~Wednsday 21 February

126 lbs. (v.g. though cannot brag before airplane meal), number of times checked suitcases for illicit drugs 112 (approx.), boyfriends 1, number of times boyfriend has threatened to leave behind due to continual checking of bags too many to count.

10:13 a.m. Ugh. Have had to deal with all sorts of nosy custom officials in Thailand airport. Suspect that beneath interrogation about knives, bombs, drugs, and nail files in toiletries bag, they are secretly wondering about details of sex life. Nosy Custom Official does not look like he's shagging on a regular basis. Cannot blame Thai--or is it Thaiese or Thaian? women as Nosy Custom official job is not v. glamorous. Unlike top barrister.

10:17 a.m. Hmm. Mark is not back yet. Would worry about drugs, knives, etc. if not for spirtual epiphany and inner poise and his mobile. Also Mark made lots of reassuring noises before looking to coffee about being closed off area.

10:19 a.m. Be nice if he would come back soon, though.

10:20 a.m. Right. Will just slide unobtrusively over with carry-on to watch for Mark.

10:22 a.m. Oh, God. What if Jed has been stalking us through Thailand waiting until Mark is gone to put drugs in with toothpaste? No, must remember closed off area and inner poise.

10:23 a.m. Wonder how one would fit drugs in toothpaste, as is tube of pink sticky material. Maybe could slash toothpaste tube in manner of small child who squeezes from the middle, therefore leaving massive quantities of toothpaste on both ends.

10:24 a.m. Might as well look in toothpaste.

10:25 a.m. Powder looks clean. Better go through all makeup. Hmm, maybe should touch up lipstick.

10:27 a.m. Where is lip liner?

10:28 a.m. Hmm, have v. pouty lips in manner of Kate Winslet. Wonder if lithe whippersnapper of Leonardo DiCaprio will come up brandishing. . .pen? to rush me away from Thailand airport.

Must remember, though, am in functional relationship with responsible adult. Wonder if fantasizing about young American actors falls under infidelity category? Anyway, have very own Mr. Darcy to shag, do not need anyone-- not even Prince William-- else. Although is technically NOT Mr. Darcy, is Mark Darcy. Is always rather strange when colleogue of Mark refers to him as Mr. Darcy. Mr. Darcy is rich, snooty sex god who marries Elizabeth Bennet. Mark is just rich sex god. Not shagging is the only thing that draws me to Mark. Is stimulating conversation. Like last night. Mmmm. . .

On airplane Was v. humiliating experience in airport lobby when Mark came jogging up and was surrounded by explosion of makeup, drug-free toothpaste, and other advanced inventions of humanity such as cellulite brushes, etc. Gave self incredulous look rather in manner of aforementioned discovery of spirtual beliefs. Tried to deflect by explaining of rather massive panic attack involving toothpaste and mad Leonardo DiCaprio's. Mark managed to rip defense apart to shreds before bag was packed up again. Grr.

Sometimes wish boyfriend was not top barrister but instead gullible mummy's boy as suspected was on first meeting. Was a bit silly at turkey curry with becoming mad race as to who could insult each other more. Rather like argument when both of us are a bit squiffy. Like other night. . .GAAH!

Later Was Mark tapping me on shoulder and pointing out that rather was like Pride and Prejudice meeting at Turkey Curry, only without top hats and long dresses.

I WAS wearing a long dress, I retorted, secretly pleased at idea of being Elizabet Bennet to Mark. Elizabeth Bennet was top girl at Inner Poise and did not need diets. Must admit, though, had v. detailed grasp on language with words like thither' and exceedingly.' Mark grinned at me while fiddling with a bit of my hair.

Darling, you were wearing a carpet.

Honestly. As if Mark spends long hours looking at various carpet styles and could justly relate to dress. Convienently forgot that described outfit as such when Mum thrust it at me. Also forgot that when re-did flat in manner to suit two people, was Mark who did interior decorating.

Mr. Darcy did not wear reindeer jumper! I said indignantly.

No, he wore a starched shirt and high collar.

Not in lake scene! I began, before remembering Mark tends to get a bit touchy on subject of Colin Firth in connection with self, and am distantly related to Colin Firth through lake scene, as, well, was not there when emerged in wet shirt but asked multiple questions of him last year. Suspect Mark operates on jealousy motivation against Mr. Darcy which is again v. confusing as he is Mr. Darcy. Hmm.