A/N: Yet again, my No Way Out update got pushed back. I seriously write way too many one-shots. This particular story doesn't follow any rhyme or reason. I mean if you've been paying attention as of late, I'm in a Cargan mood, so it makes no sense that I'd write this story.
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing.
Logan was walking through the lobby when he saw Steve and at first what looked like a class project. There was a giant foldable poster board. When he got a closer look though, Logan recognized the familiarity of it; It was no class project; It was Camille's List. Every boyfriend of hers got one in poster form too. When Camille and Logan dated, she told him that it was in poster form so he wouldn't lose or misplace it.
Logan felt a swell of sympathy for Steve all of a sudden. Camille was…well, she was crazy. Being her boyfriend required a lot of compromises on the guy's part because Camille was extremely territorial.
"Hey Steve," Logan greeted.
Camille's current boyfriend looked up from the poster board at Logan. Steve didn't have anything against Logan as a person. Steve thought Logan was a great guy. It's just he was convinced that Camille wasn't over Logan and vice versa. To Steve, Logan and Camille seemed like one of those couples who even when they weren't together, they were together. After all, they were still really good friends. With Jo gone, Logan kind of filled in the role as Camille's best friend.
Steve trusted Camille with all his heart. It was Logan that he didn't trust. He always seemed to pop up everywhere Camille was. When Steve and Camille went to the movies to see Kiss and Tell, Logan was there. At the first-ever Palm Woods prom, Logan was there. Frankly, Steve found Logan's constant presence to be rather annoying.
"Camille's not here. She's at an audition," Steve was quick to tell Logan.
Logan ignored Steve's remark. Apparently, Camille wasn't the only one who was territorial. It was plain to see that Steve was being cold and icy towards him. Logan had no beef with Steve, but it was obvious the feeling wasn't mutual.
"I see Camille gave you her list," Logan pointed out.
"Wait a second. Camille gave you a list too when the two of you dated?" Steve asked, temporarily forgetting his bitterness toward Logan.
Logan nodded his head while giving Steve a genuinely sympathetic look. Steve was inwardly cursing Logan. He was really making it difficult for Steve to hate him. He wouldn't be surprised if Logan didn't hate anyone. Everyone loved Logan, especially Camille.
"Boy am I glad I don't have to follow that anymore," Logan commented.
1. Delete all girls from your phone's contact list.
Even though Logan's phone currently had girls' phone numbers in it, Logan remembered all too well Camille making him remove every single one of them back when they dated. He also remembered fighting with Camille about some of the numbers she wanted him to delete.
"Why do I have to delete Katie's number?" Logan asked incredulously.
"Is she or is she not a girl?" Camille retorted with her hands on her hips.
"She's eleven years old!"
"So? What if you have a thing for younger girls?"
"She's my best friend's kid sister!"
"Your point being?"
Camille stood there watching Logan, not content until he acquiesced. Logan had Katie's number memorized. He had everyone's number memorized, so deleting it really caused no harm, but that was beside the point; the point was Camille was being completely ridiculous. Logan showed his disapproval as he groaned loudly as he followed Camille's command.
After Logan finished deleting Katie's number, she held out her hand. At first, Logan wasn't sure what Camille was doing, but then it suddenly became all too clear to him. She wanted him to hand her his phone so she could check to make sure that all the girls in his phone's contacts had been deleted. One thing about dating Camille was that she wore the pants in the relationship. She liked to be in control. Logan groaned obnoxiously as he forked over his cell phone.
Logan watched as Camille sifted through his contact list. He was sure that Camille no longer had anything to worry about. Boy was he ever wrong.
"Aha! Found one! Now delete it!" Camille ordered, handing Logan back his phone.
Logan was shocked into silence as he wordlessly took back his cell. He peered at the screen and was stunned by the number Camille now wanted him to delete. He always knew Camille was crazy. He actually found it an endearing quality of hers. However this, it was bordering on insane.
"You want me to delete my mother?" Logan asked, bewildered.
"Is she or is she not a girl?" Camille retorted, Logan moving his lips mockingly in unison.
Camille narrowed her eyes at her boyfriend, and Logan retreated backwards a couple of steps, lowering his head. It wasn't Camille Logan was afraid of; it was Camille's slaps. They hurt! Getting kissed after getting slapped made the slap more tolerable, but getting slapped without getting kissed afterwards was something Logan would like to avoid if at all possible.
"Fine!" Logan exclaimed, groaning loudly for a third time.
2. No looking at other girls.
When Camille said, 'No looking at other girls,' she meant, 'No looking at other girls.' Logan recalled following this rule religiously no matter how ridiculous it made him look to Kendall, James, and Carlos or for that matter, anyone else Logan happened to be around.
James had to pick his jaw up off the floor. Drool was dribbling out of the corner of Kendall's mouth. Carlos looked bug-eyed his eyes had increased so much in size. A new girl had walked into the lobby wheeling a suitcase behind her. Logan briefly saw her as well; a drop dead gorgeous petit blonde who had her hair in pigtails. She must have lived on a farm as she was wearing overalls and a flannel shirt. While Kendall, James, and Carlos continued to stare, Logan hastily averted his gaze.
"What is this?" Logan asked, feigning interest. "We got a new vending machine!"
Logan walked over to the "new" vending machine which wasn't actually new. Kendall, James, and Carlos were too in love with the new girl to hear anything Logan said or even notice that he was no longer standing by their side.
3. No hanging out with girls other than me.
Logan found this third and final rule to be especially difficult. Jo made this rule in particular extremely difficult for Logan without her even knowing she was doing so.
"Hey Logan, have you seen Kendall?" Jo asked, spotting Logan in the park.
Logan didn't need to look in order to know whose voice that belonged to. Besides, he wasn't allowed to look in the first place. It would break one of Camille's rules! Logan had already deleted Jo's number from his cell phone as per Camille's orders.
"Nope. I'm sorry, Jo. I have to go do…stuff," Logan said unable to come up with an excuse on the spot. He wasn't lying when he said that he panicked under pressure.
Jo placed the palm of her hand on Logan's chest and shoved him back onto the bench after he had risen to his feet and made like he was going to walk away from her. Not that Logan saw Jo do this. He was too busy trying to not look at her. You have no idea how difficult this is when someone insists on standing directly in front of you; when you feel someone's eyes boring into you.
"Logan, come on. Sit. I feel like since Kendall and I started dating, you and I haven't had a chance to hang out much," Jo stated.
'What are you talking about? You and I never hung out before you and Kendall started dating!' Logan thought to himself.
"Jo, I'd love to stay and talk, but I really have to go," Logan said.
Even Jo had to admit that Logan was kind of behaving strangely. She couldn't figure out why he didn't want to hang out with her. Here she thought the two of them were friends. Did she do or say something wrong? Was that it? Was Logan mad at her for some reason?
"Why?" Jo asked.
'Because of my psycho girlfriend that will automatically assume the worst if she catches us together. Never mind the fact that you are dating Kendall and I am dating her. Never mind the fact that you and I are just friends.' Logan thought to himself.
Someone cleared their throat really loudly. Logan looked up to see a very irate looking Camille.
"What is going on here, Logan Mitchell?" Camille roared, causing a scene.
Logan bounded to his feet. He held his hands up innocently.
"This isn't what it looks like!" Logan shouted.
"I'm so confused!" Jo commented.
Camille started weeping, and the worst part was that Logan wasn't even sure if those were real tears or if Camille was only faking it. To be honest, neither would surprise him.
"You know what rule number three is, Logan Mitchell!" Camille hollered.
"Rule number three?" Jo asked, befuddled.
This was exactly why Logan didn't want to get caught hanging around Jo. With his luck, Camille would probably find him and blow things way out of proportion. From the look of things, that was exactly what was happening too.
"As for you, I thought I made it clear to you that Logan was mine?" Camille remarked, rounding on Jo.
"What are you…" Jo trailed off. Realization then dawned on her. "Is that what you think this is?"
"No! I'm dating Kendall, remember?"
"What do you have against Logan?"
"What? I don't have anything against Logan!"
"Would you date him?"
"What kind of a question is that?"
"Just answer the question!"
"If I wasn't dating Kendall, then yeah, maybe."
"Ha! I knew it! You do like him!"
"No! Jo, why did you say that? I like living!" Logan interjected.
Neither girl seemed to be paying any mind to Logan though. The two female best friends were standing toe-to-toe. Their voices continued to rise in volume with every response. Logan walked over to the nearest tree and banged his forehead into the bark repeatedly.
"No one comes in between me and my man!" Camille exclaimed.
"You're completely mental!" Jo commented.
Logan wasn't sure what happened after that because his fight-or-flight instinct began to take over. Rather than fight, Logan opted to take flight. Being careful not to be draw too much attention to himself, he snuck back to 2J.
Logan walked over to Steve and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Steve…" Logan trailed off before walking away without finishing his sentence.
Camille entered the lobby just as Logan was leaving it. Logan didn't see Camille, but she saw him. Camille gave Logan a quizzical look. Last she checked, her current boyfriend and her ex-boyfriend were hardly BFFs.
"So, what did Logan want?" Camille asked.
A/N: I've come to realize that I suck when it comes to replying to one-shot reviews. It's different with reviews for my multi-chapter stories because I reply to reviews right before I upload the next chapter. But since this is a one-shot, there is no continuation. Also, to all you Camille fans out there, I apologize. This is a parody because I kind of made fun of her in this. Don't deny it though. You know I'm right. She is very territorial, especially when it comes to Logan. Need I remind you what happened when Jo first moved into The Palm Woods and Logan was trying to impress her?