Tonks breathed in the heavy scent of magic-laden disinfectant, ignoring the moans and groans that drifted through the floors despite the sound-proofing charms. Her head had all but healed, but Mad-Eye had insisted that she stay until all signs of the cut and concussion were gone. She had visitors, order members, friends, her mother. Her father stayed in hiding, sending his love, but choosing to remain put now that Bellatrix was still on the loose.
But Tonks cared neither about her own wounds, nor her visitors' sympathy. Every time she closed her eyes, every time she let her mind wander, one of their faces came to her mind. Half were Remus, his voice of rejection filling her brain even as she remembered his kiss on her lips, and the rest was Sirius, the happy cousin she had grown especially close to in the past month, the only member of her mother's family she could stand to be within ten miles of.
It was her fault he was dead. Bellatrix had killed him, she knew. Mad-Eye had been reluctant to tell her, but she made him, and understood his reluctance. Had she dealt with her aunt, reacted a spilt second faster, used stronger spells, anything different, would he still be alive? But no. She had let herself be hit, hadn't her mind fully on what was going on around, letting her own conflict about Remus cloud her mind and because of it, Sirius was dead. And Remus would hate her.
She rolled over in the bed, seeing her wand and tried to think of something right in the world. She picked up her wand, letting her happiest memory, long before this it seemed like, of the day she kissed Remus. She let it fill her up even as her body resisted. "Expecto Patronum." An enormous animal erupted out of the end of her wand, shocking her backwards onto the bed.
It turned, the wand barely clasped In her fingertips, to face her and growled. In that moment, she realized what it was. She heard the jiggle of the doorknob and let the animal vanish as she whipped around to face the door. It was Remus, looking more worn than he even had before.
He had stopped in the doorway, seeing her awake, and it didn't look like he was going to come any further. She just watched him, his eyes cast downwards at the floor for a moment before he caught her gaze. "I wanted to see if you were alright. I had been here once before."
"I'm as good as I can be, Remus." He looked away again, hearing the lead behind her words aimed at him. "How's Harry?"
"He's with Ron and Hermione. He will have to learn to deal with this on his own." Remus said, leaning against the door frame with one hand still on the handle. His face seemed to drag itself down with that statement, but he was certain, Tonks could tell. He believed that Harry would be able to carry on alone.
"Not everyone has to deal with life by themself, Remus." The words were out before she could stop them and he erected his spine fully, clearing his throat as he did.
"Maybe I should come back another time then." He backed out and slammed the door, Tonks left with a heavier heart than before he had come at all. How could he do this to her? Never, not once had she ever let anyone hurt her this way. It was against her own ideas about how love should work, but here she was, injured and on the verge of tears over a man fifteen years older than she was.
She loved him. Wholly, fully, completely, and he did not feel the same way. She gripped her wand tighter, remembering her new Patronus. It's wispy, lonely eyes staring at her as it stretched its spine to the same height as Remus, it's howl silenced by her before it had the chance to be pulled form its throat.
And how, she thought desperately, would she ever get over him now? Her happiness was a manifesto of him, his body and heart wrapped around that part of her mind fully. And if he was all that was making him happy, how long before even that joy disappeared?
(A/N) So yes, here it is. Another chapter of this story which has become my new goal to finish entirely before school starts again next semester. And this will be my last update for two weeks because I will be out of the reach of internet starting Sunday. Hope you like it, R, R and R as always