way she was. No matter what. We would have gotten her help and made sure her father was never anywhere near her again. She would've been safe. Every single one of us would have loved her, even Jade. And I'm not mad at Cat, no. I'm mad at myself for not noticing. I'm mad at her father for beating her half to death. I'm mad at her mother for insulting her into starvation.
Above all, I'm mad that I can't bring her back to know the real her. But hey, that's life. People die, and life goes on.
If only it were that easy, right?
If you review I'll give you some candy and let you look for my puppy ;)
Oh, also, I would really like to think you all for the reviews! And to OnlyMeMyselfAndI, that was such a kind review! The nicest I've ever had, thank you so so much! But everybody's reviews are great, thanks