A/N: For ChocoFrosty! :) I hope she likes it- it's a lot angstier than I thought it would be... The title is from the song "Don't Let Me Get Me"!
Harry rolled over onto his stomach, sighing into his pillow. Sleep was evading him. He knew he should try to go back to bed so he would be well rested for Quidditch the next morning, but something was telling him that he would get nowhere.
Giving up, Harry donned his invisibility cloak and left the room. Maybe he just needed to clear his head. He doubted that was possible though- there were too many things to dwell on. Horcruxes, Draco Malfoy's sneaking about, Quidditch... war. How could anyone sleep with the knowledge that Voldemort was out there, killing at will? His scar prickled at the thought.
He made his way to the front entrance of the school, casting a furtive glance around for any teachers (and cursing himself silently for forgetting the map) before cracking the door open and stepping out into the warm spring air. Everything seemed eerie in the light of the full moon, as if evil were lurking in every shadow. Slowly, he meandered down the grounds to the Forbidden Forest. He'd stop at the edge and walk back, he told himself. No need to go looking for trouble.
Then again, trouble always seemed to find him anyway.
Nearing the forest, Harry sat down on a stray tree stump. Was that a howling he heard? He wondered vaguely how Remus was. That thought, of course, led him to wonder what was going on with the Order. Dumbledore would've told him if anyone had died, right?
People dying... Not exactly a pleasant thought for a 16 year-old. But he couldn't help thinking about it. People were dying every day. His parents were dead. Sirius was dead. Sometimes, he felt like he should be too.
Shaking off his morbid musings, Harry sat up and strolled down a winding path into the forest. Maybe a little adventure would lift his spirits. He could go visit Grawp, or perhaps feed the thestrals. Anything would be better than being left alone with his thoughts.
He stuffed his cloak in his pocket, pulling out his wand. The further in he got, the less the moonlight broke through the dark canopy of trees. After just five minutes of walking, he had to use lumos to see more than an inch in front of his face.
Not for the first time, he wondered what Draco was up to. He remained convinced that the Malfoy was a Death Eater and, subsequently, up to no good. Dumbledore didn't seem to think he was doing anything treacherous, though...
Harry shook his head. He was out here so he could forget all his woes, not dwell on them! Ugh, why was everything so hard? There always seemed to be something in the way of him actually being happy. Since finding out he was a wizard all those years ago, he hadn't gone a single semester without having to deal with dark magic. He could never really catch a break, could he? This year had been a brief respite of sorts, but he knew it was only a matter of time before everything fell apart.
Distracted, Harry almost missed the fact that he was walking through a... meadow? No, not quite. More like a small clearing. That wasn't what finally jarred him out of his thoughts, though- it was the fact that there was someone else there. That he wasn't alone.
Misty blue eyes met his, and she smiled serenely. "Hello, Harry."
"Luna." That was unexpected. Also a tad disconcerting: he hadn't noticed her there at all. If she had been something else- something unfriendly, he could very well be dead. A shiver ran down his spine.
"For a moment there, I thought you weren't coming."
Harry settled down on the grass next to her, finally really looking at her. The dappled moonlight seemed to give her an ethereal glow. Her hair shined, her eyes sparkled. She was beautiful. It was a little startling to think that, as he had never really looked at her that way, but it felt right. Luna Lovegood was beautiful; almost to the point of being unreal.
"You knew I was coming?"
She gave him that small smile again, and he felt something stir inside him- something that wanted to make her look at him like that again. "I had a feeling."
Another howl in the distance broke him out of his Luna-induced trance. "What are you doing out here? It's not safe anymore."
She turned her head slightly, contemplating him. Everything was quiet, so quiet that Harry could hear his heart beating in his chest. What was going on? He didn't have feelings for Luna, did he? Even if he did, he couldn't do anything about it, he reminded himself. Voldemort wouldn't hesitate to use her to get to him. Luna finally broke the silence. "You look upset."
Harry shook his head. "I'm fine."
He was prepared to let it drop, but, under the force of Luna's gaze that had always seemed to go straight through him, he found himself desperate for someone to talk to. Even the Boy Who Lived needed solace sometimes.
Luna gave him an encouraging look. "Go on, then."
Harry trained his eyes on the ground in front of him. "I just..." He sighed. "I'm the Chosen One, Luna, but I... I'm no hero."
"Usually I trust your judgment, Harry..." He sensed a "but" coming on. "But you're wrong. Weren't you there at the Department of Mysteries? If what you did wasn't heroic, then Nargles don't exist!"
Harry tried not to laugh. Hermione would be vehemently denying the existence of Nargles if she was there.
But she wasn't. It was just Harry and Luna, alone in the Forbidden Forest. And it felt kind of perfect.
"I let Sirius die." He stood up to go. "If it wasn't for me, no one would've gotten hurt."
"If it wasn't for you, no one would've gotten out alive."
"I'm no hero."
He had to leave. He couldn't look at her. He didn't deserve to anyway.
"You are, Harry!"
"Everyone expects me to be, but I'm not!" Why didn't she get it? People were dying. People would continue dying. "I'm no Chosen One- I'm just Harry!"
Chancing a look at her, Harry was surprised to see Luna frowning. He honestly didn't think he'd ever seen her do that before, and he never wanted to ever again. Luna Lovegood was made for smiling and making the world just a little bit brighter. Not frowning and breaking his heart just that same little bit.
"You're my hero!" There were tears in her eyes. She stood and placed her hand on his chest gingerly. "And I know that you're Harry. You're kind Harry. Gentle. Strong. Brave."
She pressed her lips to his for a fraction of a second. "Beautiful Harry."
Then she was turning to go. No. He couldn't be alone. Not anymore.
Throwing caution to the wind, he reached for her hand and pulled her back against him. He could feel her heart beating against his.
"Luna," he breathed her name like a prayer; like it was the most natural thing in the world for him to say. Maybe it was. "I want to kiss you."
Her brilliant smile was back. "Then kiss me."
"I... I can't."
Her eyes dropped to the ground. "Because of Ginny?"
Ginny? No, not because of Ginny. Ginny didn't make him feel like this- she didn't make him smile like this. No; it was because he didn't know what he would do if Voldemort found out about them and used her against him. Luna couldn't get hurt. She was too important.
"Because I can't lose you."
"If you do," she whispered. "I'll find you."
To hell with it. What was the use of pretending he was strong anymore? She was too irresistible... He crushed his lips to hers, finally giving in to sweet temptation. His hands found their way into her long blonde hair of their own accord. Hers settled on his chest, clutching his pajama shirt right over his racing heart. Her lips were soft, but she wasn't trying to be gentle. She needed the physical reassurance that maybe everything would be okay in the end almost as much as he did.
Their touch was desperate, needy. Shaking hands running over waists and jaws and legs. Hot lips kissing trails down exposed necks. Happy to let someone else take control for once, Harry let Luna soothe him with her warming touch and kiss away his fears. It felt good; it felt right. For the first time in a long time, he wasn't thinking about war and Voldemort and how the hell he was going to survive the next year. It was just them and the whispers of lunalunaluna and harryharryharry.