A/N: Just now realized that my past two fics unintentionally have the same title as P!nk songs. That's pretty darn awesome for my subconscious.

Sober

"Hey, didn't expect to run into you here."

A slightly depressed Dick Grayson looked up to see a tall redhead grinning down at him, eyes warm and slender fingers gracefully wrapped around a chilled glass of beer.

"I didn't expect to run into me here either." Dick replied, attempting a smile but failing. As the other man took a seat on the barstool beside Dick's he decided it'd be a good idea to go back to staring morosely into his half empty tumbler.

"Are you even allowed to be here?" The redhead wondered offhandedly, his eyes taking a sweep of the crowded bar full of half-drunk people laughing and pressing up against each other. It seemed as if the secluded corner of the bar counter where the two of them currently were was the only relatively calm area in the place.

"I'm only having ginger ale." Dick replied, nudging his glass over for the other to take a careful whiff. Nodding in assent and taking a sip of his own drink, Dick's companion noticed the defeated slouch of his friend's normally proud shoulders and his almost hollow voice.

"Hey, what's wrong?" The words were softly spoken as a shoulder gently nudged at Dick's, seeming to finally snap him out of whatever slump he'd been in for most of the night. When Dick looked up, his eyes had cleared a bit and he actually managed a small smile.

"Nothing's wrong, promise. I'm just here as the designated sober driver." Dick picked his tumbler back up as he nodded towards a sizable throng of people surrounding a particularly raucous person who was obviously well on his way to being smashed.

Doing a quick double-take, Dick's companion noticed that the man who was currently the center of half the bar's attention was actually someone he knew almost as well as he knew Dick.

"Ah, right. Wally's twenty-one today." Roy nodded to himself, deciding to take a large swig of his drink before setting it resolutely on the counter and swiveling to tackle the mess of teenage angst that was currently beside him.

"Yep, good ol' Wally is now legal to drink and gamble his life away, and being the best friend that I am of course I'm sitting here watching him hit on every single body in this damn place." Dick replied bitterly, wishing for the umpteenth time that night that his drink was alcoholic.

"Wishing he'd take a hit on you?" Roy's question didn't really sound like a question and Dick decided to ignore it as he stared longingly at Roy's still mostly full glass. "Oh, no, nuh uh, I am not facing Bat's wrath for giving his underage birdie alcohol." Roy, noticing Dick's wistful gaze and knowing his addled thought processes when it came to Wally, quickly snatched his glass out of the younger's reach.

Heaving out a sigh, Dick turned back to his sad looking glass of ginger ale. "Probably for the best anyways."

Knowing that he had to head off Dick's self-deprecating moping before it got rolling, Roy quickly steered the conversation in a different direction. "So, how has life been?" Inwardly wincing, Roy realized that he was about as subtle as a drunk elephant. Dick did give a small snuffle of laughter though, and looked up with a grateful smile.

"Not bad, all in all. I'm still in school, majoring in criminal justice and planning on becoming a police officer. Bruce is, needless to say, completely thrilled with the idea." Dick rolled his eyes to emphasize his sarcasm. "I'm thinking of moving out after school to wing it on my own and, again, Bruce is thrilled." Dick shook his head, dark bangs falling annoyingly into his face and he blew at them in vain.

"He just doesn't want to let you grow up yet." Roy couldn't help but smile at the protectiveness of one of the scariest men he'd ever met. "He'll get used to the idea though." Roy promised, reaching up to help Dick with his bangs.

"One can only hope." Dick emptied his tumbler in one gulp, motioning for the bartender to pour him another. "I've always been impressed with you for going out on your own, you know. The rest of us were still following our mentors like puppies while you were breaking your leash."

"I got fed up." Roy shrugged, looking down at the scrubbed counter as he clearly remembered the day he'd shed his sidekick role and went out on his own. "I don't regret the decision, the execution maybe but never the decision."

Dick was silent for a long minute before quietly admitting, "I don't want to lose him."

Not knowing if Dick was talking about Bruce or Wally, Roy was about to assure his friend that he wouldn't lose either when a particularly loud bout of laughter reached his ear. Looking behind him, Roy saw that Wally now had two girls in his lap and was currently shoving his tongue down one of their throats.

"Don't know what the hell I see in him." Dick mused, voice void of any malice that Roy felt should have been in it. "I've been bit for nine years and it's not getting any better. Hell, I've been chasing after him for nearly half my life." Dick's laugh was devoid of any humor as he once again glanced at Roy's glass, prompting the redhead to finish his drink before Dick tackled him for it. "Then of course he and Artemis got together and they've been dating for two years..."

"Correction, they've been fighting for two years." Roy pointed out, glad to have finally found a bright spot to the increasingly depressing conversation. "I wouldn't be surprised if he's still stuck on first base with her." Roy's comment, to his delight, got a genuine laugh out of the younger hero.

"How come I can never stay moody with you around?" Dick demanded, smile taking the sting out of his words.

"'Cause I'm just awesome like that." Roy grinned, slinging an arm around Dick's shoulders in a one-armed hug.

"Hey-hey guys." A very inebriated Wally was suddenly next to them, stumbling over his own feet as he gripped the counter for balance. "Those gurls over thar is giving out free kissins, you shud go ge' some!"

"Oh dear." Roy's words didn't even come close to encompassing the cringing Dick's insides were doing. "Wally, you have a girlfriend."

"Who will absolutely murder me for letting him do this." Dick's words were muffled as he'd exasperatedly hidden his face behind a hand.

"Oh you thilly red person, you worry tooo much. Goo' thing imma blonde!" Wally practically shouted as he threw his arms out and attempted to take off but was hindered by Dick's hand firmly grasping a wrist.

"Okay blondie, time to get you home." Dick decided as he stood up, nearly stumbling back when Wally took that as a sign to drape himself all over his smaller friend.

"You's the best friend I ever had, you know that?" Wally had a loopy grin on his face as Dick struggled to hold them both up and Roy looked on in amusement. "And it's mah burthday, but you no give me any kisses. All them other girls did." Dick's heart suddenly stuttered to a halt at Wally's petulant pout.

"Oh Wally, you have just made my week." Roy completely ignored the death glare Dick was shooting him as he stood up and took one of Wally's arms from around Dick's neck. "Come on shortie, let's get lover boy here into your car so he can molest you on the ride home."

"I'm gonna hurt you tomorrow." Dick muttered darkly as he hefted Wally's arm more securely around his shoulders before heading towards the door.

Walking with Wally's dead weight in between him and Roy was difficult, to say the least, and getting him into his car was even harder, but Dick finally managed to buckle his squirming friend in and close the door before turning to Roy. A wicked smile had possessed the older redhead's lips, making Dick give him a playful shove before getting pulled into a brotherly hug.

"Don't let blondie get you down, you hear? You are so above moping over ginger ale." Roy murmured, pulling back to ruffle at Dick's hair. "Buckle up and watch the road kid." Dick rolled his eyes at the statement but clasped Roy's elbow in silent thanks before rounding the car and getting into the driver's seat.

"Heeheehee, look at the shiny lights." Wally giggled from the passenger seat, head tilted back as he gazed out of the sunroof.

"They're called stars Wals," Dick replied patiently as he started the car.

The second the engine roared into life Wally rolled his window down to call out to Roy still on the curb. "Hey red! Guess who's gettin' lucky tonight?"

"Definitely not you." Dick managed to mutter over Roy's laughter, ignoring the archer's doubled over figure as he tore away from the curb.


"Dick," Wally whined as Dick tried to wrestle him into bed.

Dick kept his mouth firmly shut, knowing that if he allowed himself to open it he'd start shouting obscenities at his best friend after hauling him up the three flights of stairs to his apartment in Central because, of course, the elevator decided to kick the bucket the night that Dick needed it most.

"Why won't you kiss me?" Wally had lost his odd drunken slur but was now as clingy as a baby koala and refused to release Dick from the death hold he had on him.

"Because!" Dick finally exploded, gathering the rest of his strength to push Wally onto his bed. "You're drunk, you have a girlfriend, and for as long as I've pined after you you've never shown any desire to kiss me while sober! I am not a drunken play thing for you!"

The second Dick's anger was released he instantly regretted it. Wally's emerald green eyes suddenly widened and gathered moisture as his lower lip began trembling.

"Oh, shit, Wally-" Dick tried to stop it but it was too late, as he suddenly had his sobbing best friend flung around his midsection and soaking his shirt with salty tears. "Wally...Wally," Dick tried to get the redhead's attention but had the feeling Wally couldn't hear him over his sobbing.

"Y-you don-don't love me anymore!" Wally's lips against Dick's tummy tickled, making the younger huff in exasperation.

"Wally, stop it. You know I love you, or at least you should." Dick reached down to tangle his right hand into Wally's ruffled locks. "But you don't want to kiss me, trust me." Dick's words, rather than soothe, seemed to only cause Wally to cry harder. "Why did you have to be a weepy drunk?" Dick mumbled, feeling his back start to cramp from the position Wally was holding him in.

"If you won't kiss me, w-will you stay the night with me?" Wally finally looked up, eyes red-rimmed but no less beautiful in Dick's eyes.

"You're gonna kill me someday." Dick sighed, untangling his hand to gently wipe at Wally's wet cheeks. "Come on then," Dick nudged Wally further onto the bed before shedding his cargo shorts and joining him.

Wally eagerly undressed himself as well before burrowing under his covers, waiting expectantly for Dick to join him. The second Dick slipped in beside him Wally reattached himself to Dick's front and appeared to be snuggling in for the night. Resigning himself to the fact that he'd be sleeping with his infatuation wrapped around him, Dick decided to take advantage of it and wrapped his arms around Wally's shoulders.

"Happy birthday Wally." Dick breathed to his already asleep bedmate, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead before dozing off himself.


Waking up, even without a hangover to deal with, was never pleasant when the sun decided it was in a chipper mood. As dreams started to blur into annoyingly bright reality, Dick's mind registered two things. First thing: he was going to shoot one of his namesakes in the head if those damn robins didn't shut up. Second thing: his back was going to kill him all day from having Wally tightly wrapped around him all night.

"Ngh, too bright." Wally's groggy voice grumbled from somewhere around Dick's neck, making Dick chuckle at the thought that for as miserable as it was for him to wake up, it had to be about a thousand times worse for Wally. "What the hell happened last night?" Wally seemed unconcerned that he was wrapped around his half naked best friend, he himself in an admirable state of undressed.

"Let's just say, we're never telling Artemis." Dick laughed, reaching up to rub soothing circles into Wally's back as the redhead attempted to burrow himself into Dick's chest to escape the sunlight.

"Maybe we should, that way she'd stop clinging to me." Wally mumbled, unconsciously nuzzling against a ticklish spot of Dick's. Even in his not quite awake mind, Dick realized there was some kind of significance behind those words that should mean something to him but he was still too tired to figure out what that could be.

Silence blanketed the two of them as Wally dozed in and out of a light sleep and Dick continued to hold him, eyes lazily gazing out the window at the happily chirping birds that still grated on Dick's nerves a bit. Wally needed to get curtains, or at least blinds. Maybe for Christmas.

Tweet! Tweet tweet tweeeeeet!

Nope, Wally was getting those curtains as soon as he got his ass up.

"M'got any coffee?" Wally asked, eyes still shut but beginning to flutter back open.

"I drank it all last Saturday after I escaped from the hospital." Dick reminded him.

"Mm, right. You gotta stop getting hurt in the middle of the night." Wally finally disentangled himself from Dick and shuffled up into a sitting position. "I need coffee though." He pouted, rubbing at his throbbing headache.

"So get in the shower, get dressed, let me steal some clothes, and we'll go down to that Starbucks down the street to blow way too much on a vanilla mocha cap." Dick replied, sitting up as well so that the sheets were now pooled around both of their waists.

"Knew there was a reason I kept you around." Wally grinned, winding a hand behind Dick's neck to pull him in for a soft kiss that was nothing more than a gentle press of lips on lips. Releasing his shocked friend, Wally's grin grew impossibly wider as he jumped out of bed and then promptly fell over due to getting tangled in the sheets.

"Smooth." Dick commented with a wry smile, leaning over to look down at Wally's sprawled figure on the floor.

"Just getting that birthday kiss you owed me." Wally winked before rolling over and crawling towards his bathroom. "Give me fifteen minutes!" He called from the hallway, making Dick laugh quietly as he flopped over onto his back to stare up at the peeling ceiling of Wally's bedroom.

The pipes in the walls stuttered to life and Wally's yelp from the bathroom indicated that, once again, hot water was nonexistent, and Dick couldn't help but smile.