Title: Poor Life Choices
Summary: "Look, you're my brother, and I love you more than anyone else on this earth, but I do not support the choices you are making."
Warnings: Mentions of alcohol use and sex, language, AU-ish
Author's Note: And here's the Christmas special! Two updates in one day, you people are lucky. Or not, depending on if you actually like this fic, I guess. Happy holidays!
"If he's dead, I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys, and his tooth in my purse."
Rex dreaded the winter holidays. He didn't have anything against the season itself, or even the overwhelming consumerism that characterized it.
He hated all the easy access to alcohol.
When he walked into his kitchen one morning to find Rudger there, mixing some kind of drink, he was understandably wary.
"What are you doing?"
Rudger turned and greeted him brightly. "Hello, little brother! I'm just planning the best Christmas ever, that's all."
"Well, stop." Rex said flatly. "We all know your track record with this holiday and it isn't going to improve. Yusei and his friends are coming over this evening, and I don't want them caught up in whatever disaster you've caused."
Rudger pouted. "But I have a great idea!"
Rex sighed. "Let's hear it then."
Rudger grinned. "I have three words for you: Flaming eggnog shots."
"Get out of my house."
Yusei and friends made an interesting sight that evening, having apparently exchanged gifts earlier; Yusei had what appeared to be a Koren dictionary, Jack had a strange-looking white hat with a long feather, Crow had a taser (that would be a problem later, Rex was sure) and Kiryu had... a red leather purse.
"Do I want to know?" Rex asked, fighting a grin.
Kiryu glared. "These guys really suck at Secret Santa, okay?"
"Uncle Rex," Yusei chimed in before an argument could brew, "We ran into Uncle Rudger at the mall earlier."
Yusei shrugged. "He seemed okay. He and Kiryu got into it, though. Just thought you'd want to know where he is."
Rex sighed. "Thank you, Yusei. As long as he's not-" He was cut off by the phone ringing. "Excuse me."
The four boys looked at each other with raised eyebrows as they heard Rex's end of the conversation. "Hello? Yes, speaking... Yes he is... I see. I'll be there as soon as possible. Thank you for calling, goodbye." Rex hung up, looking very much like he wanted to bang his head against the wall.
"Who was that?" Yusei asked.
Rex rubbed a hand over his face in resignation. "The hospital. Apparently, Rudger tried to do cartwheels down an escalator."
"Is – is he okay?"
"Aw man!" Kiryu interrupted them. "He'd better not be dead. If he's dead, I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys, and his tooth in my purse!"
There was a long moment of silence, then everyone started talking at once. "You robbed him?" Yusei demanded at the same time as Crow asked, "His tooth?"
"Shut up!" Kiryu snapped. "It was payback for elbowing me in the face that time!"
This was met with blank stares.
"I hold grudges, okay!"
"How did you... nevermind." Rex sighed in defeat. "You four stay here and don't destroy anything. I'm going to pick Rudger up from the hospital."
Rex hated the holidays.