Disclaimer: JKR is the delightful owner of Harry Potter and Co. Archie and Flo are mine.

A/N: Thanks to the Twin Exchange's Overused Lines in Fanfic thread for help with the naughty parts. :P

Archibald's eyes darkened with passion as they raked over Florence's sultry form. He crossed the room in a few quick strides and pulled her body flush against his own. Florence moaned when their mouths met, Archibald sucking her lower lip into his mouth like a ripe cherry.

Rita Skeeter crumpled up her parchment and threw it violently into the fire. Only three months had passed after her run-in with that twit Hermione Granger, and she had to resort to writing this useless drivel to survive.

Reaching for another piece of parchment, Rita sucked on the end of her quill briefly before starting again.

Florence watched the storm from the window, turning at the sound of the door creaking open. Archibald stood in the doorway, his bare chest glistening wet with raindrops and his eyes dark with passion. He crossed the room in a few quick strides, roughly pinning Florence against the wall. Their mouths collided in a passionate kiss. Florence sighed as Archibald sucked her lower lip into his mouth like a ripe cherry.

Rita paused as she remembered the thrill of waking up to a fresh cup of coffee and a copy of the Daily Prophet, seeing the words of her own poisonous quill on the front page. She ran her hand through her unruly hair—she hadn't been to the salon in weeks. She remembered how Melanie had laughed when she had arrived for tea in last summer's fashions, how Cynthia had studiously ignored her when they had crossed paths in Diagon Alley.

"Oh Archie," Florence moaned, running her hands down his muscular back. Archibald knelt down and lifted her skirt, drinking in the sweet nectar from her intimate folds. Florence gasped as he pleasured her, writhing against the ministrations of his tongue.

Rita remembered with a smile the way Lucius Malfoy had sucked on her ear after whispering a choice bit of gossip about the Weasley family, and his son's wicked grin when he had discovered Granger and Krum's secret rendezvous in the library.

Archibald rose and kissed Florence's mouth, licking her lips to gain entrance. Tasting herself on his lips, Florence responded greedily, like she'd been dying of thirst and he was a tall glass of ice-cold water. Archibald lifted her legs around his hips, and his bejeweled weapon of persuasion found her tight passage, thrusting deeply. Florence locked her legs around his back as Archibald pounded her into the wall, his tongue plunging into her wet mouth as he plunged into her secret garden. Her walls quivered as she began to climax, screaming her lover's name. Archibald grunted, filling her to the brim with his hot seed.

Satisfied, Rita signed her penname, Mrs. Jean Granger, and sent the latest off to her editor. She might not be able to publish news for nine more months, but that certainly didn't mean she planned to wait until her obligatory year was up to start ruining the entire Granger family's reputation. Hermione Granger would soon rue the day she had decided to kidnap the wizarding world's most talented and ruthless journalist.

A/N: My favorite line is, obviously, "bejeweled weapon of persuasion." Please review!