He was John Egbert, the nerdy little outcast who never had a girlfriend, never lost his first kiss, and never got anywhere near to being popular. Bullied, pushed around, and looked down upon, that was his life as your average, every-day loser.

He was Dave Strider, the ever so popular coolkid who had more girlfriends than you could count on your body, stole multiple first everythings, and was more well known than even famous celebrities. Adored, lusted after, and idolized by nearly the entire student body, that was his life as, well, Dave Strider.

Going back as childhood friends, these two opposites have been the best of the best bros, tighter than spandex on a fat guy, they were practically inseperable. But as time goes by, you eventually grow up to be teenagers and that's when you really start to see the differences in people. For John, he couldn't not see just how far apart Dave was from his nerdy little world. It was often in highschool too that he'd get picked on for simply trying to associate with the popular crowd, a nobody like him. John enters his freshman year of college, hoping to start off fresh with his best friend and not be treated like someone who doesn't deserve him. But eventually, that's when he realizes, things never changed. He's still the nerdy little kid from years ago, trying to catch up to the real world. There's always been this prominent gap between them, and maybe, just maybe, John feels like he no longer has a place in his best friend Dave's world.

And Dave, well he's just trying to make his strictly heterosexual best friend fall for him.


Reconciling Incompatible Us

Dave/John

Rated M for swearing in story and from author. Possible sexual themes in the future. We'll see.

AU College Setting. SBURB stuff didn't exist. Trolls are included in the story but they're human, try to picture that.

I do not own Homestuck. Homestuck rightfully belongs to that one guy who created it I don't know his name.

drunkopp: That's a full summary I came up with at the top up there, in case you didn't notice. But yeah, anyways, totally gay ass summarization and cliche story line, I apologize. But fuck, I've been craving to write a college setting, one sided love, Dave/John romance story. Like fuck. Anyways, main pairing's Dave/John, although along the way there may be obscure mentions of side character relationships, just for the hell of it. But don't worry, I'm not gonna get off course, it's still all relevant to the Dave and John loving. I think. Dave's supposed to be one year older than John in here, just to warn you. This is also my first fanfic by the way, and never would I have expected to be writing one. Well, not a Homestuck fanfic at least. Of all the series to spark my writing muse, it was Homestuck that did it. Real shocker for me. But yeah, probably nobody ever fucking reads this shit, so get on with the story.

By the way, one last note, this may or may not be a long story depending on how much bullshit I can come up with to write.

Chapter One: Operation Shittiest Ploy Ever

Freshman year of college. John couldn't believe he was here, actually physically standing here on the pavement, staring up in a dazed trance at his future learning institute, and residence for the next few years, give or take.

It was almost impossible to believe. Despite having confirmed acceptance into the dorms for a while now. But still, he was pretty darn excited about it.

Actually, forget excited, he was absolutely psyched, giddy beyond belief by just standing in the building's classy yet intimidating presence. He would've let out an eager squeal of joy, but since they were in a public place where people could see and judge him, he decided otherwise and forced himself to remain cool on the first day at least. Which, utterly failed because he was already admiring the place in a silly stupor, like some retard who hadn't ever seen a real life building of this architectural standard before. Despite it, John continued to smile his trademark dorky grin, front teeth glistening and all.

The kid was finally brought out from his trance when an arm reached up behind him, wrapping it's way around his neck as it jerked him back. John stumbled half-forcibly into his friend's grasp, swiveling his head around as he smiled up brightly at the face above him.

Dave, his best friend since as long as he could remember, stared down at him with shaded eyes. "What are you grinning like an idiot for, Egbert? Jeez, do you think you could tone down on the dorkiness for once so we can both stand in public without being embarrassed?" The blonde barely scoffed at his behavior, in dramatic yet ironic humor of course.

John couldn't prevent his grin from growing wider, if that was even possible. "Who cares, Dave?" The boy rebutted by sticking his tongue out at the other, not quite as maturely as he wanted to. "And here I thought you didn't give a shit about what people thought about you."

"I don't." He replied as cooly as reputation beseeched him. "Come on, you don't expect me to move all your shit in by myself. What am I, your personal slave boy? Like hell I'll ever be, to someone as derpy as you." He released his grip on the other's neck to turn around back to the parked car. "Get a move on, squirt."

The said squirt pouted a bit at the nickname, but dutifully complied to help unload the car. Of course he wasn't going to make Dave carry all his stuff to the room by himself, especially since Dave was the one who drove him here, and somehow arranged it for them to share a room. So if anything, John owed Dave big time.

Although, while unloading his stuff from the back of the truck, John couldn't help but notice the burning sensation of odd stares being bored down upon them from various directions. Even more suspiciously, they kind of sounded like they were whispering too.

He shook it off. Damn, maybe he really was acting embarrassing. He'd have to try and tone it down.


"Christ, Egbert. How much of this fucking shit did you bring?"

John glared and frowned disapprovingly at his friend's insult, which evidently resulted in a pout. "It is not shit, Dave. How can you even call 'Gone in Sixty Seconds' shit? It has Nicholas Cage and Angelina Jolie in it. Now that is a top notch line of A-list actors if I do say so myself." He nodded with a smug smile.

Dave rolled his eyes; the motion being hidden behind his sunglasses, but John knew Dave long enough to decipher when it was being done.

"Look, not that I'm against your gay man crush on Cage or anything, or any of your homoerotic tendencies for that matter. Just don't go masturbating to this shit while I'm not around, alright? This ain't your fucking house anymore where you can jack off to 'Con Air' whenever you like." That remark was promptly followed by a soft plushie being thrown at the back of the older's head, which hit amazingly enough. The boy, not fazed or surprised in the least, half turned from his rummaging of John's DvD collection to pick up the tossed doll with one hand and an incredulously raised brow.

"A bunny doll? Really?"

"I do not have a crush on Nicholas Cage, I just appreciate good acting when I see it." He folded his arms across his chest. "And yes, Dave. I always jack off when watching 'Con Air.'" John rolled his eyes to emphasize his sarcasm, not that it wasn't already noticeable enough.

Dave, as always, went along with their little play. "I know. About the you jacking off part, not the first part." At this, John rolled his eyes again.

"No doubt you'll be dreaming up Cage fantasies every night, one where you," Dave pointed to John with his index finger. "The loving wife reunites with the handsome, yet rugged piece of hunky man." And at which, Dave motioned to himself with a smooth gesture of his hand.

John stared at him from his position of lying down on the bed, hands folded behind his head. "And that's when we fuck senseless, right?"

"Bingo."

John laughed.

It was a tad ironic, in a humorous yet aberrant way, how they would always joke about this kind of stuff, namely their sexuality and supposed turn ons. And how it was always Dave who insinuated the sexual innuendoes and jokes. Not that it was a big deal, since it was always just fooling around, witty ironic sarcasm that never meant anything. Cause John, well he was as straight as a ruler and despite his love for Nicholas Cage, there was no way he'd swing that way for any guy, even the Cage.

Dave on the other hand.

"Hey, have you seen Karkat, or Terezi, or Vriska around for that matter?" John inquired, now lying on his stomach with his chin propped up on his palms, watching Dave as he rummaged through more of his stuff. Which he didn't mind really, it's not as if there was anything there that Dave hadn't seen already.

A shrug. "Don't know, not today at least."

John huffed out a breath as he rolled onto his back again, eyes boring into the white ceiling above. "Maan, Where are theey?" He whined. "Vriska and Terezi said they'd show up at the dorm when I arrived. And Karkat... Well, he said he didn't want to see my grubby little face, but I know that actually means he wants to see me." John mused to himself as Dave treated him indifferently and continued about his business, or technically in John's business.

The sophomore didn't say another word until he reached upon something very intriguing.

"Hello."

"What?" John asked, eyes still glued on the ceiling.

When Dave didn't answer, the brunette tilted his chin upwards so his head was hanging off the side of the bed. He saw Dave, well upside down Dave, holding something that vaguely appeared to be a notebook. It wasn't one he recognized, or even remembered packing. But after a few seconds of straining to recollect just where that cover looked so familiar from, his eyes widened.

"Fuck."

Was all he conjured up to say before practically lunging at the other's arm.

But silly little John should know better than to underestimate Dave's lightning reflexes, which came from being raised in a household with Bro and his frightening smuppet army.

The precious notebook was easily averted from his reach, and Dave used his longer arms as an advantage to keep the book at bay, as one arm held it up high in the air for all to see, while the other trapped John in his patented headlock.

The smaller, and unfortunately frailer of the two boys struggled against the choke hold. "G - gack.. ! Sto..p it, agh!" His stubby little fingers tried prying off the single arm sealing his doom, but it was to no avail. Seriously, was there that much of a difference in strength? Jeez, what a letdown.

"A diary, huh..." There was an under layer of amusement in his tone of voice as he exposed the pages with a flick of his thumb.

"N - no, Dave! Don't! Please! I'm begging yooou! And fuck, it's not a diary, it's a journal!" John managed to choke out from his constraints, which Dave blatantly ignored.

That old diary of his must've fallen in with his stuff by accident. Either that, or Dad planted it there deliberately to ruin him. Rotten old man.

Dave flipped to a random page in the book, an entry was scribbled in John's messy handwriting.

"September 3, 2002... ... Today I met the coolest kid ever..."

A horrified shriek emitted from the poor boy.

"Dave Strider," A highly intrigued, yet not visible smirk crossed his lips. "The new kid, is just so awesome and super good-looking, I wish I could be as cool as him."

John let out a defeated groan and buried his burning face into the blonde's sleeve. Which Dave pretended to not notice.

"He wears these pair of sweet shades, has a weirdly cool accent to his voice, and everybody in the class likes him a lot... including me." Dave stared at that page as he trailed off those last two words.

He resisted the urge to smirk, maintaining his ever so cool composure. "Huh. I didn't know you used to have a mad crush on me."

John finally lifted his burning bright face away from hiding, to defend what little dignity he had left. If there was any. "I - It's not like that!" Which Dave simply replied with a nonchalant 'uh - huh.' "Everyone in school thought you were cool and liked you! A - and that's from when we first met, when we were kids! This diary doesn't pertain to anything in the present!"

The brunette carried on with his rambling as Dave continued trifling through John's embarrassing diary. "Relax, Egderp. It's completely understandable to fall for me, happens all the time. But if you wanted to suck my dick so badly, you could've just -"

A hard, but not hard enough to be painful punch flew against his ribcage. "Shut the fuck up, Dave."

After skimming some more through the barely decipherable printing, he found the rest of it to be, boringly enough, just the typical Egderpy nerd stuff you hear everyday. Except this was in his elementary and middle school days, so the derpiness was considered childishly endearing at that time. And it was all the same old stuff, the days when his old man packed his favorite lunch, about his nerdy little biology experiments he used to conduct, and of course, his friends at school. A lot of Dave was mentioned repeatedly too of course. I mean, who wouldn't want to write about the Strider?

Apparently John gave up on fighting him, and stopped struggling a while ago.

"Are you done laughing at me yet?" The boy asked meekly, trying to hide the hopeful tint in his words.

"Let me guess, you want me to give this back so you can burn the evidence and flush it's ashes down the toilet?" He was answered with a nod.

"Well that's such a waste, especially with all the things you mentioned about me. We could fucking publish this thing and call it the, 'Why Dave Strider is so Fucking Awesome and Hot,' autobiography, written personally by your own John Egderp."

Yeah, John definitely didn't like the sound of that. "Agh, I have to destroy the evidence before someone else sees it!" And he lunged again.

But Dave, being well, Dave, once again moved his arm out of the path of the other's pounce. But in doing so, it ended up with John tackling him full on, and sending them both to the ground.

A pretty painful fall for Dave, as he fell to the hardwood floor on his back while the extra weight of John fell onto his chest, doubling the impact. He let out a discomforted grunt, which didn't really express his full hurt, but his image prevented from emoting anything beyond that. Not that it was all that displeasurable, this suggestive position John obliviously put them into, while in his desperate struggle for the diary was quite nice actually.

He could get used to this. Dave mused to himself as he held the book far above his head, and out of John's impeding grasp.

"Dave - quit being an asshole and give it, give it, give it!" He complained, now sitting up right on Dave's lap, leaning his body further and further to the point where he started brushing against that...

Dave immediately wrapped an arm around the slender waist of his friend, using force and the law of gravity to bring him down and crush their torsos together. And to restrict any further impending movements that may or may not have resulted in something very bad.

John let out a loud 'oof!' as his chest fell upon Dave's, nearly knocking the wind out of him. "Gah, Dave! No fair!" He yelled, pulling down at the sides of his friend's shirt.

No, what wasn't fair was being in love with your homophobic best friend, and wanting to fuck the living daylights out of him. Oh wait, fuck. Forget that. Uncool thoughts. Shoo.

"Woah, Egbert, is this your way of coming on to me? As flattered as I am, I'm afraid I'll have to decline, bro." The hold around his waist tightened ever so slightly. "I ain't interested in guys, even as girly as you are. Sorry, I hate to disappoint man."

Egbert rolled his eyes. "Oh no, my fragile maiden heart. You're such a heartbreaker, Dave. And look who's talking with your arm holding me down against you."

"Whoops, you caught me."

"Just give it to me!"

"... And what exactly do you desire to receive from Strider, John?"

Both Dave and John raised their heads up to glance at the doorway, in the direction of where the voice originated from.

"Oh, Rose!" The said boy grinned at the sight of his old friend, while still lying on Dave's surprisingly comfy chest. "Hey! Oh, you know, Dave's just being an ass again."

"Tell me something I don't know." Dave rolled his eyes, his snarky sister's remarks never got old. For christ's sakes, he really didn't want to deal with her psychoanalysis shit right now, which he knew was coming from the smug look on her face at their little predicament. Seriously, how fucking hard was it to get a little privacy here? Well, maybe locking the door would've proved to assist them greatly, but whatever fuck that.

Assuming the longer they stayed down together in their present state, the more of a lecturing he'd receive from Rose; so the sophomore evidently decided to sit up from their uncomfortable, yet enticing position. John, unexpectedly, leapt up like a fucking kangaroo on steroids off his lap, and unbeknownst to Dave on exactly how, managed to swipe the diary back into his possession. "Hah!" He declared in victory, before stashing the thing under his shirt and into the waistline of his pants.

Dave stared at the obvious rectangular bulge underneath his clothes, before staring back up at his face. "You know I'll go in there." And that was valid, for multiple motives.

John replied with a quick flash of his tongue before running to Rose, to hide behind no doubt.

Rose gave her brother a passive look before turning to John with a small smile. "It's good to finally see you here, John. I was wondering when you'd arrive, Jade already moved in her stuff a few hours ago."

That look in her eyes, although it's exterior manner was meant to be misinterpreted for a look of serenity, Dave knew. She was looking at him with pity.

Because Rose, being Rose of course, understood the workings of her half-brother's mind like it was a simple grammatical structure.

Because she knew, and worst of all, understood.

John, pressing one arm across his stomach to keep the book under his clothes from slipping, greeted her with a light grin. "Really? Cool, where is she now?"

"Currently wrapped up in another frivolous, yet heated verbal argument with Karkat." She said, in vague amusement. "Along with Terezi and I, they were coming to greet you. But as you know, those two get sidetracked so easily."

"Hehe, yeah, I know. So you went ahead as a messenger to get me?" Rose nodded in affirmation.

So Karkat really was coming to see him, despite his constant uptight and averse attitude about the whole 'going to the same school with a bunch of brain-cell deficient morons.' John grinned. "Alright, I'm gonna go see if I can find them. And er, find a garbage disposal to dump this thing." He said, lightly rapping his fingers against the cover of the journal still safely hidden underneath his clothes.

She chuckled softly. "You go do that. They should be downstairs, just follow the sound of Karkat's discernible voice."

He flashed her one last grin. "Haha, I will."

Then John left, leaving the two siblings in a room filled with sweet, thick awkward silence.

Dave presently stood onto his feet in the middle of the floor, one hand casually situated in his pants pocket as he stared down his half-twin from across the room. "I don't want to hear it."

"Hear what?"

"Your creepy mind therapy bullshit you're just dying to sick on me. By the look on your face, it's kind of fucking obvious, Rose."

"Like you are?" She responded adequately.

He didn't bother to reciprocate in return.

"This isn't good for you, Dave." She spoke without her usual prying tone this time. "You should stop, or at least find a less perverse alternative."

Dave just shrugged indifferently. "About what? My alleged homo feelings for John? I told you already, I stopped caring about that a while ago." He walked a few steps across the room and towards the doorway, his gaze traveling elsewhere. "Hell, If the straight dude doesn't want to return another guy's feelings, then I got no case against him. Doesn't matter anyways, I was never gay in the first place."

"You know, Dave."

"What?"

"Your mask is slipping."

"..."

"This aloof facade you keep up, although I comprehend the justification behind the need for such an angle, you must know it evidently will consequence in hurting both you, and John."

He snorted. "Yeah, what do you suggest I do then?" The boy said, in half-indulgence, and just partly in regard to her suggestion.

Rose tapped an index finger to the side of her curved chin, propping up an elbow on the palm of her hand. "Well... If I'm not mistaken from the recurrent romance films these days..." She pondered almost aimlessly, which was unusual for Rose, thus making Dave pause momentarily to listen to her nonsense.

She smiled faintly, facing towards him. "Wouldn't it be appropriate to... woo him, you know, romantically?"

Dave deadpanned, which actually wasn't much of a change from his normal expression, only that his jaw dropped about a millimeter. "... Seriously? That's your advice? Wow, so Miss professional psychiatrist suddenly has a change of heart or fucking mid-life crisis and becomes the guru of matchmaking love." He stared at her, his expression either stoic or impossible to read because of the sunglasses blocking his face. "I don't know whether to consider it a downgrade or not."

Rose sighed after letting her brother out his need to always input sarcastic comments to about everything. "Like I mentioned previously, all I'm simply trying to do is steer you into a moderately innocuous solution. Since clearly, getting over your feelings isn't working." She pursed her lips lightly. "It's been eight years, Dave. They're not going anywhere."

He lraised a brow ever so slightly. "Don't you think that's what I've been doing these past eight years?"

To his mild surprise, she shook her head. "Perhaps to a normal person the message would've rung crystal clear, but... this is John we're talking about." She blinked, speaking without a single falter in her voice. "He's an idiot, Dave. You'll have to be a bit more straightforward with him."

Dave wanted to facepalm, he really did, but resisted the urge to do such. "Anymore fucking blunt and I'm obliged to resort to full-on molestation. And that'll just scare the pussy off or something."

Why did love, especially her two best friend's love, have to be so fucking complicated? Well, I suppose Rose found some sort of sick thrill in the challenge, and she was more than willing to accept. The girl pondered for a moment. "... John's blissfully unaware and credulous." Dave's silent aura stated that everyone in this fucking universe and the next knew the obvious. Get with the program. "Alongside his childlike innocence, he practically grew up under the influence of those horrid Hollywood movies that limit one to to anticipate the expected, and not so much breach the outer workings of their own mind. He hasn't been approached with the notion or possiblity of acting out other than what the general public finds normal. Not to mention the copiuos amount of pressure on him as he's always been treated as the odd one out, and to John fitting in -"

"Rose. The abridged version. Please."

"I suppose we could... broaden his outlook on the sides of human sexuality. In other words... Expose him to the degree of possibilities in discovering homosexuality at a late age. Teach him that learning to love the same sex isn't necessarily a strange thing."

Truthfully, Dave was kind of impressed on how far Rose had indulged her analysis into the situation. Not that he was going to show it in the least bit. "Great, so I take him to a gay bar, show him a real good time, and bam - John instantly falls head over heels in love with me. Problem solved." That was sarcasm by the way, in case you didn't catch that.

She rolled her eyes at her brother's ignorance, but a smile crept up across her lips nevertheless. "Subtle yet direct, if you want John, that's the way you'll have to roll."

Now this all sounded like some devious plot, cause somehow in the midst of their conversation, they had devised a cleverly well-thought out plan to turn a young man gay. "Operation turn John Egbert into a homosexual, or bisexual in the least. Sounds fucking amazing. If it works that is."

Rose shrugged. "That's up to you and him." She smiled amusingly. "How unforeseen, to think Mr. Dave Strider is working his ass off to win the heart of a nerdy little boy. If word gets out..."

"Why would it get out? Unless you're gonna be the blabbermouth bitch of the century and squeal to Jade."

She shook her head, finally stepping out into the hall again to take her leave. "Perhaps it'd be in your best interest to lock the door. A display like before will leave stains on your reputation, Strider."

He had to admit, a locked door sounded downright righteous. "Will do."


drunkopp: I hope that didn't utterly suck ass. Kind of a boring chapter, I know, but I always feel the need to build things up and pay attention to every little detail. Which you probably hate okay, I'll do better next time. Drop me a review too, they feed my self-esteem.