This is my version of Dear Blank, Please Blank in which students and staff of Hogwarts (And occasionally other people) complain about various issues via letter. Hope you enjoy.

Dear Headmaster Dumbledore,

I am writing this to make a very modest proposal. It is my opinion that if we started chaining students up by their ankles and keeping them in the dungeons, we would see dramatic improvements in their behavior. Please take this into consideration.

-Argus Filch

Dear Mr. Filch,

I appreciate your suggestion but I would like to remind you that it is against my policy to harm the students. I ask you to please stop suggesting methods of punishment that are gruesome and unethical. I suggest that you try to befriend the students and be kind to them, or perhaps pay a visit to a psychiatrist.

Thank you,

Albus Dumbledore