I don't do friends. Not now, not ever. So, for me, all of this is a big deal. And I don't know how to explain. Especially because I know HE thinks we're friends and he doesn't feel weird tingling when he holds me and doesn't feel like he's going to fly whenever we talk. But I do.

It's late and I'm staring around my room trying to figure it out. I don't understand why, but I feel an enormous surge of jealousy whenever I see him and Zee together. When I see them holding hands my thoughts go back to that day when I held his hand while the dentist fixed his tooth at the pier.

He called me 'Grinch' today and took me to his dealer to get drugs for our patient. I know he picked up a pack for himself, too, but I said nothing. Because we're NOT friends and we're NOT a couple and this is none of my business. I wonder, though, if he used it. He shook the whole day and it almost made me regret not telling Keeton or Zee but I know that would make us even less than what we are now. And I wouldn't be able to handle it.

He's back with Zee and they're doing great. I, on the other side, slept with Tommy. In Zee's garden. And everyone knows. And I heard HIM joke about it. He even joked about it with me. But I'm mortified and horrified and grossed out and… And Tommy's been staring at me the wrong way all day. I wanted to talk to Cole, to ask him what to do, or something, because Lilly is Tommy's as much as mine, maybe even more, and Ryan wasn't feeling well and he's the last one. My last resort. And I miss talking to him. He wasn't there so I went to bed pondering what the hell is happening to me.

So, I met this guy on a construction site and he lost his toes and then he wrote me a song with Mina Minard in it and everything. And I thought it was cute. A bit creepy but cute. And then Tommy blew up telling me how I shouldn't give the no-toe guy a chance because he's not the right for me and I asked who was then. And he just froze. So I said to hell with Tommy and Otis and went out with the no-toe guy. And I slept with him.

I'm with Tommy now. It's more of a dependence thing than love but I'm Ok with it. Couple of days ago, I talked to Otis. And do you know what we talked about? About Dinner and Appetizer clucking too loud and not giving him and Zee some peace so they could sleep! I hate this! It's always him and Zee and we don't talk anymore and he doesn't even want to be my friend anymore. I'm starting to think he never did. THIS is why it's better being the Ice Bitch than opening up to people. They always take it for granted. Take you for granted.