Title: Blind Eyed
Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon
Comments: Always welcomed!
Summary: Xander thinks that he's become some hideous freak.
Warnings/Spoilers: Post Season 7
Plot Bunny by: Lady Q: Xander stared at himself in the mirror and simply agreed that even with the eye patch his had a face that a mother would call the police in order to keep him away from her daughter
Beta'd by: Whichclothes
Xander stared at himself in the mirror and simply confirmed that even with the eye patch he had a face that a mother would call the police about in order to keep him away from her daughter. He turned his head away not able to look at himself anymore. His stomach clenched and tried to revolt against him, threatening to bring up the eggs he had for breakfast. His hands turned into fists and before he knew it, the mirror was shattered, the sink full of glass and little shards imbedded in Xander's knuckles.
"What did the mirror do to you, pet?" Spike asked. He leaned against the door jam, his eyes focused on Xander's bloody hand.
"Why not? Don't need it." Xander said offhandedly. "You don't have a reflection and…."
Spike stepped into the small bathroom, took hold of Xander's injured hand, and examined it. "And you don't want to see yourself," he finished for Xander.
"It's disgusting. Even with the patch hiding the scars I know they're there," Xander said and winced when Spike started to pull out the tiny pieces of glass.
"Nothing is wrong with you. It's a battle wound. Do you know how many people have them? How many soldiers come home with legs or arms missing? What about the ones who aren't even that lucky and come home in caskets." Once all the shards were gone Spike licked the stray blood drops. "Or all the slayers down in the pit once known as Sunnydale?"
Xander glared down at Spike's bent head. "Great, so you think I'm being stupid and now I have all this guilt. Great boyfriend you are." He muttered the last part to himself even though he knew Spike could hear him.
"Never said you were being stupid. You can't help how you feel. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty either," Spike said and placed a tender kiss on the abused knuckle. "I just want you to see how lucky you are."
"I know how lucky I am, Spike. I'm lucky to be alive and to have my friends and you. It just doesn't make me feel any better. The looks I get from the slayers and Buffy? Every time she looks at me she gets this pained look. She blames herself."
"And she should," Spike commented. "She went off half-cocked. It's a bloody miracle any of us made it out of the vineyard alive."
Xander made some sort of noise. He didn't argue with Spike though. Deep down he blamed Buffy. She had thought it was the right move and he never told her no. "She was doing her job."
"Key word, her. Not yours. Fucking White Knight," Spike murmured. Not that he would change a single thing about Xander. He fell in love with him for who he was. "Never be ashamed of who you are, Xan. Wear that wound with pride. Others might not know or even understand but we know the truth. You're a bloody hero."
"I'm a hero?" Xander asked. "I always wanted to be a hero."
Spike smiled at Xander; he was a dense one. "You were a hero the day you stepped up to help the slayer."
Xander's hand went back to the patch. "I'm not saying that I'm not going to hate it, 'cause I do. I hate having people sneak up on my left side. But…. I'll try to remember what you said," Xander promised with a small smile.
"You'll remember all right. Even if I have to tell you a hundred times. I don't want you brooding around here. If I wanted that I'd go visit Peaches," Spike stated and pressed a kiss just over Xander's left eye.
"I'll try to keep my brooding to a minimum." Xander nudged Spike's forehead with his own. "Only when you make me watch Springer… or when you kill a demon and I get splattered with demon goo and you don't give me a heads up."
Spike went wide eyed trying to look innocent. "I didn't know that demon was going to explode. Was a pretty shade of blue though, wasn't it?"
Xander snorted. "You knew, you liar. And yeah it was, it reminded me of the color of your eyes."
"Such a sweet talker, you are," Spike said softly before kissing Xander.
"Thanks, Spike. I don't know what I'd do without you," Xander replied and kissed Spike again.
Spike didn't reply. He didn't want to think about what Xander would have done if he wasn't there with him. Instead he focused all of his attention on Xander. He vowed that nothing would happen to him again. Not as long as he was around.