Subscription Drabble

by leejeeg

My apologies. Once again, this is the result of a bout of insomnia and the need to vent about events in my own life. Sadly, the inspiration for this comes from my husband. Even sadder-there are such things as digital clock rings.


"Question number six: if you and your significant other had to choose between adopting a pet and scrubbing the bathroom down, which would you choose?"

"That's not a real question, Barton, you are making that up."

"Actually, I'm not, Chang."

"Stop tittering, Po."

"But Wufei-it's funny. Besides, you already know the answer to that question-you picked Mr. Tibbs, right?"

"Is that what you named your cat, Wufei? That's so cute!"

"I did not name my cat Mr. Tibbs, Winner!"

"So cute." Quatre shook his head in amusement. Baker from filing ambled into the break room and took note of the Preventer agents present. "Agents, Dr. Po," she nodded in greeting. "Is that the MetroWoman magazine quiz?" she asked, having noticed it in Trowa Barton's hands.

"Yes," Quatre answered cheerfully.

"I did that quiz yesterday. What did you answer for number ten?"

"Which one was that again?" Sally Po asked.

"Is your lover like a documentary, or a cartoon short?"

"Oh, yes-I put down..."

"Dr. Po! I need to speak with you right now."

"But Wufei, I was only going to say..."

"Now!"

Sally began giggling as she followed Chang Wufei out of the break room.

The others stared as they left, Sally's voice filtering in from the corridor. "Don't want anyone to know your secrets, my dear?"

Quatre cleared his throat. "Let's have a look at Decorators Monthly-there is an article on how to interior design for the taste-challenged."

Duo walked in coffee mug in hand. "Hey-how come no one waited for me to start break?"

No one answered and he frowned. Taking a closer look at what the others were doing, he groaned. "Really?" he said, addressing the agents and file clerk. "When did Heero bring these in?"

"What-the magazines?" Trowa said.

"Yes, the magazines," Duo replied, clearly annoyed.

"What's the big deal?"

Duo huffed. "The big deal, Trowa is that I have been answering phone calls for four and a half months from this stinking magazine company trying to get Heero to pay for magazines he says he didn't order. Sometimes they just ask for him and refuse to tell me what the call is about. If I say that I'm Heero's significant other, they just tell me that they can't discuss Mr. Yuy's account with me. If I ask if it's about magazines-they hang up!"

"Oh-these magazines. I thought Lilly from Accounting was leaving them."

"Yes, Quatre. They keep coming to the house. We keep getting issues of MetroWoman magazine, Decorator's monthly, Pretty n' Pink-I swear I think Relena is sending us that one, and my personal favorite, Time of the Month."

"How on earth did you wind up with those?" Baker wanted to know.

Duo rolled his eyes as he poured his cup of coffee. "One day some telemarketer rang the house and Heero answered the phone. Apparently, even though he told them he wasn't interested in any of those women's magazines, the sales rep said something about a free trial issue and Heero told them, and I quote, 'okay-if you want to send me a free magazine, go ahead,' end of quote!"

Quatre covered his face with his hand. "Oh, no."

Duo smirked. "Oh, yes."

"So they have been sending them and Heero just brings them here?" Baker asked.

"Yep."

"Still, Heero didn't order them so you're not obligated."

"Then explain to me, Quat, how we got a bill for two hundred credit's worth of magazines?"

"Two-two hundred?" Trowa was laughing.

"Laugh it up, clown boy. Yeah, two hundred. Heero swears he didn't order anything. But you know how he is with subscriptions-remember the digital clock rings?"

Heero had been watching a movie late one night when a commercial pushing digital clocks in stainless steel rings came on. It had seemed like a thoughtful and practical gift idea to him; Christmas was coming so he ordered several rings. He neglected to check on the available sizes and as it turned out there was only one: ginormous.

Trowa was smiling as he remembered the gift. "I put mine on a string and used it as a car clock. What did you do with yours, Duo?"

Duo colored as he said, "let's just say that it made a snug toe ring."

Quatre began laughing. "Wasn't that around the time you had to wear those weird slippers to work?" His eyes narrowed as he stared at Duo. "You said you had a foot fungus."

"Eww," said Baker.

"Yeah, well, it was better than admitting that the damn ring got stuck on my toe!"

"Really?"

"Shut up, Baker."

"Anyway," Quatre interjected before the banter got out of hand, "you aren't obliged to pay for magazines you did not order."

"Then explain why they had Heero's credit card number."

"What?" Trowa gaped at Duo.

"Heero says he has no idea how they got that information. It couldn't be that they tricked him into giving it-no, according to Heero it was a very convoluted Oz plot."

"But there is no Oz any longer. And a plot to what?"

"Your guess is as good as mine, Quat. Anyway, Heero is banned from answering the phone at home. He is also banned from watching infomercials."

There was a moment of silence in the break room when Heero wandered in. "Hn," he said in greeting. Heero paused long enough to notice the atmosphere in the room. Then he looked at his roommate and lover. "You told them, didn't you?"

Duo just grinned. Heero rolled his eyes. "Oh, by the way," he said as he poured himself some tea, "we may or may not be getting a sample of a wrinkle reducer, some gadget that uses tape to smooth out lines on your face."

"Oh, crap," Duo groaned. "Now you have to be banned from the internet?"