Today was n truly eventful day for the world since the olympics were back. Or were they?
"Welcome to Munich for the 44th annual silly Olympiad an event held traditionally every 3.7 years with competitors from over 4 million different countries. and here we are at the start of the afternoon, the second semifinal 100 yards for people with no sense of direction. And now for the competitors; Lane one here's Kolher of Denmark, next to him Braginski of Russia, third lane; young Vargas of Italy, next to him Ekaraj of Thailand, and next to him Carriedo of Spain, and in the outside lane, Kirkland of the UK."
The starter started his countdown,
"ON your mark, GET SET!"
Then he shot his pistol and everybody ran the wrong way.
"Well, that was fun wasn't it? And now over to the other end of the stadium. And here they're just waiting for the start of the 1500 meters for the deaf. And they're under starter's orders."
The starter then fired but nobody moved at all.
"Well, we'll be coming back the moment there's any action. And now over to the swimming. And you join us here at the Bundesabsurd pool just in time to see the start of the 200 meter freestyle for non swimmers. Watch for top Estonian champion Eduard Von Boc in the second lane."
The starter blew his whistle and everyone went in but never came out.
"Well, we'll be bringing you back the moment they start fishing the corpses out. And now over to Hans Clay for the start of the marathon for incontinents."
"Well, we put in this event 44 competitors from the same number of countries, all of them with the most superbly weak bladders. Not a tight sphincter in sight. Never the less ready to embark on the world's longest race and they're just aching to go."
The starter shot his pistol and they were aching to go.
"And they're off. Well, no."
Aching to go, to the bathroom that is.
"Well, back to the 1500 meters and the starter is putting on a magnificent show. We've had scattered random fire, fuselage firing. It's enough to make you chew your own foot off!"
"ON YOUR MARK! GET SET!"
The starter kept on firing as the announcer was talking and eventually just threw the pistol on the ground.
"And now the high jump! Katyusha Braginski for Ukraine!"
She did the jump but a very surprising jump. In fact one so high she landed in a building.
"Look what a jump! WHAT A JUMP! THAT'S GOT TO BE A RECORD!"
"Now here we are at the 3000 meter steeple chase for people who think they're chickens. There's Jones of the United States, and over there is Bilschmidt of Germany he's been a Rhode Red Island competitor for the last 3 Olympics. There's the referee trying to get them going but he's having a difficult time. There's the leader, Matthew Williams of Canada who was off to a great start but settled down on the water jump and has now gone loopy."
"Now we're back with our marathon for in continents with Łukasiewicz of Poland in the lead."
Soon he ran into the bushes,
"And now Kirkland of Australia is in the lead. There's Bonnefoy of France but Kirkland has taken over but he's got to spend a penny. There goes Bonnefoy spend a penny, and there goes Eldenstein of Austria. And so now it's Juan Marino of Cuba, follwed by the Plucky Norwegian Bourgh. They're in and out Yo-yoing these athletes. There's the Scottish lad but he can't hold it now it's Bilschmidt. Ludwig Bilschmidt of Germany has taken over the lead. Woah, woah these must be some of the weakest bladders to ever represent their countries, and now lets look to what's going on, on stage."