Warning: Tiny Mark Of The Assassin Spoilers
"Merrill, if you would be so kind, I would like to speak to Hawke alone," Sebastian said, politely. The glint in his eyes warned Hawke that there was something important to be said. She started to feel anxious about this. She started to suspect that the way he spoke to her moments earlier was only a mere formality before a witness. That caused a bit of hope to well up in Hawke's heart. If he was jealous, he would be upset. And that would be an indicator of his love for her. Foolishly, she smiled as she started to think about all the scenarios that could come out of this. Perhaps he would tell her how crazy he had been to let another man have what was his, that it wasn't worth it and he would be with her the way she wanted him to, yada yada yada…And they'd make passionate love in the wedding dress she didn't want.
Hawke thought that that visualization would bring a smile to her face and a tingling in her body. But it didn't. Something about that image didn't feel right. The image slowly turned. She was wearing a sleeveless dress. She had a beautiful white rose tucked behind her left ear. Maker, she looked like a princess…And it wasn't Sebastian thrusting in her with the passion she desired. It was Anders.
The conversational voices of the current discussion snapped Hawke out of her daydream. "Oh, of course. You two probably want time alone," Merrill said, giving a smile to Sebastian. She curtsied slightly before she left the room. Hawke noticed that the skip in her step was absent from her usual walk. She shook her head. Maker knows what was going to happen to her and Fenris...
Sebastian did not even wait for Merrill to shut the door before he questioned Hawke in a no-nonsense manner, "So, tell me Hawke, who is the man that left his scent all over you?" The trace of anger in his voice was dilute, but intense enough to make Hawke's heart jump. The way he said 'scent' made Hawke think of how dirty her actions were. Sebastian never failed to do that to her.
Hawke felt her blush intensify as she looked away from his accusatory gaze. She shuffled her feet before she looked up to face Sebastian, "Do you really want to know? What use is it to you?" She tried to laugh this off. He wouldn't be pleased when he found out the answer. Hawke was sure of that. Of all the men she could have picked, she picked Anders. Anders who didn't like Sebastian and vice versa.
"Yes," he said, his voice short and stern. Hawke had never seen Sebastian cross with her. She had seen him scowl when he witnessed Hawke helping apostates, but he directed his anger to Anders. He said that the mage was the one leading her astray from the righteous path. Hawke used to be timid about expressing her views about mages. However as the incidents became more frequent, she would defend mages and spout her philosophy about their relationship with the Maker. And when Hawke quoted straight from Anders's manifesto, she thought that Sebastian was going to slap her across her face.
That fact of Sebastian's opposition with Anders was all the more reason why Hawke didn't want to tell Sebastian about her lover's identity (Lover? She questioned, almost frantic in her thoughts). Hawke even considered lying so Sebastian wouldn't be so angry. But she couldn't lie to Sebastian. He would see right through it. "Anders," Hawke said, after a moment, "It's Anders."
"The apostate?" Sebastian questions as if there were any other 'Anders' that Hawke knew. With a nod confirming his question, Sebastian let out a long sigh before he shook his head at Hawke. The way he shook his head at her reminded Hawke of how her mother would shake her head at her children when they did something wrong. That connection made Hawke feel sick to her stomach.
The silence in the room lasted a few minutes before Sebastian broke it. With a shuddering breath, he turned his head and looked to Hawke. His eyes showed so much disappointment. Hawke could barely swallow. Sebastian cleared his throat before asking, dispassionately, "Do you like the dress, love?" He put on a smile to hide his real thoughts that were swimming around in his head.
Hawke sighed heavily. What use would it be to say anything? He wouldn't do anything about it but scold her for being selfish and picky. And she didn't really need that right now. "Yes, I love it," Hawke said, forcing a smile on her face. Yes, she should be appreciative that her groom got her a wedding dress at all. Even if he completely ignored her one request. She should be eternally grateful for him.
"Good. I'm glad that you like it. I knew you wanted one without sleeves, but I thought you would look better in this," Sebastian said as he put his hand on her shoulder. He ran his hand down the laced sleeves, "I see I was right…You look stunning. You are going to be the most beautiful bride, Hawke." He took her hand and kissed it gently before he moved up to her wrist. He let go of the hand and straightened up.
Hawke said nothing to these compliments. She felt that they meant little to her. She sighed before he looked down at her wringing hands. Maker, she would give a hundred sovereigns to be anywhere but here. Hunting wyverns in Orlais with the elven assassin, Tallis, was a cakewalk to this. At least there, she had some fun and control over the situation. And she got a belt out of the deal.
Sebastian asked, after a short pause, "So, Anders…He was the one to..." His voice choked. He cleared his throat before he asked her, "The mage has you treated you well, Hawke?" His eyes burned with the thought of Anders treating her as some lifeless ragdoll to use as he wanted. To think of the mage defiling her with wicked perversion...If he was treating her that way...If that were true...
Without a single moment's hesitation, Hawke answered his question, "Yes, he has. He's been extremely good to me," she said to her groom, smiling tenderly. Seeing that Hawke's words were true, Sebastian sighed in relief. At least Anders was decent according to her testimony. Sebastian was slightly relieved by this information. But only slightly. "Anders has been a real gentleman," Hawke continued.
Hearing the world 'gentleman' sparked Sebastian's interest. The archer raised a dark brown eyebrow. "Oh really? Most gentlemen usually don't involve themselves with such carnal activity. I never knew a rightful gentleman that found himself sleeping with another man's betrothed."
Red colored her cheeks as Hawke looked away from him, ashamed. Maybe Anders was right. She should have gone with a whore...She would have received the same amount of shame. With a bitter thought, she thought that if she had gone after a prostitute, Sebastian would resort to the old laws and have her stoned in the middle of Hightown. Maker knows that he would do something like that.
Thinking of this vision brought Hawke back to the dream she had last night. Her body tensed at the memory. It seemed so real…Yet she knew that Sebastian would never do a thing like that to her. He was kind and good and he would never, ever hurt her. At least physically. No, he would never, ever-
When he cleared his throat, Hawke put her head back up to see Sebastian looking at her with judgment in his eyes. "So, Anders has been satisfactory? He has met your needs?" he asked, no emotion in his accented voice. He was doing, in his opinion, a good job of covering said emotions in front of Hawke.
If Hawke didn't know better, she would have thought Sebastian was speaking about a tool, not a living being. If there was anything she hated, it was people who thought they were better than others and spoke of them down to them. Hawke hid a scowl before she told him, "Yes. Anders is an excellent partner in the bedroom."
After she said this, Sebastian stared at Hawke with a strange expression in his light eyes. He looked like he had been slapped in the face. With a sigh, Sebastian shook his head before he turned his head away from her. "I had thought that perhaps you would have not gone through with it."
Well, this was not the time to be voicing that opinion. Unsure of how to respond, Hawke decided to just say what she wanted to. "Sebastian, I have needs. I am doing this for us," she told him. "If you didn't want me to do it, you should have never brought it up." She crossed her arms at this, standing her ground.
Blue eyes stared into silver. Sebastian frowned before he told her, "I...Well, it doesn't matter what I think..." He looked off to the other side of the room. He crossed his arms and did not continue speaking. Hawke kept in a groan of irritation. She just tried to be empathetic towards him. It was all she could do at the moment.
"You know," Hawke said, gently, "It does not have to be like this." She walked over to him and she put her hand on his shoulder. Sebastian put his hand on her hand. He rubbed it briefly before he took Hawke's hand off his shoulder.
"I have told you before," Sebastian said, hinting impatience in his voice. "If I broke my vows to be with you, I would not be worthy of you." He turned to her and stared at her, intently. "You understand that don't you?"
Hawke sighed as she nodded, "Of course I understand that, Sebastian." She smiled as she leaned up to Sebastian and gave him a loving kiss on his perfect lips.
I understand that you believe sex is tawdry. I understand that you believe I'm weak for giving in to lust. I understand that you want me to be like you. Oh, yes, my darling, I completely understand.