Miss Vanity


Sakura knew she was hot shit.

She knew it, her classmates knew it, even the teachers knew it.

So why the hell could Sasori not know it?

How DARE that red headed goober call her ugly! How dare he even talk to her! She was way out of his league! He wasn't even popular, he just hung out with those scumbags in the Akatsuki...



-flashback to first period-

"Hey bitch," Ino smirked, slipping into the desk next to Sakura's. "Ready for another year of looking good and being amazing?"

Sakura smirked right back at her blonde best friend. "When am I not?" She licked her petal pink lips, careful not to fuck up the gloss. Maybeline was expensive shit.

Ino glanced at the front door, and her smirk disappeared instantly. "Oh, God," She groaned, "look who we got in our homeroom this year."

I followed Ino's gaze to the doorway, where two figures were leaning against the wall. One had long blonde hair the color of the sun, and the other had bright red locks that made me think of rabbit blood and rusted bikes and other gross stuff.

Ew. It's Sasori.

Sensing my gaze, he leveled a glare my way. I scowled and turned my back on him. TAKE THAT, GINGER.

"I hate those artsy freaks. Why're they in here?" I grimaced, knowing full well that homerooms weren't broken up by grade or alphabetical order but by pure luck. But I'd managed to avoid getting any of the bad homerooms in my last two years at Konoha High, SO WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN NOW?



"Are you still mad about the milk incident?" Ino asked suspiciously.


The blonde bitch chuckled. "You're full of shit, Sakura. Why don't you two just fuck and get it over with?"

"Because one; he grosses me out. Two; he's a ginger. Three; He's one of the art freaks, Ino. Ew. Four; He poured milk over my pretty pink head. And five; I AM AN INNOCENT VIRGIN, THANK YOU."

"Thank you for sharing that with the class, Sakura." Kakashi grinned, walking into homeroom five minutes late (as usual) and shutting the door behind him. The room was filled with giggles from my most recent outburst.

"Anytime, 'Kashi." I gave him my best cheesy smile. He gave me a little half salute.

God, the things I would do to Kakashi if I ever got him in bed...

"Are you thinking about fucking Kakashi? Sakura, you naughty girl!"



For first period, I had the dreaded art class with Kurenai Sensei. She doesn't give a shit if we can draw or not, which was good for me, but I still hated art, which was bad.

I sighed, standing in the door frame of the classroom. I need this damn credit to graduate.

"Do you plan on standing there all day?" Someone asked impatiently behind me.

How rude! "Yes, actually. Got an issue with that?" Hehe, take that, you stupid bastard.

"Actually, I do."

And then I was picked up off the ground and tossed over Sasori's shoulder. I kicked him in the gut, but it didn't seem to have any effect at all. WAS THIS GUY HUMAN?

"PUT ME DOWN!" I screamed, beating his back with my fists. If this ruins my manicure, I'll kill the bitch!

"Stop making a scene," Sasori muttered, picking a seat all the way in the back and dragging me with him. "People are staring."

"I'm making the scene?" I gasped angrily, "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO PICKED ME UP!"

"Get over it."

"Oh my God, you're going to drag me back to your cave, aren't you?"

"Yupp." And with that, he flipped me over, directly into one of the open seats, and plopped down next to me.

"Asshole." I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest.

Sasori smirked. "You liked it. Fatty."


"Actually, you are pretty fat. Maybe all that makeup you wear is weighing you down...?" He pondered, hand rubbing his jaw.

Oh, hell no.

"What the HELL are you trying to say?" I demanded, glaring at him indignantly.

Sasori's eyes widened, as if he felt sorry for me. "Well, I'm just saying that you wear so much makeup because you aren't generally pretty, but it just makes you look like a made-up clown."

His blonde friend, who had come in at the last minute, was howling at Sasori's declaration. Embarrassingly, I felt hot tears prickle behind my eyes. I refused to look so weak in front of this ginger, though.

Sasori was going down.

"That's pretty rich, coming from a lower-class art freak who can't even keep paint out from under his nails." I glanced down at aforementioned nails, scowling at how gross they were.

Sasori smirked at me and leaned back in his seat. "Getting defensive?"

That was it.

Damn ginger.

I stood up from the desk, putting a hand on my hip and flipping my hair over my shoulder, "Sasori," I started with a smirk, "don't make me laugh."

"I hear milk will squart outta her nose if you do!" the blonde boy cut in. Both art freaks convulsed in laughter, while I stomped off to find a seat next to Hinata, who was taking art as well.

I'll show him who the pretty one is.


The next morning I got up super early. I was going to make Sasori kiss the ground I walk on. I would make myself so beautiful, he'd never call me ugly again.


Tone it down a bit, hun.

I picked out a short, tight, red strapless dress and shimmied into it. Then I tossed on my thick black belt and black cardigan. I nodded my approvel in the mirror. Ino always said I was the best when it came to clothes. And thought she was ten times better then me with hair, but I still managed to curl my pink locks and set them in a half-up half-down do without much trouble.

Finally, I got to put on make-up. My favorite part. It started with the foundation, then I make thin eyeliner lines on the top and bottom of each eye. A little bit of a smokey eye, blush, and perfectly glossed lips. And I was ready for my close up.

Well, now, who is that sexy beast making faces in the mirror?

Sakura, is that you? Damn girl, how could I ever have called you ugly? Just look at dem curves!

Just as I was really started to get into talking to myself, my phone went off with the ringtone I set specifially for Ino. She was here to pick me up, and right on time.

Let the show begin.


I slammed a hand on Sasori's desk, effortlessly gaining his attention.

He stared at me with cool gray eyes, seemingly unaffected by my beauty.


What? What? "How dare you ask me 'what!' when you oh-so-rudely called me ugly yesterday-"

"That's why you're suddenly talking to me?" He asked incredibly, like the ginger he is.

"Yeah..." I trailed off, not getting his point. Why was he not gingerly drooling all over me like I had planned?

Sasori surprised me then by started to laugh. "Y-you're so dense, Haruno!"

"Da fuck?"

Sasori whiped away a tear, still chuckling. "Oh God. You don't get it at all."

"Excuse me?"

"You're still ugly, Sakura. All this make-up and primping you did-it's not true beauty."

"True beauty my ass! I bet you're gay!"

"Mhmn. Say what you want, but you're still so ugly even Naruto can't believe it."

"You-gah-!" I was so angry I couldn't even use words. Where did this little freak get the nerve to talk to me, Sakura Haruno, like that? Nobody had ever called me ugly before, and I'd be damned if Sasori the arty fartsy punk was gonna be the first.


-Round 2-

Obviously, Sasori had different tastes then the other guys I've met. So he wasn't into the traditional pretty girl. I'd just have to try a different tactic.

"Sakura, why are you wearing a corset?"

"I'm thinking the bastard has a thing for vintage gals, what do you think?"

Ino shook her head. "Just get in the car, Sak. And get laid. Seriously, you need it."


Sasori was not smitten. In fact, he looked slightly amused when I confronted him in homeroom, dressed up nicely in my bustier gown and gloves.

"Still not pretty."

"Still not straight."


"Gogo boots, Haruno? Really?"

"Shutup, I found 'em in my mom's closet."

"That's nice."

"I'm sure you'd love to borrow them, though."


"Your hair looks like a beehive."

"Your face looks like an ass!"


"...Are those fishnets?"

"And I even got the matching whip!"

"...No, Haruno. Just no."

"God dammit!"


"Why are you dressed like me, un?"

"I think the bastard is blushing."

"No, I am not blushing. I am holding in my laughter."


"I love the tennis skirt, Sakky."

"I hope you realize how gay you sounded right there."


"Is that a teletubby costume?"


"And even though your face is covered, you're still not pretty."

"I'm going to rip your balls off and feed them to my pet leapard."


Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT!

Sakura was nearly ripping out her hair.


There's only so many ways one can make themself look beautiful!

Sakura sighed, collapsing against the unisex bathroom sink. She chose this bathroom to had her little breakdown in because nobody ever came in it. Except for the stoners, but that was a ddifferent story entirely.

"Maybe I'm really not that pretty..." Sakura mumbled, staring at herself in the dirty mirror. She used to be proud of her bright green eyes and porcelin sking, but now it just looekd freakish against her atrocious pink hair.

Who could of ever thought she was pretty?

Why are you letting one little artsy freak bother you? He's probably just wanted you to feel ugly this whole time!

Sakura took a shark intake of breath. The little voice in her head (not crazy!) had a point. Was Sasori just trying to make her feel ugly? It seemed like something he would do.

But still...

"What are you doing in here?"

Speak of the Devil (speak, think, same dif.).

"Go away." Sakura was surprised by how shakey her voice sounded. Has she always been this nervous around Sasori?

"No." Damn ginger. Why couldn't he just mind his own business?

"Why don't you go make out with your blonde bitch!" Sakura snapped, angrily turning away from him.

Sasori's eye twitched, but he didn't let it show as he walked into the small bathroom and closed and locked the door behind him. "Listen, I just came in here to give you some friendly advice..."

"We aren't friends."

"I never said we were."

Sasori walked towards her, and Sakura had the strangest urge to run screaming to Ino. But, amazingly, she held her ground.

"Here," He gently eased up behind her, turning on the sink faucet and taking both her hands in his. Sasori cupped their hands and let some water into it.

"What are you doing?" Sakura asked suspiciously. "If you think you can pull another milk incident on me..."

Sasori chuckled. "Trust me, that's not what I'm doing."

Sakura still refused to relax in his arms. But she wasn't screaming for help, which he took as a good sign.

Slowly, Sasori brought the water up to Sakura's face and gently rubbed off every last bit of her make-up. When he was done, she looked like a sopping wet, but rather clean, mess. He handed her a paper towel and let Sakura dry her own face off. When she was finished, he faced them both so they were looking in the mirror together.

Sasori, behind Sakura, leaned down to whisper against her ear. "Now there's a pretty girl. Beautiful, actually."

All the breath left Sakura's lungs at that moment. She met Sasori's eyes in the mirror.

Snap out of it, woman!

Sakura blinked, remembering where she was and who she was with. This was Sasori, not her little middle school crush! He was an art freak, for God's sake!

"Get away from me!" She suddenly pushed him away, ready to sprint towards the door, if something hadn't been holding her in place. Something that looked suspiciously like Sasori's hand.

His breath was on her neck, close to her ear. Her back was pressed against the grimey bathroom wall.

"I've waited a long time for you, Sakura." Sasori said, leaving a trail of kisses along her neck and jawline, pausing at the corner of her lips.

"Huh?" Sakura was speechless. This was Sasori. Didn't they hate each other?

Sasori smirked, liking the effect he had on her. "I spilled milk on you your freshman year to get your attention, to make sure you knew I existed. There's a fine line between love and hate, Haruno."

"What the hell...?"

His stormy eyes narrowed. "You still don't get it?"

Sakura shook her head mutely.

"Okay, let me put it in simpler terms for you, then. I love you." Sasori said, putting emphasis on every word. When Sakura stood there, still speechless, he took that as his chance to continue.

And then Sasori kissed her. On the lips. In a dirty unisex bathroom.

And Sakura wasn't sure, but she might have kissed him back.





"Maybe...Pig, I'm scared! What if I actually l-l-like that art freak?"

Ino shrugged, pulling into the school parking lot. "Then you like him. I'm not going to stop you from dating him, Sak. You're only stopping yourself."

"Well, some help you are."

"Hey, you either wanna fuck him stupid or you don't. That simple."



"Sasori," Sakura declared, strutting into homeroom. "We need to talk." She didn't give him the chance to answer, just grabbed him by his paint-stained color and dragged his ginger ass outta the classroom.

Once they were a safe distance away, Sakura released him. "Okay, it's time we got a few things straightened out."

"Like what?"

"Like the fact that we're dating now. Got it?"

Sasori grinned stupidly. "Yes m'am."

"Good boy. Now kiss me and you can hold my hand while we walk back to homeroom."

"Deal," Sasori chuckled, pecked his new girlfriend on the lips and grabbed her hand. They walked back into homeroom, the entire class gaping at them.

Sakura couldn't resist. She stuck her tongue out at Deidara and said, all too smug, "HA! Bitch, he loves me more then you!"

"That's okay. I've got Tobi." Deidara waved it off, seemingly nochalant.

Oh, but in his head, he was metally killing the bitch who stole his ginger man candy...

"Hey Sakura," Sasori grinned, looking over at the blushing pinkette.


He shut her up with another kiss, even though she hadn't said anything.

"You're beautiful."

"...just the way you are!"

"Shutup, Ino! You'll ruin the moment!"

"Too late!"




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There's just not enough SasoSaku in the world these days!