A/N: I have a list of people to thank for reviews: MissKitty35, Rukia's Reflection, xxdarienchibaloverxx, ShazysAngelette, Dragon and Sword Master, Esha Napoleon, and Taraah36. And thank you to anyone who put this or its author on their lists. I have to extend a special thank you to jaimed1968 who informed me that this was nominated for "Best Humorous Fanfiction" March 2012 at the Feudal Association. It didn't win but I'm honored all the same. And I can't believe this story had the same update history as my cross over. I apologize for making everyone wait since February for a new chapter.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Inuyasha characters, manga, anime, movies, etc. They belong by copyright laws to Rumiko Takahashi et al.
A Little Vacation
Miroku realized the moment the door to the waiting room closed behind him that he'd been had. Sango had cheerfully offered him up to Kagome, and he'd gone willingly, completely forgetting their bed. "This way, sir," the nurse said. A smiled danced in her eyes, and there was laughter in her voice that she made no effort to hide.
Once in a room, he took the opportunity to study his surroundings. Dozens of objects that he didn't recognize or understand the purpose of covered the counters, along with some of the things that his miko friend kept in her first aid kit. Pictures of internal organs graced the walls, showing him in detail things he'd seen far too many times thanks to the gutted bodies of fallen soldiers and villagers that he'd come across in his travels.
"Open up," the half demon health care worker ordered, shoving a thermometer in his face. Kagome had used one on him before so he calmly slipped it under his tongue and waited until it properly calculated his temperature. She clucked her tongue slightly at the read out but didn't comment further. The monk took that to mean it wasn't as it should be. Taking the experience in stride, he allowed her to go about taking down the information she needed, using the various instruments around her. It wasn't until she reached for the wrist covered by the rosary that he reacted. Jerking back instinctively, Miroku shifted uncomfortably.
"Please use the other wrist, dear lady."
"I apologize, Kazaana-sama," the nurse muttered, bowing in apology.
"You're forgiven," he said, smiling jovially. "Perhaps there will be a day when I no longer need to be cautious, but for now, it is safer to avoid taking unnecessary risks."
"As you wish."
The cuff she put around his left arm became uncomfortable, making him wonder if she or the doctor would continue to poke and prod him throughout the examination. Having completed her tasks, the nurse left him alone to change into a backless gown (something he was thankful that the others couldn't see). It required him to be a bit of a contortionist but he managed to get the ties in the back done up and sat on the paper sheet, awaiting his fate.
Kagome's doctor was easygoing, taking his presence and ignorance of all things modern in stride as if nothing was out of the ordinary. "So, it appears that your temperature is a little high and your blood pressure is elevated but that's to be expected. Let me listen to your heart and lungs." The older man put one end of the stethoscope against Miroku's chest, commanding him to breathe deeply at certain intervals. A frown began to form on his face as he went on, worry darkening aged brown eyes.
Dr. Yomoto lost his easygoing air and turned away to consult the pile of papers the nurse had been writing in before. "Ah, I see."
"Sensei?" Miroku questioned, wondering what had the man so concerned.
"It is virtually undetectable, but your heart and lungs seem to be affected by your work, Houshi-sama."
"My entire body suffers for my 'work,' as you say, sir."
"The poisons you suck in can do great damage to your vital organs, Kazaana-sama. It is best that you find a way to limit exposing your wind tunnel to such things. Either that, or have a person with strong spiritual powers purge it from your system immediately upon contact. The first option is of course preferable but I know that at this point in time that is not possible."
"I'm afraid the second one isn't either. There is only one other person whom I work with that can purify poisons to the degree that would be necessary has not trained sufficiently to be able to perform such a complicated task without the aid of a certain object that I would prefer never enter my body." Miroku shifted, the thought of Kagome using her purifying arrows to rid his body of Naraku's poison making him nervous. She had done it before to Kouga but the wolf demon didn't have a wind tunnel in the palm of his hand that could and would suck anything and everything in it if the seal wasn't there. With their luck she'd either get sucked in or the arrow would slice the hole open even more. As much as he acted like a pervert in front of the young priestess, she was a friend and even a type of younger sister and he would never put her in danger if it were possible. Perhaps one day when all was said and done Kagome could take the time to practice her abilities and be able to purify poisons from the body without the help of her arrows. Until then he'd just have to rely on his own body's ability and hope that they killed Naraku before he succumbed to the madman's miasma, or the poison of his insects.
"Understandable, I suppose. Young Kagome is new to her powers and hasn't reached her full potential. The time will come." Yomoto sighed and scribbled something into the chart that he'd been making. "Well, as we can't do anything about the poisons, the only things I can prescribe to help your body at this point are vitamins and rest. Let me finish examining you just to make sure there isn't something I can fix."
"By all means."
"I must say, Kazaana-sama, you are taking all of these in stride."
"All of this?" Miroku asked, confused.
"The modern technology. Sesshoumaru-sama warned me that I might have difficulty with you and the others."
"Ah, well… Wait, what does Sesshoumaru have to do with this?" The monk straightened, his senses stretching in an effort to make sure that the demon lord was nowhere nearby.
"Pardon me; I assumed you knew, Kazaana-sama. Sesshoumaru-sama made sure that I would be the only one to take care of the young Kagome Higurashi. When he knew of your visitation to this era, he asked that I look after you as well."
Miroku stared at the doctor for several moments before the significance of his words sunk in. "You are aware of our origin?" the not-quite-holy Buddhist monk asked cautiously.
"Of course, Kazaana-sama. His Majesty was quite specific in his instructions." The doctor smiled and motioned to Miroku's clothes. "Besides, the you of this era hardly ever wears his robes anymore."
"I see," the violet eyed man said, feeling as if he'd missed something important. He'd have to discuss it with the others once they were back at the shrine.
"Now then, enough of that." Brown eyes twinkled as the doctor put on a glove. "Could you bend over and cough for me?"
"What for?" Miroku questioned, thoroughly confused.
The other man's smile got wider and he chuckled. "You'll see."
"I believe young Kagome forgot to inform me of something important," Miroku muttered.
Ten minutes later as he was walking out into the waiting room, the Buddhist monk that should have been practicing forgiveness was plotting ways to get back at the not-so-innocent priestess that greeted with him a smile.
Kagome smiled in welcome at the young man that her best friend was in love with and didn't fail to miss the light in his eyes that signaled he was plotting something. "See, Inuyasha, Miroku came out in one piece and no worse for wear."
"Keh," the dog demon scoffed, not convinced that something strange hadn't happened.
"Yes, Inuyasha, I am indeed in one piece. I insist that you go next," Miroku said, eager for the chance to get a moment alone with the young schemer.
"That doctor didn't do anything weird, did he?" Inuyasha asked suspiciously. Miroku was acting a little odd.
"Of course not. He did nothing he wasn't supposed to. I even learned some interesting information that I will share with you all once we're back at the shrine."
Knowing evasiveness when he heard it, much less smelled it, Inuyasha held back a snort. "Interesting, huh? Well, I guess if you came back in one piece, then I won't have to worry about anything. Are you going to come hold my hand, wench?"
Kagome blushed and shook her head. She wasn't quite sure what the differences between a guy's physical and a girl's were but if he had to get undressed, she knew he'd have a fit if she was there to see him without his clothes on. "It wouldn't be appropriate. You'll be fine as long as you listen to what they say and don't break anything. Besides, you've seen most of what's in the examining room from my first aid kit so there shouldn't be too many surprises."
Miroku grinned behind the magazine he'd picked up. "No, not too many. You'll be fine, Inuyasha. A big, bad hanyou like yourself shouldn't have any problems with a little look over from a doctor. I assure you that it's virtually painless. That cuff was a little uncomfortable but I'm sure you'll hardly feel it."
Sango, who had been silent until then, frowned. "What are you up to, Houshi-sama?"
"Why, nothing, my dear."
"Fine, I'll go. At least it won't take long…" With a sigh, Inuyasha got to his feet and shuffled off to the nurse who had been waiting patiently.
Once Miroku was sure that the sharp eared half demon was out of the way, he lowered the article he'd been trying to read without much success and smiled meaningfully. "Now then, Lady Kagome, I have a bone to pick with you," he said, setting the magazine aside.
"Yes?" Kagome inquired, warning bells going off.
"Does the phrase 'bend over and cough' mean anything to you?"
"No, not really…" Kagome answered although something told her she'd heard it somewhere before.
"Then allow me to explain…" Five minutes later one demon slayer and one miko were red in the face while Miroku was unconscious thanks to the former. He might wake up with a concussion but at least he'd gotten to see the look on Kagome's face when he'd explained things.
It had been worth every ounce of pain he'd be feeling later.