Her name was Virginia, but no one would dare call her that. Not even family members. She preferred to be called Hawke. It was her surname. She said that it was strong name and showed her for what she was. She was a strong and passionate warrior that followed in her father's steps despite her lack of magical talent. The name 'Virginia' was something she would wrinkle her nose at. She said that it showed nothing to portray who she was. Isabela was the one to make the obvious joke about the 'virgin' in 'Virginia'. Hawke made no comment on it except for a small smile. Isabela was a bright creature under the large breasts and earrings.
Back in Lothering, Hawke had a passionate relationship with a man twice her age and married. The only one who knew about it was Bethany, who always disapproved of it. Even though Hawke was the elder sister, Bethany still mothered her and acted as her conscience. Hawke ignored this scolding and went after this married man. She was a silly girl and was entranced by him. He was good looking despite his age and Hawke needed an older man in her life to replace her father who had died a few years before.
And Hawke stayed and listened as he made promises of taking her away from Lothering and putting her in place of his wife. Hawke would have chased him into the Void if she could. And if he said 'Jump', she would ask 'how high' as she took off her clothes. She would meet him wherever he wanted. His favorite place was the bed his wife shared with him. It always made Hawke queasy to her stomach when she laid on the sheets that stunk with her smell. And it was only in that place that she would lay limp, close her eyes, and think of something else.
It wasn't until she reached Kirkwall that she realized how stupid she was and how much time she had wasted on this adulterer. Kirkwall was an awakening for her. She did not grow up until she reached Kirkwall. The once rebellious and hateful child matured into a loving and lawful woman. She had done good by her mother and sister. She always preformed helpful deeds. When she met Anders, she would help out at the clinic at least five times a week. She saved people and their lives. She pledged herself to religion and was feverous in her attempts to repay the Maker for all he had done to her. She visited the Chantry every chance she got.
That was when she first saw him.
She did not know at the time that the man she saw was named Sebastian and that he would become her companion. All she knew was that he was a brother of the Chantry, he had a pretty accent, and had bedroom eyes.
'Maker knows he's going to bless his woman with gorgeous babies' Hawke had thought at first with no thought to whether he had taken any vow of chastity.
After the years, she had officially met this man and had befriended him. And years of friendship warped into romance.
Hawke had never met a man like Sebastian. He was a noble prince like something straight out of a fairytale. He did not want the royalty or what came from it. He could have had an entire country, yet he wanted to devote his life to the Maker. He was selfless, completely and utterly.
And Sebastian didn't want her for her body. He didn't seduce his way into her heart and mind.
Sebastian had told her that he had his struggles. He said that he still had manly desires. Hawke insisted that the Maker would understand. She told him that he didn't have to bind his life to Him in this way. As she would approach him and rubbed his shoulder, Sebastian would look to her. He would have a hunger in his eyes, but he starved himself as he turned from her.
Sick with her own needs, Hawke tried to calm herself and be as chaste as her love. But she couldn't. She could only lay in bed, amuse herself with naughty books, and fall asleep to the incubus that would satisfy her in her dreams. Oh, her incubus. He had Sebastian's face, Isabela's sex drive and Fenris's abs. She could only remember when she had watched as Fenris took off his armor so Anders could examine a wound. She cherished the memory of her blush and begging to help Anders. Any excuse would do to get a chance to feel the rock hard chest. But back to Hawke. She was a 'playful' being and she wasn't sure how she could stay with a man that promised no sex.
And things complicated with his proposal.
He wanted her to pledge herself to the Chantry. He wanted her to become a Sister and be his bride in a chaste marriage. He called their love pure.
And even on this day, Hawke would nurse a mug of ale and try to figure out what the Void was she thinking.
She loved Sebastian. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. Yet, they couldn't even make love.
"Maker, help me, throw me a bone," Hawke muttered as she miserably went back to bed and started her nightly routine of self-amusement.
She lied on the bed and snuggled under the sheets. She sighed as she picked up her book. As she read of steamy romances, she took notice of the plot. It was another forbidden templar and mage romance. Her favorite. And as she read on, she began to think of Anders.
They had known each other for a long time. And besides Sebastian, Anders was her closest friend and confidant. She was fiercely loyal to him and she loved everything about him. He was passionate about the plight of the mages. Hawke had watched as the manifestos piled up. She watched as the skin around his eyes darkened. She watched as he had become increasingly paranoid about the world around him. Hawke did her best to help him and it always made her day when Anders would smile at her. And when he laughed, Hawke's heart almost burst with joy.
Sometimes, Hawke had…thoughts involving Anders. But she would always chide herself for them. He was her friend, he was her brother. To think of him as a lover was a terrible thing to do! She should be content with her incubus.
But the made up creature could only do so much for her. And she couldn't depend on it for the rest of her life with Sebastian.
And with her wedding only a few days away, she had to do something. She had to control herself and her desires. She had to fix herself. For Sebastian.
But little known to her, Sebastian had a plan of his own.