Lenore and Ragamuffin do America

By Nettie Necrophilia and Rxe Rex

Chapter 1- McNuggets Rampage

Lenore sat down on the velvet couch, defeated in every single aspect. She had just gotten home from school and was tired. The little, dead, 10 year old smelled something cooking in the oven. It smelled like chicken. Lenore's favorite.

"Ragamuffin?" Lenore asked, going into the kitchen. "Are you making chicken?"

"Yes Lenore, I actually am. Now leave me alone," Ragamuffin said, sounding desperately annoyed. Lenore danced into the kitchen, were Ragamuffin was working at. It was hard to believe he was over six hundred years old. Most people thought he was sixteen, simply because he was bitten at sixteen. Ever since he had changed back into his normal form, Ragamuffin had even been meaner to Lenore than before.

The young vampire was extremely tall for his 'young' age. He had black hair up to his shoulders and fiery, red eyes. He was not sweet at all. He was incredibly sarcastic, rude, and evil. He had also claimed himself to be Lenore's 'legal' guardian. The story was that Ragamuffin had found Lenore when she was just a baby and taken her in. Yeah, right. The real story was much, much different.

The 4'3 girl of ten had short, blonde curls that bounced around whenever she walked. She had a grey colored eye, but the other looked messed up. It was simply a pupil with a swirl around it. She had light grey skin and a smile that could literally kill you.

"I told you to get out," Ragamuffin said. "Why won't you listen to me?"

"I want to stay here!" Lenore exclaimed blissfulness and ignorance in her voice. "You're my best friend, Ragamuffin." She hugged his waist, which is how tall she was. She only reached up to Ragamuffin's waist.

Ragamuffin simply stared at Lenore with those same, alluring red eyes. He stretched out his arms and lifted Lenore. He loved carrying the little thing. She was barely 60 pounds, for Ragamuffin, which was how much a feather weighed to him.

"Alright, alright, you can stay," he said, carrying the little thing in one arm, while mixing the stew with the other.

Dinner came quickly for the two. They sat down and ate. Ragamuffin just stared at his chicken. He hadn't touched it, even though he had poured a lot of blood on it.

"Are you alright?" Lenore asked, sounding worried.

"Yes," Ragamuffin said. "Lenore I was wondering, how would you like to go on a vacation? You know a trip around the country." Lenore had never been on a vacation before. She had heard from her classmates that they were extremely awesome.

"When do we go?" Lenore asked, her voice sounding ominous.

"Tonight," Ragamuffin smiled.

"Let's get this show on the road then."

That night, the two were packed up. Ragamuffin was wearing another one of his white dress shirts with a blue tie. He was wearing jeans, which made the whole outfit seem awkward to a certain point. But Lenore looked even worse. She was wearing her bear suit.

"Dude," Ragamuffin began. "You are not going like that. Go change, woman."

"No," Lenore said.

"Go. Change. Now."

"Bite me."





Ragamuffin opened the door to the RV and let Lenore in. He wasn't going to fight with her. She was an idiot. Ragamuffin got into the driver's seat, while Lenore went to check out the bathroom.

"It's beautiful!" Lenore exclaimed dreamily. "It's as if Erik X took a dump in here!" She flushed the toilet. "It can flush! Oh Ragamuffin, what magical powers does your urine have?"

Ragamuffin wanted to shoot himself. He just said, "Lenore, you're a total idiot. It's a damn bathroom. It was made that way. I didn't piss on it or anything."

Lenore came out of the bathroom and took off her bear suit. She changed into her pajamas, which had kitties on it. She jumped into the passenger seat.

"Want to hear a story?" Ragamuffin asked Lenore.

"Hell yeah!" Lenore smiled.

"This is my story. I was born during the time of the Black Plague. It was a hard time. My parents had no idea what to call their twentieth child, so they just called me Ragamuffin. Anyway, I was forced to get married at thirteen and expected to have a family. Unfortunately, the black plague wiped out my wife three months after I married her. I almost died, if it hadn't been for my rich uncle, who was a vampire."

Lenore had already fallen asleep, and her head fell onto Ragamuffin's lap. He smiled and patted her head.

"Thanks Uncle Mortimer," Ragamuffin sighed.

"I'm hungry," Lenore said, waking up. "Where are we going to eat?"

"Lenore! You've asked that twenty times!" Ragamuffin began. "We're almost to Oregon. I heard there's a great cannibal restaurant."

"Ooh! Look, there's a McDonald's. Let's go eat there!"

"Lenore, it's sunny outside. I can't go out or I'll burn!"

"Let's take the driveway then!"

"You really want McDonalds, don't you?"


"Alright, we'll eat there."

The rain began pouring three minutes later, so Lenore could eat inside. Ragamuffin brought his umbrella just in case the sun came out again.

"I want chicken nuggets," Lenore said to the chubby cashier.

The cashier said, "It's breakfast time. We don't serve nuggets. Sorry little lady."

"I want chicken nuggets."

"I said we don't have them."


Ragamuffin only stared at Lenore. He was just doing what everyone else was doing. Staring at the angry little girl.

"I'm so sorry," Ragamuffin told the cashier. "Really, I am." But Lenore wasn't finished. She jumped onto the register.


"The nuggets aren't like Beetlejuice, Lenore. They won't appear if you say their name three times," Ragamuffin said.

"All I want are some chicken nuggets, and they can't even give that to me! What kind of sick people are you?"

"We don't have nuggets!" the cashier screamed. "You better get out of here! "

"NEVER!" Lenore shouted at the cashier and jumped on him.